Pondering With Aly

Hi, I'm Aly! This is a lil' blog I made to share my thoughts on my many different interests! From my favorite songs to trending topics, expect some insider thoughts of just a regular girl who loves to ponder <3

[ponderingwithaly]

Meet the Blogger (Aly)! ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Now that I've gotten the hang of Tumblr a little, I thought I'd introduce myself a little! Here's some basic "get to know me" facts!

I also made a little carrd website incase you want to find my other socials!

My Carrd!: ponderingwithaly.carrd.co ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

[ponderingwithaly]

HPD & PTSD in A Streetcar Named Desire (1951): A Deep Dive into Blanche Dubois ⋆ ˚｡⋆

Hey guys... long time no see!

Anyways, I'm back from my trip and I'm going on another one in 2 days due to some family matters. Due to that and *cough* finals week... *cough*, I've barely had the time to write.

For this post, I don't have the brain capacity to analyze a song or create new original content (thank you finals week), BUT, I wrote a paper for my psychology class discussing mental health disorders present in A Streetcar Named Desire's Blanche Dubois.

So, for today's post, enjoy a brief (?) summary of my analysis of Blanche Dubois and why I think she's a embodiment of Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) overlapping with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Let's get into it!

To start off with some context, A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) is a film adaptation of Tennessee Williams' original playwright (with the same name). In the story, we are introduced to the mysterious yet complex character Blanche Dubois, a typical southern belle from her hometown of Belle Reve, Mississippi. The plot follows her time staying at the home of her sister and brother-in-law, Stella and Stanley Kowalksi, in New Orleans.

It is clear throughout the progression of the narrative that Blanche isn't doing well mentally, and as the plot climaxes, we see the troubling origin of Blanche's distress: when she was 16, Blanche witnessed the suicide of her at-the-time husband. It can be inferred that Blanche's behavior could be a response to the trauma she experience in her youth as well as her own way of coping.

Now let's look at the symptoms, which I will be dividing into three categories: behavioral, cognitive, and psychological. Regarding behavioral symptoms, Blanche has a consistent pattern of being concerned over her appearance (i.e. avoiding bright lighting, degrading comments of her own looks, etc.). Additionally, she has a very flirtatious and sometimes seductive nature, and majority of the time, this brings inappropriate interactions in her relationships (i.e. the young paper boy). The final key behavior is her speech pattern. Blanche typically talks in a southern belle pattern for majority of the film. However, near the ending where she starts losing her grip on reality, her speech pattern drastically changes, and the southern accent completely goes away.

Most of the cognitive symptoms we see within Blanche seems to be related to her traumas. When she was talking to Stella about losing Belle Reve, it can be inferred that her way of thinking is distorted (i.e. accuses Stella of judging her when Stella wasn't displaying judgmental behavior at all). Blanche seems to experience flashbacks to her husband's suicide. There is a scene near the end of the film where she describes hearing the song Varsouviana Polka, claiming that the music would only stop once she heard a gunshot. This is the song that was playing when Allan (her husband) shot himself.

Psychologically, Blanche is a very emotional person, and the smallest trigger seems to have the ability to rapidly shift her mood or the emotions she's experiencing. She also appears to experience constant anxiety, especially about the way people perceive her. If she brings her looks into the conversation and doesn't receive the praise and validation she seeks, her mood negatively shifts very quickly.

These symptoms, as well as smaller non-noted details, is what leads me to believe that the most accurate diagnosis for Blanche is Histrionic Personality Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

HPD is a very controversial disorder diagnosis thanks to its supposed misogynistic contextual past. Regardless, seeing Blanche through the lens of these disorders, or mental health as a whole, shows a complex example of how different factors may combine after a traumatic event and manifest into personality disorders. It shows a very unique perspective of how a very real (despite controversial) disorder can affect an individual's life.

Anyways, I hope y'all enjoyed this slightly different post! I was very proud of how this paper come out and turning it into a more digestible post was equally as fun to write.

I'm gonna go start writing some additional posts to save as drafts now... see y'all next time!

[jakeperalta]

not using AI genuinely feels like the rest of the world is experiencing some kind of mass amnesia. if someone says they never use it, the immediate response is that can't be true because "everyone" uses it to write their emails or answer their questions. saw a comment suggesting that not using chatgpt to write an essay is "like the 90s". girl I graduated in 2021 and we weren't doing that! how is it that everyone has suddenly forgotten that they were entirely capable of doing these things all by themselves for their entire lives up until the past few years!! am I going crazy!!!

