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Vertigo: Ch 6: Pyro

Vertigo: Chapter 6

Pyro

This fic is in progress.

Jim Mason x Reader

Warnings for this chapter: Smut, drug use and side effects of such use.

Summary: Things were good until they weren’t. Jim starts falling back into old habits. He doesn’t mind.

Notes: This is really where things pick up, as I’m sure you’ll see. The last bit of this chapter is actually my favorite part in the whole story. I hope you enjoy pain. Because this is just the start.

Word Count: 7.2 K

“You’re looking pretty cute over there, you know that?” Y/N nodded at her boyfriend sprawled out over her bed. Her father was out of town and it had been just the two of them for the past few days. They had just gotten done with a pretty long surf set and it was late afternoon, post-surf pizza delivery on the way.

She ran her fingers through her wet hair, snagging on a few tangles that made her wince. Jim was still looking up at her ceiling, face contemplative. He had changed out of his wetsuit and into a pair of sweats, ready for an evening of ironically terrible movies, pizza, and probably a good fuck. It should have been enough for him, and he hated feeling greedy, but it never was.

“Something interesting up there?” She went to lay next to him, the towel she dried off with lay abandoned on the floor.

“Mmmm. Not more interesting than this.” He reached behind her and grabbed a handful of her bare ass. He laughed, carefree, and kissed the top of her head. He didn’t deserve her, was the pervasive thought. Always an undercurrent in this mind.

“Come on, I have to get dressed. Food will be here soon.” She attempted to wiggle her way out from him. He gripped her tight, not letting her escape.

“You don’t have to do anything. Including getting dressed,” he challenged with a rougish smile and flipped her underneath himself.

“Jiiiim,” she couldn’t help but smile herself. “Not now, baby. Later, for sure,” she laughed and pecked him on the lips, but he leaned in and started deepening the kiss.

“Not now?” He pressed his hardness into her, still covered by his sweats. “I’m sorry I can’t help myself sometimes. I have this girlfriend who is absolutely the most stunning creature. And she walks around in a bikini all day. So you can imagine what that does to me.” His mouth moved downward and starting sucking on her neck, collarbone, leaving small bruises in their wake. She let out a small hum and tangled her fingers in his hair directing him further down to her breasts. He took a nipple in his mouth and toyed with it between his teeth. He suddenly stopped. “Oh, but you’re busy, so,” he said sarcastically and went to get off the bed.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and held him in place, pulling him closer to her. “You’re a tease. You know that?” she mumbled kissing the side of his head while he went back to work kissing her neck.

“Me? A tease? Nah,” he said and ground his hips into her. He felt her buck up, seeking any friction.

“Jimmy,” she whined and he had to restrain himself from absolutely wrecking her right there. She could play him like a violin and knew exactly what made him tick. He went back to sucking on her sensitive breasts, avoiding the nipple. A tease, indeed.

He continued down, kissing the flat plane of her tummy, her hip bones, and when he got to her inner thighs he gave a particularly hard bite. She let out a small whimper.

He knew he had her.

“Baby, let’s go out tonight.” He nuzzled into the soft skin relishing the feeling on his lips.

She picked her head up off the pillow to eye him. “Is this bribery?” She nodded at his current position between her thighs while he started to give her folds the smallest kitten licks. She threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to her center. He pulled back and gave her the softest expression she had ever seen. God, he knew how to get her to do anything.

“Is it working? The bribery?” He leaned back down, starting to apply some pressure to his licks, teasing her entrance, but not enough for satisfaction. He licked a stripe up her and she shuddered.

“I wanted you all to myself tonight,” she whimpered and looked at his boyish face from between her thighs. She loved seeing him there, but much preferred it when he was at work down there rather than giving her little puppy dog looks. But then again, he knew that.

“You can have me. All of me...at Aaron’s. He’s having a thing. Small group of us. It’ll be really chill,” he mumbled against her cunt and she knew he was going to win. Between the looks and his persuasion techniques, he could have the world. He moved back to her kissing her thighs and she immediately missed his warm mouth pressed into her, tasting her.

She let out a sigh, desperate for any sort of real pressure. “Okay, whatever, we’ll go. Please just touch me.” Her hips attempted to grind into his lips but he pulled back again. She let out another dejected cry.

“...And you’ll wear that skirt? You know the one.” He couldn’t hold back his grin, head now resting on her thigh, looking up at her.

“Yes, Yes. I know the one.”

