#older!wendip

[lordofhunger47]

[wendip-week]

What If: Quicksand

It had been roughly seven years since that fateful summer in Gravity Falls when the second-generation of the appropriately-named Mystery Twins visited the town for the first time. For the next couple of summers, Dipper and Mabel Pines would visit their true-home at their Grunkle Stan’s infamous Mystery Shack and have plenty of grand and minor adventures.

A few years after the events of Bill Cipher being annihilated, Dipper and Mabel would come to an arrangement with their parents, allowing them to live and continue their education in Gravity Falls (an arrangement the two had kind of wished they had thought of on their first summer). They could live with the people and weird-elements that really helped them to thrive. After graduating high-school, the extended-family would continue their fun, dangerous adventures while pursuing their futures. Mabel would become a growing social-media personality. Dipper would finally begin his full-time apprenticeship under his great-uncle Ford. But before that, he’d make another endeavor, arguably harder than his pursuit of paranormal-science: Dipper would ask out his best friend and long-time crush, Wendy.

Yes, she shot him down when he was twelve, making it clear she wanted a platonic-relationship. However, over the years, things began to change. Puberty had been good to Dipper, making him much taller and far less scrawny than he had been. At the age of sixteen, having grown closer to the girl he never completely got over, he finally found the confidence to officially ask her on a real date. That time, she agreed. They’d been an item since.

Now, Dipper and Mabel were nineteen, Wendy was twenty-two, Soos was twenty-nine, and the Stans were old (they refused to give an exact-age at this point). Mabel was an online-college student and making a few bucks online, as well, while Dipper was in the middle of his studies. Wendy was enjoying being out of college, having gotten an Associate’s Degree in General Studies, and free to offer her assistance to the Pines-family whenever adventure called (or anything fun in general).

Currently, the family was doing a little of both. After the events of Weirdmageddon, Stan and Ford took to traveling across the globe and investigating paranormal mysteries outside of the valley surrounding Gravity Falls. If at all possible, they liked to travel by sea, like they’d planned on since they were young. Besides their investigations, it also presented opportunities to look for lost treasure or check out sea-babes (though they were cautious to avoid Sirens…).

Through some contacts of theirs, Stan and Ford had found out of a small, unmarked pocket of weirdness out somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. While they typically took a couple months of planning, this seemed doable without such extra preparations, especially since they had quite a few extra hands who were more than willing to come along. Of course, some only volunteered after they found out a certain arrangement had been made.

One enemy-turned-ally of the Mystery Crew (and a member of the failed Zodiac) was Pacifica Northwest, rich heiress of the semi-disgraced Northwest-family. After graduating high-school, she was immediately called to help her family restore their currently-meager fortune. Inexperienced though she was, she was still a Northwest, so she had some innate-talent for finding lucrative business-opportunities. In this case, she found out about this little trip from her ex-boyfriend, Dipper Pines, with whom she was still on good terms. Knowing that there was a small island in that area that was going to be explored, Pacifica saw an opportunity.

Her family had been forced to liquidate a number of assets (property, business-shares, etc.) to still live in relative-comfort, invest in the future, and not have to get day-jobs like most of their neighbors. One particular asset was that island that they had originally used as both a summer-home and a potential-means of business (if there was any oil or valuable-minerals). Unfortunately, they had not been able to sell or rent it for some odd reason. Most interested parties never even really got back to them after going to check it out. However, seeing as though she had connections in the form of paranormal-scientists and investigators, she might be able to turn this around.

That’s why the Mystery Crew were currently on an island. Pacifica offered to let them use it as a base-of-operations in exchange for a quick sweep of the area, just to check if there was anything wrong with it. Of course, there was other uses for it. It did, after all, have a beach and a well-furnished house (with plenty of natural power-sources for electric-appliances) not far from it. It would be an opportunity for a mini-vacation for both sets of twins, Wendy, and even Soos, who left the Mystery Shack in the capable-hands of his Abuelita.

  //

  Back at in Gravity Falls, the Mystery Shack was currently open, and boy, was business booming! Melody and her grandmother-in-law were at the register, making sales left-and-right while trying to keep the seemingly endless crowd of customers in order.

“Wow, Abuelita!” Melody stated, handing a customer the Shack’s newest piece of merchandise. “Who would have guessed tourists were such fans of your hand-made doilies?”

“Is gift of mine,” Abuelita replied. “Tomorrow, we sell pot-holders.”

  //

  For Dipper, however, this presented another opportunity…

Now, here they all were, relaxing on a small beach far from human-civilation. Soos was building a sandcastle, or rather, a sand-replica of the Mystery Shack. Stan and Ford were making plans near their anchored boat. Mabel and Wendy were hitting a beach ball back-and-forth in the water (and staying withing reasonable distance, as there was no lifeguards). And Dipper was recording their fun on his phone.

Well, he was mostly video-recording Wendy’s fun. He had always been crazy about her. How could he resist when she was clad in a bikini? After watching her splash a bit, the nerd decided he should probably make it look like he was interested in other things going on (which wasn’t entirely untrue). He came over to Stan and Ford, sporting tropical shirts and sun hats.

“Hey, guys,” Dipper said, pointing the camera to face his great-uncles. “So how are things looking?”

“Great!” Stan replied with a grin. “According to Pointdexter, the source of weirdness might actually be sunken treasure, after all. We’re gonna be rich!”

“Perhaps, Stanley. But bear in mind that we might not yet have the resources to retrieve such an item (if it is, in fact, treasure). It could require a submarine, of all things. And there’s the possibility of it being cursed. However, we can for sure locate it. And depending on the circumstances, even if we can’t clear out the weirdness here right now, we can still establish a safe travel-route for sailors everywhere.”

Stan groaned. “I’m just gonna say that it’s treasure,” he muttered.

After a bit of back-and-forth, Dipper decided he wanted to check out more of his girlfriend, who was laying back on an innertube, floating around with a pair of sunglasses (and an extra coat of sunscreen, considering she was a pale-redhead and a bit easier to burn). Dipper stood back at a reasonable distance, watching and recording. He was so fixated that he didn’t notice a body just beneath the surface of the water approach and slowly rise out of the water.

Before he could sense another presence, the young adventurer suddenly found himself splashed hard from behind. He turned and shouted in surprise: “MABEL!”

