You've had a long day, and you feel like you're going to fall apart. all you want is a few moments to yourself, but the mandatory break room is again full of bodies talking and eating with no one seeming to understand the meaning of 'inside voice'
You wonder if it's better to just go on out to your car in unbearable heat to eat your meager packed lunch before remembering you packed your headphones today. You plug your ears and play your favorite de-stress playlist You start to feel a little better now that your senses are focused on something else. Everyone else is suddenly miles away.
Then someone sits down. They start to talk directly to you, it's muffled but not enough that you can pretend to not hear them. You pull out a bud to answer politely, and try to reinsert it when they continue. If you were anyone else, you could just say that you weren't in the mood to talk. Except you know this person vaguely, and you've been taught that it's rude to ignore someone talking to you, even if every moment you're forced to listen makes you want to burst into tears and no one seems to notice.
With trembling hands, you pull your safety line from your ears and put them back in your pocket. Giving the person your full attention with polite nods and responses that you've learned to give from years of forced interaction
The room is still unbearably loud, and your acquaintance is not letting up on their long story. But you feel like a hostage.
Because you are Autistic, and you live in a Neurotypical world where, because you are different, your feelings don't matter. And you've been trained to think everything that can help you is wrong.
All you can do is breathe
And try not to cry
