It's been a few years since I properly was active on here. I've obviously reblogged some funny memes across the years, which I hope you've enjoyed. But long argumentative posts? Not so much.
I think there's something admirable about Dragon Age and its lore. Bioware's ability to build a world so deep and believable, with issues which touch so close to home that it leads its fans to argue infinitely with each other. I was going over my world of thedas books to give my flatmate some world building examples and my admiration for Bioware's world building has not diminished. Actually, as a now full fledged writer, having just completed a degree in creative writing and all that jazz... I feel like I can appreciate the work that has gone into Dragon Age and its associated media even more. Is it perfect? Hell the fuck no. But it is deep and thought out and so immensely human. The passion we all have for their world and the issues is something I haven't seen ever since. I've seen a lot of posts making fun of all the arguments we all had and, I mean, I understand. Reading on years old posts about lore that I've forgotten about, it's all incomprehensible, and I'm left asking myself: my god, what the fuck are you even talking about?!
The passion which I had for advocating what was right in this fictional setting is not something I'm ashamed of, however. I spent my time reading and analysing a text I liked. There's nothing shameful about that. What might be shameful is making a whole discourse blog about it and arguing so aggressively with others. I still hold the same ideas - that Anders was right and justified, and that mages should be free. None of my opinions necessarily changed. Cullen is still a little cunt and some of the arguments that have been sent to me to justify the abuse of mages is legitimately horrifying. It resonates with real life abuse apologism. This, on top of how many minorities see themselves in mages and see their plight as a mirror of their own oppression... It's disgusting, to be frank. It leads one to wonder; if you're able to think that about very humanised and relatable characters.... What would you say about real people? Friends, but also strangers? I stand by everything I've said on here, even if the attitude it came with was far too aggressive for the subject matter.
But the opinions I've just outlined interest me, because I am also a strong believer of the "fiction =/= reality" state of mind, which I know I've mentioned before. If you did a pro-templar run because you're interested to see what happens and believe it's the most fun, I always believed that it didn't mean you were a bad person. What I did believe reflected on your morality, is whether out of the game you actually believed in those politics. Because of how they intrinsically tied with real world issues. If you saw the suffering of mages and elves and still believed their oppressors were right it meant you either fell for their framing of the issue (the chantry's belief that mages are dangerous for example) or that you just hated those groups so much you didn't give a shit. This, I think, is what reflects on you. I couldn't care less what you believed made for an interesting scenario in the game, I just cared about what you took out from it.
The true issue though is that I don't believe it's worth getting in so many fights with strangers anymore. It's not healthy. I wasn't... Happy. I felt righteous, I felt energized. But I also felt angry. All the time. I would skip on time bonding with my friends to fight with people on the Internet and at the time I thought that was funny, but in the grand scheme of things? It wasn't good. It was actually sad. No Internet argument, no game is so important that you need to take away from your private time with friends to yell at strangers over the Internet. It's not fun. If you think you're cool and interesting and superior for doing that... I need you to take a moment and sit down. Sit down and just... Think, about everything going on in your life, everything going on in the world and wonder if this truly is the best use of your time. I don't mean this in a judgemental way, because I've been there. But when people say "touch grass," it's out of a feeling of bewilderment that one might care enough about such issues to take time out of their day to rant about it endlessly instead of just... Focusing on other things. Friends, hobbies, self growth. Things that result in happiness. Not anger.
Because what the years have taught me is that this whole arguing over the Internet thing is truly not worth your time or energy, when so many of us are miserable in our day to day lives. Every day brings more pain and misery. Tragedy after tragedy hit our world. We've had so much loss in the past two years alone. But saying this undermines the fact that... There was misery and suffering in the world when I was fighting people on tumblr about mage rights. I can already see the argument, thet we have to remember that we cannot spend every single second of our time gobbling news and misery and trying to change the world. But spending that time to instead argue about fictional politics... There's a cognitive dissonance here that doesn't escape me.
This is a complicated issue! No one should shame themselves or each other for spending time discussing what they were passionate in, and I hope no one will take this post that way. I'm just thinking out loud, about what my place in this fandom was, about what I added to it. And, for as much as I adore Dragon Age and its fandom, knowing all I brought was discourse? Long posts ranting about in-game politics? It's not like I ever brought up anything new, either. I think this fandom deserved more from me, and when da4 comes out... I hope to bring more of a positive impact on this fandom. I want to spend my time making friends, rather than yelling at people!
Thank you however, to everyone who has been kind to me, who have participated in discussions and sent in memes. This fandom is deeply insightful and talented, and in spite of all the arguments I've had... I've truly valued everyone I interacted with. When da4 comes, I hope to interact with you not as an angry ranting little asshole, but as a fellow fan enjoying my time. And if I rant... I hope I do it alongside positive creative content.