His excitable twin gasped in faux-shock. “My goodness! Do my ears deceive me? Does my doofus-brother realize there’s other people on the island besides him and his not-subtle crush?” she asked with a smirk.

“Mabel, you made me drop my phone!” Dipper said in irritation. He looked around for a second before finally finding it in the water. He groaned, before turning back to Mabel, eyes rather cross. “And she’s my girlfriend. I don’t have to be subtle!” As he said this, he subtly patted the pocket on his trunks, making sure a certain object was still there.

“Yeah, Mabes,” Wendy said, as she approached, now out of her tube. “He doesn’t have to insert how much he loves me under his breath in our conversations. Now he can just say it in his normal voice.” Dipper blushed. “Hey, is your phone okay?”

Dipper looked at his wet phone. “I… think it still works? Oh, better turn off that recording!”

Wendy whistled. “You’re lucky, dude. I so hate waiting for my phones to dry in rice! It takes forever and there’s no guarantee it solves the problem.”

Dipper nodded. “True.”

“Hey, I’m kind of thirsty. Let’s go back to the house. I think we forgot the cooler,” Wendy told her boyfriend.

“Sounds good.” The young-adult couple, leaving Mabel behind. “Hey, I’m still here, you know!”

“Leave them be, Hambone,” Soos said, walking over to Mabel. “Let them enjoy this while they can. One day, they’ll probably be married. And after the honeymoon, it’s work-work-work.”

“… You say this from experience, don’t you?” Mabel asked.

“Yes, I do,” Soos told her. “And it’s totally worth it.”

Mabel just blew a raspberry. “Oh, Soos! That doesn’t make any sense.”

  //

  Sure enough, Dipper and Wendy found the large cooler on the porch. After lugging it to the beach, the two cracked open a couple of cold Pitt Colas.

“Mmm… I pity the rest of the world. They don’t have access to this kind of soda,” Wendy said with a burp. “Excuse me.”

“Tell me about it,” Dipper agreed. “Of course, the occasional pit inside the can might be a bit of a turn-off for some people.”

The tall redheaded adult shrugged. “Whatever. So, what do you wanna do now?” she asked after finishing her soda.

Dipper smiled. This was his chance. “Want to go on a walk along the beach; just the two of us?”

“That sounds awesome, dude. Let’s just dump our trash first.”

The young couple dropped their now-empty cans into the trash bag the family brought along, and let Stan and Ford know what they were doing.

“Okay, but be careful,” Ford told them. “We haven’t scanned for potential threats like Ms. Northwest requested. Don’t go out too far.”

Wendy nodded. “You got it, Professor Pines. We’ll keep our eyes peeled. Come on, man,” she said, leading Dipper away.

Stan chuckled. “Ah, to be young and in love, then cheated out of your winnings… Think we still got a chance in such a game, Sixer?”

Ford looked at his brother. “I’d say our chances are very slim, Stanley (at least in this dimension). Even more unlikely is the possibility of kids. On the other hand, I don’t think that’s ever stopped you before…”

“Darn right, it hasn’t!”

  //

  Dipper and Wendy walked slowly along the beach’s shoreline, just enjoying the scenery around them, as well as each other’s company.

Wendy sighed. “I tell you, between twelve and fifteen, I would never have seen myself somewhere like this, at best, maybe a dirty, local beach. And between fifteen to eighteen, I could only see myself getting somewhere this nice by running away from home and hopping cars and trains for a while. I love how life surprises us…”

“I know,” Dipper replied, putting his arm around her. “I always imagined myself as an adventurer, but before Gravity Falls, I thought that would just stay a fun daydream. Now here I am, on a mysterious island with my family and the coolest, most-beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

“Oh, dude!” Wendy made a face. “That’s so mushy!”

“Sorry…”

“I didn’t say stop, though,” she said, grinning.

Dipper returned that expression, albeit blushing as he did so. After a moment he got bashful and looked forward. “Man, that is such a beautiful sunset, isn’t it?” he said, trying to change the subject.

“Hold it. Are you going to go with the ‘not as beautiful as you’ line? Okay, as much as I love cheesy romantic-talk in an ironic way, please don’t say that, of all things.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Dipper replied. “Even though it’s true. I was going to say that it reminds me of the moment I first really realized I was crushing on you. It was on the Mystery Shack roof.”

“That sounds about right, dude,” Wendy said thoughtfully. “Points for that line.” Wendy looked at the horizon, with the sun’s reflection across the water, the clouds and light across the sky making resemble an abstract canvas of orange and purple. “It is beautiful, though.” Wendy laid her head on her dork’s shoulder, admiring the view.

“We shouldn’t waste this opportunity,” Dipper said after a few minutes.

“Oh? What did you have in mind?” Wendy responded.

Dipper smiled. “Let’s get some selfies. We want to remember this moment, don’t we?”

“Yeah, let’s do it. And if Tambry reposts it online, practically half-the-world can see us and be totally jealous.”

Dipper pulled his phone back out and turned on the camera. He and Wendy got into position and Dipper started snapping away as they made various poses ranging from classic romance to fun summer-cruise themed ones.

They had just gotten into snuggle position and were about to take another pic when they felt the sand under their feet shift.

Dipper looked down, finding his feet had sunk beneath the sand. “What the-”

The couple let out a yelp as they suddenly began to sink rapidly beneath the sand. They were now up to their knees. It was so quick that Dipper lost his balance and dropped his phone. He was about to fall over into the sinking sand, too. Fortunately, Wendy was there.

“I’ve got you!” she shouted, holding his arm. “What is this? Quicksand?”

“I don’t know! The ground was relatively steady a second ago! I don’t think we moved too much while taking pictures!” he replied, rather worried.

“Dude, can you move your legs?” Wendy asked.

“No, I’m stuck!” He said, wiggling about. “What about you?”

“No good!” she told him. They were now nearly at their waists. “Wait! What if I-?” Wendy reached out (holding onto Dipper to avoid falling and going under), trying grab a stable patch of sand. Everywhere she reached, her hand just sank. “Drat! Dipper, you try!”

The young academic tried what his girlfriend did. He got about the same result. “This isn’t working. I don’t get it! What’s going on here?!”

“I’m what’s going on here!” a deep voice said out of nowhere.

Dipper and Wendy turned and discovered a humanoid-figure rising out of the sand… and was made out of sand, apparently.

