Prison Break | Amber & Ollie
when: june 28th, 2020
where: bridgeport correctional center (level 4 high security prison); bridgeport, connecticut
trigger warnings: prison, mentions of murder, mentions of neglect, lots of sad feels
nb: from a discussion that they had months ago, amber-jade finally decides that she’s (somewhat) ready to confront her father after all these years. considering that ollie knows the most about her past, and that story, she asks him to come along. the two fly from california to connecticut to visit her father in a high security correctional facility, and amber sees her father for the first time in years, and ollie meets the one man he could very confidently say he really hates
(ooc): this is an ongoing chatzy, and will be updated as we go along.
@amberjade-rhodes
Amber had spent a lot of time thinking about what Ollie had said about confronting her dad, which lead to her impulsively booking tickets to Connecticut just a couple of weeks after Fathers Day. Her anxiety levels rose the entire time that she and Ollie were in transit and by the time they arrived at the prison complex, her hands were physically shaking. “How... how mad are you going to be if I chicken out now and can’t go in?” Amber asked nervously, her voice breaking slightly as her eyes darted between Ollie and the gates of the prison.
Ollie didn't hesitate to say yes when Amber asked for him to go with her when visiting her father in prison. He knew what this meant, and he knew just how big of a deal this way for Amber; and there was no way in hell he was going to let her go through this alone. The two had landed and made their way straight to the prison. He rented a car for the two to use while in the state, thinking that it would be better than for spending loads of money on Uber's. The two had made their way out of the car, and basically right in front of the gates before he was stopped by the other. "AJ, hey, look at me." he requested in a soft voice, placing his hands on either side of her face, keeping her head in place and forcing her to look up at him. "Breathe." he requested once more, giving her a friendly smile. "If there's anyone who can do this right now, it's you. Remember why you're here -- for some closure. To say what you need to say to him and get the hell out of there, no more no less." he reminded, continuing to look at her as he spoke. "I'll be right by your side the entire time, I'll even go in with you when they let you in to see him, if you want me to. You don't have to do this alone, like he's probably assuming that you are...but if you're really, genuinely, not ready for this say the word and we'll get back in the car and go back to the airport."
Amber didn't hesitate for a second before looking at her oldest friend, focusing all of her attention on him as opposed to the looming infrastructure that was right there. It was crazy to think that this was where her father had been housed for all these years; and that she had a visit booked to see him this morning. "Breathe... right, yes, I can do that", Amber confirmed, focusing on her breathing as directed. "Closure", she repeated quietly. "I... I'm here for closure, because I want to know why he did what he did. I want him to know how he damn near ruined my life, that the only good thing that came from his actions was you. I want him to know that I'll never completely recover from what he did", she said, listing off the reasons why she had finally decided to come to Connecticut, like that would help her get through the rest of this. "We've come this far, we can't go back to MU without walking through those gates. Do you promise that you won't leave my side, not even to go to the bathroom? I don't want to be alone with him, I can't be alone with him. I... I added your name to the booking before we even got here, which was awfully rude and presumptuous on my part so I'm sorry for that", she rambled nervously.
Ollie nodded as she spoke, still looking at her and giving her a faint smile. "Closure." he simply repeated back. Ollie had already been prepared, both physically and mentally, to be be whatever Amber needed him to be in that moment. "I promise I'm not going to leave you alone, not again. I told you that you didn't have to go through this alone, and I meant that. Don't apologize, I can't wait to meet daddy dearest." he rolled his eyes at the thought, kissing the top of her head before pulling her into a warm hug. "If there's anyone who can do this right now, it's you. We've been through hell and back, and you went through even more hell after I left. You can get through this, and you will get through this." he pointed out, pulling away and yet keeping his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently. "I'm ready whenever you are."
Amber was aware that she might not get the closure that she wanted through this trip; that her father could easily slash that hope if he really wanted too. Still, she knew that she would survive the trip; especially considering she had Ollie by her side. He was the person who knew the most about her family and the person that she most trusted in this world, meaning that it made perfect sense to have asked him to come with her. "No punching daddy dearest, I didn't bring you here so that you could end up behind closed bars with him. I need you too much for you to get locked up too". Her comment was said in a light tone, almost as if she was joking, but she did feel like the overprotective side of Ollie could use a reminder. "Thank you, Oliver. I really don't think that I could have done this without you. I've always been braver when you're around", she murmured, unbuckling her seatbelt and slowly getting out of the car. "Let's go in before I change my mind".
