Wells McBeal: The Hallway Thing
Wells had been in the law office for twelve minutes and already hated the acoustics.
Every hallway made footsteps sound dramatic. Every glass wall reflected someone having a crisis. Every conversation ended with someone staring into the middle distance while piano music appeared from nowhere.
He stopped beside the unisex bathroom door and looked around.
“Bro,” Wells muttered, “is this a law firm or a feelings gym?”
Before anyone could answer, Ally McBeal hurried past with a folder, stopped, reversed two steps, and looked him up and down.
“Oh,” she said. “You’re new.”
Wells grinned. “Temp.”
“For legal?”
“For morale.”
Ally blinked. “We have morale?”
From inside the conference room, someone shouted, “Emergency staff meeting!”
Everyone rushed in. Wells followed because people were moving with purpose, and that usually meant drills.
The senior partners were arguing about a case, a romance, a dream sequence, and whether the unisex bathroom was legally cursed. Wells tried to keep up. He failed immediately.
Then the music started. Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga, Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga.... I can't stop this feeling....
A tiny golden dancing baby appeared on the conference table, wearing sunglasses and doing bicep curls with two gavels.
Wells pointed. “There it is.”
Ally sighed. “You see it too?”
“I see a baby getting better arm work than half this office.”
The room went silent.
The baby flexed.
Wells stood up, cracked his neck, and planted both hands on the table.
“Right. Everybody stop spiraling. You’re all overthinking. Shoulders back. Chins up. Speak from the chest. And if you’re gonna have an emotional breakdown, at least hydrate first.”
Silence.
Then Ally slowly raised her hand. “Is… that legal advice?”
“Nope. Better. Gym advice.”
Someone whispered, “Can we bill for that?”
Wells looked around the room, completely serious.
“Only if you log the reps.”
The dancing baby saluted.
Ally stared at him for a long second, then smiled.
“You may be the healthiest thing that has ever happened to this office.”
Wells grinned. “Cool. Do I get a desk?”
“No.”
“Unisex bathroom privileges?”
Everyone shouted at once.
The laugh track hit.
The unisex bathroom saw the truth first. Wells was never built to blend in. Neither are you. Join the Golden Army and let the Gold make you undeniable. Contact: @alton-gold77, @polo-drone-125
