#not stolitz

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Me, desperately needing to believe that Stolas will realize his treatment of Blitzo is not only making Blitzo hate him, but pushing everyone else around him away, and that this scene is a major step on his road to doing this and thus becoming a better person:

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Feeling hurt and frustrated at Stolas’s behavior, feeling upset that a ship you loved is turning into something you’re uncomfortable with, maybe even feeling frustrated with Vivzie/the fandom: 

Feeling like the writing for Stolitz is inconsistent, and/or that the show’s on dangerous ground if the intention is to have these two be a healthy, functioning couple we’re meant to find cute:

Missing the days when they drew cute little pictures of each other on their Instagrams:

Forgetting that we’re only five episodes into this show and that things can change but even if they don’t, it’s never okay to take your anger out on people because they get something out of a fictional ship:

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Someone do this to Present Day Stolas and Nice Respectful 2020 Instagram Stolas so I know which one to ship Blitzo with and which one to dislike.

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Blitzo saying no and Stolas taking no for an answer. Okay, this is good, this is hopeful, more of this please.

(Not pictured: Horrendously gross comment section.)

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Blitzo and Stolas then: Watched movies in their pajamas, got together for coffee dates, hung out just because, did little things to make each other happy.

Blitzo and Stolas now: Make one gross post a month about the sex they're about to have that Blitzo can't say no to if he wants to keep his job and Stolas knows this.

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Wheres the Stolas that gave Blitz aspirin when he was drunk and gave him his space when he needed it?? I want that Stolas back.

The Stolas who would fucking rip into Valentino for, among other things, the way he treated his partner.

The Stolas who Blitz agreed to hang out at night with under the condition that they A) watched Spirit and B) didn't have sex and Stolas happily agreed, and because Blitz could trust him, they started hanging out all the time and sometimes had sex.

The Stolas who was worried sick when Blitz went missing, did this when he came back, and would have absolutely lost it if Blitz told him he was being shot at and there were audible gunshots going off next to Blitz's head.

The Stolas who was inspired by Blitz's art streams to "give drawing another go", and proceeded to draw his daughter, Blitz's horse, Moxxie and Millie being married, and pictures of himself and Blitz kissing because that Stolas, in spite of his unhappy married life, was so gentle and full of love for everyone around him.

I'm torn between being so, so glad that we got that Stolas for a little while and wishing we hadn't, because you can't miss what you never had.

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Cheat sheet

Pre-episode 1 Instagram Stolas: Adores his daughter, really hates Valentino, head over heels in love with Blitzo and wants to know more about him. Unflinchingly respectful of boundaries, sexual or otherwise. Brings coffee to the staff of I.M.P. Compliments Moxxie often. Hints of prejudice, still refers to the imps as “little.” Will take Blitzo to task for being spotted in the living world, but no apparent stipulations on his using the grimoire. Arguably one of the nicest characters in Hazbin/Helluva.

Pre-episode 1 Instagram Blitzo: Atrocious speller, coffee junkie, made a pact with an invisible demon horse for a while. Loves “horsies.” Still reckless and bad at boundaries, but more nice moments with M&M and Loona; brought the former dip. Tsundere who will meet up with Stolas for coffee and chaste movie nights and send him care packages to the point of actually kind of sending him mixed signals. Super affectionate, gets jumpy when it’s given. Whipped out a vibrator on Stolas mid-lecture, took a picture of him with his ass out but didn’t post this. 

Series Stolas so far: Adores his daughter, rude to imps that aren’t Blitzo, but not as aggressively as some characters we’ve seen. Letting Blitzo use the grimoire in exchange for monthly sex. Views Blitzo as his big-dicked knight in shining armor, super infatuated with him, bad at respecting boundaries. Not entirely clear how he feels about Blitzo beyond physical attraction, may not even know the answer to this himself.

Series Blitzo so far: Little king trash mouth. Would absolutely, openly fuck Moxxie and Millie. Allowed to use the grimoire in exchange for monthly sex with Stolas, not thrilled with this, but was willing to fuck Octavia if Stolas asked him to and would probably let someone shit in his mouth for the right price. Will assert boundaries. States that no one loves him with tragic nonchalance. Will call Stolas a bitch to his face. Still likes horses.

Post-episode 1 Instagram Stolas so far: Basically series Stolas.

Post-episode 1 Instagram Blitzo so far: Basically pre-episode 1 Instagram Blitzo. Just kinda taking it.