Paranormal experiences
So back when I went to college and lived in the dorms, I was lonely, and had low self esteem, but was very willing to be delusional and to believe any kind of nonsense that made me feel better. I had gotten into spiritualism so I was dragging any spiritual book from the library home and studying it, convinced I could gain psychic powers. You know, like a pokemon.
The thing is, anything a spiritual book suggested, I could get done. Meditating, talking to angels, speaking to spirit guides, seeing auras, sensing the 'vibrations' and 'energies', I was on top of all. I meditated every day and was sure that it would give me special abilities.
One day, my roommate, who was nice but too preoccupied with her boyfriend to talk to me, had period cramps. I was sympathetic for the first few hours but she was very vocal about it and by the afternoon I grew tired of her wailing. Especially because I was so sure I could resolve this. Eventually I braved up and asked 'Hey can I put my hand on your stomach?' and she said 'Okay,' curled up in a ball of pain.
I got to her bed, sneaked my hand to her stomach and held it there still for maybe 5 seconds. Then I withdrew it and backed away. She uncurled and stared at me in shock.
'What did you do!' she demanded.
I shrugged, honestly having no idea.
'It doesn't hurt anymore!' she stood up, walked around, amazed. I was pleased. My magical powers were working. She was pain free for the rest of the day, but very suspicious of this 'magic spiritiality' that I thought I was using.
So next day she brought in a friend who had a headache. She asked if I could fix this too. I had no confidence but said I could try. I put my hands on her friend's head. Her friend didn't have any reaction. I let her go. My roommate asked if it still hurt, and she said 'No.'
Now they're both staring at me confused, and I'm secretly convinced that I have magical powers but I don't dare to say that out loud. They discuss how it might be placebo and I agree; after all it might be.
I later gained a friend who would invite me over to her apartment because she had back pain and when I touched her back it would go away; this would happen periodically. I was happy my magical powers were gaining me friends, which is all I wanted, I just thought I needed to be special to be worth befriending. One time there was 4 of us having a sleepover and someone would have to sleep in the attic room. And the attic room. Was haunted.
Even though the room was heated, it was always several degrees colder in there, everyone who went in felt uncomfortable and uneasy stepping in and it somehow felt dark and gloomy. Girls were scared to sleep in there and reported having nightmares if they did. I felt it too; unease and cold and dark atmosphere overcame me as soon as I climbed up there.
But I said 'Hey let me fix this,' and sat up there to meditate. Surely I had ghost exorcising powers, after all I had read several books and could feel 'energies' in the room. The girlies left me to it, swayed by my confidence.
I meditated for 2 hours in there, unmoving, convinced I was 'recycling the energy'. I kept feeling worse and worse. By the end of it, I started seeing things. Bad stuff. A girl getting hurt in there. It was scared for her. Felt bad.
After I was done having visions I stepped back down and declared I saw a blonde girl in there getting hurt and they gasped and said a blond girl did live in there few years ago. They brought a picture, and it was, a similar blonde girl on it, so I said 'Yeah it was her,' and silence fell. Now everyone was spooked by my nonsense.
In my head there was a ghost in there trying to communicate what had happened to her so after I received the message she moved on. In reality, I have no clue. Amazingly, the room was bright and warm next time we all climbed up there. Everyone agreed it felt good and cozy now! Unease gone, everyone who slept up there had a nice sleep. Fueling my psychic nonsense.
I would keep trying to work on my 'powers' and I could later feel if I was touching someone sick or healthy because illnesses felt like I was touching a nest of wasps under their skin while healthy tissue felt still and calm. I also knew I had no chance against serious diseases because even just touching would make me sick as well, I would often pick up pain just being in the presence of someone sick. I had fun describing their symptoms back to them and seeing their shocked expressions; it was like I was in their bodies. But I later had trouble getting rid of the pain.
I also picked up on people's emotions, and by touching I could tell exactly what the person felt, which I also liked using to 'read people', but it was mostly done to try and impress them, I had no real goal.
It was way later I realized all of that was bad for me and I needed to stop doing it. It was draining me and making me sick. I wasn't able to be around people without getting overwhelmed, it was out of control. I didn't know how to shut it off and I ended up back in isolation so I could feel my own stuff.
So what was going on? Was I not the world's most special person who developed powers reading books? There was nothing magical going on. I had childhood trauma.
When you are small, and people around you are dangerous, you develop stronger ability to sense people's moods and agitations so you could predict when you're in danger. But it's not supernatural; you know when you can feel tension in the air, or someone's happiness is contageous, or you can feel prickling at someone's anger or heavy atmosphere when faced with grief? It's that same sense, only stronger and more instinctive. Thats all I had going on - thats why I thought I could differentiate sick from healthy, sick people are tense and anxious and to me it felt like buzz of anxiety under their skin. I would draw tension from people until I felt the pain myself, because in traumatic situations it feels like if you understood, you'd be spared.
Why was I able to heal with touch though? Well its likely I wasn't. I ran very hot back then and my hands were super warm. All the pains I was 'healing' were just caused by muscle tension. It wasn't anything serious. Applying warmth to muscles relaxes them. And then pain withdraws because the tension is gone.
About the ghost exorcising, I have no idea, mass delusion mayhaps? We were all like, 19 and these girls were taking recreational drugs and we were all super gulible. I think I convinced myself and everyone else. But it was utterly harmless. We just all slept well that night.
I avoid using my trauma-caused senses today, except to check in with trees. It works on trees too, I can tell their mood. They're mostly in a good mood. Some are grumpy and want me to back off and I respect that. Some are overwhelming to touch and I back off because it's a lot. Trees in the forests are way less fond of people than those in the parks. Exposure to humans makes them more human friendly.
So yeah thats some stuff that happened when I was let loose in the world! Thought it would be a fun Halloween story. And you know more about trees now. And don't trust the spiritual voodoo! It's all natural instincts and jumping to crazy conclusions that sometimes match up with reality.