[ponderingwithaly]

The Times I Saw Ghosts: Part One ⋆ ˚｡⋆

Hi y'all! Another day, another post! Apologies for the short hiatus, I had to postpone writing until I finished locking in on assignments before I leave for a trip tomorrow ;-;

Anyways, welcome to "The Times I Saw Ghosts"! This multi-part series is just a way for me to share the paranormal experiences I've had throughout my life that lowkey haunt me to this day. Today, I'm telling you what I consider my creepiest story of the bunch, as I quite literally can't find any alternative, realistic explanation to what I saw.

Let's get into it!

To set up the context: this was when I lived in South America with my parents. We lived at my grandparent's house, as there was a separate section of the house that had two small apartment-like areas next to each other. One of these apartment areas was where my parents and I stayed, and the other is where my Aunt Mari, Uncle Chino, and Cousins Jacinto and Petu lived (for the sake of their privacy, I'm using their family-given nicknames). This story happened at their apartment area.

So, I was hanging out with my cousin Petu while she was in the kitchen cooking lunch. I think I was 9 or 10 at the time, and I was chilling in her room, which had a direct view of the short entry way that connected the front door entry to the kitchen, I could see whenever someone came in and out of the house from her room. So I'm here watching TV, probably Disney Channel or something, when I see her leave the kitchen and walk out the front door in my peripheral vision. She didn't say anything before heading out, but I assumed she went to grab an ingredient from my grandparent's area of the house downstairs. I remember seeing her long, black hair and her long skirt flowing behind her as she walked out, and I didn't think anything of it, because she was the only one at the house with me, it couldn't be anyone else.

After a few minutes, I hear the food sizzling in the kitchen, and I thought "oh my gosh, she left the food on the stove and left it unattended!", so, I got up and started heading to the kitchen to turn the stove off so her food wouldn't burn. I turn into the entry of the kitchen, and right in front of me stands my cousin Petu. I was CONFUSED! I had just SAW HER LEAVE the house! My blood ran cold on the spot and my jaw dropped, and she seems my shock. This is what our conversation looked like:

Petu: "Peri why do you look shocked? What's wrong" (my family nickname is Peri) Me: "Petu, I just saw you walk out the door, was that not you?" Petu: "What? No Peri, I was here the entire time, I haven't left the kitchen." Me: "Well I don't know what to tell you. I saw someone that looked exactly like you walk out the front door, they were wearing the same clothes and everything." Petu: "Oh hell no."

This wouldn't be the first paranormal-like experience I'd have at this house.

To this day, I cannot for the life of me find a realistic explanation to how I saw my cousin Petu leave the house and her getting back in within the 1-2 minutes it took me to get to the kitchen to turn the stove off, especially without me noticing her and the fact that she swore she never left.

Let me know if you think of a reasonable explanation. I might've just seen shit in a crazy way, I guess I'll never know!

Hope y'all enjoyed this first paranormal tale of mine, I'm excited to share more! See y'all next time ⋆ ˚｡⋆

[ponderingwithaly]

Funny Life Stories Pt. 1: My Grandpa Ran Over My Dog?! (On Accident-) ⋆ ˚｡⋆

Another day, another blog post! Change of pace for today's post, instead of writing analyses that require maximum brain power, I've decided to start a series that I can hopefully make several parts to! Introducing: Funny Life Stories! Yes, basic name, but what else can I do? (idk Aly maybe be creative?) (...shhhhh-)

Anyways, for this first part of "Funny Life Stories", I'm going to tell y'all about the time that my grandpa ran over my dog! NO, it WASN'T on purpose, do NOT slander my grandpa!! He is a wholesome, sweet man... this was just an unfortunate series of events.

Let's get into the story, shall we!

Funnily enough, this story starts on Christmas Day, 2022. Bare with me, because we're doing a time skip to the post-events of the "dog being ran over thing".

So, on Christmas, while conversing with my parents and having my dad catch my mom and I up on his phone call with our family in his home country, he proceeds to tell us the following play of events.