Ollie couldn't have been more proud of Amber-Jade than he was in this very moment. He didn't say it much, but he honestly looked up to her a lot. She never gave herself enough credit, but even Ollie could tell just how resilient and strong she was. She was someone who went through a lot in her life, and Ollie would be lying if he said he wasn't damn proud to see her overcome everything that got in her way. They were two of the more successful stories in this case, as a lot of people who grew up in the system at that age were either in and out of jail, or dead. "At least you know it's pretty much a guarantee that his life in there would be a living hell if I'm in there with him." he stated only half-jokingly. He had already told himself to be on his best behavior, so she didn't have anything to worry about; although he did wish that they weren't in a facility full of correctional officers, or in a facility such as a prison in general. Hearing her next words, Ollie smiled and gave her a nod - his way of nonverbally telling her that the feeling was mutual. Finally turning off the car, he made his way out and walked up behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and shook her playfully as the two walked. "Remember who the fuck you are when you get in there." he stated, massaging her shoulders as he continued to walk directly behind her. "You're fucking Amber-Jade Rhodes. Future social worker, killer softball player and boxer. You've been through the unimaginable and have made it out alive and stronger each and every time. We've been broken down, mistreated, neglected, and abused and we still made it out on the other side. You made it out on the other side. You're not some kid in the system anymore, you are highly educated, hardworking, and a fighter - and that's more than he'll ever be. You aren't that kid in the system, you aren't the group home, you aren't the drugs, and you aren't him. Remember that this doesn't define you - that he doesn't define and determine who you are, or who you will be in this life." He whispered a small pep talk as he continued to walk behind her, kind of as if he had been guiding her through the gates and into the building, while also preventing her from trying to make a break for it.
As much as she loved Ollie, as much as she considered him her best friend, there were some things that she couldn't tell him; things that would utterly break him and never allow him to move past the overwhelming guilt that he felt when it came to her. She would never be able to tell him the truth of just how bad things got in NYC after he left; and she had never told him the full extent of Joel's actions during her childhood, knowing that her best friend wouldn't hesitate to kill her father if he was ever released from prison. "I don't want that guarantee, I want you in California with me; not in some stupid prison in Connecticut", Amber said firmly. She focused on her breathing and the feeling of Ollie's hands on her shoulders as the two of them walked into the prison, trying to keep herself as calm as possible as she prepared to see her father for the first time in years. "Don't make me cry before we even get in there, Oliver James! My mascara cannot be running down my cheeks when I see Joel, I will not allow him to think that he made me cry before I even saw him. Thank you, though, for all the kind words. You make me feel braver and stronger than anyone else in my life and I love you for it. Thank you for always seeing me as some sort of superhero rather than a fucked up woman whose just putting one step in front of the other and hoping desperately that I won't fuck everything up", she said sincerely as the two of them walked into the prison. She showed her ID to the prison officer before starting to fill in the paperwork that he pointed her too.
"Relax, I'm only joking. Prison would've been the easier option a couple of years ago, but I actually kind of like my life now." Ollie said honestly. It's sad that there was once a time where he wouldn't have mind getting locked up for a few years since being in jail seemed like an easier option than going through some of the stuff he went through. He laughed as she yelled at him for making her emotional, kissing the top of her head as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug from behind. "Hey, no softness right now. We weren't soft until we got to MU, and I blame Lola for that." He joked lightly, releasing a soft laugh before continuing. "You're a badass and you're going to march right in there and show him who the fuck you are, and the amazing person you've become. You need to go in bitch mode right now, I'm merely just like the backup generator in case you crap out. But you got this, AJ." He attempted to continue hyping her up, his statement being a weird way of him telling her he also loved her. He showed his ID to the correctional officer and filled out some forms before he got one of those visitor sticker passed to place on his shirt. There was a loud buzzing as the door became unlocked, meaning that the officer was officially letting them in to lead them to the visiting area. Ollie's green eyes darting between the unlocked steel door and his friend, looking down and giving her a small smile. "Ready?"
