When Everything Went Wrong
Pairings: Anakin & padawan!reader, Obi-Wan & Anakin’s!padawan!reader (all platonic)
Imagine: Anakin losing his second padawan, and it’s his own fault
Warnings: possessive Anakin?, Anakin overall?, force choking, the word of unaliving yourself is mentioned once, Obi-Wan kinda being a better dad to you than Anakin, idk what else
A/N set sometime after Ahsoka left
I actually don’t remember fully what this one is about, it’s been laying in my drafts finished for like forever so decided to just post it while I finish some other fics
around 1800 words
Cold metal hand, fleeting glares, snide comments. Your bond with Anakin started painfully slow. Maybe it was the grief that lingered in his heart that made him so distant, or maybe it was the anger you could feel rolling off him, the anger at the council he blamed for its wrong doings. You should have seen it sooner, as everyone else should have. But you never see it coming until it hits you right in the face. You’d heard victims of families say they never saw the signs. Didn’t see what the person that did a horrendous act in the future was capable of. Neither do you, or Obi-Wan, Padme or the council. Most of them saw a sad boy lost in emotions that consumed him.
Not you. You saw him. The man who’d been taken from his mother, the one who’d been told was the one to uphold the peace. You saw the way he felt his emotions, the way his hand gripped around the throats of those he loved, possessive, loving but frightened. He was scared. And maybe that’s why he distanced himself from you. He didn’t like the way you looked at him, really looked at him, you shouldn’t off. You were just a kid but still you saw past what most people couldn’t.
Or maybe it was because he’d just lost his padawan. She’d left him. But he didn’t hold any anger against her. He knew why she left, he understood and it’d been her decision. And despite the pain that filled him over it and the way his heart cracked a bit more since his mothers death he didn’t stop her. He didn’t blame her, he just let her go. Maybe there was hope for him yet. Maybe it could have been. Or maybe there never was.
Slowly the metal hand he placed on your shoulder to direct you along towards a meeting turned into his human hand, warm and soft against the fabric of your Jedi robes, gentler. Slowly the glare in his eyes softened into tiny specs of care. Harsh words turned into scoldings of worry. The silence filled with teasing comments, nicknames were made. He’d sit you down and teach you how to repair things. Teach you how to fly… or more so fly as if suicide was on the edge of the ship.
He started to care. He’d spend long nights talking to Padme about it. Nuzzled up to her, hand protectively on her stomach. Padme despite not yet having met you felt as if she had. She’d heard enough to know you reminded her of Ahsoka. To know you reminded Anakin of Ahsoka. She was the one to convince him to give you a chance, maybe with a bit of a side comment from obi-wan too.
You became close. Whether he was like a father, brother or just a very close friend, it didn’t matter what you were, you could trust him and him you. And you knew he cared. He cares so blatantly obvious, he could just as well have written it with blue paint on his forehead.
It was starting to look up, not only for you but for Anakin.
Until you almost died.
You weren’t Ahsoka, you were younger, hadn’t been trained, didn't have her experience, but you’d fought extremely well against dooku for being a freshly new padawan. But it wasn’t enough, or maybe it was, you were still alive after all.
The beeps of the monitors filled the otherwise silent room. Your heart rate normal as Anakin stared at it. He didn’t wanna lose you too, he couldn’t. In ignoring you he’d set you out for a fate worse than death. He hadn’t actually started to train you until about a month ago, you basically knew the basics and not much else, which Dooku himself had once learnt when he’d been on their side.
You weren’t Ahsoka and that was the problem.
Ahsoka had exceeded all expectations, you? You didn’t… yet.
Anakin didn’t feel right when the doctor congratulated him on training his padawan well, Obi-Wan deserved it not him. While he’d distanced himself, his padawan, you, had gone to Obi-Wan, the clones, they’d help you train. Obi-Wan had helped you sift through your emotions, meditate, let go of the pain Anakin caused you. The 501 tended to distract you somehow, whether fives made funny jokes or if they allowed you to paint the piece of armor on your uniform that they insisted you get for protection, blue like theirs. They took you in with open arms cause they themselves knew what it felt like to not be included. Despite them being sad over Ahsoka they greeted you the way Anakin should have done. Rex even went out of line and talked to Anakin about it. Earning his probably first disapproving glare from the Jedi Knight.
