i miss your laugh and your smile,
i miss baking with you and slepovers every weekend.
i miss waiting for buses in the rain with you,
and buying matching outfits.
maybe i just miss the idea of you,
the idea of having a best friend.
i'm getting to a point where i can love without thinking of you,
where i have connections deeper than we ever did.
i don't need you anymore,
i've moved on, to an extent.
my heart is somewhere else but my mind is still with you.
my heart is with her now.
her contagious laugh and her smile and her stupid words.
she makes me smile wider than you ever did.
but why is it that i can love deeply without thinking of you once,
but every time i do the dishes,
i remember doing them with you.
the mundane is killing me,
because the mundane was once ours.
the mundane is the one thing that no one's replaced you in.
so i think of you when doing the dishes,
and when cleaning my room,
and doing my math homework.
because you used to be there while i did them.
you never used to care how boring it was,
you were always by my side.
if i was someone who could make dishes fun,
it lingers on what we could have been,
but never what we really were.
i don't love you, not really.
you're merely an idea in my head,
a reminder of who i used to be.
and i used to cling to that idea, but not anymore.
now i have an idea of who i am.
i have people who remind me why i'm here,
who give me reasons to get up in the morning.
and i suppose that once upon a time,
but now, i get on buses and hope i don't see you.
i check my phone and pray that you haven't texted.
i walk into a room, and you're the last person i'd think of looking for.
i guess i don't miss you.
because what is there to miss?