There was no time in that place. No before and after. They were not there, then they were and time ceased. Without there being any order between these things, Derek saw that place, experienced the raw unfiltered reality of it, saw the branching worlds of their home, and then time was back and they were gone. As the unified them-ness of Derek and Stiles together pushed on the bead of their home universe at their chosen moment in time, time returned, and as it did, as they broke through the glass of the bubble, the blighted branch of their universe broke off, leaving room for something new to grow, and they crashed into it. Into their home.
Derek’s non-body flinched into the bubble as they came home, but despite the shatteringness of their reentry, it was gentle. It was like– It was like walking through rain while caked with mud. Layers of grime washing off of him as he walked.
The fear of losing Stiles. The loneliness of being in a universe where there was no one else to witness the marvel of what they were together. The loneliness of seeing versions of all the other people he loved, none of whom remembered his past. The past that felt like home. Like ghosts of other lives. The sorrow and heartbreak and betrayal and disappointment and the impossible weight of knowing that his own choices led to his family’s deaths; of knowing that he would never feel like he ever deserved anything good ever again. The knife of watching Stiles get sick with some unexplainable illness; of watching him decline; of being willing to trade away anything he had if only he could make Stiles better; of losing him; of watching him die; of shattering apart and falling out of the universe that was his home. It all washed off him like dirt, leaving a trail behind him as he walked through the rain.
…
And the memories…
The nowhere world itself. Its unreality. Its non-physicality. The way it was dream made tangible. The home he built there with Stiles. The way Derek tried to not look too closely at their haunted home. To focus just on Stiles. The only real thing in that world where there was nothing else but Stiles and Derek.
The world where they were trapped in a machine. Where Derek saw a version of himself as separate from him.
The world where he met Stiles’ mom. Where she helped them find their way home. Where she told him how beautiful their love for each other was.
The world where he didn’t know what was going on and found himself on a TV set. The world where he claimed Stiles as his mate in front of everyone. The world where they almost died in a car crash. Where Stiles would throw his whole life away to be with Derek.
The circus world. The band world. The library world. The world where Derek played basketball, and Stiles was a cheerleader. Where Stiles was bendy and insatiable. Where Derek was insatiable too. The world where they owned a bakery together.
The world where his dad was. Where he got to hear his dad tell him how proud of him he was. How he couldn’t think of a better match for him than Stiles. The world where Stiles schemed to make it so that they could be together, even there.
The world where Stiles was carrying his children. The world where they were roommates in college who were only too happy to take advantage of their living situation. The world where they were coworkers in a diner, or coworkers as superheroes, or workers who worked in the same building together.
The world where Stiles was kidnapped. Where Derek broke someone’s neck to make sure she could never hurt someone he loved ever again. Where he was desperately in love with Stiles and convinced that the only way to love Stiles was from afar. Where Derek was convinced that he was cursed. That he was poison. Where he had been possessed for a time. Where Stiles had been possessed for longer. Where the real poison had come from.
And then there was home. Home after the poison. Of Stiles getting sick and dying. But also, because they happened at the same time, of Derek falling in love with Stiles for the first time. Where Derek fell so hard for a boy that he hadn’t even realized was already in love with him.
…the details of all of these worlds. The facts. The people. All the bad, and all the good. All the memories in them. They washed off of him too.
Until there was just him left. Him left with three ineffable facts etched into his soul:
that he belonged to Stiles,
that Stiles belonged to him,
and that, goddamnit, he deserved him. They deserved each other. That they deserved their happiness.
…
And that’s all he needed.
…
And the last speck of mud was off of him.
He was cleaned of it. Changed but free.
…
…
It was like blinking. Like falling asleep.
Like falling into blackness.
…
…
…
“Here,” Stiles said, holding out a folded piece of notebook paper for Derek. “Text me later so I have your number too.”
Derek was– Derek was two weeks into the new school year, and he had been late showing up on the first day of class. By the time he got there, there was only one chair left, meaning Derek was paired up with Stiles Stilinski as lab partners for the year.
So far, being Stiles’ lab partner had been fine. Stiles was clearly trying to get him to open up, but considering that they hadn’t actually had to work together yet, Derek had managed to keep him at arm’s length. He didn’t need to get close to him. Even if he was cute. Even if he couldn’t help but picture him in his arms.
