#osddtag

[the-blackberry-system]

Making ramen for the littles so they can front and enjoy some food :)

- Aimy

[the-blackberry-system]

some days having a system is just crying, flashbacks, dissociation, and pain. but other days, it’s more like someone coming close to the front and causing the body to sing hatsune miku songs on repeat for no goddamn reason

- meesh

[the-blackberry-system]

no wait am i dissociating, tired, or just really confused right now

[the-blackberry-system]

ughhh feeling like im faking everything rant

(tw faking)

so like, i know people say "my trauma wasn't that bad" and stuff all the time

but like,,, mine literally wasnt. there were a few isolated incidents where things happened that could be maybe considered traumatic

but like,,, everything else? it's literally nothing!! i cant argue that it wasn't traumatic, cuz ive seen for myself that some folks in the system are affected by it

i guess i just dont understand why they're affected by it??

i dont know, i try to just remind myself that there's no way i (we) could've made comparisons like "other people have it worse" as a little kid, since we didn't know about the "worse" things

but i just feel so stupid. other people have real trauma. they've been through real, awful, terrifying things. im just sensitive, yk?

it makes a little more sense now that ive learned about RSD, i guess

but still...

[the-blackberry-system]

oh my fucking god we split again

how???? why???????? I didn't even feel anything this time!! no one did! so what the fuck--

aaaaaaaaaa

-meesh

[the-blackberry-system]

we fucking split again :'')))))))))

[the-blackberry-system]

ok, update: we split a fucking gain

but i made it through the first session of the stupid writing thing without throwing up, crying, or having a panic attack. i will say that practically every symptom of anxiety ever was present, and we did switch once because this kid was yelling, but still

now time to fucking do it again tomorrow :’)

[the-blackberry-system]

lol so im just kinda sitting around, just chilling really, and i get suddenly pulled towards the front and feel my hear fucking drop

meesh, the host, was out before i got pulled out, so im panicked like what the fuck could have made my/their heart drop like that

bitch it was a fucking bug

a teeny bug

being afraid of bugs is valid and all, but like

i was expecting a murderer. not this teeny weeny fucking cricket

- jules