“Who the heck are you?” Wendy asked the newcomer.

“Who am I? Why, I’m the Sandman! What else would I be called?”

“The guy who comes when people try to sleep?” Dipper asked.

The two of them, now up to their stomachs in sand, suddenly stopped sinking.

“No! (Why does everyone guess that)? I’m not that Sandman!”

“Oh, so you’re the bad guy from that movie with the Spider-guy, right?” Wendy asked.

“I remember that,” Dipper interjected. “It was like one of our B-movies, but with half-decent effects.”

“I know, right?”

“Yeah. Come to think of it, I wish there’d be a movie or show with the guy with the gas mask. He was a cool hero,” Dipper thought out loud.

“Huh?” Wendy replied. “What’s that got to do with sand?”

“I’m not either of those guys!” the so-called Sandman shouted. “I hide in the sand, waiting for creatures to come to my island. Then I slowly drag them under and feed on them slowly over the course of a thousand years! Of course, I don’t know that it’s a thousand years, but that sounds pretty ominous.”

“So, it’s like that monster from that movie?” Dipper asked.

“The one with the blind worms, dude? As far as PG-13 horror-flicks go, I kind of hate that series.”

“No-no! The scif-fi one. Remember? The third one from the original trilogy?”

“Eh, kind of…?”

“Hey, I’m talking here!” that monster yelled, grabbing their attention again. “Look, bottom-line: I’m the Sandman! I’m gonna suck you into the sand, and I’m gonna eat you slowly! Now, let’s get it over with before you start rambling again.”

Before Dipper and Wendy could respond, they found themselves sinking much faster than before.

“AAAAHHHH!!!” they shouted.

“BLEHEHEHEHEAUGH!!!” the Sandman cackled.

The young man and woman were now at their necks, looking utterly terrified. Dipper turned to look at the love of his life. It was now or never. “Wendy, I was planning on asking you this after we finished taking pictures, but if we happen to survive somehow… WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

“Yes! Dude, yes! I will… if we don’t get eaten, anyway!” Tears were in the girls’ eyes. They were happy tears, mostly.

“Wendy! I love-” Dipper didn’t get to finish his sentence, as they had finally gone under…

“Well, that was fun,” the Sandman said. “Time to sample the fresh stuff.”

      He didn’t get a chance to do so. A concentrated blast of energy suddenly hit the Sandman square in the chest, leaving a gaping hole in his chest.

“Augh!” the Sandman cried out. “Was that from a gun? Those aren’t supposed to hurt me-AUGH!” Another blast hit, taking most of his sandy-shoulder. “Where is that coming fro-?” This time, a heavy-volley of laser-blast hit the Sandman in rapid-succession, reducing him to a pile of sand before he could think of way to escape.

In the distance, an angry Stan and Ford were holding smoking proton-rifles and pistols, waiting for the Sandman to move again. When they saw no sign, Stan shouted back behind himself: “NOW! HURRY!”

Mabel raced past them, holding a shovel tied to a rope. Soos wasn’t far behind. He was holding the majority of said rope. When she got close enough, she threw the shovel into the loose sand where Dipper and Wendy just were. It sank in fairly quickly as Soos approached.

Not long after, he felt a strong tug on the rope and began pulling it back up. After a few hand-over-hands, the shovel came back up. Attached to it was a very dirty Dipper, who was desperately trying to suck in air. A moment later, it was revealed that in his other hand was his redheaded beloved. With one more tug, Soos pulled the gasping and coughing couple from out of the sand-pit.

The two were laid flat on their backs as Stan and Ford approached. Mabel hugged the two of them. “You guys are alive!”

“Yeah… Thanks to you all,” Dipper said between coughs.

“Got that… right,” Wendy added. “How’d you… find us?”

“Didn’t you guys know you were live-streaming?” Mabel asked them.

“Wait, what?” Dipper asked.

“Soos was looking at hilarious cat-videos when he saw you guys post.”

Soos nodded. “Good thing I wasn’t looking at one of the better ones.”

Stan chuckled. “We saw you lovebirds making all kinds of weird poses before you dropped your phone.”

“EEEE!” Mabel squealed. “I’m gonna have a sister soon!”

“And then we saw what might have been the reason nobody ever comes to this island come after you,” Ford added. “Kind of a shame we had to destroy it (or him?); I would have liked to have studied such a creature. I’m just glad my assumption about these guns against it was accurate.”

“Nah. I’m glad he’s gone-for-good. I mean, he was eating people,” Stan replied to his twin.

“Ergh…” Some of the sand started coming together, reforming parts of what vaguely resembled a human.

“AH!” Stan shouted, shooting his laser-pistol in response. The Sandman disintegrated again, and this time, he didn’t reform.

“Uh, back on topic…” Dipper started. “…Since when are we live-streaming?”

Soos brought Dipper his phone. “You still are, dawg,” he said in response.

“Seriously?” Dipper pressed a couple of buttons on his touch screen, only to get no response. “What’s going on?”

“Let me see,” Wendy took Dipper’s phone and tried to fiddle with it. “Oh… Here’s the problem: there’s water behind the screen. It must have actually been messed up after Mabel splashed you earlier.”

Dipper thought for a moment. “… So, when I tried to press the camera-app, it must not have registered right.”

Wendy shrugged. “Could be.”

Ford looked thoughtful for a moment. “Say, Stanley. Didn’t the Sandman say on the video that he devours living people over the course of a thousand years? I think the Northwests have had people on this island over the last half-decade or so. You know what that means?”

Stan groaned. “We have more work to do than a routine-sweep? That’s just great…”

  //

  Back at the beach-house, Dipper and Wendy were cleaned and patched up; now sitting together on the porch.

“Some day, huh?” Wendy asked.

“Tell me about it. It was not how I was hoping the afternoon would go,” Dipper said, shaking his head. “Still up for marrying me? I know it was kind of sudden, but…”

“Dude, I said yes twice. I think I’m sure,” Wendy replied with a smirk.

“Well, in that case…” Dipper reached into his pocket and produced a ring with a large diamond. Bordering the diamond was some kind of stone that resembled flannel.

“Wow… Dip! It’s beautiful! Where did you get this?” Wendy exclaimed.

“The, uh, diamond was from some time-travel adventure Mabel and I had with Blendin. Suffice to say, we’re secretly kind of rich… Oh, and the ring was actually crafted by some goblins that sort of owed me a favor.”

