Paper Daisies - Ch 14/?: "You Make it Worth It"
Summary: Jax has a late-night talk with the Circus' resident father figure, and then finds Pomni at an unexpected place.
A/N:
WOWWEE GUYS it's been almost a month SORRYYY for the wait working full time and being in college is WACK , however classes are almost over so I hope to give this fic some more attention soon ! I really hope this chapter is worth the wait, it's actually the longest so far with around 3.7k words and I think y'all will really enjoy it !! As always, thank you so much for reading !
ALSO, WE HAVE THE FIRST ARTWORK FOR THIS FIC !!! It will be linked at the end of chapter 12 because its a whole COMIC for that scene, but Im linking it here too because they're so so awesome and you all have to check them outttt ANYWAYS HERE YA GO !!
💬 4 🔁 40 ❤️ 243 · Genuinely tweaking I’ve never had fanart of any of my stuff before and ITS SO BEAUTIFULLLL PLEASE go check them out ++ S
Their user on Tumblr is @bewareofkylie,, everyone please go show them some love !!!
ONE FINAL NOTE: THIS CHAPTER HAS NSFW IN IT. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.
When they return to the Circus, the cast is thoroughly winded. Pomni is walking next to Jax, and the backs of their hands brush every few strides. It still makes Jax’s heart flutter.
He breaks away from the group pretty quickly, ducking away towards the hall. Pomni doesn’t follow him - he guesses she probably wants to give him some space - he’s grateful for the thought, but he still wants her close.
He gazes across the hall at her door, her little frowny portrait looking down at him. In his nightmares, he sees a thick red ‘X’ over it.
His heart starts beating faster.
Stop, he wills. She’s here, and she’s fine. She’s not going to abstract like-
Like Kaufmo. Like Ribbit.
He didn’t think they were going to abstract either.
He pulls on his ears anxiously and retreats to his room. It’s bland, and he hates it.
He hates the Circus.
He can still see the indents of claw marks and dents on the walls, reminiscent of his first few months in the Game.
He was younger then - well, metaphorically. Time doesn’t pass here. Or maybe it does, and he just doesn’t get it.
Stop thinking so hard. Put on a happy face.
He walks to his desk and collapses down into the chair. His hands dig into the synthetic material as he tries to ground himself. His jaw clenches.
How does he deal with needing somebody, more than as a friend, when all he’s ever needed was himself?
Oh, but she’s so perfect - he knows he doesn’t deserve her. It eats away at him, and it makes him want to push her away, makes him want to play these sick mind games that nearly ended their relationship before it even started.
But he can’t bring himself to do that to her. Selfishly, he wants him all for himself, too.
What would she look like, he wonders, pinned underneath him and whispering his name like he’s the only thing that matters?
Get it together, he says in his mind and softly out loud. He feels his mind slipping, like he can’t collect his thoughts.
If you really want her around, then show her.
That little daisy drawing he’d done days ago sits at the front of the desk, and he noodles it around in his hands. He judges it harshly - the lines aren’t straight, and the shading is messy - Gangle would be able to do it a hundred times better.
But he isn’t Gangle, he reminds himself, and what matters is that he tried. That’s what Pomni says, over and over, after all.
He picks it up and slinks across the hall, ensuring nobody can see him before he pulls a key out of his pocket and slips it in the door.
His hand lingers on the metal, and he hesitates. He feels bad, for the first time in a long time, like he’s invading her privacy.
He isn’t used to feeling remorse for his actions - it’s a new and very disconcerting feeling.
Maybe he wouldn’t feel bad breaking into Ragatha’s room, and he definitely wouldn’t feel bad about breaking into Zooble’s room. But Pomni? He can’t violate her trust like that, not when he’s gone through so much to earn it, self sabotage and break it, and then earn it again.
He slides the drawing under the door, and the key along with it.