“You know,” Stiles said, still holding out the paper. “For our project.”
When Derek was sheltered in the privacy of his open locker a few minutes later, he unfolded the scrap of paper. There, in Stiles’ haphazard handwriting was his name, below it a telephone number, and below that there was a simple smiley face: two dots and an arc, and even though Derek’s face was hidden in his locker he could feel himself blushing.
: )
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**This story takes place before it was revealed that Addison would come back/is alive **
Book: The Nanny Affair & Open Heart Crossover AU
Characters involved: Sam Dalton (M!MC), Ethan Ramsey (M!MC) and Vivian Dalton (F!MC)
Part V of V / Miniseries
Words: 1,900+
Rating: Mature
TW: Cancer, character death, mental illness
Summary: It’s weeks after Addis funeral. Sam and the boys settle in a bit, when Sam gets a surprise.
A/N: This is in honor of my friend Mira who died from ovarian cancer. May you rest in peace 💜
Sam
I was finished at work and got Carter to drive me home while reading through an email I got from Ethan.
I smile even though it’s been a month since Addie‘s funeral.
And it still feels so fresh in my mind.
Thankfully the boys don’t remember too much of that sad day, which turned into a less sad day with my new friend Ethan Ramsey and my brother Robin.
We got pretty drunk, but nobody bothered us. So we kept talking about everything and nothing.
I finished reading through the email that Ethan replied to and put my phone in my pocket to look outside the car window. Seeing all the streets and alleys pass me by while driving through New York.
I mentioned to Ethan, I’d love to go on a little family trip with the boys. Just to relax a bit. So it would be nice to spend some time in Boston. I even asked him if it would be right to visit him in Boston and bring along Mason and Mickey. He was excited and dare I say it a little smile played on his lips.
A contented smile tugs at my own lips.
We haven’t done any family trips in a long while. So this would be the perfect opportunity.
The car slows down and I realize we’ve arrived at the apartment complex.
Carter clears his throat as if nervous.
I smile softly at Carter. He’s a good man. I always respected him a lot.
”Thank you, Carter. Have a safe trip home.“
He turns around to look at me.
”You can take the day off if you’d like. I’ll drive home to my parent's place to pick up the boys.“
Carter smiles and nods.
”Very well Mr. Dalton. Have a safe trip.“
”Thank you, Carter.“
I get out of the car and walk towards the apartment. I pass the front desk. When Marvin‘s voice holds me back.
”Mr. Dalton!“
I stop and walk towards him.
He’s in his twenties and works here part-time to earn some money for his college tuition.
”Hello Marvin. How’s it going? How’s college?“
I ask as I shake his hand.
He grins and shoves his caramel-brown hair to the side. His green eyes lit up at my question.
”Oh thanks for asking Sir. It’s a lot. But I’ll have a study session with some friends later. Cramming for a test that’s coming up. I’d never thought college would be this difficult. But I like the challenge.“
I smile.
”That’s good to hear. Keep studying. And you’ll see it’ll pay up.“
I wink and he grins.
”Was there a package or something for me?“ I was thinking maybe it was something that Addie ordered.
I’ve had to unsubscribe from some of the magazines she subscribed to.
He scratches his head and then he seems to remember.
”Oh right. This was delivered for you this morning.“
He hands me a small mint-colored envelope.
With my name and home address written in beautiful calligraphy on it.
Curious who could be sending me a letter. Most people text or write an email these days.
I take the envelope and smile at Marvin.
”Thank you, Marvin. I’ll be heading upstairs and then I’ll be at my parent's to pick up the twins. So I won’t be at home later.“
Marvin grins at me.
”Sure thing Mr. Dalton. Have a safe trip. And send your love to your parents and your twins.“
I smile. A genuine one this time. One that wasn’t forced out of me because I was trying to bring joy to my face even though I didn’t feel too much of it in the last couple of weeks. The twins are keeping me sane and happy these days.
”I will. And good luck with your test. I know you’ll do just fine.“
He grins.
”Thanks, Mr. Dalton.“
I wave goodbye and Marvin takes a seat at the desk.
