#ocd journey

[sfigulyart]

EXPOSED: Living with OCD through Art (HOW DO I LOVE?) | #OCDArtist #IOCDF #ARTSAVEDMYLIFE | These four paintings began in my Exposure and Response Prevention intensive outpatient program this past July. It took mornings of facing fears I've been ritualizing away my whole life to get to this point, to these paintings. No profession guarantees success, really. Nothing can do that for us, except for us. My dreams, the creative ones, have always been possible. There is no complete dream, though, and I think I'm finally start to live in mine. IRL, tho. My whole life adults have been telling me that when they look at my dreams they just see a hat, meanwhile I moved on, shaking my head because it is just like The Little Prince. We forget. We don't see the snake swallowing the elephant in the room whole, and when we lose that part of ourselves to the lives our adult parents and caregivers who view vulnerability as weakness and creativity as frivolous, we lose who we are meant to become. Our most authentic selves. OCD has me doubting myself every step of the way, so I am finally deciding to fucking side step that shit and live every minute of the life that I am choosing to lead. Not my mom. Not my OCD. Not my trauma. Me. Do your healing and see how you become the person you really, truly did need. It's fucking wild. I couldn't have done it without embracing the artist I was always meant to become. Deepest gratitude to my therapists, psychiatrists (who fucking listened to me), and my husband and favorite human. Also all the love to my cat boys who spend nights sitting up with me while I paint. Recovery from things, OCD or addiction or any other illness that exists, never stops. For me, my 12-step program is ERP. My OCD is lifelong. So I can't stop, and that means I can't stop painting. What a beautiful way to show the ones you love that you love them by waking up every day to face your fears and become the mindful being they, and you, deserve. #artistsoninstagram #artoftheday #exposureresponseprevention #ERP #OCDrecovery #IOCDF #IOCDFARTISTS #OctoberArt #supportdisabledartists👻

IF YOU LIFE WHAT I PAINT/WRITE, SUPPORT ME ON CASHAPP: $sfigart

[finchiscompletelyfine]

Something that’s recently helped me a lot with the OCD recently is realizing the OCD thoughts are a separate, subjectively evil force (for me as a Christian that’s the devil), and that they’re not part of my brain. Therapists have told me before to make a character out of the obsessive thoughts and compulsions before, and imagine it like a bully, but the issue is I start empathizing with it. But if the devil is telling me to walk through that door weird, then ofc I don’t want to do it. Listening to Sa*an? No thanks.

[strong-woman22]

My Life Now

Hey guys! I'm back and it's been a crazy couple months. Long story short, I'm 7 weeks pregnant! Crazy, I know, but that also means my hormones have kicked into overdrive and my intrusive thoughts are trickling back in.

I'm taking it day by day but it would really help if other women who are also pregnant or who have gone through pregnancy while battling this disorder, would come on here and share their story. Anything helps! That's my mini rant for today! Peace and love. And cause I'm shameless, I'm gonna leave a pic of my little gummy bear. 😍

[strong-woman22]

[strong-woman22]

My Journey

I have been dealing with OCD for over a decade. I am 22 now but I’ve had issues with anxiety since I was 9 and I even had a bout of hypochondriac-ism around the ages of 10-11.

My first intrusive thought that I could remember was that I would take all my anti-anxiety medications at once and kill myself. Me being only about 10, naturally this terrified me, so I told my mom. She didn’t know really know what to do or how to handle the situation so she hid the meds and set up another appointment with my therapist. For a couple years after that, my symptoms sort of drifted away and I was somewhat “symptom free”.

The real mess started when I was 16. I was working out with my sister and, out of the blue thought, ‘what if I grab a knife and kill my sister’. Terrifying! That started a bunch of rumination and self-checking. I was in a state of panic but I was so scared to tell anyone in fear that they would think I was crazy and send me away. I started Googling, looking for any reassurance that I wasn’t going crazy or that I’m not a bad person.

After that, I had every bad thought under the sun. They ranged from sexual to violent to just crazy, irrational intrusive thoughts. It was very hellish. I finally worked up the nerve to tell my therapist and she said these were all the signs of OCD. Just having a name to what was wrong with me was a huge relief so I naturally went home and read everything I could about this disorder and realized I wasn’t on my own. I joined a forum, watched videos of other sufferers, etc. Anything I could get my hands on.

I was put on a SSRI (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor) and with cognitive behavioral therapy, my symptoms started to fade after a few years. I’ve had some relapses but now that I have my tools, they are pretty short-lived.

That’s my journey so far! Please leave a note or send me a message about yours. When I was younger, the hardest thing was not having anyone to talk to so if I can help just one person find a safe haven here, I would consider that a success.

Peace and love!