“Then we have a deal.” He said and quickly went to make good on his promise. He pressed his mouth to her wet folds, gliding his tongue through. He let out a small moan, loving her taste. Her back started to arch off the bed and he brought a hand up to tease her breasts, pinching and grazing over them.

He continued to lap at her wetness. “Babe. God, Jim,” she gasped out when he trapped her clit between his teeth, applying the smallest pressure. Her hands started pulling his soft brown hair from the root, pressing him further into her. He loved it, being completely surrounded by her, only able to breathe her in.

Changing course, he teased her entrance with his tongue, nose buried in her clit. She couldn’t help but feel warmth pool in her stomach, seeing him like that- her wetness spread over his mouth and chin. He continued like she was his last meal, his groans sending vibrations up her spine. She swept over the hair that fell in front of his eyes, she wanted to see him, always.

His tongue went back to her clit, then licking up and down. Her breaths were coming faster, eyes closing and her head falling against the pillow submitting herself to him completely.

“Babe,” she warned but he already knew she was close, knowing her body almost as well as his own. He hummed and slid a finger into her, slowly pumping it in and out. Another was added shortly thereafter. Her cries were high pitched and music to his ears.

She really started moving her hips in time with him, grinding down onto his lips and fingers. He pulled back and she whined from the loss of contact. “Are you gonna come on my tongue for me, babygirl?”

A loud cry escaped her lips and she nodded. “Yeah, yes.” He went back to sucking on her swollen clit mumbling, “That’s my good girl,” against her warm cunt.

It was the combination of his voice joined with the vibrations they created that took her over the edge, crying his name and throwing her head back. “Jim, Jim,” she chanted like a prayer as he continued to lap at her, riding out her orgasm with her, wanting everything she had to give him. He moaned throughout, catching every drop of her.

She gently started to pull him away, oversensitive to his touch. He smiled and licked her wetness off of his swollen lips. God, he really could never get enough of her. She lay gasping, eyes still closed, trying to slow her breathing. He laid next to her, brushing stray pieces of hair off her forehead, pressing small kisses to her temple. She let out a small giggle, something she often did when a little blissed out. He didn’t know why but it always made his heart melt, seeing the small smile cresting across her lips. She was completely relaxed, carefree.

She opened her eyes to look up at him, still smiling. “Let me…” she said as she went to cup his length in her hand. The doorbell interrupted and she let out a small sigh of disbelief. Jim just smiled, happy to see her happy. Running to the closet, she put on a bathrobe. “I owe you, I swear. Tonight…” She winked as she left the bedroom.

“Oh tonight I’m getting more than just that. So are you- that was the appetizer, honey,” he called after her and he palmed his cock through his pants.

“Good. I’m starving.” Her laughter echoed upstairs and he really wished his mind wasn’t on the dime bag of coke that would be waiting for him later.

--

He could feel it, the pull. It was like a magnet or gravity or whatever else controlled the universe. It was one of those forces that he could feel but not see. Nobody could see it. A force of nature, uncontrollable.

It wasn’t his fault that things were starting up again. Or probably not starting up, more like continuing, but his current coping mechanisms of ‘run away with Y/N and try to forget about things’ wasn’t flawless.

Parties had been a regular occurrence in his life, as well as Y/N’s. She was no angel, he came to learn. She had her own demons to fight and he was more than prepared to fight them with her-but when he couldn’t even face his own, what place did he have to tell her to do the same.

It was coming up, the day. He refused to call it what he supposed it really was, but Medina wouldn’t let him forget about it despite however many little pills he swallowed. He had started seeing Chad more frequently again who was more than happy to start selling to him regularly. “There he is! Our Jimmy’s back, boys!” They had clapped him on the back and shoved another beer in his hand when he had asked to start his regular pickups again. His eyes rolled but he gladly took the tablet, winking at Alex and the others.

Were things getting bad again? Yeah. Did he know that? Yes. Did he care? Not at all. After all, that could all be forgotten with a line, a pill, a pull-he didn’t give a single fuck.

And that was the plan for the evening. To forget everything. Everything except Y/N because honestly, that’s all he could handle. He’d managed to convince her to go to the party and he felt dirty for having to do it. He almost made himself sick watching her get ready-curling her hair and painting her lips in a soft pink, for what was more or less a glorified drug deal.