“Well, I love it. And not just because it’s unique.”

“I was hoping you would.”

“By the way, that reminds me…” Wendy punched Dipper on the shoulder.

“Ow! What was that for?” Dipper asked, rubbing his shoulder.

“For choosing a life-or-death situation to propose. I’d prefer a fancy restaurant, personally. It was also for proposing to me on your ex-girlfriend’s island, dude. Did you ever check to see who all saw that live-recording?”

“I… didn’t. Oh, boy…” Dipper rubbed his temple, realizing the worst-case-scenario.

“Ah, cheer up. You still got a fiancé, don’t you? Now, do me a favor and put that ring on my finger.”

“With pleasure.” Dipper took Wendy’s hand and slid it down her ring finger. He looked up, only to get a mouthful of his beautiful bride-to-be’s own mouth.

They stayed like that for a while.

[nautiscarader]

Wendip Week 2017 - Day 1, Meet the parents

(My fanfiction masterpost) (Read on Ao3) (Read on FF)

Rated: G, older!Wendip story 

Dipper is about to meet Wendy’s father, officially as her boyfriend. What could go wrong? 

- Hi! I'm Dipper Pines, remember me, Mr. Corduroy? - Of course he remembers you, you doofus. We helped him find his stolen beard last month. Not to mention all the other times we did something around the forest while he kept screaming "You crazy Pines go back to your crazy house of crazy craziness!".

Dipper threw an angry look to his sister, shuffling through the pages of her magazine. For the better part of last hour, she's been trying to help prepare Dipper for an official meeting with Wendy's father, although so far, her support turned out to be nothing but collection of casually thrown snarky responses.

- Alright then. - Dipper cleared his throat and tipped his hat to his reflection - Hi, mr Corduroy! I'm so glad I can finally have a dinner with my girlfriend's father... - Are you really glad, though?   - Of course not! - Dipper shouted - He's a walking mountain that could crush me with his little finger! If I say anything wrong, then I'm dead, do you understand that?

Mabel rolled onto her back and let out a deep sigh.

- Dipper, you are doing it again. - What? - You're over-thinking things - she finally looked at her brother's frowned face - You've spent so much time prepa- is that a bow-tie?

They both stared at the curious bit of Dipper's attire that stood out from the rest of his vest and shirt.

- Okay, this has to go. - It will work, Mabel! I've got something neater to wear it with. - Dipper, they are lumberjacks. - Mabel sighed, looking at her brother flipping through his set of identical, white shirts - They only know one colour: PLAD. If you wear a suit, they're gonna take you for a penguin!

A loud sound of a car horn interrupted the twins' bickering, but eased none of the tension Dipper was suffering from.

- Oh my god, she's here! I'm late! - In a car? What for? - Mabel raised her brows and jumped to her feet as well

And indeed, when Dipper opened the triangular window, the source of the sound turned out to be a green jeep, driven by the red-haired park ranger, Wendy Corduroy. She waved at her boyfriend through the car's roof, that was not so much "open" as "turned into a molten bit of metal about a week ago". Seeing his silhouette, Wendy pressed the horn once again, hastening Dipper's arrival.

- Hi, Wendy! What's going on? - Dipper exclaimed, running through Mystery Shack's door without any care, leaving them open. - I got an unexpected call, do you want to come with m- What are you wearing?  

Dipper looked down, noticing that in the minute he had to finish dressing up, he has managed to put on his blue vest over the pristine, ironed white shirt, as well as socks of distinctively different colours. And the bow-tie.

- Sorry, I was preparing for the dinner! - he apologised, giving her a quick peck on her cheek, as he hopped to the passenger's seat - So, what's the problem? - We got call from the Multibear. Their daughter is missing. - Oh no! Bear bear? - Dipper yelped - Yeah. She's not a kid anymore, but still, things can go wrong. Hold on tight.

Dipper managed to lock his seatbelt a split of a second before he was pushed into his seat, as Wendy released the gas pedal and drove straight through the woods to the mountains towering over the treetops.

The term "park ranger" is a bit misleading. It implies a person that takes care of a park, but no one sane would ever use that word to describe the forests around Gravity Falls. Regulations, no matter how strict would fall flat on unicorns demanding supplies of glitter, or gnomes declaring their dens independent nations at least twice a year. The word "ranger" is also ill-fitted; no group of people would be able to range over the vast, ever-changing terrain of the Gravity Falls forests, that might look perfectly fine on Monday, but could be completely unrecognisable by Friday. And yet, when mayor Cutebiker decided that something should be done to protect the citizens of Gravity Falls from the forest creatures (as well as the other way around), the idea of "park rangers" was the most sensible one that was proposed. That position certainly wouldn't be Wendy's first choice of career, if not for the fact that nearly absolutely everyone else was terrified about the prospect of keeping the forests under control. It meant, however, that in Summer she would get to spend a bit more time with Dipper and Mabel, who, while not rangers themselves, provided much insight into the three key parts of the local ecosystem: fauna, flora, and the unknown. And truth to be told, the forests and the creatures could mostly take care of themselves, giving Wendy arguably even more free time than during periods of no visitors in the Mystery Shack.

As they drove up, Dipper remembered the first time he had to traverse the long road to the caverns atop the mountains surrounding Gravity Falls to prove his manliness to the clan of Manotaurs by killing the Multibear they were going to visit now. The very same reason pushing Dipper to these ridiculous quests was now keeping her focus on the bumpy, rocky road.

- What? Is there something wrong?

In the corner of her eye Wendy noticed that for the last minute or so, Dipper kept staring at her, sitting motionlessly in his seat.

- What? No, nothing. - Dipper quickly answered - I just like you in that outfit, it goes, uh, well with your eyes. And the, uh, the hat, I think it looks great too.

Wendy returned a polite, warm smile.

- Dip, I hope you're not making some sort of list of small-talk jokes and praises for tonight, like this one. Dad doesn't like those, he can smell them. - What? Me? Never! - Dipper retorted and tucked his hand deeper into his pocket pushing the piece of paper he spent his last night on. - It's just I- - It's here.

Wendy stated firmly, rescuing Dipper from an awkward dead-end he got himself into, as they reached a giant, ominous cave at the very end of a windy road. The two adventurers got from the car, took their backpacks and wiped their boots on the colourful doormat, before they rang the doorbell.  

