not believing with bokuaka
Why do I always end up torturing my children?
Akaashi Keiji did not believe in love, and he definitely did not believe in soulmates.They just didn’t exist, he had seen love go wrong so many times, it’s no surprise that he had lost hope. When Keiji was three, his mother walked out on him and his father, leaving behind nothing. His memories of his mother were scarce, even when she was still around she spent most of her time holed up in her office. It didn’t take long for his father to start bring home other women, none of which ever lasted long. In the twelve years since his mother left, Keiji’s father has been through three failed marriages, and countless failed relationships. It wasn’t for lack of trying, Keiji knew that, but it didn’t make him feel any differently.
By the time he was in middle school, Keiji had had enough. The women were changing constantly and he just wanted a way out. He began to stay at school longer and longer, always with the excuse that it was easier to concentrate, but his father was skeptical. Keiji loved his father, he really did, and that may have been the reason why he never told him how he felt. He hated all the women he brought home, he hated how they always acted nice around him just so that his father would like them. He loved his father, and he knew how hard he was trying, so he kept his mouth shut.
When his second year of middle school began, Keiji’s father made a comment. During breakfast on his first day, his father sat across the table, newspaper in one hand, coffee in the other. Mornings like this were rare, just the two of them, and Keiji would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. He preferred times like these, no nameless women, just him and his father.
“Keiji,” his father said, setting his paper down. Keiji glanced up from his meal, staring over at his father, waiting for him to continue. “You did well last year, almost perfect grades and you were at the top of your class. I’m proud of you, I really am, but is it really necessary to spend all that extra time at school? I feel like I hardly ever saw you.”
There it was, the guilt. He knew his father wasn’t trying to make him feel guilty, but that didn’t make the feeling go away. He didn’t want to tell his father the real reason he had been out of the house so often, so instead, he decided on a different tactic.
“I guess I can do my homework here,” he started. He felt bad, seeing his father’s eyes light up; he wasn’t done yet. “I’m going to join a club this year though, so I still might not be home a lot.”
“A club?” his father asked, forgetting about his now cold coffee.
“Yes, though I’m not sure which club yet. Being involved in a club looks good on your transcript,” he explained, finishing his meal. What he said wasn’t false, being involved did look good, but he wasn’t exactly doing it because he wanted to.
Somehow, during that first day of his second year of middle school, Keiji joined the volleyball team. He had never been athletic, never much of a team player, but somehow he managed to get scouted by the current volleyball captain, Shiba-san. The whole series of events were rather odd, and Keiji still wasn’t quite sure how things managed to work out how they did. He had been walking in the courtyard afterschool, wandering around looking at the various club tables set up, when he heard a shout from behind him. Curiously, he turned to see a tall third year running straight towards him, one arm extended and a look of worry on his face. As a shadow appeared overhead, Keiji looked up to see a volleyball a few feet away, rushing right towards him. While most people would have run out of the way or blocked their face, Keiji put his hands up, allowing the ball to land perfectly within his grasp. He wasn’t sure why, but he pushed the ball back into the air, were it arched perfected in front of the third year.
“You’re a setter,” the third year called, his voice full of amazement. Keiji furrowed his brow, he wasn’t anything.
“I’m not a setter,” he replied, staring oddly at the other boy. He knew enough about volleyball to know what a setter was, and it definitely wasn’t him.
“What do you mean you aren’t a setter? That was the most perfect toss I’ve ever seen!” the third year yelled, looking between where the ball had landed and Keiji.”Are you in a club? I’m Tatsumi Shiba, third year captain of the volleyball team, and we really need a setter, especially one of your level.”
“Akaashi Keiji, second year. I’ve never played volleyball, but if you’ll have me, then I will gladly join your club.”
When Keiji first began volleyball, he didn’t think he would like it as much as he did. He learned the rules of the game very quickly, and he somehow was a pretty good setter right away. He worked well with his team, even if he only considered them acquaintances at best. His team quickly realized that Keiji wasn’t one to make friends, he was realiable on the court and friendly enough, but they didn’t push it. The closest thing he had to a friend was Tatsumi, but Keiji still didn’t consider it friendship. He didn’t form relationships with people, that just wasn’t something he did. He would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy Tatsumi’s company however; he felt oddly lonely during his final year of middle school without his former captain.