What was worse was that he knew that she would get high with him and it continued to break his heart a little more every time she leaned down for a line or would lick a pill from his hand like she had all those months ago. She was smarter than that. He knew it. Jim knew he was holding her down but he was also a selfish man. If he wasn’t he’d have given up the drugs and Y/N a while ago. If he was being honest, he probably should have never talked to her. She was too good, too smart.

He took a sip from the water bottle he was holding-trying to loosen the knots in his stomach- while sitting on Y/N’s bed, waiting for her to get her things together.

“Keep drinking that,” she eyed him. “You don’t want a hangover.”

He looked at her curiously.

“Hydration prevents hangovers. Come on, that’s rookie shit, Jim.” She smirked and walked over to him. She placed a delicate kiss on his full lips and he felt some of the lipstick transfer. They laughed as he rubbed it off and headed over to what Jim knew was going to be a good night.

It wasn’t a small gathering and both of them knew that it wouldn’t be. Jim and Y/N were funny, other people would say. They were both perfectly content to be away from one another, Y/N not hanging off his arm like a showpiece, both of them feeling a little freer.

Jim vowed to himself to start off slow. He didn’t want to hit a wall halfway through the night, not when he could extend it for as long as possible-until the sun rose and reminded him of everything that was waiting for him in the light.

He had taken two of the small pink pills Alex had offered, not exactly sure what they were, but really ready for anything. Y/N had escaped him a while back, probably to go find some of the girls she was slowly becoming the ringleader of. He knew that was certainly not intentional, the girls just tended to flock to her despite her constant indifference to them.

A few shots in mixed with those pills had him feeling a pretty good buzz, he realized as he leaned against the outside of the house where guests were now spilling onto the front lawn. He could start to feel the vibrations moving through the air onto him. The colors around him looked a little brighter and his conversations flowed more naturally. He had a nagging suspicion that it was acid or some shit he was rolling on but he couldn’t be bothered to find out.

Y/N’s voice rang in the back of his head about staying hydrated and he decided to head the warning. He found himself in the kitchen, but didn’t exactly remember how he got there. He dumped the warm beer in his cup and filled it with water, grumbling to himself about he wished it was that vodka monstrosity someone had convinced him to have earlier. Tasted like shit, but certainly got him fucked up in record time.

Thinking of Y/N had set him on a mission. Those girls can’t be with her all night. He started to meander through the house starting on the ground level. He found himself caught in a few mundane conversations before he would suddenly remember his goal and start up on looking for her again.

He felt himself smile when he heard her laugh coming from upstairs. Immediately he headed up there to see her for himself. The thought of her in those jeans, the skirt was unfortunately in the laundry, was already making his head spin and he knew how much she liked to fuck while they were tripping together. He had imagined that she already took something, never one to hesitate.

When he saw her he had to suppress a groan as she was surrounded by some of her groupies as well as the bay boys. With the drugs running through his system, he found that he could care less. Walking up to her, pushing one of the guys out of the way, he cornered her against the wall of the hallway.

“Mmmmmm,” he hummed and started nibbling at her neck, already marking her as his. “Y/N, let’s go.”

She mumbled, “Jim, I was talking to people,” but still threaded her fingers into his soft hair, pulling him closer.

“Don’t care. Just need you.” He gripped her ass and brought her center to grind against his hardening cock.

“Baby,” she mumbled. “I can tell you’re on some shit right now, but I’m not there yet.” He pulled back, disappointment decorating his eyes. “Maybe an hour?”

“But I want you now, God. Look at you.” He started slipping his hand down the front of her jeans, unable to contain himself.

“Jim,” she warned, her voice sobering him a little. Her eyes darkened just enough for him to get a rush, however, and he knew she was up to no good. “If you’re a good boy and wait, maybe there will be an extra surprise for you,” she whispered so faintly he could barely hear her over the thumping music and cacophony of voices.

With that, she took his wrist and guided his hand a bit further so his fingers became slicked in her wetness, grinding onto him a few times to be thorough. She then pulled him out of her and guided his hand to her mouth, gently sucking herself off of him. Jim swore he could have cum just from that image, alone.

When Y/N was satisfied, she dropped his wrist, cupped his length through his jeans and mumbled, “Be good for me, and I’ll be good for you.” Y/N turned on her heel and bounded towards the end of the hall. She heard Jim groan, wholly unsatisfied. “One hour!” He heard her call over her shoulder and smile with a girlish giggle.

