May 2, 2021
Im taking an actual break now, I think. I dont really know what to do with myself without a car and the trauma and depression the accident caused me has sort of seeped into everything. All I do now is go to work so I can pay the bills, and soon that is going to be a lot harder if not impossible without a car. I don’t do anything when I get home. I havent drawn or painted in almost a month now. Im just not okay and Im not going to be able to pretend I am anymore
#BLOGGING LOUDLY#tumblr just doesnt feel like a good pastime anymore#literally nothing online does#i rarely talk to anyone#even my partner ignores me most of the time even if its for good reasons it still causes me stress#i still dont like feeling alone#it feels pointless having an app for messages that i only use once or twice a week#i could just start checkig stuff once a week and be fine but#i dont have anything else to do anymore so the phone impulse control is very limited#im just tired of trying to find some simulation of happiness and not being able to make it for myself#im tired of 'communication features' making me feel more alone#im tired of not being able to learn things#im tired of looking at screens#im tired of everything#i just sit when i get home. i try to keep my room manageable and i work and then i just. sit#or lay#and do nothing#i dont even sleep as much as i want to#not that that has ever been shocking#i dont think theres any help for me at this point#negative