Despite the current circumstances, Amber found herself smiling softly at Ollie when he admitted that he liked his life now. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that, you deserve some happiness after all the crap that life has thrown at you", Amber told him, genuinely meaning it. She truly wanted the best for Ollie, especially after everything that he had done for her over the duration of their friendship. "Lola basically saved my life, I can forgive her for making me a corny, sentimental mess", she jokingly retorted, focusing on calming her breathing as she listened to Ollie's pep-talk. "And if he doesn't give me what I need, what I came here for, I'm going to be okay. It's not going to break me". She was saying those words to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Ollie. It didn't take long for them to get through the sign in process and before long, she and Ollie were sitting at one of the tables in the visitors section. As her father was apparently a model prisoner, he didn't have to use one of the non-contact visit rooms; something that actually kind of saddened and panicked her as it meant that there were no barriers between them. "Ready as I'll ever be", she confirmed, discreetly taking Ollie's hand under the table; her body stiffening as she saw the doors open and her father walking towards her. He looked a little older and had put on some weight since she had last seen him; and his eyes actually looked softer and more gentle than she remembered, probably because he wasn't impaired by illicit substances and screaming at her or her mother. Despite the differences, it was definitely him. "That's Joel", she whispered quietly to Ollie although it wasn't really necessary as the older man was making a beeline for their table. Unlike the other visitors, Amber-Jade didn't get to her feet to hug him in greeting; and didn't speak until he had sat down opposite her. AJ, it's so good to see you. I'm so glad that you finally came to visit, I was worried that I would never see you again; especially when you never returned any of my letters. For a second, she lost the ability to speak; just staring at the man who had taken so much from her.
"And so do you, AJ. We both deserve to have some happiness for once in our life." Ollie stated in a genuine tone. The two had been through so much in their life, more than what a typical person would be able to handle in an entire lifetime; and yet, they were still standing. But still, it was a lot - and even they deserved some happiness in their life after getting hit after hit, blow after blow. "Yes, and I love how corny and sentimental she is, it's what made me fall in love with her...but no softness right now. Hard exteriors only, we can cry and be soft once we get back to the airport." He said only jokingly, smiling although she couldn't see it in that moment. Even he noticed that her breathing was a bit more controlled than it had been just moments before, showing that maybe he was doing something right. "It's not going to break you, because you know that at least you came and tried to get some closure. You won't be living in the 'what if' after this, you won't wonder what could've happened if you just came, because you will sure as hell know in about an hour. He broke you once, Amber, don't let him do it again. He doesn't the right to break you anymore." He said in a quiet voice. Ollie didn't know how to feel in that moment, especially when the CO walked them to an open visiting area. He really was about to become face to face with the man that ruined Amber's child hood; he really was going to be just a few feet away from the man he's never even seen a picture of, let alone met, and yet the man that Ollie's felt the most rage towards. Ollie had planned to just be a fly on the wall, to just be there and not say a word, to just be there for moral support. The fact that they were in an open area kind of changed that, though; now, he felt his walls building, those protective walls that he had whenever becoming face to face with potential danger and/or hostility...but for her. Ollie shyly smiled to himself as Amber discreetly took his hand under the table; he squeezed and held onto her hand, his thumb gently grazing over the soft skin as a means of providing the other some comfort. Noticing how stiff the others body had become, Ollie immediately looked up, his brows furrowing in concern. His green eyes darted back and forth between the taller male and the redhead, and he just knew that he was her father. Ollie took a closer look at him, and he could see the resemblance; Amber did take on a few of his features. Her stating that it was Joel was just the nail in the coffin, further confirming that the male was exactly who Ollie thought he was. His eyes grew dark as the older male took a seat across from them, the muscles in his face further tensing when Joel began talking to her. He waited for a moment. Fly on the wall, you are a fly on the wall. This isn't about you, this is about her - he continued to repeat to himself, kind of a like a mantra. He turned his head to look at the redhead, just to notice that she had gone completely blank. Letting out a soft sigh, he turned his head back towards the other male. "I'm Oliver. I've known your daughter for, what...eight years now?" He stated in a neutral tone, knowing that him going off would just further trigger his friend. "We met in the group home when she was first placed into state care and looked have looked after each other ever since. She's quite something special, no thanks to you."
"I'm so glad that you've started to find your happiness", Amber-Jade told him. She knew that Ollie still had issues that he was working through but seeing him at MU was such a relief for her as she finally knew where he had ended up; and that he was not only okay but actually happy. "Considering everything she's been through, her softness is pretty fucking amazing. I've got it, though; no crying until we've left the prison". She very rarely cried but she had a feeling that she wouldn't be completely in control of her emotions today; after all, this was a very heightened and confronting experience for her. "He doesn't have the right to break me", she repeated, whispering the words to herself over and over like a mantra as she braced herself for what she was about to experience. It was certainly embarrassing that her first response to seeing her father was to freeze entirely but she found herself squeezing Ollie's hand tightly as he jumped in; covering for her so that it wasn't obvious to Joel that he was having such a huge effect on her right now. When Ollie finished speaking, she finally found her voice. "I don't know how you keep finding my address and why you insist on continuing to write to me even though I've never replied. I'm not sure if it's some sick game that you're playing but it certainly seems that way, especially when none of your letters are actually an apology or an explanation; rather a way of painting yourself as the victim. I'm here to give you a chance to explain everything, the actual truth of it all, rather than just pleading accounts that beg for me to defend you in front of the parole board. After that, I will decide what I'm going to do with that information but from this point forwards, everything is going to be on my terms. You don't get to call the shots anymore, this is my life and I refuse to allow you to try and control it from afar".
