by choice | john logan
john logan x reader!single mom
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summary: as a single mom, you’re used to rejection. still, you put yourself out there. so when john logan turns you down, you’re not surprised.
what surprises you is when he comes back.
word count: 4,5k
warning: kissing, language, mentions of drinking, single mom
authors note: yes this is yet another john logan fic, are we suprised? on a real though guys i actually love writing for him. also i love the single mom trope it’s like my guilty pleasure, a lot of people don’t but that’s okay. i got this image of logan being a girl dad and wow i just had to write something.
it was dean and beaus dynamic duo party.
you and beau were surprisingly extremely close, not only was he one of the most respectful guys you know in briar but your baby girl adored him. not everyone knew you had a baby but you never hid it. some just knew, some just didn’t.
your baby girls name was sienna and she was absolutely perfect, her dad was not in the picture and you planned to keep it that way she was almost 2 years old.
you needed a night out after all the diapers and late night cries, you loved being a mom but moms need breaks too.
you made it to the party, you could hear the music thumping from outside. you were matching with your friend kendall, you guys had decided on serena and blair from gossip girls.
you made your way inside being greeted by beau
“hey beautiful” he said giving you a kiss on your forehead
“hey goose” you said with a smile looking at the name tag on his costume
“where’s your partner” he said looking around
“right here”
you and beau turned around to see kendall holding two drinks
“hey s” you said taking the drink from her
“hey b” she said back sending you a wink
“okay whats going on here” beau said looking between you and kendall
“we’re serena and blair from gossip girl” you said looking at him with a duh expression
“um sure” he said
you heard someone calling for beau, you give him a look letting him know he can go, he gives you another kiss on your cheek this time
“i’ll catch you later”
as soon as beau leaves kendall turns to you
“i wish you and beau would just get together”
you sigh
“it’s not like that and you know that”
“well anyways, enough chitchat i plan on getting shit faced”
you giggled while kendall grabbed your hand to pull you to the dance floor, while dancing you felt eyes on you, you look up seeing john logan staring at you from across the room, his eyes raking down your body, the second your eyes met one corner of his lip lifted.
not a smile.
a smirk like he’d been caught.
this was quite a common occurrence, you and logan had done this quite often at parties, especially beaus.
always exchanging stares, never talking because it felt as if your eyes did all the talking.
finishing up your drink you decide to get a new one while kendall made her way to her guy of the night, you made your way to the kitchen to get a drink as you go you see garret graham and john logan whispering over by the drinks. you see logan hand garret a can and garret walks over to a girl which you notice as hannah wells.
“so that’s happening” you say to logan while grabbing a drink
“apparently” he said slowly diverting his gaze from hannah and garret to you
you reached for a drink. “I didn’t think graham had it in him.”
“oh, he’s got it bad.”
you snorted.
“poor guy.”
logan glanced at you. “pretty sure he’s winning in that situation.”
you followed his gaze to Hannah Wells.
“fair point.”
“how have you been?” he asked turning his body to full face you
“i’ve been okay, i know you’ve been busy, been seeing your interviews”
“yeah?” he said while his eyes flicker to your lips and back to your eyes.
“yeah” you said not feeling yourself slightly lean in.
“you look good, really good” he said slightly leaning in aswell
“you’re not looking bad yourself”
a comfortable silence settled between you.
you could say your guys could be friends, you were definitely not strangers. beau had quite a strict rule when it came to yourself and his friends.
this being one of the reasons why looks were always exchanged and never words.
“you know,” he said, leaning against the counter, “I don’t think we’ve ever actually had a conversation.”
you raised an eyebrow.
“pretty sure we just did.”
a grin spread across his face.
“well, look at that.”
you rolled your eyes, fighting a smile.
“you’re impossible.”
“and yet you’re still talking to me.” he raked his eyes taking in your appearance
“so let me guess sexy school girl?”
“not quite i’m blair from gossip girls, and im guessing you’re a bird”
“yeah me and tucker are the birds and bees” he said while rubbing the back of his neck
“oh i see” you said while bring your drink to your lips
“so-“ just before he could get a word out you see dean calling logan over to take a shot, dean sees you with logan and starts to call you over aswell
“come on y/l/n i see you”
you make your way over, taking the shot, throat burning as you do so, after you guys take the shot, everyone starts making their way back to where they previously were, you had left to find kendall, after you had made sure she was all good you had began to mingle with some friends from classes. feeling your social battery draining slightly you decided to take a breather, standing in a part of the house where you could still see the party and enjoy the music while being slightly away from the dancing and the small crowd beside it.