--

It must have been about an hour later that Jim realized that he should start looking for Y/N. Strange, he didn’t think she’d last the full hour.

“Jim!” He heard in a voice he didn’t expect to hear ever again. Heather was calling over to him from the top of the stairs.

“Uh, hi,” he hesitated, whatever he took not helping the awkward air that had suddenly fallen over him. He didn’t think anything could have fixed the Heather situation.

“You need to get Y/N. She’s….” Heather trailed off and Jim couldn’t help the perplexed expression that crossed his face, looking up at her.

“What?” Maybe he didn’t hear right. Y/N and Heather certainly weren’t friends. Probably quite the opposite, in fact. Why were they hanging out together?

“Jim, I’m not doing this for you. I could literally couldn’t care less about you. But Y/N really isn’t good right now so could you maybe come figure this out?” she snapped.

Something clicked and Jim started bounding up the stairs to find Y/N. No no no no no. It was impossible. She wouldn’t.

He swore he heard Heather going off about how he was the reason for this-how he was going to get Y/N killed. That he was going to get himself killed, not that she cared of course. But he couldn’t pay that any attention as he could literally feel his high fading, adrenaline taking its place.

“Baby,” he was already saying despite not being anywhere close to the group of people standing around the open bathroom door, where he imagined she was. “Move, move.” He shoved the couple people that hovered, demeanor already telling them to leave. “Baby, Y/N, Y/N,” he called out to her.

She was propped up on the sink by one of the Aaron, one of the bay boys Jim was closer with, and he was trying to get her to drink some water. Her skin was pale and she was visibly shaking while suppressing the urge to retch again.

“Jim,” Aaron said a little firm, hoping to snap Jim out of whatever stupor took hold. Jim’s eyes snapped to his friend and he could feel himself actively trying to stay as sober as he could. “She’s been asking for you.” Aaron gestured to Y/N, still in his arms.

Jim stepped over and took her, holding her close to his chest on instinct. “What happened?” He couldn’t hide the panic in his voice. She was mostly asleep, or passed out more likely. Her head lolled over and he brushed the hair out of her fluttering eyelids. “What happened?” Jim said, more forcefully, demanding the answer when Aaron hesitated.

“Alex...he uh. He gave her some new shit.” The pink pills. Fuck. He knew they felt suspiciously familiar but Alex had claimed it was some new designer drug from Europe or whatever.

Y/N had mentioned to Jim that she had bad experiences with certain pills and she was usually careful to only take what she knew would have the desired effect. Alex wouldn’t tell him what it was so he doubted that she knew. She wouldn’t have taken it if she knew. Did he force her? Did she want to take it? Was this something else? One of those date rape things? His mind whirled, unable to keep up.

“Go get Heather,” he managed to choke out. Everyone looked at him like he had lost it, well aware of the bad blood between the two. “She’s a nursing student-go get her!” His raised voice caused Y/N to stir.

“Please, can you just go get Jim, I want to see-”

“Baby, it’s me. I’m here.” She didn’t relax like he hoped she would have. He started to maneuver them onto the ground so she was cradled in his lap, his chest pressed against her back. “Did anyone go get-”

“God, yah I’m here. Calm down.” Heather walked over to the pair and closed the door behind her, keeping prying eyes out. Jim was grateful for that small mercy.

He could feel Y/N starting to get warm under his touch, her breaths coming faster.

“I told you she looks like shit,” Heather said too nonchalantly for his comfort.

“I think she’s allergic or something. I don’t know-she said she doesn’t do molly because she always has a bad trip but- I just- I don’t...” Jim stumbled over his words, trying to get things to happen faster. He could feel his own heart starting to race. Y/N was still unconscious, but starting to make slight twitching movements.

“She took too much. I don’t know what to tell you.” Heather stood above them, looking down, her sneer visible over her rhinoplasty nose.

“Heather, come on. This isn’t about us,” Jim begged through gritted teeth. He was trying to hold his tears back. This was the first time in a long time that he could say that he genuinely was scared. Because this was something that actually mattered.

He saw Heather’s dark eyes soften a fraction after looking at Y/N’s small movements and shivering breaths. His ex crouched next to Y/N and started taking her pulse, her eyes looking anywhere but at Jim.

“She’s warm. And her heart rate is too fast. So’s respiration. Jim, she’s overdosing.” Even Heather was starting to feel bad for the guy. After things ended, no matter how terribly, she was able to see him from a distance. She saw the changes in him.

