#okcupid profiles

[myadventuresonokcupid]

A username like that, no pictures, and a profile copy pasted from a website called virtual dating assistents.com

What a catch.

[myadventuresonokcupid]

This is just so dumb. “Details and description upon genuine interest.” This is his entire profile. He has no information at all, no pictures, no questions answered. How could someone ever be interested? There’s nothing there to be interested in.

[myadventuresonokcupid]

[myadventuresonokcupid]

[myadventuresonokcupid]

[myadventuresonokcupid]

[myadventuresonokcupid]

Why not Zoidberg?

[myadventuresonokcupid]

Translation:

I can teach you about the smallest interactions in human body, only if you teach me make love. I need somebody to practice with. I, too, need more experience;)

According to his profile, he grew up in The Netherlands. As you can probably tell from the somewhat strange translation, his Dutch isn’t fantastic.

Human lichaam is not something any Dutch person would ever say. It should be menselijk lichaam. The two aren’t even similar! Then there is the het liefde bedrijven comment. Also wrong. That should be de liefde bedrijven. Now I know de and het are something quite a few of non-native Dutch speakers get wrong regularly, but that is usually only the case in a possesive way. Like saying de huis in stead of het huis (the house). De liefde bedrijven is an expression. It’s not describing a thing you can touch. It is weird to get the de/het thing wrong in this context.

“But @myadventuresonokcupid, he’s a foreigner! That’s why his Dutch isn’t great!”

Yes, he wasn’t born here, but he claims that he grew up here. And if you grow up in the Netherlands, you also must abide the laws here, including the one that states that all children must go to school until the age of 18. Considering his odd way of speaking/typing in Dutch, the strange order in which he stringed his messages together, I highly doubt he ever went to school here. It kind of looks like he translated everything he said word for word. This suspicion of mine became more than that when I responded to him, saying that considering he lives in Amsterdam (if even that is true) he should just go to the red light district if he wants to have more experience in ‘het liefde bedrijven’. Then this happened:

Translation:

Him: Would you say that much too quick goes Me: I would say you don’t speak any Dutch. Him: Lol. I am sometimes guilty of being quick. But you don’t make it easier, looking so sexy. Him: I apologize for being direct and flirty towards you *sad emoji*

Now question marks begin to fly around my head. Again, his Dutch doesn’t make any sense in a grammatical way, but his messages don’t even look like they are a direct response to what I am saying to him. And after reading his last two messages again, some of those question marks I mentioned earlier turned into exclamation marks. I was sure I had seen those before. So I went back to my archive and looked and looked and looked until I got to messages from the month of May of this year. A user named Castor_H started to cry to me, because I looked at his profile, but didn’t send him a message. The Castor_H account is no longer available to review, so I can’t check it out again to see if it matches this Mesolion’s one, but I sort of remember having seen the “Born in the land of ...., grew up in The Netherlands.” part of his profile before. I told Castor_H back then that I don’t message accounts that only have a picture of a torso posted. He then called me lazy for not looking at the rest of his pictures. I said I didn’t want to after seeing the first one, and then he sent me the following:

HMM, HOW PECULIAR. (almost) The exact same copy-paste messages that don’t seem to be a direct response to what I said to him.

So what is this Castor_H/Mesolion entity? Is he a real person? A bot? A hybrid of the two? And what should I do about it? I Googled his profile text, but didn’t get any results. Same with the pictures he uses. What do you think about all of this, Tumblr?