“hey, y/n right?”
you look up seeing sean, allies boyfriend
“oh hey, sean right? allies boyfriend?”
“yeah yeah, you good?”
“oh yes, sorry i just came out for a breather”
“ofcource, i recognised you and allie would actually kill me if i left her friend here without checking on her”
“yeah she probably would” you say with a giggle
he then began to ramble about some coffee cup and something about jlo but you weren’t focused on that.
behind sean you could see logan staring at you, without even hiding it.
his eyes slightly lit seeing you finally look up at him, smirking if as if he was patiently waiting for your attention.
you saw a girl make her way to him, her hand on his shoulder but his eyes never left yours.
you raised your eyebrows as if you were reminding him about the girl that was beside.
his eyes remained on yours.
not smirking anymore.
just focused, with a look.
the kind of look that made it feel as if the space between you was shrinking.
sean had something but all you heard was have a good one, you waved him off and as soon as he disappeared logan made his way towards you.
no hesitation now.
no distractions.
just purpose cutting through the space between you like he’d decided there was nothing else worth looking at.
he stopped close,closer than before.
not touching you.
but close enough that you had to tilt your head slightly to meet his eyes properly.
for a second, neither of you spoke.
his gaze dropped briefly to your mouth again, then back up, slower this time.
“you do that a lot,” he said quietly.
“do what?” you asked, though you already knew.
he didn’t answer right away.
Instead, he stepped just a fraction closer.
enough that the world around you felt louder just to compensate.
“look at me like that,” he said finally.
before you could say anything beau came and wrapped his arms around both yours and logans shoulders
“guys i know i said it’s a party, but i didn’t mean a tea party” he said dragging you and logan to tucker and dean
logan purposely stood right up against you, you could feel his chest against your back.
you went silent while logan continued speaking with the boys
“who is that” dean says
“i’m pretty sure that’s jlo” beau said
dean makes his way to who you recognise as allie hayes, now understanding why sean kept bringing up jlo,she is such an amazing girl really.
“you know what’s funny?” logan said looking down at you with a smirk
“what?” you said diverting your gaze to him
“the fact we’re not dancing” he said while leaning closer, which you didn’t even know was possible.
“you know how to dance?”
“no but-“ he paused as if he was slightly hesitating, “I’d still rather dance with you than stand here doing nothing.”
you laughed. “wow so romantic.”
“hey,” he said, holding a hand to his chest again, “I’m being vulnerable here.”
“you’re just saying that.”
logan leaned in a little more, close enough that you had to actually focus on him instead of the chaos behind him.
“no,” he said simply. “I want you to dance with me.”
the words landed differently this time. less like a joke. more like a decision he’d already made and was just waiting for you to catch up.
you held his gaze for a second longer than you meant to.
then you tilted your head. “and if I say no?”
his smirk came back instantly, like it never left. “then I’ll keep standing here annoying you until you change your mind.”
“that sounds like harassment.”
“more like persistence.”
you snorted, shaking your head again, but your feet had already shifted slightly toward him without you noticing.
logan noticed.
of course he did.
“there,” he said quietly. “you’re already halfway there.”
“I am not.”
“you are.”
you glanced toward the dance floor again
then back up at logan.
he was still watching you, like the entire party was just background noise.
“fine,” you said finally. “one dance.”
logan’s grin widened, immediate and victorious. “that’s all I needed.”
he held out his hand.
you hesitated for half a second,just enough to pretend you were still in control of the situation, then took it, causing him
to turn you to look at him and walk you towards the dance floor.
“don’t step on me,” you warned.
“no promises,” he said, settling his hand at your waist.
“that’s not reassuring.”
“It’s honest.”
you let out a small laugh, but it caught slightly when he pulled you closer to match the beat.
the music was louder here, the air warmer, people moving all around you, but logan didn’t look anywhere except you.
“okay,” he said quietly, glancing down at your feet for half a second. “I’m just going to admit something.”
“that you can’t dance?”
“I already admitted that.”
“right.”
