#on dating

[funiformed]

One reason I love being in queer spaces (other than being on that maelstrom of spectral non-conformity) is that I get a lot of validation from men and women (cis and not) on my looks. Something I do not ever seem to get from my romantic IRL interest: women who are attracted to men. Something going on here, and I do not know what.

But it would be lovely to be called cute by someone I don't know out there in the world.

[leoascendantgirl]

“The devil tried to use me. You know when the devil wants to use you, the devil will send you a broke man and you feel compelled to take care of him. That's how Satan works. Because when God is operating in your life, how will you and a broke man have enough in common to be dating? Because when you are walking in the light of the Lord, when every step you take is anointed, you and brokeness have nothing to discuss, nothing in common. Because you are very sure about what you deserve, and you're very clear about what your life is supposed to look like. And you know that in your life and how you have planned it for yourself, a broke man cannot fit. So you remain headstrong on your path.”

The Slumflower Hour. You don’t need to save him

[glaiveyeahwoohoo]

cringiest poem i've ever written.

i wrote it after a first date, mind you. #redflag

tbh i was lowkey just trying to use as many "lines from poems i'll never write" as possible and i fear you can tell with how inconsistent it is... oh well!

[leoascendantgirl]

"I wouldn't be friends or lovers with someone like him [Jordan]. Because I'm very sensitive to snark, sarcasm, and cruelty. Cruelty, meanness, like the gentle put-downs. Like when he compliments and says, 'don't let it get to your head, ' he said on several occasions.

For me, snark, sarcasm, cruelty, or let's just say snark and sarcasm are defensive and they are. If you think of violent communication, they are on the spectrum of violent communication. They're not high up by any means. (...) It's combative to be snarky, to be sarcastic. It's a protective mechanism. It's unpleasant. It's spiky energy. I don't accept that myself."

-Mukundwa, " I Said What I Said" Podcast Ep. 155

Me neither. I am choosing to be never with someone who thinks snarkiness, sarcasm is elevated humour. It's hard to choose right for yourself, but it is also so liberating.

[a-sky-full-of-ideas]

Dating is about compatibility in foundations

Having different definitions of “dating” and “relationship” and “cheating” is okay. Your opinion isn’t inherently the “better/more correct” version and dating isn’t a competition of who is more “morally correct”. Dating is about finding someone who has COMPATIBLE definitions

So Maybe dating apps shouldn’t have the diary questions like hobbies or whatever first thing but “definitions of dating”

Eg. I define a relationship

When we have been going on several dates

When we have been going on several dates and NOT seen other people

When we have both said it is a relationship

When we have had sex

After three dates exactly

Etc.

I expect from a relationship

Texting everyday and at least phoning if not meeting every weekend

Texting every now and then but meeting 3 times a week

That I can call you wherever, whenever even in anger cause I might have a panic attack/emergency

Etc.

I am willing to compromise on

Doing the dishes but I hate doing laundry

Ordering in but we always get a salad

The floor not having been cleaned a little to long but not the floor being covered in clothes and stuff

Etc.

Warning: I am gone the moment you

Yell at me

Try to tell me what to wear/say/do

Don’t like my friends

Etc.

Cheating for me is not

Flirting with other people unless you mean it

Texting other people unless you also sext them

Kissing other people unless you do it with tongue

Fucking other people unless you are also romantically attracted to them

Etc.

Idk these are examples and all in their own way very valid expectations to have! The problem is when you find out how different you would answer to these questions when you’re already 3 months in and have met each other’s family’s. And since ppl find these questions to forward to ask/answer on the first date they tend to end up in these kind of predicaments. A LOT.

This may make a relationship seem more like a transaction and contract and yes some of you might not even know where you stand but at least it gives you legit time to think about what you even define and want from a relationship! Also it just normalises accepting that you were just not compatible and it isn’t anything personal. Thus ghosting would probably go down by a lot.

My point that it is more important to have the same expectations of what a relationship looks like than whether you like the same movies or not. Cause movies are negotiable but foundations are not.

But I’m just spitballing over here and not dating at all so what do I know

[demi-dating-rambles]

Maybe some context about me first. I have been a demiromantic and demisexual neurodivergent all my life, but I've only realized (and put a name to it) in my early 30s cause I had been in a very long term relationship that had naturally developed very slowly when it first started. That relationship has amiably ended a few years ago and despite being content by myself, I think it could be nice to have a dedicated person to spend time with and see where it goes.

So yeah, I have decided to see what all the fuss about online dating is about and give one of those apps a try. You're welcome to follow my stream of consciousness about it. Also, fair warning, I have decided to approach this with zero filter or masking.

[cardassianexpats]

PSA This will be long and rambly and probably be edited a thousand times as I go.

So I have decided to see what all the fuss about online dating is about and give one of those apps a try. You're welcome to follow my stream of consciousness about it. Also, I have decided to approach this with zero filter or masking.

K, so I guess my type is "most often amab but of ambiguous gender presentation", which is somehow not a predefined option. Going with "men" and "non-binary", let's see how that goes.

Happy to see I was able to pick "demi", even if it didn't let me specify further. Does it assume pan? Straight?

Started clicking. (Already deployed my first "super like" by accident when clicking on it to see what the icon was)

First thoughts on other people's profiles: Why is everybody playing tennis and drinking negronis? Or watch Formula 1. Seems like I have to scroll past a lot of gym bros (happy for them, just not my thing) to get to the twinks.

Decided to employ a triage system: Gates are "is there any aesthetic attraction?" (no half naked gym pics please), "want children" as well as smoking is a hard no, also a no to people with cats (I am very allergic) and dogs (I like them but caring for a pet of my own is not part of my plan so I love that for all the dog owners, it's just not for me). Undecided on people that include their zodiac sign. Oh, and anything other than "liberal" is also a no.

Am I too picky?

Please don't use group pictures, how would I know which one they are and did they ask the other people in the photo if they're okay with being posted? Blurred out ones are fine.

Yes I do have a thing for long eye lashes, thank you for asking. And earrings, apparently. And narrow hips.

Ah, so it wants me to pay to be able to set more filters. Of course. Not tempted yet.

Anyone who is looking for a "girl" or "lady" is also out.

Being mostly face blind is making this an experience... Didn't I just see that one?

Come on, some of those pictures are clearly AI generated... Why?

I have officially started overanalyzing people's choice in photos.

I've also started wondering if this post makes me seem like a horrible person.

If the profile does not explicitely state "straight", can I assume at least a little bit of spicy-ness? Here's hoping.

Sus of people hyping Harry Potter...

If someone puts zero effort into a profile, I have to assume they will put zero effort into a relationship.