i'm following a bunch of PDA blogs or blogs with people who have posts in the PDA autism tag. if that's you, hi! we can chat if you'd like, there isn't much of a community around this diagnosis (for kind of obvious reasons)
i'm tired of feeling so much shame and self-hatred around my disability and its effects, i am tired of masking and pretending to understand and engage with media/interests the same way as non-PDA people do, and i am tired of trying not to talk about the struggles of everyday life out of worry that it will drive people away
deciding to accept this part of myself for real is fucking scary and irritating. PDA is highly debilitating, although there are tricks and ways around our blockages.
i don't see many PDA people who are successful in a traditional sense. embracing this label in some ways feeling like giving up on all my dreams.
but maybe that's okay - all those dreams and expectations were empty demands anyways. built for someone who isn't Me.
getting to the business of living in this body, this mind, and this Self is the only thing i really CAN do anyhow. with plenty of griping of course.
as i find tips and tricks to navigate life with whatever-the-fuck-all is going on up there (I am stuck in the mire of navigating health systems to get an official diagnosis of ANY kind, but my suspicion is AuDHD, OCD/OCPD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, anxiety and BPD or cPTSD, possibly schizoaffective) I will share those out. Most of my real life friends, which are few, are schizoaffective, bipolar, autistic and/or ADHD! not just from TikTok lol.
as it is, i don't want to be totally defined by my disorders, but they are a huge part of why my life is the way it is (a disaster with glitter and lots of detritus from unstarted hobbies). I am determined to be more confident and start building on my strengths and skills instead of trying to be something i am not anymore.
