if parrot is shocked by my all or nothing attitude, i can't do shit about it. i literally told him "the two things that will ALWAYS make me go off the rails are: one, my artistic voice being disregarded. two, minimalism" and he just smiled bro i'm going to gucking kill you . HE IMMEDIATLEY WENT AND DID THOSE TWO THINGS. yeah, i'm gonna go off the rails. i'm jumping off the train, i don't wanna go where you're goin'. fuck you.
Wow, first ask in the box and I already have feels. ._.
Maiden of the Spring,
I just realized that I have never truly written an actual formal letter before in my life—but let us save such facts for later and just go along with it, yes? Might as well tell you of how things are currently. Me and The King had sex today, more than once, as usual. Not that exhausting, frivolous lovemaking most do nowadays in those weird Nymph orgies everybody goes to. It was the slow, passionate sex that the croned elders talk of—and I must say, it wasn’t that bad after all, if I should say so myself~.
I didn’t even know men could orgasm as loud as he could. Then again, I’m a screamer myself, so I can’t say much of it either~.
But anyways, enough of my eventful living situation! Have you found a suitor for yourself? I am growing more and more concerned to know if you actually have the matured parts between those long, alluring legs of yours, hahaha~.
—The Okeanid from the Mountain
Naiad of the Summit,
Why do you always have to start out your writings with the first news being how many times you’ve made yourselves about in every possible place you two can think of? It’s exhausting just reading it. However, I am a bit glad you barely wear attire of any kind, so you have one obstacle out of the way~.
Yes, men can be loud, too. You would know if you’ve ever set lived with my relatives. I have to burn most of my own clothes from what I’ve found lying in the most random places of the palace. Ugh. So on the account of…any marriage, it’s a definite NO when it comes to my hand by the choice of Mother.
What is it with you naiads and not-openly-bared forms? What do you think I have under there, a forest gnome beneath these sheets?
Well, it’s a good thing your sense of clever imagination has not ceased in the slightest~.
—The Female of Demeter’s Hearth
Dearest Lady of the Earth,
I start these writings with sex being the first on the list because it brings more originality. So ‘teehee’, to YOU.
Oh, come now, such findings aren’t that bad. You’re still as naive as I left you~—but once you experience it yourself, you’d be surprised at what you leave behind in the making~.
Excuse you! My creativity level is highly outmatched thanks to the little lessons of art you’ve given me over the years. Now I can flaunt my knowledge to Him and he won’t have to worry of me castrating him for saying something moronic in the process.
Oh, the joys of being a feminine creature such as I~.
—Your Friend, The True Lotus Bloom
Honored Beauty of the Darkness,
Your literary mockery astounds me so.
Hahaha~.
I’m in no hurry to lose such. If anything, it’s more of a weapon than a gift to a bestowing husband. You think I can just drop my dressings and spread thy legs for just anyone?
Castration is a bit…highly-leveled, don’t you think?
Good thing I can say things over parchment in revealing you only paid attention through a third of my teachings before falling asleep by the brook, so I’m sure he already does the same~.
…
I already know you’re giving that little glare while you’re reading this, ‘teehee’~.
—Your Companion, The Lily in the Valley
Cunning Little Moppet of the Flowers,
Tch, you of all people know I am the light of anyone’s party, little dove~.
Oh no, believe me, you would SPREAD THY LEGS for the man I have found. But I know you will never visit me. Since you don’t love me—and never have—and I shall die alone in this cold, heartless darkness with nothing but the light from the caverns to guide my way to a realm of adoration and appreciation with Him making sweet, sweet love to me while you sit up there and stomp over my grave and teach me boring lessons of a pured woman’s heart and newly appraised poems you’ve recently heard from the Royal Bards of the living realm and blah, blah, blah.
[This is the writing of me glaring at you.]
But when I become Queen, you will be forced to LEARN OF THE SEX THROUGH THE INESCAPABLE PHYSICAL DEMONSTRATION DIRECTED BY ME, WOMANLY PEASANT.
—The Soon-To-Be White Regine of the Dead
Sultry Sphynx of the Underground,
You’re more the light of your own party. All the rest of us were either promised a feast, a gift of ambiguous riches or were threatened to have our legs fed to Dionysus’ Maenads~.
It truly astounds me that even over letters, you never fail your overly-dramatic acts through parchment and ink.
And believe me, I’m shaking in utter fear in my little knitted pearl sandals, O’ Sun-Kissed Wife of the Lightless World.
—She Who Walks in the Starlight
Lovely, Jealous Virgin Under the Cellar House,
Well don’t go crushing anybody elses’ dreams but MY OWN. My hopes of becoming a comic theatric is now no more, you heartless celibate. Just let me sit here and write to you and let you witness the tears upon the parchment that more so look like wine stains but I’ll tell you they’re not so you’ll believe me.
Leave me to waste away in the glory and riches of this new-found house I’ve grown to call my home.
You had better be shaking in those little crotcheted slippers of yours—BECAUSE I’LL BE STRIPPING THOSE FIRST IN THE REVELATION OF OUR MADNESS, YOU SEXLESS-DRIVEN, UNCULTURED SWINE.
—The One Who Gets Out {And Gets More} More Than You Do~ ♥
Woman Who Suddenly Seems To Have A Thing for Necrophilia,
No, you shall waste away in the arms and hands of my own as I braid that golden head of yours whether you like it or not, you theatrically-empowered harlequin.
BELIEVE ME, I SHALL BE WAITING FOR YOUR ARRIVAL AND THUS, MY FATELY-SPINDLED DOOM.
—That Strange, Female Hermit Living In Your Chambers~ ♥