Jim nearly passed out himself. “Overdosing?” His tone higher than he would have liked. “What am I supposed to do,” his voice cracked and Heather’s heart almost broke from seeing him like that.

“She’s going to be okay. I asked around and they’re pretty sure it’s glorified E. Even if this is a reaction or a bad trip or OD, E is probably the best way for it to happen. Just make sure she keeps breathing and have her drink some cold water when she wakes up.” She turned to leave the cramped bathroom but Jim’s small voice stopped her.

“Please. Stay.” She turned to look at him. “I’m scared,” he admitted and she could tell he was choking on his own tears, she had seen it enough when they dated.

“Jim,” she started but he interrupted by asking again. She sighed and resigned herself to sitting in the furthest corner from the couple. They heard the party start to die down outside as they sat in uncomfortable silence.

Jim couldn't take his eyes off Y/N. He watched her chest rise and fall, counting every time. ‘Make sure she keeps breathing’ he repeated in his head to make sure he stayed on task-terrified of what would happen if he didn’t. She’s going to be okay, she’s going to be okay, she’s going to be okay--

“You have to stop eventually, you know?”

He was pulled out of his trance like state of rocking himself and Y/N, mumbling, and running his fingers through her hair. Heather looked at him for the first time. “You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“What?” Jim looked back at her thinking that maybe he had missed part of the conversation. It had happened often enough when he was high.

“If you keep this up. I see what’s happening.”

Jim was still confused. “What’s...happening?” he managed.

“Jim,” she scoffed. “Everyone knows what’s going on. We all know what you’re doing and it’s worse than last time.”

“You don’t know shit,” he bit out, perhaps too hard.

Heather moved to stand up and Jim almost apologized. “She’s going to be fine. Just cold water when she’s awake. If in doubt, call an ambulance, please don't be stupid, okay?”

Jim only found himself to smally nod, looking back at Y/N’s peaceful, now flushed, face.

“Hey,” Heather said softer than he thinks she’s ever said to him before. He looked up to her dark eyes. “Just quit that shit, okay?” And with that she left the small room and gently clicked the door back shut.

A few moments later, Y/N started blinking her wide eyes. She immediately tried to grab Jim’s arm that was holding her to him, sensing it as a threat but when she heard the familiar voice and felt gentle touches, she knew it was Jim.

“Y/N?” his voice cracked.

“Hi,” she breathed out, trying to remain calm, knowing exactly what was happening.

“Are you okay?” he asked at a complete loss of words.

“No. But I will be.” She closed her eyes and felt unexpected tears fall. Seeming to take her cue and their privacy, he started softly cry, pressing his face into her hair.

“I could have lost you,” he sobbed out but she was still distant-feeling far and detached, poison still in her blood.

“You didn’t.” She knew she was saying these things but they felt like they completely bypassed her brain-going on reflex. Unable to feel. Numb.

“I didn’t.” He tightened his arms around her.

She mumbled something that he didn’t quite hear. “Hmm?”

“I’ve gotta stop this shit.” She looked at him, his pupils still blown, eyes red and puffy, face drawn. “We’ve gotta stop this shit.” She closed her eyes but the sight of him was still behind her eyelids. There was no room to judge because she knew she probably looked worse.

She felt him press his hand to her cheek and she turned to place a kiss in his palm. He didn’t know how to respond or if he even should considering how her eyes were glazing over again. “We’ve gotta stop this shit. He knew she was right. Of course, she was. She always was.

He should stop. And Heather had noticed-well she’s always been a nosey bitch, anyway- but even she was worried. Probably the person that hated him the most was worried about him. And he knew he still wouldn’t stop. He knew that this should scare him, and it did-for her. But had be been in her place, he couldn’t care less. In fact, something about that was almost a comforting thought.

Y/N’s eyes were shut but her lips moved softly. “It’s too much for me. All this.”

Jim still didn’t know if he should answer. But he did, anyway. “It’s not enough for me. It never is.”

--

Medina squeezed herself into the pastel pink dress chosen for her by the not-so-blushing bride. It wasn’t tight like the embrace of a warm wetsuit, but instead the snug fit of a noose around her neck.

Jim wasn’t home but she still hung his tux on the outside of his closet as a gentle reminder that today was the day.

Things had been good until they weren’t.

Medina saw the way his clothes started to fit looser, the way he would shake when trying to text. His jaw was clenched so hard half the time she thought his teeth would snap. Sometimes she would hear him try to stifle cries and screams while the shower ran.

