❝ Do you... ever miss having Gin as your Captain, Izuru? ❞
A folder full of documents hit the floor with a low thud, sending any nearby dust particles into the usually still and stuffy air of the room. Some golden rays of sunlight shining through the office’s window gave that dust a proper theatrical lighting to dance under, before it made it’s way to land onto any available surfaces nearby. One of those surfaces was a dark fabric shaped into a sleeve, housing a slightly trembling arm inside of it.
“Ah, damn”, Izuru exclaimed in a shushed tone as he squatted down to pick up what he had just been holding in his hands just some moments before. Those golden bangs of his shone in the light beautifully as hurried motions gathered the folder and made sure nothing had slipped out in the process. Seemingly checking through the said folder, the lieutenant stayed crouched for a moment longer, thin fingers clutching to the firm surface of the covers a little too intensely as tension crept up and along his spine all the way up to the top of his head.
What kind of a question had that been?!
With an accompanying sigh, there was a successful attempt to stand up, yet a less successful attempt to seem unbothered by where their conversation had taken a turn to. This topic – that man – was something more complicated, someone not so easily forgotten or left behind to anyone who had been present in their division back in the day. His betrayal had left deep scars behind to many people’s souls and Izuru’s sure as hell wasn’t one of the least affected when it came to it.
“Otoribashi-taicho… Rose”, the lieutenant started up as he took some steps towards a nearby table and lowered the heavy papers on top of it’s hard surface. Opening his mouth to speak up yet again, but stopping as the lack of words took him by surprise. What was he about to say? What should he say? Did he really miss the silver haired man and how much? Had he already moved on from his betrayal? Had anyone truly moved on?
Keeping his hands still gripping the folder’s edges even as it laid on the table, Izuru found himself somewhat speechless. Now that he really thought about it, this uncomfortable aching made itself known deep within his body, his veins seemingly pumping up anxiety until a heavy lump started to form behind that ribcage that had been severely injured so many times before. Finding it hard to focus his eyes on anything but just forward, yet seeing nothing but the past events flash before him, he realized just how much hurt was still stored up somewhere within his bruised mind. Writing poems, drinking and working hadn’t obviously been enough to fix it - like he had originally planned them to.
“I… I don’t know”, a breathy response was finally given as the lieutenant pulled himself back to this moment in time, shaking, but lifting his gaze slowly to the other blond in the room. A forced half-smile and one look of deeply pained and exhausted eyes was offered before the next words formed to hang in that same dusty office room’s air. “You are my captain. I might not be whole, but whatever is left of me is yours to command... and that is what matters.”
