It really does exist, and I really did read it. Here are some thoughts. Beware of spoilers, etc etc, but do you really want to read it?
(This is very long. The TL;DR is that the book was kinda bad and the things it did with the characters were very confusing.)
The Court of Miracles is set in an alternate universe 1828 France, where the people are basically split into three groups as far as I can tell: the nobles, regular citizens (Those Who Walk By Day, I think??), and a collection of criminal guilds, the Court of Miracles. It’s supposed to be an Éponine-centric Les Mis retelling. To call it that would be...generous, at best, I think.
The book begins with the story of how Éponine got into the Court of Miracles, specifically the Guild of Thieves. She steals a crown jewel from the dauphin of France at the tender age of 9 years old, and that’s that. (I’m pretty sure she’s 9--later in the book it says that by age 12 she had already been involved in the Guild for three years, so that’s what I’m sticking to.)
By the way, shout out to the dauphin--met a girl once when she was stealing something from him in the middle of the night and kissed him randomly, and has been simping for her ever since. Commitment. Speaking of which, the romance of this book...well. I found an answer on Goodreads that I think describes it well:
...Yeah. Everyone’s in love with Éponine, which like, fair, but also...ehhhhhh.
Her initial motivation in the book is saving Azelma--Azelma is her older sister in this book, and is sold (?) to the Tiger, Lord of the Guild of Flesh. This motivation changes after several chapters with no real explanation. We have a timeskip after Azelma is taken and Éponine joins the Guild of Thieves. (a kind of messy timeskip--I thought it was a flashback for several pages, which might be my bad reading comprehension, but from other reviews I’ve read, others also think the timeline is a little messy so! validation.) In this timeskip, we find that Éponine has been working with her father to sell Cosette (Ettie) to the Tiger, possibly in exchange for Azelma? My memory is a little hazy already and my loan is expired, so I can’t check :P
However, as this process is starting, Éponine finds a new purpose in life--protecting Cosette. I still am not sure why this happens, she just decides very suddenly that Cosette is her new little sister and everything is now about protecting Cosette. It’s not a bad motivation, it just feels very jarring when everything leading up to it was about protecting Azelma, and without much explanation that changes.
I’m realizing that explaining everything in this book would make this wayyyy too long, so let’s pick up the pace!
There are cannibals, but that doesn’t matter very much. Éponine breaks a dude out of a prison that no one else has been able to get into, without much trouble. During this time she frees another guy--his name is Valjean, and he now owes her big time. Everyone owes Éponine. The nobles are poisoning the water that everyone else drinks, which is unfortunate. There is a famine. Bad things are happening.
Enjolras St. Juste is a person who exists in this book. I don’t like him. He also has associates, or as they are referred to at least once, cronies. The named ones are Grantaire, Feuilly, and Joly, which would be an interesting combination if anything was done with them. Grantaire is still Grantaire, but Feuilly is now just...basically Combeferre. It’s like the author did the “if you could only have five amis who would you choose” thing but it’s only four and there seems to be no reasoning behind the decision. And they chose Combeferre, but then mixed up the names in the drafts, so it’s Feuilly.
There are musical references. Only a couple, but...yikes. One has already been mentioned I think, but here’s another—
haha, how clever.
This has nothing to do with anything, but they swear to Rennart and Ysengrim, mythical figures from Northwest European literature. This wouldn’t be anything but interesting trivia, except that I am long time Gunnerkrigg Court stan, and Reynard (this book uses Rennart, but it’s the same fox dude) and Ysengrin are characters in it. So every time I saw those names used, I was just like...
You mean these bitches?
Anyway. Read Gunnerkrigg Court.
Uhhh anything else...? I think that everything just felt very rushed in this book. Stuff happened, things were supposed to be challenging, but then...weren’t...Valjean and Cosette hated each other (D:). Oh yeah, one of the real conflicts (Cosette getting kidnapped) just turned out to be Éponine’s doing all along! She cashed in on Valjean’s debt to her and made him take care of Cosette. Okay.
Marius doesn’t exist in this book! I don’t know how I didn’t notice while reading (I guess it was just so removed from the source material in my head that I accepted it without question?), but yeah he is very notably Not There, which was apparently a very purposeful decision, as I guess Kester Grant hates Marius. :(
I posted about this while reading, and others have commented on it, but in this book, Javert is a woman and has a Past (TM) with Valjean. As the book puts it, “Le Maire broke her heart. And so she hunts him.”
Like, okay.
Here’s two quotes that I hated!
These are both Enjolras St. Juste. Enjonine agenda strong here.
Éponine commissioned the death of Lamarque. It’s not that important.
Bishop Myriel is the patron saint of thieves. It’s not that important.
Lots of things happen, but most of them don’t feel that important.
In conclusion: I can’t believe this got published, and I can’t wait to see what bullshit Grant pulls in the next book :-)
I first listened to it last September I think? I feel like the lyrics are really goofy and I love them. I have it in a playlist of songs I discovered in Fall 2020 and it’s so weird because I already get nostalgia for that time lol.
Thanks for letting me send you all these! I might reblog that post myself and see what songs people send me :]
No problem! This ask game was super fun! 😁💛You should totally do the same!!
Rick Springfield - Human Touch
So when Rick preforms this song at a concert, he goes into the audience so he can really do what the song says lol. Because hey, “we all need, the human touch” right? Haha Well when my mom and I went to one of his concerts (I was in middle school) he did this, and I definitely wasn’t expecting it. So there I was confused as to why a very sweaty Rick Springfield was two rows away from me all of a sudden. 😂 No I did not get the human touch from Rick Springfield, but a lot of middle aged moms did!
(Also “she’s got the love monkey riding on her back” to me just means Davy?! Rick you’re talking about David Jones are you not? He IS the love monkee after all)
I USED TO THINK MAYBE YOU LOVED ME, NOW I KNOW THAT IT'S TRUE AND I DON'T WANT TO SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE JUST WAITING FOR YOU. NOW I DON'T WANT YOU BACK FOR THE WEEKEND, NOT BACK FOR A DAY, NO NO NO! I SAID, BABY, I JUST WANT YOU BACK, I JUST WANT YOU TO STAY