“I’m admitting I might be staring at you more than I’m focusing on anything else.”
that made you pause mid-step.
“logan.”
“what?” his tone was too calm. too sure of himself. “It’s distracting.”
“you’re supposed to be dancing.”
“I am dancing.”
“you’re just—” you gestured slightly between you, “—holding me and making weird confessions.”
he gave a small shrug, like it wasn’t a big deal at all.
“seems like a fair trade.”
your hand was still in his.
his thumb brushed lightly against your fingers like he didn’t even realise he was doing it.
or maybe he did.
“you’re not even trying to hide it,” you said.
“hide what?”
“that you’re flirting.”
that earned you a look,slow, deliberate, like he was deciding whether to deny it or lean into it.
he chose neither.
Instead, he pulled you just a little closer.
“I think,” logan said, voice lower now, “I stopped trying to hide it the second you said yes to dancing with me.”
your breath caught slightly, but you covered it quickly with a smirk.
“that’s a dangerous mindset.”
“Is it?” he asked.
his hand at your waist tightened just a fraction as he guided you through the movement again, smoother this time, like he was finally getting the rhythm, or like he just didn’t care if he was wrong anymore.
“I think you just like hearing me say yes to things,” you said.
logan’s eyes flicked to yours.
“I think I like hearing you say yes to me.”
that landed differently.
the space between you didn’t really change, but it felt smaller anyway.
“you’re getting confident,” you said quietly.
“I’ve been confident.”
“no,” you said, tilting your head slightly, “you’ve been cocky. This is different.”
a faint smile tugged at his mouth.
“yeah?”
“yeah.”
there was a beat where neither of you spoke.
just moved together, slower now without either of you meaning to slow down.
logan leaned in slightly, just enough that his voice dropped into something meant only for you.
“tell me to stop,” he said.
you raised an eyebrow. “stop what?”
his gaze flicked to your mouth for half a second before coming back up.
“flirting with you like this.”
you held his stare.
for a moment, neither of you moved at all except for the music pulling you slightly side to side.
then you smiled.
“why would I do that?”
and just like that, one second you were on the dance floor, with logans hands trailing down your body, the next you were pushed up against a wall away from the crowd, lips trailing down your neck.
“you’re so beautiful” he said
causing your breath to shudder.
“tell me to stop”
you thought for a second and immediately smashed your lips against his, your hands immediately making your way to his hair, gently tugging causing him to let out a groan, his hands on your waist pulling you closer.
he pauses for a second to breathe and immediately pulls you back in, the next kiss is rougher and messier, his hands were everywhere, trailing from his waist to your hips, your thighs and eventually under your skirt.
your mouths crashing together again and again and again, breathless, wild and messy.
you pull away out of breath, your chest moving up and down.
“wait i um-“ you say while trying to form words “i don’t do one nights i’m sorry”
“who said this has to be one night” he said with a smirk
“logan i have a baby im so sorry”
this catching him off guard, making him slightly take a step back
“you have a kid?”
the question hung between them.
you nodded once.
“yeah a daughter.”
logan looked away for a second, rubbing his jaw as he thought.
you’d seen that look before.
the look people got when they realized you came as a package deal.
the look that said this is more than I signed up for.
so when he sighed quietly and shook his head, you weren’t surprised.
“I can’t do that.”
the words landed softly.
not because they didn’t hurt.
because you’d expected them.
you gave a small nod.
“okay.”
his eyes flicked back to yours, almost confused by how calm you were.
“okay?”
you shrugged
“It happens.”
a frown pulled at his brow
“people leave when they find out.”
the room fell silent.
you offered him a small smile,one that didn’t quite reach your eyes.
“It’s fine.”
but logan could tell it wasn’t.
not because you looked upset.
because you looked practiced.
like you’d had this conversation before.
like you’d already learned how to survive it.
something in his expression shifted.
“I didn’t mean—”
“I know.”
you cut him off gently.
“you don’t owe me an explanation.”
he looked uncomfortable.
guilty, almost.
but you weren’t angry.
you were just tired.
tired of watching people look at you one way and then another the second they realized there was a little girl waiting for you at home.
so you moved yourself away, turning to walk down the stairs
“take care of yourself, logan.”
his name sounded strangely final coming from you.
as you walked past him, he reached out like he was going to stop you.
then thought better of it.
as soon as you were out of eye logan was left standing there wondering why the rejection seemed to hurt him more than it had hurt you.
