Silly little comic idea I had a few months ago. Babies' are names are Stella (forehead star), Luna (round cheeks) and Sunny (angry baby). Sunny is a girl name for this, cuz I already have a Sol.
Amity remembers the day her mother had taught her those words so clearly in her head, a memory she’s tried so hard to tuck away in the furthest corner of her brain to no avail. She was nine then and had been a sweet obedient little thing that was her mother’s creation, like a puppet who had no control of their own body, their own lives.
Amity wished so badly that she could forget who she was.
Never look back.
She was nine then, sitting in front of her bedroom’s dresser, her mother’s figure behind her, streaking a brush gently over her hair. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, doesn’t know why she’s doing it—all Amity really knew was to be obedient, still and silent. So that’s what she did.
“Do you know what I’m doing right now, Amity?” Her mother’s voice was cold and smooth, like a bucket of ice water being dumped on her back. Amity couldn’t help but slightly flinch away from her place.
“Yes, mother.”
Because that’s all that she could answer.
It took her seven years and a change of heart to finally understand what her mother was doing to her that day.
She was trying to change who she was. That’s what she’s doing. She was trying to make her something she’s not.
And Amity would never let her do that. Not anymore.
Never look back, her mother said. The past will only pull you behind. The past will only haunt you.
And yes, Amity thinks now, with a mix of burning anger and regret, the past did haunt me. It still does.
She gathers her now waist-length hair with one hand, pulling it back to her neck. There’s an uneven line on her neck that separates her brown hair from her unnatural, mint green one. It’s a shame that the line was the only thing that separates who she really is from the obedient puppet her mother had shaped her into. Every time her hair grows longer and the brown starts showing from the tips of her head, her mother would swipe her back to that seat in front of her dresser and hide them. Hide who her daughter is, shape her into what she wanted she wanted her to be.
Color coordinated, Odalia had said.
Not anymore, Amity says now.
She smooths her hair with her fingers, gathering them into her side, watching the reflection of the figure that isn’t her in the mirror for the last time in her life.
Never look back, her mother had said. It was a good advice, or so she had thought when she was little. If only she had known what it meant sooner. Never look back for her means forgetting every horrible thing her mother had forced her to do in the past, every cold, manipulative words she had said to her. Never look back means forgetting who she was. Never look back means forgetting who she is.
And fortunately, Amity has never been a very good listener. Not to her mother, anyway.
This time, Amity looked back. She looked back into what she was, what had happened to her. She looked back into the times she had felt so guilty and ashamed of not being able to fight back, for all those times she watched herself become something she wasn’t.
She looked back. And it hurts.
(She cuts the mint green with a swift flick of her finger. They fall off piece by piece into her hands like light feathers, landing softly on the floor.)
But it was okay, because the future is ahead of her, and it was hers.
(There’s panic gripping on her chest for a moment, the pain blocking the air from her throat, the old feeling of knowing that her mother is going to be so angry at her when she sees the mess she made. Amity held the strands of her mint green hair like she depended on it, before realizing that she’s safe, now, she’s safe, and everything’s okay, and nobody could hurt her if she doesn’t let them anymore.)
It was hers. Her life was hers. Not her mother’s, not her parents’, and definitely not the Coven’s—hers. It was hers and hers only. And she gets to decide.
(She breathes. Hot tears run down her cheeks softly, but she was smiling. She was free. “It’s okay,” she keeps telling herself, “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” And she will be. She knows she will.)
And Amity decides that she was going to be who she is, from now on. Starting from her hair.
Luz comes into the room hours later, finding her sobbing on the floor in a mess of hair and tears. She looks up at her and smiles, contrast to the tears flowing down her cheeks—and Luz doesn’t question her. She never does. The other girl moves forward and crouches down to hold her, kiss her, tell her that everything’s going to be okay. That it’s okay to feel. To have regrets.
When she gets up from her place on the floor, Luz’s hand in hers, it felt like she was wearing a new skin. Like a butterfly coming out of their cocoon for the first time in their life.
“Do you regret it?” Luz asks her softly, running her fingers along her brown hair’s choppy cut.
“What, my hair?” Amity asks back. Her hand unconsciously reaches back to feel her hair, too, only to be met with Luz’s. “Oh. What do you think?”
“It’s…” Luz shrugs. “It’s a fresh start. I like it.” Her hand moves over to intertwine her fingers in between hers. “Do you?”
“Oh. Yeah, definitely,” Amity laughs. “The only regret I have is not doing it sooner.”
“So, no regrets?”
She smiles at her. “No regrets.”
Luz kisses the top of her head softly. “Then let’s go. Forward.”
“Yeah,” Amity nods. She takes Luz’s hand and pulls herself up. “Forward.”
While I keep working on animatics, I wanted to draw something different... a small project, as this was finished in a day. I ran into trans!Amity headcanon at some point, and I kinda love it due to how I kinda see my teen self in Amity..
Anyway, I was thinking of the headcanon of what if Luz got thrown through the portal and could not return to Boiling Isles for few years? She would have to grow up in the human world, and one day she could find a way to get back? I headcanon that Luz’s pilot appearance is her later years look (I made a short comic some time ago, check https://viktordraws.tumblr.com/post/631418006178840576/speaking-of-pilot-amity-i-had-to-scribble-pilot)
During that time, Amity came in terms with finding out that he was living a false life and came in terms with his gender identity. And when Luz came back, two of them reconnected, Amity taking Luz to a boat drive. He notices Luz being somewhat depressed at this point, then making a light spell, trying to cheer up the human.
