piggybacking off of that last post, but i really do owe a lot of that positive change to me making a resolution at new years and actually sticking with it for once. i didn't need to make it a new years resolution, because you can just decide to make crucial changes to yourself whenever you feel like it, but it's been a good marker for me to track my progress because: there's a good, noteworthy start date! no forgetting it, and people just generally get it when you mention that you've resolved to change something on january 1st, rather than like. may 19th. which i'm sure is equally as good a start date as any, but it's not generally as well appreciated as a new years resolution.
so, heading into the last month of 2018, i've been thinking a lot about what i can resolve to do next year, now that i know i can actually see it through to the end. i wanted it to be something relatively tangible, so i can build up from my improvements this year, which were largely internal, and work on something that's a bit more outside of me. but still not completely outside of me, because: baby steps.
so i'm going to focus that back into writing. i keep meaning to do it, but i'm always very busy, and when i'm not very busy i'm very tired from being very busy and don't have the energy to be creative. and the more i think about it, the more i realize that it's because i sort of expect myself to just roll over one day and do it again like i used to, rather than work myself back into doing it, and more so into enjoying it again. so it's gotta start small: write one thing a month. that's it. and if it can grow into two things a month...three...one thing a week, maybe, all the better, but it needs to start small because it's been so long since i've really done it enough to feel like it's something of mine again.
and it was going to be "one thing a month, even if no one else cares about it but you", but i realize that it has to be "especially if no one else cares", because, if i'm going to get back into this, i need to think of it like that. "if someone else likes it, groovy-cool. if not, keep going"
so that's gonna be it! 2018 was me remembering how to love myself, 2019 will be me remembering how to love something i've always loved. and maybe 2020 will be me learning how to love something new. 💖