- Al-right, al-right, one head at a time! - Wendy shouted through the cacophony of ten jaws of the Multibear trying to explain what happened - So far, I got that she was sick, she got fed up with her favourite band, she thought the porridge was too hot, too cold, just enough, all at the same time. I, I need some clarification.

Wendy put away her notepad, trying to calm the distressed creature.

- Multibear, just tell us what happened, step-by-step. We're gonna help you. - Dipper joined Wendy in her consolations

Ten loud sneezes into ten large handkerchiefs later, the Multibear told their story anew.

- So, she hasn't come home tonight, and wasn't that keen on talking for the last month or so... - Wendy pondered. - Have you tried searching for her before you called us? - Of course! We went that way!

Wendy was quick enough to push Dipper from the reach of the claws, before the arms of the Multibear pointed, predictably, in seven different directions.

- Please, help us! She only has two heads! - Multibear, don't worry, we will find her! - Dipper quickly assured them. - Okay... we're gonna start the search, and we will contact you if we find anything. - Wendy spoke unsteadily, giving her boyfriend a knowing nudge with her elbow.

The two rushed to the door, and only when they exited the cave, Wendy spoke.

- Dipper, you don't say "don't worry" to someone, whose kid got lost. Worrying is kinda a part of the deal. And she obviously has tried searching for her. - Wendy fumed - I'm sorry, Wen! - Dipper apologised profusely, getting into the car - I sometimes panic with stuff like that. That's why you do the talking, you're way better than me. - That;s cos' I got experience, Dip. - Wendy smiled - Three brothers, and one more baby to scold at now. - Wait, who are you talking about?

Only when Wendy gave him another smug smile, Dipper threw his arms into air with a loud "Come on!" that only cheered his girlfriend, opening the series of teasing that lasted all the way down the mountain.      

After less than an hour of searching, Dipper was the first to notice oddly broken tree branches, paving their way down the forest.

- Wendy, I think she was here. - Well, it was something big. - she added - Actually, two of somethings.

The ground beneath them was filled with two overlapping trails, though both Wendy and Dipper had difficulty telling which series of paw-prints started and ended, or how many of paws each one had. Without any doubt, however, the mixed trail lead them to another cave underneath the mountain they drove from.

- Is that cave on the map? - No, it wasn't there last time we checked! - Dipper exclaimed, opening a large map - And that was last month, so Multibear's story makes sense. Something's fishy here.

Equipped with torchlights and guns with sleeping darts, the two adventurers followed the path up to the entrance of the cave, masked with a simple net of sticks and leaves. The two gave each other a knowing nod and held their hands one last time before pushing the provisional door away. As much as they both would like to make sure the other one is secure, four ready hands were better than two, providing better protection than the strongest infatuation. From the very start it became obvious that the creature, or creatures, had problems with the height of the cave. The middle of cavern's roof nearly looked like a cartoon cut-out of some enormous head trying to push through the rock. As the two ventured down the steep slope, Dipper tried imagining what animal could leave such unique markings. But when they saw a light at the end of the tunnel, they both spoke its name under their breath.

A horned silhouette of a manotour was visible on the wall in front of them, giving Wendy and Dipper some idea behind Bear bear's disappearance. It didn't help the fact that the manotour stood next to a huge steaming cauldron, and a sound of bones cracking and meat chopping reached Wendy and Dipper's ears. The two gave each other one final nod, prepared their weapons and crept towards the angled turn. The stench of a stew made from unknown meat filled their nostrils as they were about to lean over the wall, causing both of them to hold their breath for a moment.

- And it's finally ready... Bear... - the deep, husky voice of the manotaur reverberated through the thick air.

Dipper and Wendy looked at each other, their eyes wide with both fear and determination, and on her mark they leaped from around the corner, ready to stun the manotaur.

- Don't move, manotaur! And tell what you did to Bear bear! - Ah! Humans! Help! - the manotaurs shrieked in a voice much higher than either of them expected, dropping the metallic bowl that landed on the rocky floor with a loud clunking noise. - Oh, no, honey, your soup! - said a third, feminine voice.

Wendy lowered her gun and was about to instruct Dipper to do the same, but her boyfriend already seemed to have realised what was going on and stared, unable to shoot or aim, at the bizarre sight in front of them.

The bowl of spilled soup laid on the floor, to the dismay of two creatures: a manotaur in a pink kitchen apron, and a female multibear, with her four arms around her two heads, cowering in fear. She sat by a large, decorated rock table with two sets of utensils and a flowerpot in the middle of it.  

- What the heck...? - You're not going to hurt us...? - Bear bear lowered her arms, staring at the two intruders. - Gosh no, of course not! - Wendy explained, tucking her gun behind her back. - We, uh, sorry for the intrusion, but we got call from your...uh, mom, and we're not really sure what happened to you, so... - Oh come on, Wendy. - Dipper interrupted - They are dating, isn't it obvious?

The brown face of the multibear blushed with red tint, matching the red skin of her boyfriend. Wendy moved her eyes from one to another, finally getting the whole picture.

- But, shouldn't manotaurs be hating multibears...? Or has something happened in the last year? - Most of us do.

The large horned creature, who was wiping the fluid from the floor for last minute or so stood back and faced Wendy.

- Hi, I'm Razortaur. - Uh, hi, I'm Wendy, and that's Dipper. - she reached to shake the enormous hand of the manotaur towering over her. - So, you guys live here? - He was probably banished from his tribe - Dipper interjected once more. - Or something, the manotaurs seem to have lots of weird rules.

The cavern shook again, when Razortaur slammed his fist against the table, breaking off a part of it.

- Razor, darling, don't get upset, they didn't mean to. - Bear bear closed gently her three paws around the manotaur's fist. - Of course they banished me. They think I'm weak because of my love to you, my dearest!

To both Dipper and Wendy's surprise, Razortaur lowered his head and begun weeping into Bear bear's shoulder.

- I was told to kill her as my trophy to prove my manliness! - he roared - But I couldn't kill someone of such beauty...

Razortaur cupped her closest mouth with his other hand, giving her a quick, oddly disproportionate-looking kiss.