“fuck”
as soon as you left you messaged your mom to let her know you’d be picking sienna up.
as you arrived you unlocked the door with your old house key, walking in seeing sienna and your mom watching her favourite cartoons.
“mama” she said while wobbly walking towards you, you pick her up and give her a kiss on her forehead.
“she missed her mommy so much right sienna” your mom said smiling and walking towards you
“yes yes yes”
“hey mom” you said as she kissed your cheek
“hey babe how was your night?”
“it was good, i didn’t drink much so i thought why not just pick up miss sienna, she’s so busy lately, didn’t want her to stress you too much”
“she was an angel” your mom said which tickling sienna causing her to giggle
“well thank you for looking after her, i’ll try and come by tomorrow?”
“you don’t have to thank me for watching my grandbaby”
“yes mom” you said while heading out the house to buckle sienna in her car seat
“bye cece” your mom said giving her a kiss and closing the car door
she then turned to you
“not that the innocent ears aren’t listening, why’d you come so early?”
“just the usually, scaring guys away after i tell them im a mom” you say with a sigh
“well they’re loss, you’re a beautiful girl with an amazing baby girl they’re missing out”
“it’s college mom, they’re glad to be single with no baby and this guy was different”
she gives you a kiss bye and a hug
“get some sleep, don’t let this get to you”
with that you’re on your way back home, you make sure to switch your playlist to more calm songs to let sienna relax. as you reach your apartment you see her passed out in the car seat, you smile and pull your phone out to take a picture for your mom and beau
you then grab your purse along with her bag and unbuckle her to carry her upstairs. you carried her up wearing heels, but you know what they say, moms are super heroes.
as you make your way to your door you balance her on one arm to unlock the door. making your way inside, tossing your keys on the table. you stayed in a two bedroom apartment and sienna had her own room with a crib but she preferred to sleep in your bed and so did you, you felt so uncomfortable with her being by herself. you made your way to your room putting your bags on your vanity desk, you gently laid her down under the blanket, she was already bathed and dressed in her pyjamas so that was already done.
you decided to take a quick shower, while thinking about the day your thoughts kept drifting back to logan.
the way his hand had rested on your waist, the way his hands felt all over your body. the warmth of his touch.
you closed your eyes, replaying the kiss for what felt like the hundredth time. not just the kiss itself, but everything around it.
it was ridiculous, really.
one kiss.
one moment.
yet somehow it had attached to every thought you had.
his touch lingered in your mind long after it was gone.
the water had washed away the day, but it hadn’t washed away him.
and as much as you tried to focus on literally anything else, your thoughts kept circling back to the same thing, the same kiss, the same touch, everything.
after the shower you got dressed, immediately sitting down to finish up your nightly routine, you felt yourself dissociate for a little, a notification on your phone causing you to snap out of it.
you reach out the pick up your phone, the notification causing you heart to drop.
loganjohn has requested to follow you
skincare immediately off your mind you click on the notification, leading you to his account.
you scrolled through every photo.
the hockey pictures.
the team photos.
the random shots with friends.
you paused on one where he was laughing at something off camera.
you hated that you remembered exactly what his laugh sounded like.
your thumb hovered over another picture.
then another.
then another.
somehow fifteen minutes had passed.
“this is not stalking,” you muttered to yourself .
It was absolutely stalking.
you clicked on a tagged photo and found yourself zooming in on his face.
then a new notification appeared at the top of the screen.
a direct message from Logan.
your breath caught.
suddenly all the harmless scrolling didn’t feel so harmless anymore.
logan: hey.
you stared at the message for a full minute before opening it.
you: hi.
three dots appeared instantly.
disappeared.
reappeared.
you could practically feel him overthinking.
logan: wasn’t sure you’d answer.
you: wasn’t sure I’d answer either.
a few seconds passed.
logan: fair.
you: so why did you follow me?
another pause.
logan: because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
your stomach dropped.
you: logan…
logan: I know.
logan: I know I don’t get to just show up again after what I said.
logan: I know I hurt you.
you stared at the screen.
you: then why are you here?
the typing bubble appeared immediately this time.
logan: because I made a mistake.