*
Jax tosses and turns alone in his bed during what feels like the middle of the night. And maybe it truly was - he can’t remember the last time anybody had messed with the day/night cycles here. Upon realizing that Caine could control the time of day, the cast had cumulatively agreed to keep it as close to a true 24-hour day and night cycle as the Circus as they could get.
Usually, Jax enjoys the night. It’s quiet, and it gives him time to snoop around without everyone else bothering him.
In some strange way, he finds peace in those moments.
Only now, he doesn’t want to do it alone - after spending so much time in close quarters with Pomni, he feels very acutely the empty space in the bed next to him.
He doesn’t like it - but he doesn’t want to intrude. He wants her, but he doesn’t want to scare her away.
I’m a walking confliction, he thinks, huffing at the realization. After another hour of trying and failing to get to sleep, he finally gives up and rips the blankets off before tip-toeing to his door and cracking it.
He looks both ways - the hallway is clear. He’s gotten quite good at being stealthy. Or so he thinks, until he enters the main room and finds Kinger standing outside his fort, one hand pressed to where his jaw would be in thought.
Here we go, Jax grumbles, mostly to himself, but the chess piece surprisingly overhears.
“What was that? Oh, hi Jax!” He greets the rabbit with a warm smile, waving at him.
“Hey, Old Man,” Jax responds, voice guarded as continues to walk away from the chess piece. “Just exploring, don’t mind me.”
“I’m not that old, you know,” he says wistfully, without bite in his tone.
“Yeah? Well, compared to me you are.”
“Maybe. Can’t sleep?”
Jax huffs - despite his best efforts it doesn’t seem like he’s going to get out of speaking to Kinger that easily.
“I’m fine. Why are you so observant all of a sudden?”
His tone comes off a bit harsher than he’d like, but the other part of him really doesn’t care.
He doesn’t care. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care…
“Things tend to make more sense when I’m in the dark,” Kinger explains. “I’m not really sure why. You know, Pomni noticed the same thing.”
“Yeah… Pomni.”
“It was very kind of her to help you through that maze. You were both very brave… I think.”
“She was,” he says, surprising himself at the admission. God, I really am getting soft.
“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, Jax,” Kinger says absentmindedly, picking up a pillow and placing it against the others. Jax’s eyes pin in surprise, and he takes a guarded step back.
I don’t deserve to be good to myself, he thinks, but he’d rather abstract than say that out loud. He forces a grin.
“When have I ever been hard on myself, Kinger? This,” he gestures up and down at himself, “is peak performance!”
“I don’t think that’s what I meant,” Kinger chuckles, and the tone is warm - almost fatherly. It makes Jax cringe, and even more so because a part of him welcomes it.
He’s really coming to find that he likes the feeling of people caring about him.
“It’s not that easy, Old Man,” Jax says finally, crossing his arms and pacing around the pillow fort. “Not when it’s been this long.”
“You changed for Pomni,” Kinger offers, and Jax straightens up. ‘Changed.’ That word has such a twisted connotation in his mind that he isn’t sure if it was a good thing or not.
“Pomni wasn’t there to see how awful I was. Before Kauf… ugh. Whatever.”
“I would give anything to see my Queenie again,” Kinger begins, “And you’re lucky.”
“Lucky?”
A long silence.
“You can come back from it. She couldn’t.”
Jax’s world spins in front of him, and his stomach clenches. How had Kinger known? How long? Did the others-
“How did you know?” is all he can say, his voice low and laced with shock.
“I spend a lot of time here at night,” he explains nonchalantly, continuing to work on the pillow structure. A few of the pillows slide down, and he tries to force them back into place with little avail. “Like I said, things make sense in the dark. It’s nice to be able to really think about things, to try to understand.”
“So you saw me going to her room.”
“Of course I did. I would’ve come to help you myself if she wasn’t already there, but something tells me you need her more than anybody else here.”
“...Something like that,” he admits reluctantly, shifting on his feet. “Do the others know?”
“I never remember by the morning,” he replies. “So I don’t think so. They’ll have to know at some point, though. You owe it to them.”
