500k words of Jasonnie and the people who like it like it in spite of me, not because of me
I better stop if I want the ship
I better say the opposite so ppl will like it
But I can't so.
I also shouldn't write any of it bc if I've been writing all this time for this mediocre of a response, I have no talent. If I've been writing all this time and practicing and not getting better. I should just. Stop wasting time
But I can't.
Have to finish this lol. Why. Waste more time. But everything I do is wasting time bc nothing I do ever turns into anything. Bc I'm not a real person. Some sort of defect, an anomaly, a mutation on the face of reality -- incompatible with it.
Have to keep writing bc it's part of me. I'd be less myself if I stopped. But what even is myself. Some kind of weird curiosity people stop and point at then move on.
My stories nothing, I'm nothing, might as well keep writing, same as doing nothing. Or just. Do nothing bc it doesn't matter. Nothing I do matters