Somehow, while talking with my aunt, my dad brought up my childhood dog that we had taken to his home country when we lived there for a few years and then decided to leave with said family after coming back to the U.S. (this decision was made because my dog passed out on the flight there and we didn't want to risk him DYING on the flight back). Anyways, my dad asked my aunt how our dog, who's name was Messi (yes, he was named after the soccer player Lionel Messi), was doing. Supposedly, the other line went silent, and then my aunt says "I need to tell you something... Messi died". My dad is shocked, he LOVED that dog, and he goes "When did he die?. When I tell you my aunt says "Back in July of this year", I am being so deadass. My dog died in JULY and we weren't informed about his death until CHRISTMAS DAY. CHRISTMAS!! MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS, YOUR DOG IS DEAD!!!

So, obviously, my dad asks how Messi died. The cause was insane. It was then he was informed that my grandpa, my dad's dad, RAN OVER MY DOG. When I tell you my jaw dropped when I heard this, I'm not kidding. Before you start going "WTF", I want to add THAT IT WAS NOT ON PURPOSE!!!

Here's what happened:

My grandpa had gotten home from work in the city. Whenever he gets home, if the pets were in the garage, my aunt would take them back into the house so that my grandpa could safely park his car. On this fateful July day, that's what happened, and all the pets were let in. Or so my aunt thought. Meanwhile, as my grandpa is driving into the garage, he feels something pop underneath his tire. He thought it was a plastic bag.

Newsflash, it wasn't a plastic bag.

IT WAS MESSI, MY DOG!

Turns out, Messi didn't follow my aunt inside, and she didn't notice. And apparently, Messi had the survival instinct of a worm, because he somehow ended up under the car tire. My aunt then came in to the garage after realizing Messi was gone and found him squish squashed, she grabbed him and held him as he took his last breathes.

Sooo yeah, my grandpa accidentally ran over my dog. What a wonderful christmas surprise!

Regardless, I'm not mad at my grandpa or aunt at all. Accidents happen, and Messi lived a wonderful 11+ long years. Love you Messi, hope the puppy afterlife is treating you well.

Moral of the story, it's never a plastic bag if you feel it pop! (And check to make sure your pets are inside when you park.. but that's not as comedic).

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

starting to hear more and more people say they "wouldn't know what to do without chatgpt", and in my head I tell them without chatgpt, they would probably be using their own brains as god intended

[ponderingwithaly]

'The Hand' by Annabelle Dinda: A Struggle with Societal Double Standards ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Welcome to my first ever post on this blog! Today, I'm going to ramble about my interpretation and understanding of the recently popular song 'The Hand' by Annabelle Dinda, specifically, how she seems to view our society as having hypocritical double standards between men and women, and how religion takes a play on said standards.

Fun fact: I was motivated to make this blog by my friends today after giving them some input of my interpretation of this song, and the idea of sharing my deep-thought ponders sounded fun s. o... here we are!

Now, let's see where my pondering will take us today:

To start things off, I'd like to add a disclaimer: this post is all MY OPINION. This is my own interpretation of the song based on the lyrics and the context of the whole work and analyzing it through my own lens. Whether it's my opinions on the work being analyzed, politics, personal views, etc., you DO NOT have to agree with my personal takes.

Annabelle's 'The Hand', as she explained, depicts her own struggles as a woman in a creative industry, specifically of course, the music industry. However, I feel like the struggle narrated within the lyrics is quite common with not just women in creative fields, but with all women.

The two verses in this song, in combination with the chorus, exhibit a common hypocritical double standard that is shared regarding men and women society (let's say for simplicity, just American society). In the first verse, the actions from men in the creative fields are explained through commonly seen patterns ("Every time a guy writes a song, he's a cowboy, a sailor"). These patterns demonstrate how, when creating art or telling stories, men typically cast themselves (men) as the heroes. Meanwhile, later on in the chorus, it is described that women are portrayed as "the typical type", with the example of a siren in the water being used. While men are typically the heroes in stories within our society, most stories with male leads have a female lead where the woman exists only in relation the man and his journey, she doesn't exist within or in relation to herself and her own journey. Within the same first verse, Annabelle states that every time a man opens his mouth "it's a loud movie trailer" where he is "clipping every image and sound he thinks proves he was here." Movie trailers are dramatic and provide a preview of the film by highlighting relevant points to the plot. This metaphor tries to explain how men often portray themselves to others in a certain way they believe best reflects themselves.

