Virgin and Child with Angels, (Detail), (c.1620), by by Bartolomeo Cavarozzi (Italian, 1587 – 1625), oil on canvas, 155.26 mm (6.11 in) x 125.10 mm (4.92 in), Museum of Fine Arts, Houston
💙Saturn in water signs need nurturing with emotions/feeling emotionally stable or secure, they're more sensitive to the things around them
🌺Saturn in fire signs need nurturing through passion, understanding their inner world, their inner selves, their inner soul
✨Saturn in earth signs need nurturing through compassion and acceptance, they will love to get someone who will accept them no matter what
🌎Saturn in the air signs need nurturing through soft communication to be able to understand their emotional nature, to be able to talk with someone without restrictions
Caleb wakes up bright and early every morning to workout. Not just because he's a colonel and needs to keep his strength up, but because he's simply like that. This was a routine he had been doing since his teen years (though you personally suspect he did it because he used to get bullied for being so tall and lanky). He usually exercised alone, but last week, you swore you could keep up and get up early to work out too. One week. Caleb gave you one week to back out, but you didn't. And now, today's the day it begins.
Caleb slowly creaks your door open with a grin, violet eyes searching in the dark for your sleeping form in bed. "Wakey, wakey, princess. Time to struggle and sweat," he teases, stepping inside the room when you don't move. He walks up to the side of your bed and gently taps your shoulder. "C'mon. Don't tell me someone stayed up all night and couldn't get any sleep."
You groan, finally stirring in the covers, but you don't look at him. You turn just enough to slide his hand off your shoulder. "Go away," you murmur, voice heavy with restless sleep.
Caleb is amused at first, assuming you're regretting your vow to exercise so early. "Aw, come on, pips. The first week is always the hardest, but we can start slow."
"Caleb, I'm not in the mood for that," you sort of snap, causing him to flinch just a millimeter.
When you hiss back at him, Caleb realizes you aren't just being difficult. The smirk on his lips is replaced with a softened look of concern. "I know that tone. You only act like a kitten backed into a corner when you're hurting. What's wrong?" Caleb reaches over before you get to reply and turns on the soft lamp to take a better look at you. Seeing you in the light, you look like you've fought a war. Your eyes are sunken and outlined with dark rings, and when he checks your temperature, your skin feels clammy. "Hey, are you feeling okay? You're not sick, are you?:
You sigh, knowing you can't hide anything from Caleb. "No," you reply in a short, snippy remark. "I'm just in pain."
Caleb's eyes drift over to your calender. Growing up, he would see a mysterious red mark on the calender once a month without any further context. As a boy, he thought you had a strange fascination of marking days you were angry, but as he grew up, he realized you weren't just marking the days you were moody and ready to fight everyone and then cry for a few hours. He remembers crystal clear the day Grandma Josephine had Caleb run errands with her and they stopped in the feminine hygiene section to do some shopping for you. From that day on, Caleb also paid attention to your cycles and your supplies as well, though he never liked to admit it. But whenever he noticed you were low on something, it would always mysteriously appear on your bed while you were at school or out with friends.
Caleb's eyes soften as he reaches for the covers, tucking you in tighter. "Don't worry, pips. I've gotcha. I'll go get your heating pad and some hot tea, and if you need anything else, just let me know."
You don't turn over to face Caleb, but your cheeks adopt a rosy tint, your skin growing warmer. You get lost in the pounding of your own heart that you don't even notice when Caleb leaves. But you turn over instinctively when you hear the teacup rattle against the saucer.
Caleb sets the cup down on the nightstand and takes the heating pad draped over his arm and places it against your abdomen with a touch that's feather-light. "There ya go. Nice and cozy. I know you have anxiety about swallowing pills, so I mixed the medicine in with your tea to make it easier. Don't worry, I made sure it's not bitter. Take a sip," he gently nudges, blowing the tea before lifting the cup to your lips. He notes the subtle sink into bed like a kitten loafing in her blanket. "Just right, huh," he chuckles, allowing you to take the cup from him.
"Your customer service is pretty good, but I'll give it four stars. You're missing something," you tease in a tired but content voice, beginning to feel a moment of comfort.
Caleb grins and raises a brow. "Oh? Allow me to fix it, then." Caleb leans in slowly and presses a kiss to your forehead. "How's that? Will you consider re-evaluating my services now?"
"Mmm, I suppose I can manage five stars," you mumble, turning your head with a flushed smile."
"Good, because they're only for you, and I can't have my only customer unsatisfied. Now rest. I'll go make you some breakfast."
I love sitting on my back deck, looking at the trees, and listening to the birds!! It's very relaxing and therapeutic for me. I feel at peace and one with nature. It's a great gift, indeed!!
Looking up, I see this...
These trees are huge and gorgeous 😍 ❤️ Combined with the delightful sounds of the birds, it's my slice of paradise!! 😁😍✨️
This little flashback scene from the Pilot continues to haunt me.
Stede’s separated from his family physically reflecting his feelings of isolation, but I also think there’s a further psychological theme here. It’s a play within a play, and Stede is the audience. He’s watching a version of childhood which he never received.
Mary is a nurturing mother. She is interested in her children’s opinions. She asks questions, listens to their answers, and validates their responses. Children’s worlds are different to adults’, so discussing a favourite horse might seem trivial, but to a child it’s important, pitched at their level. Mary understands this and engages appropriately.
Alma’s response is a lovely one. She likes Halifax best because he’s ‘very pretty and very fast’.
Mary validates Alma’s response, but Stede doesn’t or can’t do this. It’s not that a parent shouldn’t offer their opinion here on a favourite animal, but it’s how Stede does it. He interjects in a way that interrupts Mary and almost overrides Alma’s answer. In fact, the way he just shouts out, is more in keeping with how Louis might respond, agewise.
I think there’s two things going on here. Stede never had this kind of parenting, it’s never been modelled to him. No one ever sat around a dinner table when he was a boy and asked him his favourite animals. Nobody asked Stede his opinion on anything. So when he sees his own children being nurtured, the broken child within him jumps in awkwardly with his own response. It’s an arrested development as well as possibly being linked to neurodivergence.
The second interesting thing is his answer. Stede perceives himself not to possess the qualities of being ‘pretty’ (good-looking) or ‘fast’ (athletic), but I think he knows he is ‘kind’, or has the potential to be. And so his favourite animal displays those qualities or is projected to have them. It’s an attempt at self-validation. But further, it’s what Stede is looking for too. He is yearning for kindness in life. His blurting out is a cry for help. And so a fun conversation becomes all about Stede’s trauma.
The family stare at him, not so much because of the answer, but because it is such a gut response, out of sync with the tone and power dynamics of the conversation, with Stede aligning with the children. Stede, as many broken people do, has moved the conversation away from his own children and onto himself and his unmet needs. Not because he’s selfish, but because he’s hurting and traumatised.
Mary doesn’t know what to do; so after a stare of contempt and confusion, she ignores Stede, and redirects back to the children with a conversation about favourite pigs.
And Stede’s just left hanging. A still broken child.
A stranger in his own life.