Things were good. But they were horrible, too.

Y/N fell into his orbit and made him secure, safe. She wasn’t there though, not that day. The day was Phil’s wedding. Phil and Rebecca. Rebecca was some redhead nurse that had starting working at his practice a year ago. The upcoming date was having a snowball effect on both Jim and Sandy, who was currently locked in her bedroom, holed up with the blinds shut.

Medina still didn’t know if she wanted to go despite her already dressing and carefully applying makeup. She was still his daughter. A deep part of her still wanted to make him proud even if she was too embarrassed to admit it.

She and Jim had countless conversations about their father’s wedding, each worse than the previous.

“We have to go, Jim. We’re his only children,” Medina said kicking a rock off the cliff edge they were balanced on.

“I’m not going.” Final. She knew she shouldn’t press, but since when did Medina listen to limits.

“Just do it. It’s one day and then you never have to see him again,” she tried to reason.

His face was contemplative but his teeth still ground together-jaw tight. “Medina. I don’t think me being there would make it a better day. I don’t give a fuck about him and his new whore,” Jim’s words were scathing and she was happy their dad wasn’t there to hear them. She tried to convince herself that he didn’t mean them. “I’m on mom’s side, remember?”

“There are no sides in this,” she whispered, the crashing waves almost silencing her.

“Yeah. There’s always sides. And mom and I obviously know whose you’ve chosen,” he sneered as he went to stand up on wobbling legs. “Move.” He tapped her back with his foot, she still sat with her legs slung over the cliff.

She didn’t. She sat with her jaw almost as tight as Jim’s. “Medina, move or I’ll push you off this fucking cliff.”

She took one look at him and knew he was serious. Deciding moving was in her best interest, she did.

--

The conversations continued. Each time Medina’s comments more snappy and Jim’s pupils blown impossibly wider. He was always loud when he was like that so Medina was pretty sure their mother, and neighbors, knew exactly what was going on.

Jim was her best friend. The only person she could really talk to. The only one that understood her, and she was the only one who could understand him. But he wasn’t himself. She couldn’t think like him anymore.

“Mom,” she whispered outside Sandy’s locked door of her bedroom. When there was no response she knocked lightly.

“The fuck you want, Medina?” she screamed out, voice sounding raw.

“I’m going to head out, okay? I’ll be home late,” she still whispered.

“Where’s Jim?” The door swung open to reveal Sandy clinging onto dirty tissues, makeup running down her face, always clad in her bathrobe. She eyed her daughter with contempt.

Sandy pushed past her and continued to the living room, on the hunt for her son. “Jim!, Jim!” she started shrieking.

“He’s not here. I don’t know where he went,” Medina said gently. She was really trying her best with her mom as she could see how hard this day must be. Medina wasn’t a robot, she did have a little empathy for her. Granted that was overshadowed by an immense hatred.

“I know where he’s not. I know he isn’t abandoning me,” Sandy sneered. This was followed by a laugh that shook Medina to her bones. Sandy continued to look at her daughter as if she were under a microscope. “You look ridiculous. Flat a board, Medina.” And with that, she stomped back into her bedroom.

Medina sighed and tried calling Jim one more time before driving to the ceremony in her little yellow beetle. He didn’t answer. She was too exhausted to worry about him anymore.

--

The ceremony was beautiful, she admitted. It was full of soft colors and flowers, obviously was chosen by the new Mrs. Mason. The thought that she now shared her last name with another person made her shudder so she took another sip of her champagne.

Phil had given her a hug the moment she walked through the door to the wedding venue. When he asked if Jim was able to make it she pretended she didn’t hear him and swore that she saw him actually shed a tear. Letting herself be whisked from family member to friends of the new couple, her mind started to wander.

The Masons didn’t have much family, just some aunts from the east coast. Cooing about how much she had grown up and how much she resembled her grandmother had gotten old fast. Their next topic was worse.

Having to explain to everyone that Jim wasn’t there was horrid. She started making the stories more ridiculous as she went. “He tried to surf down the stairs.” “He’s donating his left kidney to an orphan.” “He was in a shark attack.” They all gave her strange looks. She didn’t care.

Rebecca was upset that the photographs were off center. It was supposed to be four bridesmaids and four groomsmen framing the couple in their photographs and at the ceremony. With Jim missing, she was the odd one out. The extra bridesmaid, Medina was forced to walk down the aisle alone, smiling, pretending her brother was by her side. She opted out of the photos and kicked her heels off the first chance she had.