Graduation came and went, and before Keiji knew it he was headed for one of the best schools in Tokyo. He knew he could have gotten into Fukurodani with his grades alone, but spending two years on a good volleyball team was a good backup. Fukurodani had one of the best volleyball teams in the country, so being considered a good player himself was definitely helpful. Keiji’s plans going into high school was to focus on school work, quitting volleyball entirely, and he felt oddly disappointed about that. He knew that he wasn’t a bad setter and that he would probably make the team, but he also knew that there were much better players.
The morning of his first year of high school, his father said something. It was another rare morning, just the two of them together at the table, a similar atmosphere to that same morning just two years earlier.
“Keiji,” he began, setting down his newspaper and looking over at his son. “Are you going to continue volleyball?”
“No,” he replied simply, picking at his breakfast. Even though he said that, he wasn’t sure if he actually meant it.
“I think you should,” he father responded, taking a sip of his coffee. Keiji froze slightly, this was not how he expected this to go.
“And why is that?” he asked, putting his fork down. He really was curious; normally his father would want him to spend more time at home, so why was he pushing for him to continue volleyball?
“I know that you haven’t had the best upbringing and you usually just do what you have to in order to get by, but whenever I went to your games in middle school, you just looked so happy. You aren’t one to show your emotions, but when you were playing your eyes were the brightest I’ve ever seen them. I just don’t want you to stop doing something that makes you that happy,” his father explained. Keiji had never really thought about it, but he did enjoy volleyball, a lot. There were many other high schools in Tokyo with better academic programs that he could have easily attended, so he couldn’t help but wonder if there was another reason he chose Fukurodani.
“It won’t hurt I suppose,” he answered, turning back to his food. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his father smile, true and genuine,
Volleyball try outs were right after school, and Keiji felt weird. He assumed this was what nerves felt like, but he wasn’t sure. nothing had ever made him nervous. When he arrived at the large gym, he was greeted by a tall and energetic second year.
“Hello! I’m second year Bokuto Koutaro, wing spiker and soon to be ace!” he smiled, his joy reaching all the way to his eyes. Keiji felt strange, but not in the same way he did before. It was, almost nice.
“Akaashi Keiji, first year. I played setter in middle school,” he answered politely. As soon as he said the word setter, the other boy began to bounce around the room.
“Konoha he’s a setter!” he yelled to another second year across the gym. Konoha glanced over and gave Keiji an apologetic look.
“Bokuto, don’t scare the poor kid away,” he called back, walking over to them. “Konoha Akinori,” he greeted when he reached them. “I must warn you, this guy can spike for four hours straight and not get tired.”
“I could never get tired of spiking!” Bokuto cheered, jumping into the air and swinging his head in a spiking motion. “Hey Akaaaaaaasghi will you set for me?” he asked, already running towards the court. Keiji sighed and looked over at Konoha, who just shrugged at him in response.
“It’s Akaashi, by the way,” he corrected as he got into place by the net.
“Sure thing Akaaaaashihi,” Bokuto replied, still somehow managing to pronounce it wrong. Keiji shook his head, Bokuto was definitely odd, but for some reason he really didn’t mind.
“Ready? Here we go!” Bokuto called, tossing a ball into the air. Keiji waited patiently, watching the ball. Bokuto’s throw was perfect, so he wouldn’t have to move in order to set it. As the ball got closer, Keiji watched Bokuto out of the corner of his eye; where he was going, the speed at which he was getting there, how high he was going to jump. As soon as the ball touched his fingers, it was gone again, speeding right towards Bokuto’s swinging arm. With a loud bang, the ball smashed against the wood floor, perfectly landing on the other side of the net. When Bokuto landed, he looked between his hand and Keiji, a big smile growing on his face.
“That was perfect Akagagashi! You’re really good!” he cheered, a goofy grin on his face. Keiji smiled slightly at the praise.
“You’re a good spiker. You have good form and power,” Keiji responded, he wasn’t great at complimenting people, but by the look on the other boy’s face he assumed he did just fine.
“I am the ace!” he grinned, smacking Keiji hard on the back. He flinched slightly, but he didn’t hate the contact.
“Hey, do you wanna stay after and set to me? It’ll be really fun!” Bokuto promised, looking directly at Keiji. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Konoha shaking his head violently, but something felt different about Bokuto, so he did something he never thought he would.
“Sure Bokuto-san.” The other boy’s grin lit up the entire gym.
Akaashi Keiji didn’t believe in love, and he definitely didn’t believe in soulmates. He did, however, believe in Bokuto Koutaro, and that was good enough for him.