Rex had told Cody, who told Obi-Wan who later found you hiding in the barracks behind big crates. He didn’t have to see you to know you were crying. The force bled so strongly of your sadness, like a cloud of smoke was forming around you. He’d held you that day, probably like he should have back then when Anakin was young, but he’d been young too, and despite it all he had done his best with little Anakin. He knew better now. And maybe that hurt Anakin too, how Obi-Wan took better care of you than he had him. It should have been him who hugged you, Obi-Wan would have never found you like that if he’d just let go of the fact that you were not Ahsoka and be okay with that. Obi-Wan had started to train you then, it wasn’t a secret, you’d go to him ask for help and he’d help like Anakin didn’t do.
Anakin was to blame, while Obi-Wan was to praise.
He stared at your resting face. You looked so peaceful as if he didn’t hurt you with his presence. As if your force didn’t bleed every time he was near. As if Dooku hadn’t almost killed you. Anakin knew casualties happened, injuries both physical and mental stuck with you like an irritating thorn in your foot. And it bled out of you like a glowing warning sign in the dark. Despite how you’d both just recently started to form a bond, despite the glares he’d give you having turned into smiles, you were still that kid he’d hurt. He could feel the way your force always shifted around him. Protecting you from him, he didn’t know if you did it on purpose or if the force did it on its own. Either way he woved that day to break it, to make up for the way he’d made cracks in your heart like his very own heart had. And he did if only just for a moment.
Because the thing is, he scared you. After the accident his once warm hand became firmer. He’d hold onto your shoulder as if you were about to disappear. Training became harsher until your knees buckled out and you fell to the ground exhausted. Obi-Wan instead of help for training became a break, a warm comfort from the way Anakin’s force wrapped itself around you, possessive care and protectiveness mixed into a cloud that made headaches form. You felt as if you were drowning around him, and maybe you were. He let the way he failed to protect you consume him until it was the only thing that mattered in his mind. He loved in an obsessive way, possessive but caring nonetheless.
There were good days. Days where Anakin’s force signature didn’t suffocate you. But they were always too short and it never lingered longer than a day. It became rarer and rarer until they were nonexistent. He started to bench you. “You aren’t ready”, “you need more training”, “don’t you remember what happened last time”
It wasn’t unknown to Obi-Wan that he’d find you far more often hyperventilating over Anakin. You were scared and it consumed you from head to toe, and Obi-Wan always tried his best to quench your fears, but there was only so much comfort he could give. He’d noticed it too, he wasn’t dumb, he’d tried to talk to Anakin, but it made no difference.
Anakin’s realization came all too late.
It was one of Anakin’s many downfalls as he tapped into the darkness of the force that lingered in him like a humming angry whisper, that spewed its hateful voice into his ears. Corrupting his heart with poison. As its claws speared ugly holes for the chains of hatred, fear and anger to fester.
You’d scrambled backwards, eyes wide as you collided with something, or rather someone behind you. Still your eyes stayed glued onto Anakin. Fear etched itself into you, like beskar chains hooking into you. His arm was outstretched as his hand slowly closed into a fist, the force choking Dooku, as he clutched at the invisible force on his throat.
“Anakin” you felt a warm hand help you up, the force around the person comforting. Obi-Wan. His eyes stared at Anakin with concern. The force bled with hatred, fear and something closer to possessiveness than anything else, the feelings poured out of Anakin, tugging at your force bond in a cloud of rage. Loud and painful.
“Anakin” both his arms rested on your shoulders keeping you in place while he tried his best to encircle you in the comfort of his own force, it had worked before, at times where you’d let anxiety and worry overtake you when Anakin was in trouble.
However, right now, Anakin wasn’t in trouble, he had full control of the situation and that scared you more than anything. And that was way worse.
“Anakin” His voice hardened, grew louder as Anakin finally turned to him. A flicker of anger filled his eyes that looked almost orange in hue. Red bolts striking to his pupil as his eyes darkened at Obi-Wan. The words that followed Obi-Wan’s lips next going unheard by him. His gaze fell to you. Brows furrowing as he watched you avert your gaze from him. Tugging at your force bond he froze, you were scared. The fear was rooted deep into your force, your barriers shielding you, as you refused to answer Anakin’s tug on the force. His grip on the force that was choking Dooku faltered. You were scared of him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was your master, guardian, he shouldn’t make you scared.
As soon as Dooku fell back to the floor, Anakin reached out to you. He stopped, hesitating. You’d turned, facing away from him. Burying your head into Obi-Wan, who engulfed you in a comforting embrace. His force, trying its best to quell your fears.
And in doing so Anakin’s hand dropped and he stared helplessly as his padawan went for his old master for comfort. He didn’t even turn to stop Dooku’s escape or hear Obi-Wan’s words. He’d lost you, and it was his own doing.
