#oniriqe

[calamitus]

📚 my muse’s past/childhood

THE MOODBOARD MEME. | @oniriqe

📚 my muse’s past/childhood ( for dan heng / dan feng )

[calamitus]

"you did well, dan heng, i'm proud of you." (from welt)

PROMPTS FROM HITMAN: WORLD OF ASSASSINATION. | @oniriqe

IT'S SOMETHING UNEXPECTED, and catches him off guard ⸻ if only for a moment. the kindness of those upon the express is something unfamiliar to him still. something he isn't certain he deserves, and which doesn't entirely make sense to him. after all, they had invited him aboard without so much as his name. ( he could be anything. a sinner / a criminal / an exile. and yet ... ) he isn't certain if this unconditional kindness is foolish, but he is indebted to it all the same. his mouth is dry & fingers furled at his sides, but despite himself, a subtle warmth blossoms in his chest. how long has it been since he's heard words such as these ?

whispers of memories tug on his heartstrings, threatening to pull him off balance. voices with blurred faces, and nights spent under starlight. those same stars in his memory are present beyond the windows of the express, & his gaze absentmindedly wanders from welt to the vast expanse in his peripheral. he lifts one hand to his chest, as though settling a hand upon his heart will reveal the secrets buried deep in the confines of this body. ( ... he is met with silence, but not the ache of emptiness that had been present in that time prior to boarding the express. ) turning his gaze back to welt momentarily, he shakes his head; a quiet dismissal of the necessity of praise, and of the kindling of hope that begins in a place where there had once been only a lack of it.

❝ it was nothing.  ❞ he averts his gaze, arms folding across his chest in an attempt to appear unbothered. he isn't naive enough to believe the man before him hadn't picked up on his shift in composure, but thinks him observant enough to recognize dan heng's reluctance to delve into personal matters. himeko & pompom are discussing something at the other end of the express, and there's something about the rich, bitter scent of coffee that strikes him as oddly pleasant.

❝ ... but,  ❞ he begins. takes a deep breath, eyes fluttering closed, and exhales with a moment's pause. to allow himself to let that wall crumble, and to embrace the prospect of a future alongside others; his own future... is it really possible ? for just a fleeting moment in time, he ponders that future: the life of a trailblazer. one in which he finds a new purpose ⸻ a new home. to even begin to consider this a possibility is more than he once thought possible. for that alone ...

❝ ... thank you. for everything.  ❞

[calamitus]

❝ we can just keep our histories to ourselves. ❞ (luocha to dan heng)

last of us sentence starters. | @oniriqe

TO HEAR SUCH A THING IS REFRESHING. a breath of fresh air amid the stifling, unspoken questions he understands his companions cannot help but hold. one would think it a courtesy to inquire about another's personal life; their past, and what drew them to following the path they set out upon. ( such a thing is tiresome on the best of days, for himself. ) dan heng chooses to ignore that itch for knowledge ⸻ something unbecoming of his nature, but he is no fool. some truths are too powerful, and he does not think himself resilient enough to confront such a thing. perhaps, one day, it will catch up to him.

that day continues to draw closer, even as they speak; a looming air of foreboding hanging over his shoulder with every step taken upon the xianzhou luofu. it is for this reason especially that he finds a small solace in his new acquaintance's proclivity to keeping one's past to themselves. though he would be lying to claim he wasn't curious to know more about this 'traveling merchant' ( a title he believes shrouded in partial truths, but does not outwardly challenge ), dan heng is content to reach a middle ground of neutrality so long as it spares him the headache.

" that's acceptable to me. " he can't promise his crewmates will keep to themselves, but decides that's a bridge better crossed once they reach it. his tense disposition eases some, as though a weight has been lifted from his shoulders for the first time since they had met. raising a hand to his chin, dan heng peers out into the vast skies & watches the starskiffs flying overhead. uncertain whether or not inquiring about his travels is breaching upon that territory, he hesitates.

" forgive me for asking, but would you mind sharing your knowledge of the medical arts when all is settled ? it's one such field we have been lacking in content for the database. " granted, 'lacking' is a word used fairly liberally when the one speaking it consumes and updates more text in a day than some might in their lifetime. ( though the powers of abundance disgruntle him, he can appreciate the good that those who reap its power do. ) more-so, he hopes to foster a lack of dependence on the abundance and find ways to cure without it.

[eifri]

[ long island iced tea ]  if they had the chance to redo their life, what would they do differently the second time around?

🐝 cocktail quiz | @oniriqe

[ long island iced tea ]  if they had the chance to redo their life, what would they do differently the second time around?

this is difficult in that there are probably more things he wishes he did differently than things he didn't. at least, up until years on in the story where he begins easing into the role he's been given / making the most of fulfilling the dream he's taken upon himself & making use of the life he has to aid those who can't aid themselves. one of the most notable things i imagine he would change, had he the opportunity to do so, would be the entire night of phoenix gate. had he the knowledge then that he has now ( that would help several matters, but i digress ) he would absolutely have done everything within his power to protect everyone that suffered or perished as a consequence of it. he would try to warn those with power ⸻ elwin and the knights specifically, about anabella's treachery and about the onslaught that would happen should they travel. he would make sure that elwin and joshua were safe, that jill was never taken, and that it never reached the point that joshua would prime / that he would, in turn, and that he would ( to the best of his knowledge, at the time ) take the life of his brother, or do him harm of any nature. this is all wishful thinking, however, and if there's one thing i admire about clive's character with this topic in mind, it's that for all his trauma weighs him down he learns to shoulder it and move forward from the past. there's no point thinking about ' what if ' or ' if only i could have... ' when there are still a myriad of problems needing solved & countless folk in need of saving. i think as time progresses, although he surely does long for a world where things had played out differently deep down, clive comes to a bittersweet acceptance of all that has come to pass and tries to redirect all that heartbreak, rage and uncertainty into the future and what he can still do.

