#osha problem

[tropicalscream]

god why do I piss so fucking much when im high/crossfaded? its really fuckin annoying

idk maybe its my body? wen i was cis i used to cum like hentai levels semiconsitently and even now 4years on HRT i still cum more then your average tgirl makes cleanup annoying

i also have a lot of spit now that i think about it..

huh maybe im just a liquid heavy person ajsksks

૮₍˶˃∇˂˶ ₎ა ˎˊ˗

[tropicalscream]

i

I don't even get pleasure form jacking off anymore. ill edge myself sorta and thats it bc the second I orgasm post nut depression wave hits me and i start crying snd my heart feels cold snd hurts and im just so so so so sick of being a convenient hole/dick snd then told to leave immediately/the second i want a cuddle

[tropicalscream]

There's def a kink forming at the back of my head but like it needs to take a number and wait its fuckin turn.

I still haven't ever been with someone who's into biting/being bitten, let alone getting to be anything other than a DomTop, and not even bringing up all the pup stuff

So its gonna be a long while before i get to it

[tropicalscream]

idk not to be tmi but sometimes i feel like ill just never be sexually compatible with anyone again

that my traumas have scarred me too much

, that my triggers seem to be common.actions.in an incredibly prevalent kink,

that i need time & effort to ease into things , more then anyone is ever able or willing to give,

that after years I'm rusty and aint that humiliating at 31 i need to effectively be re taught how to please certain body's

that my body is too gross, that it doesn't work half the time where the mind is willing but the body never forgets the scars and fear and sense of utter worthlessness

that i feel like a pathetic uselss stupid manchild

that I don't even feel like a woman, that no one ever treats me as one, and that amy sapphic person can and would do so much bettee

[tropicalscream]

tmi

one of the weirdest things.hrt and depression eating disorder did to my body was the typical things it doesnto a trans fem bottom stuff

but like ive also kept girth sorta and endurance

so.i last a long a.while whixh sucks bc i never cum even after doing my bets to make sure the other person has at least twice

which leaves me in hell as like constantly pent up

[tropicalscream]

bwah tmi

if it wasnt biologically impossible im sorta considering i may not even have a prostate or like its numb or micro tiny

bc like every fuckin thing everyone says to stimulate it doesn't work for me. No toys, angles, hands, by myself or even with someone rubbing my taint or plowing me nothing seems to work

i know its dumb but it's legit upsetting me that i cant/may never get to experience a prostate/hands-free orgasm

૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა

[tropicalscream]

ruminating on stuff

as dog as i am.ive never actually wore ancollar or choker before

or like tbh im.not very experienced t4t.stuff or hell.anythinf but the most vanilla/degrading from exs (no foreplay, or kissing just hole fuck and done hated it)

idk.felt.i just missed alot of opportunities or abilty to try things when i.was.still desirable

[tropicalscream]

bluh bluh pathetic trop vents/pity party

ive never had a lover/partner/hookup ever take time to explore my body and help me discover what i like

any "kink".i have is conceptual bc ive never gotten to actually try

hell ive never even experienced my prostate stimulated before let along an prostate orgasm

it just feels like im broken mess sometimes. i wanna feel good but i cant, i wanna make others feel good but i cant

im forced to be a domtop but my body wont respond work half the time and my brain/trauma wont let me indulge kinks that are pretty common on lgbt circles

my body cant feel good even base hookups or toys or anything

its no.wonder my instinct is to.cry and panic or i just choke all that down, do whay im asked of then cry and br a pathetic mess afterwards