#pathological demand avoidance

[existennialmemes]

[wiingdings]

if anyone ever wonders what its like to have pda or executive function issues it just feels like this constantly

[ritz--crackers]

They call it “pathological demand avoidance” because I avoid the demands by playing Pathologic.

[drbigsadbabymd-blog]

Reading The Talon of Horus after the Night Lord omnibus is fun because you first get this perspective of Talos spending the majority of three books agonizing over the VIIIth Legion's lack of purpose, cohesion, principles, etc.

He's so fucking desperate for meaning in his life, and when he's not doing a "The second I find something to live for, it's over for you bitches" shpiel, he's bitterly ruminating over the Imperium's refusal to recognize his legion's contributions to empire.

When we later see Abaddon's attempt to recruit him, we're rooting for Talos and First Claw to escape the clutches of the Black Legion. Nobody can leash the Night Lords, baybeeee, renegades for life, fuck yoouuu.

Then, in Talon of Horus, we get page after page of Khayon glazing Abaddon for finally creating a place for traitor Astartes who feel completely disillusioned by their respective legions lack of purpose, cohesion, principles, etc. Who feel aimless and empty without having a cause to fight for. Who feel slighted by the Imperium's lack of recognition for the Astartes' contributions to empire.

And, yes, Khayon's perspective is wildly biased and unreliable.

But I just love the idea that Talos straight up Pathological Demand Avoidance'd his way out of exactly what he was looking for solely because he doesn't want to associate with Chaos tainted Astartes. Despite, y'know, already associating with a different group of Chaos tainted Astartes.

EDIT:

To be fair, it's not just Talos' Pathological Demand Avoidance or his weirdly inconsistent take on Chaos (when you do it: it's bad. When my friends do it: we don't talk about that, everything is fine) that sabotages his recruitment to the Black Legion.

It's also the fact he's so completely wrapped up in being a Night Lord, he's contemptuous of any non-Night Lord based solution. He's deeply disillusioned with the current state of VIIIth Legion and literally none of his brothers share his desire to change the status quo, but when a non-Night Lord Astartes offers to address every single one of his concerns, he's like "NO. NOT YOU"

Talos, you stupid bitch.

[autball]

A kind of subset of self-regulation skills (which I posted about yesterday) is frustration tolerance. It’s another popular recommendation for ND kids that *sounds* like a very worthwhile goal. If your kid is frustrated and acting out all the time, getting them to tolerate frustration better sure seems like it would solve a lot of problems.

Here’s the thing about that: you don’t get better at feeling frustrated by spending more time being frustrated. You just get more fucking frustrated. And just like with the attempts to “teach” self-regulation skills, all you’re gonna get is someone who gets better at *pretending* not to be frustrated OR someone who lashes out more because you won’t stop frustrating the shit out of them.

Being “easily frustrated” is a problem, yes. But what you’re really looking for isn’t frustration tolerance, it’s frustration *management.* And that is a team effort, not solely the responsibility of the person who’s always feeling frustrated.

[cancerstanople]

What to do if you have a demand you desperately need to fulfill and you can't:

Make up a shitty little character in your head to give you the exact opposite demand, so you can avoid THAT demand while getting done what you need to get done. "Do not brush your teeth." Fuck you Janet, I'm gonna do what I want.

Make up a story that would reframe the task at hand as an act of rebellion or spite. "I live in a world where showering is illegal and if I get caught I'm going to jail for a thousand years."

Use that task to procrastinate on other tasks. "I've got homework I really need to do...hey I haven't done my laundry in a while."

[astralautism1]

Friendly reminder: if your person with pathological demand avoidance asks you to use different language around them when you ask them to do things— USE THE DIFFERENT LANGUAGE!! If they ask for a time frame, if they ask for more direct instructions, if they ask for help, if they ask you to phrase something differently, if they ask you to use a word over another JUST FUCKING DO IT!!

[rottingcannibaby]

One fun part of pathological demand avoidance I never see anyone talking about is that when something becomes insanely popular, the abstract concept of popularity feels like a demand or an expectation and I start hating it.

Umamusume? Pisses me off. TADC? Get it off my screen forever. KAngel? Possibly the most annoying character ever and I haven't read even one of her lines.

I don't hate any popular thing for good reasons or to be contrarian, I hate it because how dare you suggest I might want to interact with it don't tell me what to do

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