tw: discussions of weight, ed mention
since i’m in a local state pageant, i was aware i’d be around skinny pageant girls who look super pretty and would either be kind or snobby. sooo when i got to orientation (yesterday) it was kind of depressing being someone who was you know bigger in dress size and wasn’t as skinny. like i’m a somewhat above average height and weight (believe me it got worst over quarantine) and i’ve been working on it… i’ve got an ed and all… and like i literally felt like an elephant in a room full of roses. the dresses were sample sizes and were just from the warehouse for girls to try on, but like omg they had like 4-6 sizes with a few size 2 in there and i knew that i couldn’t try any of them on and felt so out of place and horrible. but the girls were super nice tho. and super pretty. and like skinny. soooo now i’m going on a cleanse and exercising a lot so i don’t look like an elephant and ruin my chances of being a semi-finalist because i’m not skinny *throws up peace sign*
also the fact that one of the coordinates made us promise that we would eat made me want to, you know, not eat.
sooooo self destructive tendencies. let’s see if i can go down twenty pounds before the end of next month