[eifri]

"i'm kidding. where's your wit gone?" (from cid also!)

orphan black sentence starters. || @oniriqe

CLIVE WOULD SHOOT HIM A GLARE, had he the energy left to do so. his wit is about as prevalent as his sense of humor in the aftermath of his recent discovery. that is to say, practically non-existent. it's a miracle he agreed to so much as leave his cell & follow up on gav's search, but so long as he's still breathing... in cid's words: he may as well make himself useful. the sentiment isn't lost on him / nor the intent those words might carry. if he can no longer rely on vengeance alone to keep him going, then he must find something else.

right now, that something would be the truth; of what exactly happened that day. of who, or rather —— what he is. it would be selfish of him to end things before he so much as followed up on gav's time spent searching for the hooded man. ' more of a wild goose chase than a hunt ... ' clive thinks, and absentmindedly lets a sigh slip through his nose. he traces the brand on his jaw with plated fingers, brow furrowed into a scowl that is more vulnerable than it is angry.

" how is it that you can still make jokes at a time like this ? " he lifts his gaze, shaking his head as though in disbelief. " better yet ... how can you still carry on like nothing has changed, knowing what it is you do ? " knowing what i did, is what he doesn't say. he doesn't have the patience, nor the willpower to argue that they may not still know the whole truth. perhaps that's true, but this feeling ... this putrid ache in his chest that seeps like poison through his body; anger / guilt / disgust. none of it quite meets the mark. perhaps he just doesn't know the words.

" why is it that you still help me, knowing i have no control over that... creature ? " it isn't that he thinks cid incapable of defending himself should he lose control; on the contrary, he has proven himself more than capable of doing so in that exact scenario. even so... clive is not entirely ignorant to the toll priming can have on a dominant, & doesn't expect it's convenient for cid to have to do so on a whim. even if he desires help for his own gain, it makes no sense to have clive be the one helping. not when he could do more harm than good.

perhaps the company he kept the past 13 years has made him unfamiliar with mercy, and even more-so with genuine acts of kindness. whatever the case, he wrestles with the idea that someone like himself could be worthy of either. it shows on his face in the harshening of his scowl and the curling of his fingers against that god-forsaken mark on his skin. " it seems foolish. "

[calamitus]

❛  here, let me give you a hand.  ❜ (from welt to dan heng)

🐝 * ― barbie & the nutcracker starters. | @oniriqe

" ... " HE HESITATES. though there isn't much he finds surprising anymore, both unexpected acts of kindness and moments of being left alone in another's company are things he finds himself unprepared to deal with at times. it isn't that it's unpleasant, nor is it pleasant. when welt is the one in his company, the relief that things will at least remain peaceful is occasionally overshadowed by an odd feeling he can't quite place. perhaps it's that welt is one of the few people he has confided in ( in the loosest sense ) since first having departed on his journey.

perhaps it's nothing at all.

" thank you. this one goes on the shelf right by the terminal. " he lifts the heavy, leather-bound book from its incorrect placement & passes it to welt. his gaze flickers down, briefly eluding his starfaring companion's. ' travelogue on xianzhou ' is written on a label stuck to the cover. an ironic place to start, but he digresses. " somebody misplaced things when they were here last. " he says, and it comes out sounding more like an excuse than he'd like it to. books are stacked up into several piles by his feet, sorted by name, category— so on and so forth.

to anyone who didn't know any better it'd look like he'd been up into early hours of the morning, manically reading most every book in the archives. though he had begun doing so, it did stem from someone initially misplacing a handful of books. it's nothing uncommon ( unfortunately ), but with little to do on the express lately perhaps he's more easily agitated. that, and not the fact they're so close to that place. not, either, that the stellaron hunters are closeby.

[loiyaltie]

@oniriqe asked: ❛ some risks are worth taking. ❜ from welt!

Despite the way he presses lips into a thin line and his brow furrows at such a statement, Gepard cannot disagree on a fundamental level. There have been many times he has had to make similar decisions as a last bastion of safety from the ferocity of the Eternal Freeze. Each time he commanded the soldiers to venture to the outposts he'd taken the risk that they would not return. And yet.

"Some, perhaps... but I would not ask any soldier to take a risk I would not myself. If it is not a sacrifice I am willing to make, then I should not demand it of them either." Arms fold across his chest as he speaks, careful in the way he puts it, for he knows ultimately there will have been times where he has ordered soldiers on a mission he himself cannot go on now given his rank - or orders from the Supreme Guardian - despite his hopeful ideals.

"Do you regret any of the risks you have taken?"

[loiyaltie]

@oniriqe asked: ❛ it’s very rude to stare. ❜ from luocha!

It is habit to observe. There has not been a time for a long while now where it has not been necessary to be wholly aware of his surroundings, to identify the unusual and untoward, to be so alert to that which is around him, so that there is very little chance he can be caught by surprise.

So when he had seen the unknown figure before him, it had been an instant response for Gepard to level his stare, trying to decipher what intentions may come with this stranger. And yet, here he is not on duty, there is no need to be more than a little observant.

A hand brushes fair locks from his eyes, a sheepish look about his features as he clears his throat and ducks his head in apology. "Ah... force of habit... my apologies. Sometimes it seems I am never off duty..." A pause, then he bows his head, hand dropping to rest against his chest. "I mean no offence."