Few months ago I did something I will regret for the rest of my life. I really hurt the one person tht loved me for me... My big mouth, my stubbornness, my hard head, my playful nature, my nosiness, my outspoken smart mouth, my insecurities, my baggage. He's the only man tht I've genuinely care and have real love for. The love of getting to know him and showing him how I want too love him. So many almost perfect memories. Unlimited time spent. Dates with just the two of us. Not a care in the world what ppl think or hw they feel about us and what we do. Caking and laying up because we could. I had my own space and it was peaceful. Talking about moving forward, babies, cohabiting, yes and marriage. I never intentionally meant to hurt you or make you feel like I didn't appreciate you or the things you've done for and with me. I never lead you on, and I never ever in a million years dreamed of the distance tht is now here. It's very devastating tht you won't even talk to me like you used to. Let alone want to even be seen with me. I didn't mean to make you ashamed of me. I thought we were gonna be good. I'm tired of this feeling of no love. You used to be happy to see me. You used to be happy to hear from me. Now you don't even embrace me the way you used to. Let alone a kiss from your sweet juicy lips. A touch from your loving hands. Just the words I love you! I've always been the person tht wonders if they love me as much if not more than I do them. And I realized thts not fair to me. I deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve to be ignored, let down, rejected, pushed away, shitted on, used, hated, unloved, cheated on, and the list goes on. I admit I fuckd up, I take full responsibility for my actions, and I wish I never even went over there. I knew it was to get everything situated for the hard times I'm going thru now. I knw you had my best interests in mind. I feel like the timing was wrong. I was so excited to be with him at his house. Finally chilling. Finally I'm not the only one tht can't come over! And I ruined it! I'm so ashamed of my actions tht I don't want to be around me sometimes. But it's cool because thts a mistake I will never make again.