logan: and it’s been driving me insane.
you heart started pounding.
you: you were pretty sure when you rejected me.
you felt yourself waiting for a reply
the typing bubble coming and going, but still nothing
you locked you phone.
and checked again fifteen minutes later.
still nothing.
the next morning, nothing.
the day after that, nothing.
eventually, the embarrassment started to outweigh the disappointment.
you reread the conversation over and over, searching for the thing you said wrong.
there wasn’t anything.
just silence.
and somehow that hurt more.
three weeks had now passed, you had pushed every thought about him to the back of your mind, you couldn’t even do anything about it since you guys were not dating at all, you guys had technically just met.
it was past nine at night, you had laid sienna down past seven, shes been so restless lately so you knew she would be up soon, so you decided to finish up a series you had started halfway through the episode you heard a faint knock on your door, at first you thought it was your mind playing tricks until you heard it again, it was a little firmer this time but still soft. with confusion written on your face you walked towards the door thinking maybe it was beau and he just forgot to call before. when you opened the door you saw someone you least expected
“um-hey” logan said looking nervous
this came to you as a shock, remembering all the confidence radiating off of him the last time you had seen him.
you stood there staring at him, not knowing what to say, you took in his whole appearance, briar u hockey hoodie, damp hair, flushed cheeks, you could see he had came straight from practice.
“beau gave me your address,” he said “you can slam the door in my face if you want. but I need to tell you I made a mistake.”
“you read my message”
“i know”
“and then you ignored me”
guilt flashed across his face
“i know and im sorry”
you scanned his face and saw how his eye brows furrowed, his lip slightly pouting, he looked like a puppy.
“um-“ he patiently waited for you to continue “do you wanna come inside?”
“please” he said without hesitation
you lead him inside to the lounge area and sat down waiting for him to follow.
it was quiet between you guys.
you could see his eyes taking in everything around him, the baby toys scattered around, the bottles on the coffee table, the baby pictures of sienna.
he sighed to himself you couldn’t tell if it was a relaxed and relieved sigh or a what did i just get myself into sigh.
he turned towards you.
eyes instantly connecting.
“i’m sorry”
“you already said that”
“i know and i will continue apologising”
“well you don’t have to, i understand why you took a step back, i’ve been through this before, im a big girl i can take the rejection.”
“well i didn’t come here to reject you, and i didn’t take a step back because of your baby”
as soon as those words left his mouth, you looked at him as if to say bitch please
“okay maybe it took me be back a bit but only because i didn’t know your situation, like are you a single parent, do you secretly have a boyfriend or husband.”
“so now your accusing me of cheating?” you said teasingly
“shit i’m sorry” said as he ran his fingers through his hair, making your mind instantly go back to the kiss, he cut your thoughts off as he continued speaking
“i’m just gonna say what i came to say before i continue to say slightly offensive things but im sorry” you nod to let him know you’re hearing him out
“i was an idiot and i got scared and it wasn’t because you’re a mom it was because of how bad i want this, and i didn’t want to have a conversation like this through a phone because you deserve better than that, you don’t have to forgive me right now, i completely understand because-“
his words are cut off as you smash your lips against his, as you pull away he looks at you for a second and immediately pulls you back in, his hands on your waist pulling you onto his lap not breaking the kiss.
when you finally pulled away, just enough to breathe, his eyes stayed on yours.
wide.
slightly stunned.
like the apology had completely left his system.
you exhaled softly, still close.
“…you talk too much.”
that did it.
a breath of a laugh escaped him, disbelief breaking through whatever nervousness had been there a second ago.
“i was trying to be respectful,” he said.
“you were spiraling.”
“i was explaining.”
“you were rambling.”
his thumb brushed lightly at your side, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to still be touching you.
then you leaned in again,just slightly
and his composure disappeared completely.
he pulled you back in like it was instinct.
like he’d decided over the course of one second that words weren’t necessary anymore.
when he finally broke the kiss again, this time slower, his forehead almost rested against yours.
and for once, logan didn’t look like he had another speech ready.
just you
authors note: so that happened, if you guys loved this as much as i did i’m willing to do more like baby sienna meeting logan, beau finding out about you too and so much more!!! if you’re interested either request if it’s something specific or just leave a comment!!!
taglist: @ethanthequeefqueen
