#on jealousy

[opossum-handz]

[sunkissedfaggot]

there is nobody i am more jealous of than your friends. i see the way you crinkle your nosebridge when one makes fun of your clothes. the way you shut your eyes when another says a stupid joke, throwing your head back to the sky and giggling. i see the way your eyes land on them and never me. i am jealous of them, beloved, for making you so happy.

[feral-ballad]

I really love losing myself on your blog, moving through the tags and themes you’ve gathered. While doing that, I noticed that jealousy doesn’t seem to appear as a recurring sentiment. It stood out to me because your curation feels so emotionally attentive, and I personally find jealousy such a fascinating feeling to sit with. I was curious whether it’s an emotion you’re less drawn to, or if there are poets or excerpts you love that touch on it (not a request, just a genuine curiosity). Lots of love 🤍

anon… your curiosity means the world to me! i’m so happy that you can get something out of this little blog of mine, it’s a HUGE honor!🩶 you’re so right, jealousy, that damn green-eyed monster, is indeed a fascinating thing & i’m surprised it’s not a recurring theme here. but it’s definitely something i’m very much drawn to & feel deeply. the entire human landscape is truly one of the most compelling things to me, and i find jealousy an essential part of it. it’s simultaneously poison & compass. if you didn’t care about things, you wouldn’t fear the other side. the only works i could think of right now is rien ne va plus by margarita karapanou, wuthering heights by emily brontë, rebecca by daphne du maurier, kafka’s letters to milena, vita & virginia’s love letters, juliette drouet’s letters to victor hugo. jealousy (AND obsession) and i want to die but i want to eat tteokpokki by baek se-hee stood out to me with those. and of course, this mahmoud darwish excerpt from a river dies of thirst:

“I am jealous of everything around you. I am jealous of my senses. The air is the colour of gardenias, your smell on my shoulders like laughter and triumphal arches. I am jealous of the peaceful daggers lying sheathed before you on the table, waiting for a sign from you to kill me. I am jealous of the vase, which has no need of its yellow roses because you give it the full benefit of your deep red lips, hungry for my hunger. I am jealous of the painting staring greedily at you: look longer at me, so I too can have my fill of lakes and cherry orchards. I am envious of the foliage on the rug, straining upwards to see an anklet descending on it from above, and of the anklet when it rests on your knee, making the marble in the room as hot as my fantasies. I am envious of the bookshop that is out of sorts because it doesn't carry an erotic book in praise of two small ivory hills, bared before it to a frenzy of guitars, then hidden by a wave of sighing silk. I am envious of my fingers catching the dialogue of darkness and light as it overflows from your hands, the movement of a spoon in your teacup, the salts stirred up in a body that yearns for a storm to spark the fire of song: gather me up, all of you, and hold me close so I can envy my memories of you in the future. I envy my tongue, which calls your name with as much care as someone carrying four crystal glasses in one hand. I taste the letters of your name one by one, like lyrical fruits. I do not add water to them, so as to preserve the taste of peaches and the thirst of my senses. I envy my imagination embracing you, silencing you, kissing you, caressing you, holding you tight and letting you go, bringing you near and pushing you away, lifting you up and putting you down, making you submit and submitting to you, and doing all the things I never do.”

thank you for brining it to my attention, i’m sure i’ll keep an eye on it from now on. sending you so much love & a dozen of flowers!! 🌺🎴

[sw1rlcore]

you should hate me for still missing you.

[llovelymoonn]

web weaving for jealousy/pining as a request, possibly? :') not possessiveness tho! ^^

okechukwu nzelu here again now \\ camille deangelis bones & all (via @anouri) \\ ayelet zer sheinboim portrait of a boy \\ ayelet zer sheinboim man with open mouth \\ anne carson eros the bittersweet \\ doro hofmann adriana \\ gemma troy \\ mahmoud darwish another road in the road \\ matilda barretta untitled (window)

kofi

[likeaahostage]

afraid?

there's this girl at my school,

i want to be friends with her more than she will ever know.

its pathetic, really.

this feeling of want.

but she likes the same music as me—she even went to one of their concerts,

she loves travelling as much as i do,

she has a dog,

she's kind,

she's funny,

she's a good friend...

...and i've never even spoken to her.

our interactions are limited to a small smile sent back and forth.

she added me on snapchat,

i added her back and waited for her to text,

i'm still waiting, almost a month later.

i doubt she even knows who i am, really.

yet every day, i fight the urge to message her,

a quick "hey, i saw you went to that concert, how was it?"

or maybe "i saw your travel posts! what was your favourite place?"

i know enough about her to know she'd respond well,

but yet i still don't.

what am i so afraid of?

[conncrcameron]

— ON LOSING A FRIEND (to someone else, to jealousy, to yourself)

untitled, anna mcneil. hip, anna mcneil. a face in the flowers, holly warburton. friends, tamara k. mccully. how to be human: am i in love with my friend?, leah reich. take care, beach house. the red jacket, holly warburton. friends, ewa jaros. unconditional, lynn stein. bored, billie eilish. i can't handle change, r.o.a.r. friendship, rachela fogelfeld. friendship 2, tinna salo. jealousy in friendships, jennifer freed.