A long pause. “...I know.”
“I’ve been here for a very long time,” Kinger begins, gazing out across the dark main room thoughtfully. Jax follows suit, taking in the muted, eerie tones and pixelated shadows.
It’s unsettling, but maybe less so with the chess piece around. Jax won’t admit it, but he’s grateful.
“Do you want my advice?” the chess piece asks, and waits patiently for a response.
Finally, “Shoot.”
“She cares about you,” Kinger says, his voice warm. Like he’s remembering - maybe he is, Jax thinks. “And I can tell you care about her. In this world, the worst thing you can do is make somebody feel like they’re not wanted or loved.”
“She’s better off without me,” he tries to deflect as Kinger’s words hit a little too close to home.
“That’s not what I see.”
The pillow Kinger was fighting with slips out of his hand, and he lets out an exasperated huff. Jax steps up to him wordlessly and picks the pillow up gently, reaching up and placing it where Kinger had tried to and failed.
“Thanks,” Kinger says, his eyes squinting in appreciation, and Jax can hear the smile in his voice. “Now, what was it I won during that last adventure?”
“The pumpkin carving contest. Bubble ate yours, so Caine decided that meant it was the best… I think. Basically, you get to choose the next adventure. Congrats, Old Man.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t really know what I would pick. Insect collecting?”
“Sure, Buddy.”
Just as Jax turns to walk off, Kinger continues.
“What if I gave it to you?”
Jax stops and turns.
“What do you mean?”
“My adventure choice. You seem like you could really use a breather after everything.”
‘A breather’ doesn’t even begin to describe what he needs, but he listens anyway.
“You’re just… giving it to me?” Jax asks, surprised. Nobody ever does things for him without wanting anything in return.
“Sure,” Kinger responds like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Jax helps him by nudging a few more pillows into place, and he nods at him appreciatively.
The smallest smile quirks at the corners of Jax’s lips, and his eyes widen in gratitude. He hopes the darkness covers it.
“Thanks, Kinger. You know, if I had won that contest, I was going to make an adventure for Pomni.”
“I think that’s very sweet of you,” the chess piece says fondly, touching up a few more spots on the fort before making his way to the entrance. “I’m rooting for you, Jax. And for Pomni, too. I’m rooting for the both of you.”
The rabbit gazes at him appreciatively as Kinger disappears inside the fort, and he lets out a deep sigh of relief.
Maybe things were starting to look up for him again.
*
Jax walks through the tent absentmindedly, enjoying the quiet that the night provides. Normally, he thrives on the chaos, but as of late he really hasn’t been as apt for it. Part of it bothers him, but if it means that he can have Pomni, then he’d be alright.
He makes his way to a room he knows all too well, something he had stumbled upon quite some time ago while killing boredom. The section isn’t overtly obvious - it’s nestled between a few off-center polygons with edges that were a little too jagged - and he thinks that, to this day, nobody else has found it.
I wonder if Caine will ever finish it, he ponders as he works his way through it. It’s not completely intuitive, either - that was one of the things that he likes most about this area. It actually challenges him. Makes him think.
It breaks up the monotony of this digital hell.
After ducking through a multitude of seemingly unused assets, Jax reaches what would be a dead end if he didn’t know about the switch sitting just to his left. He flicks it, and to his satisfaction a colorful staircase blips into existence.
A familiar balcony overlooking the entire Circus Grounds awaits him at the end of it, but what isn’t familiar is the fact that there’s somebody elsehere, leaning against the rails and gazing thoughtfully down over the Circus. The figure jumps and turns, and Pomni’s soft, sleepy voice reaches him.
“Jax, you startled me.”
Jax laughs. “You startled me, Pom! How did you even get up here?”
“I was exploring,” she shrugs. “You mentioned all the strange places we could find here, and I thought maybe it’d remind me of the buildings I used to explore in the real world.”
“Well, did it?”