- Listen, guys - Wendy started - I hate to interrupt you, but your mom is seriously worried about you. And they knows something is up. - But I can't go back! - Bear bear cried - They will hate me for dating our mortal enemy. - Of course they won't. - Dipper retorted, sitting on the stone bench next to her - They love you, and will understand you, I'm sure of it. - Are you, though...? - Wendy whispered, giving him another subtle nudge. - Well, what else can we do to help them? - I don't know, you do the talking. You seem way better at it.

Wendy sent him a cocky smile, stunning him momentarily, as he understood he was in charge now.

- I really think you should go back to Multibear now. - Dipper replied to the creatures - Both of you, in fact.

Razortaur raised his head, staring at Dipper with utmost confusion in his eyes.

- But... What if she hates me as well? - Listen, I know it may be hard to confront your girlfriend's parent. - Dipper calmly replied - I mean, you are a manotaur, and she's a multibear- - No, no, I'm not worried about that. - Razortaur quickly replied - Well, maybe a bit. But what if she doesn't like me as her daughter's boyfriend? What if I do something wrong, like eat honey with a spoon instead of a hand?

Dipper turned his head and exchanged a smile with Wendy, feeling the fingers of her hand intertwining with his.

- Well, in worst case scenario, at least you will know it. Can't live in uncertainty forever, can you? - Actually that was our idea. - Bear bear suddenly replied - We spent two weeks decorating this place! - Okay, aside from that - Wendy took over from Dipper - I think Dipper is right. And we can vow for you that nothing nefarious is going on here.  

The table shook again when Razortaur suddenly stood up, raising his fist into the air, and subsequently, the roof.

- You are right, tiny humans! - he roared - I cannot cower in fear anymore! Quick, to your parent's cave!

Before Wendy or Dipper could react, the manotaur took his girlfriend into his arms, who in return grabbed them and flung the pair of adventurers onto his back, covered in thick hair they could grab onto. With three extra passengers, Razortaur ran with surprising ease, getting to the exit of the cave in no time, and traversing the rocky road much faster than their jeep could.

- Okay, this is the moment. - Wendy put her arm on Bear bear's back, giving her much needed bit of courage. 

- When do I come in? - Razortaur's voice reached Dipper's ears from the corner he was hiding behind. - We're gonna give you a sign. - Dipper whispered. - Oh, and one more thing.

Dipper ran to the Razortaur, took the bowtie from his neck and placed it crudely in his thick chest hair.

- Now you look the part, buddy. - Dipper patted his back, before running back.  

The doorbell rang again, and the figure of Multibear appeared in the doorway.

- My child!

From the side, Dipper and Wendy could safely observe the heart-warming scene of mother and daughter hugging and exchanging kisses with combined twelve snouts, and wait until the right moment arrived.

- But what happened? - the Multibear reached to Dipper and Wendy - Where was my Beary bear? - Mom, don't call me that. I'm a grown up now. - the two mouths of younger multibear cried in anger - And, I want you to meet someone.

Dipper and Wendy grunted, and moved aside in unison, opening the road for Razortaur to appear. As they both predicted, Multibear was taken aback, but remained restrained, so neither of them had to use their stun guns.

- This... This is Razortaur. And, uh, he's my boyfriend, mom. - Afternoon, uh, mrs Multibear. I'm Razortaur. - the manotaur stepped from the behind the turn, fixing his bowtie, and digging his hoof nervously in the ground. - And your daughter was taking care of me when my tribe banished me. She was really sweet, and all of that.

Ten mouths gasped in awe and disbelief, before ten arms closed around manotaurs' neck and back.

- I'm glad he omitted the whole "daughter killing" business - Dipper whispered to Wendy, getting a soft giggle in response - Well... That's not what I expected - the Multibear admitted through tears - Would... Would you like to come in? - Oh, it would be my pleasure. - Razortaur smiled - And you can come too!

Multibear turned to the two humans standing somewhat cautiously by the rocky wall, once again hiding their guns behind their backs.

- I didn't even thank you properly for finding my daughter. - Not a problem, Multibear. - Dipper replied, tipping his hat. - And anyway, we have to attend, uh, another dinner now. - Yeah, that was one heck of surprise, but we have to go. - Wendy added - We're glad everything turned out fine for you and Bear bear.  

Arms of the multibear closed again, this time around Dipper and Wendy, smashing their bodies together and soaking them with salty, motherly tears.  

- At least now you will have to get a change of clothes... - Wendy wheezed through her teeth. - And it can't be worse than this, can it? - Dipper smiled, wondering how long will Multibear's hug last.

- Are you ready, dude?

In an oddly reminiscent fashion, Dipper stood in front of the large, wooden door of the Corduroys' house, still feeling a bit scared to make the first move. As if she could read his mind, Wendy took his hand and they both pressed the doorbell, and knocked the door a couple of times, just to be sure.

No one answered back.  

- Dad, guys, we're home! - Wendy shouted, wondering why her father wasn't responding. - Uh, mister Corduroy, sir? It's me, Dipper Pines!

Suddenly, a loud, thundering series of approaching footsteps echoed through the house, giving both Wendy and Dipper an obvious sign to move out from the door, expecting Manly Dan to appear any moment now. Instead, however, not only he, but Wendy;s three brothers burst through the door, clinging their hands to their unnaturally weird looking faces.

- My beard! They stole my beard again, damn pelicans! Why would they do that?! And my boys' too!

Wendy was first to reach to her father's back to give him a consolatory hug, leaving Dipper to get lost between the three crying beardless Corduroy brothers. Wendy gave Dipper a silent nod, and once she freed him from her family, they ran to her car again, knowing that their dinner might turn into a late supper today.  

Author’s note: To all of you claiming that the multibear didn’t sound female, had different number of mouths, or arms, or the fact that pelicans do not steal beards, I have just this to say to you. 

[lordofhunger47]

By TobyArts24

[wendip-week]

Hey guys, notice anything different about me?

Mabel: "Dipper! Wendy! You guys are alright!"

Dipper: "Mabel!"

Wendy: "How has your day been progressing?"

Mabel: "It's been crazy (in a good way)! I got to meet Lumbermax! The real ones; not those imposters in that dark, windowless van! Oh, and I got saved from turning into a plant-person by some giant robot! How about you guys? I see you holding hands. You haven't been doing anything you shouldn't, have you?"

Dipper: "Of course not."

Wendy: "We would never do anything like that, even if you were out-of-sight and unaware of our activi-"

RING!!!!

