You have a fundamental belief that you will lose the people you love and be left emotionally isolated. Whether you imagine that they will die, send you away, or leave you, somehow you feel that it is inevitable that you will be left alone. You expect to be abandoned, and you see the state of loneliness as the default condition in your life. In your heart, you feel it is your destiny to live completely alone. You often read the intent to abandon you into even innocent remarks made by others. Anything that feels like others have disengaged can trigger these fears in you, even if there is no actual danger. Once triggered, you tend to go through a cycle of negative emotions – anger, grief, and fear.
People with abandonment can be alone for long periods of time. They might withdraw from close relationships out of hurt, or out of fear of being hurt again. Many have already faced loneliness as children and know they can survive it. Loneliness is not the issue. Rather, it is the process of separation that is devastating – that is, having a connection and then losing it, only to be thrown back into loneliness once more.
“Statement of Jonathan Sims regarding an experience with an individual who is. Who is both not of this world and not who...saved me from the tunnels. Original statement is given January 11th.
Audio recording by Jonathan Sims. Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute. London.
This statement will be kept private from the institute by all means.
Statement begins:
I feel as though no matter where I start. This statement will remain to be an amalgam of dubiety and disconcertment. Every time I think back on it I wonder how I even got away at all. If not for the tape recorder I wouldn’t have believed my very own eyes the next day. I haven’t slept since then, well-- not really. I.
I just about convinced myself that I was fine. Four months, and I still haven’t truly elucidated the true diagrammatic nature of those tunnels. The only light down there is what you bring yourself, and I’ve learned to bring torches, food, water--- I’ve even gone as far as bringing a sleeping bag. Murphy’s Law. You prepare for anything that can go wrong, because it will go wrong. But I know, more than anything, I did not lock myself down there. I left it propped open, the same as I do every night.
Was it Elias? Or Tim, attempting to rid the Institute of another Archivist like Gertrude. Or maybe Martin. Sasha? Only Martin would have an inkling of me staying so late after work but does he know? Would he do that to me? Lock me down there?
Or was it Jane Prentiss. The ghost of her revolting and twisted husk, becoming anew through the thousands of worm carcasses down there. Something so... so absurd, so similar to the recurrent subject of death. Recent statements have suggested a transformation, or a step in evolution once you’ve crossed the line and accepted the reaper as your savior, like Kirkland Langstrom, Madison Lindquist, and Jennifer Walters.
Is that thing that watched me. Like that? Did it die, and somehow transform. I can’t stop feeling those eyes. I mean I never have been able to truly stop. Not since I started excavating the tunnels, but the night of November 10th it was all I could feel. Maybe whatever was down there was the thing that locked me in, why? I’ll never know.
In my attempts to calm myself I met someone. Someone by the name of S. Is that a joke? That something so powerful would demand that he only go by a single letter. Or does it mean something.... sinister, or stalwart. He probably takes me for a fool. I insulted him, unable to accept the nature of what he truly is.
S told me he could teleport, and even now that I look back I almost, I almost laugh. It was incongruous, the way that he somehow made it into the Archives without detection. I checked the security cameras, and he was right, there was nothing. He said that he could also smell me, more importantly my fear. It makes me wonder about almost every other statement I’ve read. Can they all? Do I reek of it. How far away can you smell me? Is it distinct from the rest. And does it draw you in, like a predator to its prey.
In all he helped me out of there. He pulled the hatch free and. If I described to you how I ended up in the garden you might as well lock me up. We were in my office, then we weren’t. I think what shocked me most was his. How perfect he was. Not a blemish or--- or imperfection in sight. He had silver long hair and bright green eyes. As brash as he was to begin with he was kind. I asked him what he was.
That I. I will make a second statement for. Prepare everything I have and interview him. Ask for evidence of some sort. Part of me wonders whether I should bring Martin into this, but something, or someone this powerful--. I’ll keep it to myself. For now. As for Kirkland, Jennifer, and Madison. I will also expand as I go.
“PAPYRUS!!!! ARE YOU STILL PLAYING VIDEO GAMES??? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WASH THE DISHES SO I COULD MAKE DINNER!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS?!?!”
“I DON’T CARE IF THOSE MMO’S DON’T HAVE A PAUSE FEATURE, GET YOUR PROCRASTINATING ASS DOWN HERE AND DO YOUR CHORES!!!”
“...can’t.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T???”
“can’t.”
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✦✦✦✦✦✦✧✧✧✧ | Sexual Attraction✦✦✦✦✦✧✧✧✧✧ | Romantic Attraction
Cronus guiltily tries to keep things on the friendly side on purpose with this one beyond the escapades he pulls for the sake of Attention. But there is something there.
He sure wants to get to know Dave much better, but he feels as though there isn’t much room for that because Dave is constantly busy and his free time he seems to not want to dwell in deeper stuff beyond just chilling.
STATEMENT: 609987 / DATE: January 8th. / KIRK LANGSTROM.
“Statement of Jonathan Sims regarding an experience with an individual who claims to have vampirism. Original statement is given January 8th.
Audio recording by Jonathan Sims. Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute. London.
Statement begins:
While I would never actually submit a statement regarding an interaction with Kirk Langstrom through online forums. I have unfortunately received evidence that has forced me to consider the credibility to his case.
To begin, I don’t quite see the point in being on this online forum. My colleague, John Martin, sees it as an activity to ‘open my circle or--- make more friends’. Personally, I think this is ludicrous, and have thought better to instead use this as a channel through the Institute. This will allow me to receive more statements and well, network. Early one morning, I decided to commentate on the wakefulness of everyone within this forum. It was through this that I put in contact with Kirk Langstrom, who claimed to never sleep.
Kirk Langstrom is a 37-year old afro-latino, who currently resides in Gotham, New Jersey and works as a scientist as an occupation. He claims to have been both dead, and vampire for 11 years. Whether being dead and a vampire are synonymous with one another is supposedly something that’s case by case. In his, he was apparently poisoned. Kirk does not claim to feed on the humans unless asked. He has also concocted a “synthetic” blood supply that apparently does not service him through digestion, but instead circulation. In addition, Kirk claims that through his.... “change,” he’s developed fangs, retractable claws, red eyes with split pupils, and slightly pointed ears.
As you can see, half way through this statement anyone would have tossed this into the trash without a second thought. If you have already done so, I do not blame you. However, I have taken the photo of him given to me and put it into this file. I have also received the.
The before, and after, to his dental records. The first one was taken 11 years ago, date listed at the bottom. The second was taken recently. They are indeed real.
I will be further investigating this on my own time, and will procure enough evidence as I go.
