#ovver

[toxicrose39]

Walls

I put them up

You tear them down

They go back up 

They get taller and thicker with every lie

Every lie you’ve told makes em grow and grow

With one soft breeze they're down

Torn apart with some simple words

Why should I listen to the simplest three?

Your words build my walls

Your words tear em down

His words broke through

His words made my walls invisible 

He helped me through the pain

He helped me see the view beyond the wall

[candyapplejimin-blog]

.

[longevitytolabyrinth]

13 Days...

13 days until we say good bye.

I know it is for the best... but it is still the hardest part of letting go; still loving you. I am happy for it, and joyful to have felt it and yet continue to feel it. But I know, deep down, that you must become whom you always dreamed yourself to be. The little boy who wished upon a star, and desired nothing but the silly little pleasures that he knew not awaited him. Sadly, I have slowly taken those “silly little pleasures” and transformed them into my childhood trauma as seen in your expierence and lived through your compassionate and loving understanding. I know it is not me that is at fault, but I do know that my slow-ness to seek treatment and help is at fault. I love you my Dearest ZOmbie Squid.. Please pardon any misgivings of seemings off behavior in a melancholy state; I AM TRYING EVER SO HARD to see that BIGGER picture of the all illusive AMBIGUITY that consumes and never rests within me. I know all things will be as they may be and my love...... I desire your happiness so so much that I smile at the thought of you and your “you-ness” within a plethoric array of freedom to CHOOSE. To finally choose, and I do apologise for always taking any and all CHOICE(s) away. Still I am happy and I may be sad at times, but in the end; you are the greatest joy my life has ever met thus far and for my time spent with you..... despite the hard times and also including them; I than the lord for his mercy and his loving grace in that through you I was taught, shown, and experienced how  true, loving, kind, good, gentle, patient, honest, compassionate and ever so SILLY (in all the best ways) A man (let alone any person) COULD EVER BE; and You and the perfect picture of this... You are that man, always and forever. You may not feel it now but hun, you are and I do not say this just “because” but I feel it in my bones and in my soul; which is trapped within the confines of the human body... (well, at least for no; until we can move it to an upgrade of CYBER tech and computerize the shit out of my soul and well ya know the rest lol) :D see, I am still smiling;... both inside and out! In close, I want to say that to me you are a hero.... as for you carry with you noble qualities which have led us to a point of self discovery and self knowledge and love... But love may defined in many ways, and I am not selfish anymore. Love is enough, no matter how the love it... Just that I love you and wish you all the best is MORE THAN enough to assist me in the hard times of mental soup... Why? Because of the bIGGER PICTURE. and the selflessness that comes with being a truly good, patient and humble human with a heart full of GRATITUDE. SO JAMES JAMES; THANK YOU for choosing to set yourself up for the best POSSIBLE outcome for the years ahead. I can only share my joy with type, minus my selfish emotion, and say I AM SO SO PROUD ( and happy for) YOU MADE THE CHOICE YOU DID. My, “pain” and my hurting, do NOT MATTER. This is your time to FINALLY DO WHAT YOU DESIRE, just as a little child once wished on a star. And all my sadness may vary and portray itself in different forms... I am not meaning to influence you and please PLEASE DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR ME. Why? I am processing my portion of the pain that I have caused you and in the process comes the lesson and the growth... I am not crying because of our “decision” come June 1, I cry because I would love to have never had a childhood that I have only run from.... and well that is another story. This story is YOURS, as it should be, rightfully so and it is DANM time that you be the main topic in a conversation; not any of mariella’s issues. But James and his perseverance, tenacity and ability to ACHIEVE ALL HE PUTS HIS MIND TOO, well once he has him mind all focused :) hehe *i’m kidding ya know ;) *, but does not have an influence on what you choose to or not to do; it is a reflection of how well you not only treat me, others and yourself... but how UN WELL I have tended to treat myself, others, and most mournfully YOU. I love you, and shall love you well :D cuddles nuzzles phalanges (hmmm i did not know it was spelled with a “p”P auto corrected it from an “f”.... interesting lol )  and giggles.... and well nerf guns too :D  

[deactivatedbyelle]

Our friendship just started and now it's OVER..