"I was really able to find it once you came back into my life. You have no idea how crappy these last couple of years have been without you." Ollie said with a soft smile. It was true, he mainly found himself really being happy once he had bumped into Amber back in February. Her returning back into his life meant that he had everything, that everything was finally okay. He had a girlfriend he loved with everything in him, he had friends who actually cared for him, and now he had his best friend - someone he practically grew up with, and someone who knew him almost better than anyone. Ollie didn't want her father to feel as though he had a hold of her life anymore, even if he did. He could feel his protective side come out, but even then, he knew that this would be very emotional for her. That's why he was mentally prepared to deal with whatever emotions that came after this reunion. He couldn't fight the smirk that his lips turned into when she finally was able to find her own voice. He gave her hand a small squeeze before looking over at her and giving her a soft, comforting smile - nonverbally letting her know that she was doing great so far. Once she was done speaking, Ollie looked back over towards the older male that sat across the table from them, his eyes immediately turning cold and distant. "You've been wanting her to talk to you for years now...well, she's here. So I would start talking before her patience runs out, and trust me, we will not be making another trip back here." Ollie stated in a calm, yet cool tone. He didn't want the other to get the impression that he can just waste their time, waste her time. She needed answers, and this wasn't the time for her father to play any games with her mind and heart - he wasn't going to allow that by any means.
"I have some idea. After all, I've been without you for just as long". She knew that there would come a day where they had to sit down and actually talk about everything that had happened since that awful day in which Ollie was moved to Connecticut but she also knew that now wasn't the right time. Like Ollie, her life had drastically improved on that fateful day when they had run into each other on campus and now that he was back in her life again, she had no intention of ever losing him again. Her legs were trembling under the table on account of the significant amount of nerves currently coursing through her body and she genuinely felt like she might have thrown up or run away if it wasn't for Ollie sitting beside her, grounding her. Her father nodded his head at Ollie's cold words and immediately launched into his version of events.
He apologized for the pleading letters that he had been sending, telling AJ that he had recently discussed them with his therapist and realized that the letters were another form of emotional abuse; another way of trying to control AJ and control the narrative of their lives, even when she had made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with him. He talked about his own childhood, about his cold and domineering parents who had never really wanted children. His mother, who turned a blind eye to the fact that her husband spent more nights in Joel's bed than her own; and his father, who took everything from Joel when he was still too young to understand what was happening. He talked about meeting Audrey and how he thought he had loved her; how he had promised that he would be a better man than his own parents and would take care of Audrey and Amber-Jade. He talked about AJ's birth, about his heartbreak when he went away for a few nights and had come home to realize that his father had stayed with Audrey and AJ in his absence; and his guilt over what this may have meant. He talked about his descent into substance abuse to try and dilute some of those feelings, his rage and anger over everything in his life, especially when he was coming down from methamphetamines; and how Audrey had borne the brunt of this. He spoke about his affairs, his abusive behavior towards Audrey, his manipulation of her so that she started using too, his neglect of AJ. He disclosed the straw that broke the camel's back, of finding out that Audrey had been having an affair and was considering leaving him; and how this triggered the events of that fatal night, the night that ruined AJ's life forever. By the time he had finished talking, her eyes were burning and tears were rolling steadily down her cheeks. Her father's story had raised far more questions that it answered; questions about just what had happened to her in her early childhood; and she was utterly speechless.
Ollie simply just chuckled at her statement, giving a small nod. Those years between the time he left the group home to when the two reunited at Monarch truly had been some of the worst of his life; the exception being his girlfriend. He hadn't been ready to speak much about it in that moment, but while every one thought he was getting a second chance he may or may not have deserved, those years really just felt lonely, and were full of feelings of depression and anxiety - leaving him in a dark place that even now he tried to run away from. This wasn't the time to speak about that, though, but maybe one day - maybe.