Now, everyone does this, we all share our stories and express ourselves in the way we want others to interpret us as. However, Annabelle describes in the second verse how every time she opens her own mouth to speak she thinks "what a loud noise". This is the case for a lot of women. From the beginning of our society, women have always been seen as less than equal to their male counterparts. Believe what you want about current women's rights, but I'm not kidding, we are still not equal to men. That's a ramble for another day. Anyways, this line shows the struggle Annabelle and many other women face where they see their thoughts and opinions as inconveniences, usually due to the fact because they are treated as such when expressed. We live in a patriarchal society and always have, men hold majority of the power and privilege. Because of this patriarchal system, women are often undermined, and their thoughts and opinions are constantly shut down. It is here where we can see our first double standard within our society. Our society functions on the spread of thoughts and opinions, it's how we build our own societal culture. However, it is more acceptable for a man to spread his thought, opinions, and beliefs, but when a woman tries to do the same, she is undermined.

This double standard can be further seen in the line "The strike, the pause, the message from God forbid she shows emotion." Once again, this struggle Annabelle describes is such a common experience amongst women. Women's emotions are seen as a weakness, a burden. This can also explain why a standard for men is to not show emotion as well, because emotions are what makes one "weak", and therefore, they must not be expressed. However, despite affecting men as well, this belief harms women the most. It is a typical response to say "is it that time of the month?" to a women who expresses sadness or rage. It is deemed that our own body and things that inherently come with being a women is what causes the burden that is emotions. Because of this, god forbid that a women shows emotions, or we are then subjected to the comments shutting down and invalidating our emotions and the thoughts or opinions that accompany them because we're being "dramatic".

Now, for the religious lens, whether we like to admit/accept it or not, our society in America is entirely built on the religion of Christianity. I'd like to add, I'm agnostic, so once again, this argument comes from my own perception of religious beliefs. Religion influences most of the American population's thoughts, beliefs, morals, and actions, as well as, commonly, our nation's politics as a whole. In the Bible, God punishes Eve by making her endure pain during childbearing, and more significantly, making her sexual desires for man and his ruling over her aspects of her life that will cause trouble and distress rather than joy. Eve, representing women, is quite literally seen as the original companion for men, and her existence had always been tied to Adam rather than her own individuality. Why would God make the first ever women to live exist just to accompany a man, and therefore, pave that expectation for all the women that come after her. Eve was not seen as her own person, she was seen to exist within the context of Adam, yet, she was the one that was punished the most for her mistake, and in ways that only a woman can experience. To me, this just shows how women aren't equal even in the origin of the religion that our entire society is built off of. It is no surprise that such a belief is still seen in modern day, considering the influence the Bible and the religion of Christianity as a whole holds. It is entirely possible that this underlying bias and belief regarding women is one of the reasons the patriarchy continues to stand in society.

This patriarchal system presents limits for women, which is what I think Annabelle means when she she likes to "hate symbolic limits." Our society, and the system it was built on, limits women, in the present and past, whether it'd be in an academic, professional, or even creative way (and many many other ways). These limits make it hard for women to live and thrive, we are constantly pushing these limits on ourselves in our minds. Some women want to conform to societal expectations and that is what limits them in life, and to others, the pressure of not wanting to conform and to show themselves as worthy of being equal bring hardships that also limit their potential. So regardless of what we do, we can't win. If God punished women during the start of humankind, and we are all God's children in the view of religion, then does that mean that God punished all his daughters? The lyric "..the message from God, does that make me His daughter?" can be seen as Annabelle struggling with the concept that her relationship with God, as his daughter, inherently means that he consciously put her in a world where she is constantly oppressed, while leaving her stuck with "a dream" that one day she will be seen equal as to the male counterparts in her creative field, when that will most likely never be the case.

All in all, 'The Hand' is a beautifully crafted representation of a singular woman, who happens to be in the creative field, and the internal struggle she faces when working on her craft. However, the main idea of the struggle is a concept that many women struggle with, and it can be related to by so many women in so many different ways.

'The Hand' can mean different things to different people, both men and women alike. This is just the interpretation that resonates and makes the most sense to me. Of course, no one but Annabelle can tell her what her own work means to her. However, I think the beauty of art is that it can mean something different to every member of society, and, it's these different interpretations and the way we exchange our thoughts to each other that can spread awareness to matters affecting our society, such as gender inequality, and can pave the way for a solution to be found and placed into effect.

If you made it to the end, wow, thanks for reading my ramble! If you haven't listened to this song, please do, and let me know what your interpretation of the lyrics are, I'd love to hear what you think!

See y'all next time! ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