Immediately following the ceremony was the reception which carried over the same theme of pastels and flowers. With a little champagne in her, all the colors started to blend in a sick imitation kaleidoscope. The night had passed in similar fashion to the ceremony. “Oh, yeah he’s actually really sick.” “He’s in the hospital.” “He died.” She couldn’t help but feel like now the excuses were getting closer to the truth.

Not a single person was satisfied with having just Medina there because that’s what it was, right? Just Medina. If Jim were in her place she would bet her life that they wouldn’t ask about her. Not even once. She rolled her eyes and speared another piece of her steak.

After dinner, she hid in the bathroom to avoid any more ‘Jim’ questions. She was running out of excuses for him. After taking a few shots she was starting to feel better, though.

I get it, Jim. She thought pretending he could hear her on the other end-something she had done since they were kids. Twin telepathy, or whatever. The room was fuzzy and warm where she perched on the edge of the sinks, watching videos on how to perfect your roundhouse cutback.

The liquor running through her veins did make her curious as to what those little white pills felt like. Fucking coward. That’s what he was. Unable to cope. Weak.

The thought of her twin brother suddenly made her furious. He was already everyone’s favorite, always got the attention, friends, love. He was perfect and nobody would ever let her forget it. And he still ran from it. Ran from every opportunity to be happy.

The only reason they still think he’s perfect was because of her. What if she stopped covering for him? Or was honest to their friends and family? “Why isn’t Jim here? Oh well, you see he’s probably tripping balls, high as a kite on some cliff, trying to run from all of his problems instead of manning up and handling them.”

And why the fuck was Y/N still with him? She had everything going for her-looks, personality, money, smarts. Why Jim? She was her friend first. Of course, she went to Jim. Everyone always does. Sometimes she wanted to take her friend’s pretty face and shove it in the waves. “Is his dick really that good? Or are you just desperate?” Medina smiled.

There was a sudden commotion outside and she figured it was time to cut the cake or whatever happens at weddings. She rolled her eyes and tapped on another video, not caring that she was probably using all their data plan. It was when she heard a familiar voice yelling did she decide she had to see this with her own eyes.

She couldn't’ hold back the biting laugh when she saw her lanky brother being dragged out of the building. Her legs started to follow despite her head wanting to do anything but.

“‘Dina! See! I know her!” he hollered and pointed to her over the shoulder of one of their uncles. Medina was pretty sure they didn’t recognize him. “Medina!”

He was in jeans and a tee shirt and looked like he had just been dipped in a pool he was sweating so much. Completely manic.

Medina stood, shell-shocked that this was even happening, her blood running cold. Without thinking she bunched up her pink gown in one hand, happy she lost the shoes hours ago, and stormed over to her twin. In her other hand she grabbed his forearm. Hard.

“Ow, stop that.” He pawed at her weakly as she dragged them outside near the valet parking.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she screamed, vicious. He just laughed in response, his head thrown back exposing his prominent veins in his neck.

“You’re the one that begged me to come.” He opened his arms and gestured to himself. “Well. Here I am,” and he kept laughing.

“You’ve lost it, you know that?” She moved closer to him and pushed his shoulders back, making him stumble a little. “You’ve gone completely batshit and you won’t even remember it tomorrow.” She pushed him again.

“No, no, no. I’m not the one that’s lost it, Medina. That’s you!” He pointed a long finger at her. “Going to dad’s wedding? His wedding.” He rolled his eyes so hard that he almost made himself fall backward. “Bullshit. It’s all fucking bullshit. All of this.”

“Jim. Go home. Don’t make this more embarrassing,” she demanded.

“For who? For dad? For you? Are you embarrassed by me?” He still was too loud. The valet parking workers had started to look on from the periphery. “‘Cause I’m embarrassed by you a lot but I don’t tell you that, now do I?”

She didn’t know what to say and held her breath. Maybe if she held it long enough she’d wake up and this would all be a nightmare.

She’d wake up in her childhood bed back home in Michigan and Jim would be next to her, crawling in because sometimes he was afraid of the dark. They’d be six again. A Sunday. Dad would be making pancakes. Mom would be slicing fruit. The news would be on but Jim would change it to Looney Tunes.