Mabel: "Hold that thought. I gotta take this... Grunkle Stan! Hi! Yeah, today's been awesome! I... Yeah? Alright. Hey guys, Grunkle Stan want's to talk with you. I'm putting it on speaker."

Stan: "Hey, Dipper. Wendy."

Dipper: "Grunkle Stan!"

Dipper & Wendy: "How has your day been progressing?"

Stan: "Umm... fine, I guess? Listen, you're in Danville, right? Sixer was wondering if you've seen some floating baby head or whatever. I'm not making this up. Apparently, it's some weirdness outside of the valley."

Dipper: "Not that I know of."

Wendy: "Actually, I think I might have caught a glimpse of something like that while Dip and I were hanging out."

Stan: "Right. 'Hanging out'. Hehe. Is that what they're calling these days? Well, don't let me cramp your style. I'll pass that on to Ford and let you get back to 'hanging out'."

Mabel: "Enough talk! I've got to tell you about my day! Business later!"

Dipper: "Hehe. Well, her day is definitely progressive. Still, it's got nothing on what we have."

Wendy: "I agree. She has no idea. You know, as fun as this is, I'm kind of looking forward to coming back to the Falls after our trip. Somehow, I feel like you and I are more at home there than its other citizens now."

Dipper: "And maybe in a couple of years, there'll be more like us?"

Wendy: "I'd like that."

[wendip-week]

“Wendy, you’re the coolest person I know”

Wendy: "Take 'em down! Dip, watch that one! Something tells me he's less human than we are. No telling what he might do."

Dipper: "On it. Yeah, if he eats his own kind, I have a feeling running out of orange soda won't deter him."

Wendy: "Boom! Did you just see that? Look at him fly!"

Dipper: "Man, human or plant, you are the coolest person I...! Hey, is it just me, or is the guy you just slingshot stuck in mid-air?"

Wendy: "Dude, focus! We still have a battle to figh-! Wait a sec! Everyone's stopped! Those middle-aged guys and our people both. Oh, look! Our 'MULCH'-ed brethren are going after a few guys who apparently aren't clones."

Dipper: "Yeah, but they're no more mobile than the rest of these people."

???: "Th-there you two are! It's hard to se-see you in the time-middle of all this halted chaos."

Dipper: "Blendin? How has your day been progressing?"

Wendy: "Dude! Who's the human with surprisingly-adequate hair?"

Dipper: "A time-traveler Mabel and I cross paths with here-and-there: Blendin Blandin."

Blendin: "Yes. And I-I'm a friend of yours, too, in the future."

Wendy: "Right..."

Dipper: "Not that it isn't good to see you (as good as interacting with humans can get), but what do you want? We're kind of fighting a battle for Pistachion-dominance."

Blendin: "Oh, right. I'm here to capture you for Globnar. Dr. Shoctus called the challenge."

Wendy: "...Okay, you lost me."

Dipper: "Some kind of future-gladiator thing. But I don't know the guy."

Blendin: "H-He's a villain you two personally defeat in the future. Luckily, I volunteered to get you. S-s-see, he augmented his hand with taser-like qualities. But I managed to locate you guys at a time when you were like seventy-percent wood, which doesn't conduct electricity! Victory is all but assured! A-a-and don't worry about changing back in the middle of the challenge: Globnar basically freezes time. You'll be back at this exact moment with your paradox-free time-wish."

Wendy: "Wait, turn back?"

Dipper: 'Paradox-free...'

Blendin: "Uh-huh. Yeah, not too long from now, the guy who invents time-travel erases Pistachions from existence and restores your humanity."

Wendy: "Hang o-"

Dipper: "What are we waiting for? Let's do this!"

Time Baby: "Humans turned into mutated-foods too dangerous for me to consume safely at my age, congratulations on winning Globnar! Before I reward you, what of your foe from across time?"

Wendy: "Make him a Pistachion except, you know, generic, and put him in the middle of the battle we were pulled from."

Dipper: "I can't stress how awesome you are, my lovenut."

Wendy: "Good pet-name. Better than 'Red', dude."

Time Baby: "Very well. And the time-wish?"

Dipper: "We wish to remain Pistachions, in spite of any and all time-paradoxes."

Blendin: "What?!"

Wendy: "Dude, we're grateful you helped us and all, but we're still Pistachions and prefer to stay that way."

Wendy: "Okay, so what's the plan for getting around after the rest of our kind vanish? We kind of stand out."

Dipper: "We use the costume synthesizer. With some luck, our human forms will still be on file."

Wendy: "Got it. Just one question: why not just make the entire Pistachion-race un-erasable?"

Dipper: "Remember, the wish is paradox-free. History will likely remain as it is. And considering Pistachions don't rule in the future, odds are we still would have lost somehow. It's our responsibility to survive, considering that in the unlikely event of remnants left, we are all that's left. Nobody will suspect if they think we've all vanished."

Wendy: "Whoa! You've really thought this through. You think I'm the coolest? Honestly, I'm looking at someone equally as cool, if not cooler."

Dipper: "Gosh! Thanks, Wendy. Quick, let's suit up and find Mabel."

[wendip-week]

Probably just a mild plague. Everyone gets these.

Wendy: "Uhhhh… dang it."

Dipper: "Hey, Wendy. How are you holding up?"

Wendy: "Oh, peachy. A little tired. A little nauseous. A little dizzy. I'll live."

Dipper: "Anything I can get you? Extra pillows? Tissues? Some soup?"

Wendy: "For the fifth time, Dipper, I'm good. I just need some rest. You don't need to worry."

Dipper: "Sorry, but you know this is me you're talking to, right?"

Wendy: "Lucky me. Heh. It's just a cold, man. Everyone gets them. AH-ATCHOOO!!! Totally just a fluke there."

Dipper: "Well, alright then. I'll leave you be. Remember, if you need anything, call me at the Shack."

Wendy: " 'Kay, dude. See ya."

<2 hours later>

Ford: "Ah, hello, Wendy. Sorry to barge in. Are feeling alright? I was just passing by and remembered Dipper said he'd be here to take care of you. Is he still in?"

Wendy: "Hey, Ford. No, I sent Dip back to the Shack a while ago. I appreciate the thought, but I'm good. ATCHOO!!!"

Ford: "Very well, I'll just be on my... Wait! You're Daniel's daughter, correct? Tell me: is there a mark on your leg that resembles a stereotypical alien?"