“Yeah,” she smiles, and tucks a strand of hair out of her face. “Would’ve been more fun with you, though.”
A heavy blush settles on his cheeks, and his stupid tail starts wagging.
“Sorry to intrude on your spot, though,” she says, standing up straight. “I can head back to my room.”
Jax thinks of how he really doesn’t want Pomni to go anywhere, how he’d literally get on his knees and beg her to stay, but he works up his resolve and tries his damnedest to appear nonchalant.
“No, stay. I could use the company.”
The smile returns to her face, and she looks up at him with stars in her eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he confirms, stepping up and taking his place next to her. The two of them stand together, enjoying the view. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Jax’s hand brushes against hers - an offer. Instead, she scoots right up against him, guiding his arm around her middle as she leans into him.
He doesn’t think his heart - or his tail - has ever moved this fast.
“Your drawing is beautiful,” she prompts. He stiffens sheepishly, causing her to let out a sweet, affectionate giggle. “I think it’s really sweet.”
“Yeah, well,” he drags his foot over the ground, brushing it off, “Gangle helped.”
“I figured. I’m proud of you, you know.”
“Hmm?” “For trying. Not just for me, but for everyone in the Circus.”
He ducks his head in embarrassment.
“I mean it,” Pomni continues, squeezing him once, twice, against her. “I see you with the others - they’re happier. You’re happier.”
A long pause. “Well, you make it worth it.” Jax manages, words he can’t even begin to comprehend - let alone eloquently say - bubbling up in his throat. “Thanks for helping me today. Sorry I kinda freaked out.”
“You don’t have to apologize or thank me,” Pomni, the little angel, says with a kind smile. “I’m here for you, remember?”
He can’t help the affectionate smile that settles across his lips, or the way his eyes dilate when they meet hers. “Yeah.”
Just when he thinks he’s gathered enough of his resolve to be functional, Pomni’s sparkling eyes dip between his own and his lips. Silent, but expectant. And who is he to deny her?
They say old habits die hard.
“You wanna kiss me soooo bad,” he smirks, bending down her level and whispering right in her ear. She grins.
“And what if I do?”
“Then who am I to say no,” he mutters, closing the gap between them with a soft kiss. Then another. And another. Slow, exploratory. When they pull away to breathe, he holds Pomni tight against him, kissing the top of her head.
“You should show me more of these places,” she says against his chest, reaching her short little arms around him and rubbing her thumb across his back.
It makes him shiver.
“Sure,” he’s quick to agree, but then, “Why’s that?”
He thinks he feels her smirk against him, but she buries her face so close to his chest he can’t get a good look at her.
“I like being alone with you,” she admits, voice muffled by the overalls separating them, a layer he’s realizing now how much he really would like to be absent. He can tell she’s embarrassed, and he thrives on it.
“Is that so?” he smirks, taking her by the shoulders and pulling her away just far enough so he can see the deep blush across her face. She squirms in his grasp, trying to shove herself back against him and hide her embarrassment, but his grip is firm.
“Yeah,” she says, voice so soft and sweet it nearly kills him. When she averts his gaze, he rests his hand underneath her face and coaxes it upward. Not forceful, but insistent. To his delight, she abides without a second thought.
His mind is running a million miles a minute - what he should say to her, what he should do to her, how he doesn’t want to scare her away but he thinks he might abstract if he doesn’t have her right here and now…
“Oh, Pom,” he grins, leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. “There’s so many places I want to show you.”
She grins despite how flustered she is, bravely meeting his gaze. “Yeah? And what will we do there?”
She’s practically baiting him at this point, and he’s about to fold so easily. He should hate it - being this vulnerable, this smitten for somebody - but he likes it.
He likes her. A lot. More than he thinks he can say, or even understand.
“There’s lots of things we could do,” he teases, playing innocent for just a split second before he backs her up against the walls of the tent. “I can show you some, if you like.”
Pomni’s eyes are wide, taking in the view of him in front of her and very obviously checking him out.