“You’re embarrassed,” he scoffed. “You embarrass yourself going around staring at people, being weird. I’ve had to talk you up to so many people trying to get you friends but you always scare them off. Sometimes I wish you were normal, God.” He looked at her, disgusted.

“Normal? Because this is so normal,” she gestured to him, his strung-out appearance, his too loud voice. Somehow he was still beautiful to her. “It’s not normal to stay cooped up watching your mother as a twenty-two year old man. It’s not normal to be so obsessed with her!” She was screaming now, too. Let them listen.

“Me? Obsessed with her? Oh, you’ve got it so backwards you don’t even know. It’s sad that you still have to convince ‘Daddy’ that you’re the favorite,” he mocked her. She had called their Dad ‘Daddy’ until Jim said it wasn’t cool to do that anymore. She listened to him. She always did.

“Jim, I’m fucking sick of this.”

His face took a turn. Going from pure rage into something marked of sadness. She saw tears start to well in his ocean blue eyes. “Why can’t it be different?” He couldn’t keep up with the conversation. It felt like his mind was being pulled in so many directions it was going to snap. Maybe it would and this would finally be over. Everything would be over.

“What?” she bit out, obviously still furious despite her confusion on his topic change.

“Do you remember when we went to Lake Michigan?” The questions made perfect sense in his head so he repeated it when she clearly didn’t understand. “We hid in those dunes, remember? We had to share the bed in the hotel and you twisted your ankle running on the beach?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Of course, she remembered. He knew she did.

“I only need you. That’s it. It’s you and me, whether you like it or not.” He smiled his thousand-watt smile but she could still see the hostility in his eyes, hiding behind blown pupils. “I made you laugh so hard-we laughed so hard.” His tears spilled over and fell onto his too prominent cheekbones.

“It’s never going to be like that again, Jim. It’s over. Move on.” She knew she was still yelling even though he had stopped awhile ago. They still stood facing each other, a few feet apart.

“I want it back. It’s me and you,” he repeated and he could start to feel the blackness creep into his vision. He kept nodding even though he willed himself to stop.

Medina continued as if he didn’t speak. “That’s your problem.” She had a revelation. “You don’t move on. That’s why you’re so much like mom.”

He stepped forward, fast and angry, and she shrunk back, genuinely scared of him like this. She honestly wasn’t sure if he would hurt her.

Something told her that he would.

Despite her better judgment, she continued. “You know? You’re becoming crazy like her, too. Relying on everyone except yourself.”

His eyes softened and he took a step back. He started biting at his cuticles until one bled. His head started to shake slowly, his eyes no longer seeing anything that made sense.

“Everyone is tired of your bullshit, Jim. Nobody cares anymore. We’re exhausted. This is exhausting.” She knew what she would say next would break him but to be honest, she stopped caring. “Ask Y/N.”

Jim’s eyes widened and he cocked his head. He ran his hand through sweaty hair and he kept blinking his red puffy eyes. It made Medina furious that she still loved him. Even like this.

She dropped her voice to just above a whisper. There was no reason for anyone else to hear it except him. “She’s done with you. Ask her. Everyone’s done with your bullshit. Even Y/N,” she sneered, knowing that she hit him where it would hurt long and hard.

He slid to his knees, unable to keep his vision upright. She didn’t go to catch him.

“I’m not your handler. I don’t want to take care of you anymore. I’m done.” Medina turned on her bare heel and started back into the party.

Time was different for Jim, but he knew he managed to get out, “I need you, Medina,” before he collapsed completely, his face scraping against the concrete. He tasted blood in his mouth, the copper tang grounding him to reality. The only thing keeping him there.

“I don’t need you, Jim. Not anymore,” was the last thing he heard before succumbing completely to the cocktail of pills and powders he had taken.

In his life, he had never felt more alone.

Jim in pain squad: @ccodyfern @langdonsrapture @langdonsdemon @coloursunlimited @thecinderellaposts @michael-langdon-appreciation @langdonalien @tarkofetis @stupidocupido @katiekitty261 @ovarydosed @lovelykhaleesiii @starwlkers @aveiangdon @heelsamizayn @americanhorrorstudies @sojournmichael @oneday-i-will-fight-luke17 @tickled-pinkmoodpoisoning @codysfallenangels

Special thanks to @thecinderellaposts @michael-langdon-appreciation @starwlkers @ccodyfern @babypinkstyles94 for letting me tease you all with more Jim content and then take forever to write it. ily <3

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