He could practically feel the girls leg continue to bounce up and down, so much so if he didn't know any better he would think she was about to fall out of her seat and make a run for it. Because of that, he found himself placing his hand back on top of hers under the table, gently squeezing it, nonverbally telling her that she didn't have to be afraid; that he was here and wouldn't ever allow anything bad come to her. Ollie's green eyes continued to darken, mixed with emotions of anger, despair, confusion, and oddly enough - some sadness for the man. As someone who could relate to childhood sexual abuse, Ollie really did feel for him, but those feelings were immediately taken back by anger once again. There really was no excuse for what he did to Amber's mom, what he did to Amber. He found himself speechless by the time the other man was done, not that he had any place to have an opinion to begin with; but he could feel his friend's emotions, and knew she had been crying despite the fact he hadn't even been looking at her. His eyes went from staring at the table to look back up at the man he truly couldn't stand, getting a better view of him before attempting to speak. He grew speechless once again, having nothing to say to the man, but instead looking towards Amber and leaning in slightly. "Are you okay?" he said in a whispered tone, but still loud enough for her father to hear.
Amber-Jade's head was a complete mess right now. For the first time in her life, she actually felt a shred of pity for her father. She found herself questioning why her mom had bothered to tell Joel about the affair and hadn't simply packed their bags and left; only to feel angry and disappointed in herself for that line of thought. More than anything, though, she was questioning what had happened to her. How many times had her grandfather stayed at their home without Joel being aware of it? Was there a possibility that she had been hurt in the same way as her father? She knew that the child protection system was completely fucked and that her life in the group home wasn't a massive improvement over residing with her family, yet how could a system that was supposed to care for children leave her in such a fucked up place for so long? The more that she listened to Joel talk, the more that she realized one fundamental truth -- whilst Ollie had come into the system after a freak accident, she had been destined for it. She hadn't done anything to deserve this, rather had the misfortune of being born into a life characterized by substance abuse, infidelities, neglect, domestic abuse and now possibly sexual abuse too. "I... I think I need to leave", the redhead said quietly. She had intended on confronting her father, of telling him how much he had destroyed her life, but the anger had drained from her body; instead replaced by complete and utter exhaustion that she felt down to her bones. Raising her voice slightly so that Joel knew that she was talking to him, she opened her mouth and said one final thing to him. "I came to tell you that I hated you for everything that you had done to me, that you had done to mom. I was just a child and you were supposed to take care of me, you were both supposed to take care of me. Instead, you just fucked me up in ways that you can't even imagine... the things that I had to do in order to survive because of your actions aren't things that I can take back and they messed me up even further. Y-you couldn't even let me have that moment, though. You had to murky the water with your story, you had to make me question the only things about my life that I thought I knew. I don't know why I expected anything different from a manipulative, destructive man like yourself".
Ollie could his heart pounding against his chest and his blood boil. He was heartbroken for his dear friend, for knowing that something more could’ve possibly had happened to her and it was very possible she could always live in the “what if”. But more than anything he was angry; he was angry that someone would ever allow all of these things to happen to their kid; angry that nobody protected her; angry that the state and the foster care system had failed her before she even entered the system. Hearing her say that she thought it was best to go, Ollie allowed her to say whatever she needed to say before taking action. Placing his arms onto the table, he leaned in slightly. “You’re done reaching out her. No more letters of begging and pleading for her to come see you and forgive you, because your sorry ass doesn’t deserve any sort of sympathy, let alone forgiveness.” He began his voice low and cold. He paused for a moment, taking in the older man’s face by getting a real good look at it, a face that he would personally never forget. “Take one more good look at her because this is it. Go back to your cell and rot like the piece of shit you are, and pray to god that you don’t ever get out on parole.” He added, his voice continuing to be cold and distant, the only emotion being shown in that moment being pure anger. Leaning back, he look towards the redhead, offering her his hand to take for support. “Ready to go?”
Amber-Jade got to her feet whilst Ollie made it clear to her father that he wasn't to reach out to her any longer; and the letters must stop immediately. It was an old defense mechanism that she had relied on heavily over the years and one that she knew wasn't exactly healthy, yet she could still feel herself shutting down as a result of the conversation with her father. It was like the walls around her heart were being rebuilt brick by brick; and she was forcing herself to feel numb, to shut down her emotions so that this didn't break her. "Ready", Amber-Jade said quietly, taking his hand as the two of them left the prison. It didn't take them long to hand their visitor passes back in and sign out of the prison, although the entire process was a blur to the redhead on account of her current emotional state. She didn't say another word until the two of them were back in the car that Ollie hired. "Can we please go back to the motel? I need a hot shower and I need to sleep", she said, her voice hollow even to her own ears.