Ostracizing can make you stronger
Odd as it may sound, I actually do believe this. Ostracizing someone is meant as an insult, to humiliate them, to exclude them from something. It is not pleasant when you have it occur, and you usually wish to melt into the floor/wall/background. But if you take it in the proper light, it can make you a much stronger person.
Taking these points one at a time, let's break it down.
Insults - Why do people insult you? The common reasons are because you are different. You are taller, or shorter. Fatter, or thinner. Smarter, or slower to learn thing. Have an excellent memory, have a poor memory. Are popular, or unpopular. Are red, white, black, green, brown, yellow, or purple. It doesn't matter what, except you are different than someone else. So, they turn that cold shoulder to you and ignore everything you do. This is a GOOD thing, in it's own peculiar way.
Humiliation - Why do some people heap humiliation on someone else? The common reasons here are because of jealousy, lack of understanding, or general stereotypes that degrade the person being humiliated. This can be because of ethnicity, skin color, religious beliefs, personal achievement, family status, or any myriad of issues. Again, this is something that helps you grow and become stronger if looked at properly.
Exclusion - Why are some people excluded, and others included? Popularity. Flat, plain and simple. But, popularity comes at a cost. Are you willing to pay it?
It is good, because it makes you push harder, drive yourself relentlessly to achieve what ever it is that the others want to see when they look at you. You go out of your way, searching within yourself for the acceptability of the cost the other person demands for you to be included in their group. In this way, it makes you a stronger person. Strength is not always defined by your muscles. It can also be defined by how sure you are of yourself. How much you know yourself. Or even how comfortable you are within your own skin. Because, in order to become what someone else wants, you have to know what you are first. The mask may only be skin deep, but it is also a framework for you to use in your own personal growth. And, real growth is not pain free. There are stumbles and falls. Trips, and embarrassments. Failures and successes. But, unless you are striving to be something you deem worth the cost, you will never learn these truths.
If you find yourself under the humiliation heap, take a good look at the person doing the heaping. No, you will not be a happy camper, heck, you may be one of the maddest, most hurt campers on the face of the earth while it is going on. But, you can take this opportunity to explain to yourself (and the one doing the humiliation if you can get them to sit still long enough to actually listen) what is wrong with the humiliation you are experiencing. But, in order to make THEM understand, first YOU have to understand. Since most humiliation falls within the bounds of misunderstood differences, it can be hard to dig deep enough to find the answer. Especially if the emotions are engaged. To make your point, and to actually get through to the other person, disengaging the emotions should be a top priority. Quit acting like a horsewhipped puppy, and start acting like you. Yes, you read that right. Be yourself. Just because you are a black skinned, blond haired, Shinto savant does not mean others will perceive you that way. If you ACT like a ghetto scumbag, then you will be TREATED like a ghetto scumbag. If that is who you are, and you are a good person, then PROVE it. A white skinned, trailer trash, Jewish rabbi with flame red hair and a Scottish accent is just as misunderstood as someone from the ghetto who is trying to better them self. I mean, think about it - how many Shinto do you know who are of African descent? Or how many Jewish of Scottish? But, with patience, both of these hypothetical individuals can become stronger, better, and self assured enough future attempts of humiliation for these differences and misunderstandings will not longer affect them. (In writerly terms, this is called "growing a rhino skin")
Being excluded from something can be the most empowering thing that can happen. When you are included, you tend to actively work to fit in. You hide what makes you unique in order to "fit in" and conform to the group's expectations. Being excluded empowers you to stand up, take a good HONEST look at yourself, and say, "I am me." To see your unique values, to express them in your own way. Are you a painter? Then paint what you like, what makes you happy. Are you a singer? Then go forth and carol out your favorite melodies, even if you are singing "Hark the Herald" to some Led Zepplin melody. Are you a writer? Lucky you! Now, you can write those poems that have been nagging at you and the group scoffed at. Those short stories and flash fiction pieces that incorporate every genre in the realm. That novel that takes the rules and twists them out of recognition. Are you a dancer? Then go perform the Nutcracker Ballet as a street worthy break dance. Being excluded means you can test the rules. You can find which ones you follow naturally, and which ones bind on you. It lets you experiment, and learn who YOU are, not who the crowd expects you to be. It can be lonely, especially while you are learning how to be your own best friend. Until you can respect yourself, and to support yourself, being excluded is very, very painful. You may even feel like you are being victimized. But, take the chance, please! Learn who you are, and how to love, respect, and endorse yourself.
So, next time you find yourself ostracized, take a moment for a small (pain filled if you must) prayer of thanks. Then, turn your attention to working on the lessons you can learn from the experience. Remember, being different is your best strength. This is what makes you, well, you. And, if you weren't the strong, capable person you are, then why would anyone have a reason to ostracize you in the first place?
Do you have any moments where you were ostracized that you can mine information, and positive lessons from? I'd love to hear the general themes!