Wendy: "Yeah, I thought maybe the cold triggered a rash, but-"

Ford: "You have the Valley-Flu! This is bad. Your family has centuries of immunity, but that doesn't protect anyone not used to the environment we live in like you. I actually had to inoculate myself at one point while your father was building my house. Okay... Okay... this can be controlled quite easily with mild remedies. Have you been taken care of? Extra pillows or blankets? Tissues? Juice? Soup? It doesn't spread easily with even the weakest of them."

Wendy: "Umm, no?"

Ford: "Oh no! Hang on. Stanley, it's Stanford! I fear Dipper might be in trouble... Yes? Are you sure...?! No..."

Wendy: "Hey, man. What's wrong?"

Ford: "Mason didn't make it..."

Wendy: "What?! NO!"

Ford: "He's at the hospital. His remains have infected the general area. I'm afraid Gravity Falls is going to have to be quarantined or worse. If we don't do something soon, the entire valley could be affected. Child, why couldn't you just let him help you?"

???: "AAAHHHHH!!! I... what? This room... My room... T'was all that but a dream? How strange."

Dipper: "Wendinella, are you alright?"

Wendinella: "Oh! Indeed, dear Mason. I simply had the oddest dream. I think we were commoners in a mountain-town, and an alchemist of some sort claimed I had lost you. And I believe I was ill. *cough*"

Dipper: "Heh. Well, some of that definitely sounds familiar. You definitely are sick, anyway. How are you feeling? Sorry it took so long to get to you. I was checking on the twins."

Wendinella: "'Tis fine. You needn't worry about me. I have but a mild plague."

Dipper: "Are you sure? I made you some soup."

Wendinella: "I... Actually, soup sounds wonderful. Still, why not just send the servants? It is what they are paid to do. Do you not have duties as king?"

Dipper: "I wanted to. Plus, I gave everyone the day off, including ourselves. Nobody but your husband here to make sure you recover a hundred-percent."

Wendinella: "What would I do without you? You are life-saver in so many ways. I don't deserve you."

Dipper: "My wife and queen, trust me: you are worth it. What did I ever do to deserve a lifetime with you? Heh. Okay, we're getting a little mushy. Let's just agree not to keep score."

Wendinella: "Deal, on the condition we still value what we have as we do this moment."

Dipper: "Agreed."

[wendip-week]

Of Masks and Men (Part 1)

A little something I thought of in honor of the Halloween season. Hope you enjoy!

////

"This was a bad idea," thought Abel Wood as he went down the steps into the hidden passage below the seemingly ordinary tree. He was a smart kid. Why was he such a sucker for dares? Insecurity, he'd imagine. Plus, his twin sister, Dana, would never let him hear the end of it if he failed. So he moved forward.

//

It had been nearly two weeks since his sweet, but kooky and alarmingly-energetic grandmother, Mabel, decided to drive him and Dana to the town of Gravity Falls. The kids would stay all summer in the capable hands of her twin brother, Mason (or Dipper, as she called him), and sister-in-law, Wendy, while she'd be in Vegas, waiting for her own husband to be cleared to come home from his physical-therapy retreat. It had been over a year since the twin-children had seen their great-aunt-and-uncle (along with their side of the family), so this was something to forward to.

The welcome was warm, and Pines family were all smiles when the twins came to the house. The only arguably negative part of that was Aunt Wendy confiscating Dana's vintage sodas shortly after they greeted them. "Politics," Wendy claimed. She promised to give it back at the end of the summer. Until then, they'd drink the local Pitt-brand, which was fine with Abel. He thought that old-school brand turned Dana into Grandma Mabel.

The next few days were eventful. In addition to visiting various cousins that might as well have been aunts and uncles, along with their kids, Abel and Dana's Grunkle Mason took the kids to see the sights around the mysterious town. They got to meet the Ramirez-family, who owned the famous Mystery (S)Hack and the Bottomless Pitt. He also introduced them to some of the oddities, such as the Gnomes and the Manotaurs.

For Abel, this was especially exciting. Having heard about all of these adventures and read copies of Grunkle Mason's journals, as well as that of the late Stanford Pines, he couldn't help but be enamored with it all. More importantly, he dreamed of one day emulating his great-uncle in studying paranormal research. After hearing that Grunkle Mason had a similar goal at his age, Abel could only think of one thing: destiny. Dana also loved her Grunkle, but she preferred Aunt Wendy, who likes crossbows more than she does.

Then it happened. After the excitement of newness died down, the twins reached a slow, lazy sort of day. Aunt Wendy was doing housework while Grunkle Mason was working in the "secret" bunker. Abel and Dana were thinking of ways to pass the time. At one point, Dana remarked that Mason's hair looked fake; possibly a toupee. Abel disagreed; it was clearly just the weird haircut that made it look the way it did. That's when Dana issued a dare: pull off Mason's hair and expose his receding-hairline.

//

And here he was; stepping into the bunker and about to do something he probably shouldn't. Having been warned about security, he moved carefully across the area towards his uncle's lab, though his footsteps made noise in this quiet place.

"Who's there?" a voice called out.

"It's me, Grunkle Mason," Abel replied.

"Oh, Abel. How has your day been progressing?"

"Fine, I guess. Kind of slow, though."

"Well, I'm just about done here. I'll join you and we'll find something to do." Upon hearing this, Abel readied himself. The hall wasn't well lit, and there was a space in the wall nearby that he could fit in without being seen. Abel got into position.

"I'm coming," Mason called out. The older-gentleman walked down the hall stopping not too far past the spot where Abel was hiding.

"It's now or never," thought the twelve-year-old. He slowly reached out...

"Abel?" Grunkle Mason said, looking further out into the bunker. Suddenly, the man slipped, noticing too late that he had lost a couple of papers on his way into the lab. "Whoa!" he exclaimed. It was at this moment that Abel moved to snatch at the so-called toupee. He caught the hair and pulled, just as his great-uncle fell face-forward.

To his surprise, there was something in Abel's hand afterwards. He was just about to concede that Dana was right when he realized that it felt heavier than a normal toupee. He looked at his catch: hair, along with all of the skin on Mason's head! Horrified, Abel turned to the man who was picking himself off the ground. He turned to face the boy, his true appearance in full view.

"You shouldn't have done that," he said to Abel.

To be continued...