“It’s rude to stare, Pom Pom,” he whispers against her lips, his hands sliding from her shoulders to her collarbone and teasing at the collar of her jumpsuit.
“S-Shut up,” she stammers, and she just sounds so adorable. God, he thinks, the things I want to do to you.
“You’re so cute, Pom,” he says, and that has her even more red. “You already know what I’m gonna say.”
Make me.
She grabs the straps of his overalls and pulls him down, crushing his lips against hers. He’s quick to reciprocate, teasing her with his tongue before deepening it and pinning her against the wall.
She lets out a little ‘mmph,’ when her back hits the side of the tent, and it drives him feral. He tears himself away from her lips and nudges her neck and jaw, itching to get more of those noises.
She hums lowly when he mouths at her neck, his hands beginning to roam shamelessly across her body, tugging at the jumpsuit that is becoming an increasingly bothersome barrier between them.
“Pomni,” he murmurs, face buried in the crook of her neck.
“Yeah?” she manages, fighting to keep her resolve.
“You okay?”
“Mhm,” she confirms, and Jax grins against her.
“Good.”
Before she can say anything else, he nips at the exposed skin and she melts against him.
“Tell me to stop,” he mutters, kissing at her neck until he’s biting, staking claim on her, and she clutches at his back and shoulder blades, digging her fingers into his fur to ground her. It feels intense, primal, real - something he hasn’t felt in a long, long time.
With every mark he leaves, the softest hums and whines escape Pomni’s lips. His ears twitch and flick in delight every time.
“Still good?” Jax says, his voice giving away his every desire. Pomni manages a nod, pawing at him and coaxing him onward. “Use your words.”
“Yes,” she says, voice low and wanting as she teases her fingers around the straps of his overalls. He gives her no resistance as she slides the straps off his shoulders, feeling up and down the expanse of his back. “So soft,” she murmurs, beginning to massage his back methodically.
“Fuck, Pom, haven’t even done anything and you’re already gonna be the death of me,” he says, and she hums in response until he hikes his knee up between her legs and she properly moans, letting her head fall back and looking up at him dreamily through half-lidded eyes.
He memorizes everything about this moment, burning and engraving every minute, sublime detail into his mind.
She grinds on him experimentally, breath hitching with every tentative movement.
“Don’t be shy, Pom,” he whispers against her, and it’s taking everything he has not to finish the job himself. But something about this - watching her get off on him - is infinitely more satisfying in this moment.
“Not used to this… body…” she mutters, a bit frustrated, as she continues to work against him, and stifles an embarrassed laugh. “I probably look stupid right now.”
“You look so fucking good,” he encourages her, and he doesn’t even care when the Game censors him. How comical, he thinks, that I can’t say a swear word, but this doesn’t trip the censors.
He certainly isn’t complaining.
“C’mon, Pom,” he says, snaking his hand down and teasing her. When he’s met with no resistance, he continues. “I want you to feel good.”
“Jax,” she murmurs, over and over again and he thinks maybe now he’ll hear her voice in his dreams. “Jax.”
“Yeah, Pom?”
She says nothing, but the softest little noises leave her open mouth.
He holds her tight as they ride their high, clutching and clawing at each other just to bring the other impossibly closer.
He hasn’t felt this alive, this real, for as long as he can remember. He’s overwhelmed with emotion when he looks down at her, all flustered and tired and satisfied. Gratitude, affection, and something deeper than just liking her fills his chest.
He’s never been good with words, so he gives her a long, slow kiss instead. He hopes it conveys the same message.
“Thank you,” Pomni says with the most beautiful smile, “For letting me into your life.”
And when they finally turn in for the night, they rest together in her room.
A/N: If any of y'all amazing artists ever feel so inclined to make any art of this work, please please PLEASE TAG ME !!! I love to see all of it ! I know I say this every time but I'm so happy to see all the love this fic is getting + I hope y'all loved this chapter ! As always, any interaction and comments are always welcome <3
