Good morning, I’ve just woken up and had a plot bunny, please bear with me:
Harry and Draco are some degree of friends (co-workers, drinking buddies, bowling league besties, dating, etc…). The specifics don’t matter because that’s not the point of this story.
What is the point though, is that Narcissa is fed up with rooms and wings of the Manor feeling like malevolence is still living there. She’s tried the usual things of exorcising dark stuff but the vibes are still hanging around.
Draco mentions this to Harry, Harry brings up the idea of those paranormal home investigator shows where there’s a psychic carrying a handful of crystals & sage, and a home inspector with a carbon monoxide meter & mold test kit.
(I haven’t seen these shows, just heard about them on tumblr, please don’t yell at me.)
Draco’s like, There could be non-magical reasons the Manor is whack?
Harry’s like, I’ve seen that place and it is so old. I would not be surprised.
Narcissa’s just kinda like, I am wealthy enough to try this cute experiment and visitors sound lovely. We shall have a plate of cucumber sandwiches.
She invites all the shows and they all say yes and it’s a crossover episode because I say so which means they ALL are on the front lawn getting a lecture about safety and the Manor’s history on the same morning.
Assorted aurors and other folks who can deconstruct a Dark object are there. I haven’t decided yet if it’s only people who can ~blend~ with muggles or if the comedy would be greater if there’s some folks who can’t be subtle.
Either way, every non-magical visitor gets a magical escort/partner. You may swap out if your pairs interact and want to switch, But You Do Not Leave The Muggles Unattended.
Cue the sage psychics walking into a spotless dining room and saying ‘yes, there is a mild disturbance here. Lemme flap my arms about a bit.’ while their assigned wixen is looking into the camera like they’re on The Office because some Big Bad Shit happened here and the muggle psychic is adorably wrong.
The home inspectors do find leaks and raccoons and jacked floorboards and stuff, but in places where it makes no sense so they’re kinda pulling their hair out. But their assigned wixen are having an absolute ball of a time learning about the mundane intricacies of buildings. And some of these notes truly end up being The Fix That Was Needed for a room because a magic-resistant mold spot that induces creepy feelings and unpleasant memories is still a mold spot that can be taken out with MoldX or a little bleach.
Also this is an everyone-lives AU because I say so and want Sirius and Remus and Tonks (and maybe Moody????) and Fred to be there.
I can’t decide what’s funnier: if the portraits are told to be silent but that moving around to watch the guests is ok as long as movement is not seen, OR everyone plum forgot to tell the portraits and they’re chattering with the guests, too.
“Wait, wasn’t Mr. Basset-Hound-Face in the room with the copper fireplace? Who has a copper fireplace?? what is with this house?! And the little girl in the 18th century court gown was over- Wait. If I have learned anything from that one art history lecture I took, there is no WAY *this* period-accurate ruff would be painted/drawn in *that* style.” turns to their wixen, “If you want me to overlook this and not make a big deal out of the anachronisms, you had better have some very good alcohol at the end of this project.”
In the end, something worked and the Manor feels better. It could be that stuff got fixed/exorcised, it could be that some of the Energies were so offended by all these muggles traipsing around that they just up and left. Who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
((If it weren’t obvious, this story is not scary, it is a lighthearted combining of worlds.))
Ok, please someone write this with dialogue and what-not because I want to read it, thank you.