While I ride in the elevator I wonder who’s sent me a letter. I ponder over that question when I get into my apartment and get a change of clothes for something less office formal.
As I pick up my car keys I walk by the picture of Addison and hold up the picture frame.
We went skydiving that day.
That’s when the picture was taken. Her blonde hair is blowing into her face, but she‘s got the biggest smile on her face.
We had a lot of fun that day. Even though Addi was terrified at first, that fear settled pretty soon and then she screamed »I want to do this again.«
I grin at the memory all the while to my car and then on the drive over to my parent's house. I get there and my mom opens the wide doors.
”Sam. You made it.“
She hugs me and I lean down to hug her back.
She smiles and pats my cheek gently, making me feel as if I’m 12 again. Instead of 36. I smile at her and she gestures for me to come inside.
”Come on in. The twins just fell asleep after running around the garden all day. Playing action hero. Whatever that means.“ She grins and I chuckle.
”Sounds like Mason and Mickey.“
I walk in after my mom and she guides me to the garden where she set up a nice late lunch.
”Mom! You didn’t have to go to any trouble.“
She turns and grins, her steps not even faltering.
”I didn’t do this for you, Samuel. I was hungry too. So it was me being indulgent.“
I sit down in one of the comfy dark grey garden chairs. While I let the beautiful and warm sunshine caress my face.
Before my mom can sit down her phone rings and she sighs.
”Pray that this is your father. Who I hope has a good excuse for interrupting our lunch. Because I'm starving.“
I grin.
”Should I wait for you?“ I ask my mom who holds her phone to her ear.
She shakes her head. And walks away to take her call.
I dig in and remember how nostalgic this feels to have lunch at my parent's place.
Then something pokes me. That’s when I remembered I’d forgotten about the letter.
I put down my fork and took out the mint-colored envelope to open it and read what was inside.
When I open it I almost let it fall to the floor.
It’s a letter from Addi.
I lean back in my chair. Shivering despite the sunshine outside.
When I look at the letter again I start to read it.
Sam,
while I’m sitting here, letting the sunshine caress my face and just letting all thoughts drift away, enjoying the here and now, I wanted to tell you something.
No. I wanted to put it in writing. Because I feel that you need to read this for yourself.
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I know I can be difficult sometimes.
You laughed at that I know you did, don’t deny it.
I interrupt reading the letter to let out a surprised laugh. Then I continue reading Addis' letter. Even now that she’s gone she still makes me laugh.
You never let me walk alone. Always being there for me. Especially in those last months. For that, I will always be grateful.
The time I spent with you, was the most beautiful time of my life. I will always keep those memories close to my heart. From the moment we met, I knew. You are the one for me (cheesy I know, but it’s true).
Never letting me forget I’m more than a spoiled rich girl, who had it easy. Even though that’s not true at all. People just never bothered to take a peek behind the curtains.
You though? You were different, Sam.
I thought to myself back then, who’s this hot guy asking me out? What is it he wants? To get laid? Or is it more than just some hot sex? Gosh, this sounds weird even in writing. Please ignore my embarrassing moment.
Back to what I was trying to say.
You were so nice and charming. Flirting with me all the time. (You thought you were so subtle with those little gifts and compliments here and there? I’ll let you in on something. You weren’t. But I think I loved you already.)
These past few months…were…difficult, painful, and overwhelming. When I got diagnosed I…just sat there… in that doctor’s office not knowing what to do. Should I cry? Or should I scream? But I know I wouldn’t have solved anything by that.
Sam, I know you were trying your best with me, with Mickey and Mason. Your work? Trying to juggle all of it?
Shouldering everything on your own, never asking for help. And I just made it worse by being stubborn and difficult.
Please know that I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you the way I most likely did. I hope that you can forgive me someday.
I’m not trying to guilt-trip you or wrestle out an apology.
I want you to forgive yourself. To stop being so hard on yourself.
You deserve everything good this world has to offer.
Don’t mourn me too long. (I was told widowers are hot) shake your head all you want, but you know it’s true.
I even went so far as to make you a little bucket list:
Live
Laugh
Kiss (and tell)
Be adventurous
Do things that are out of your comfort zone (and no I don’t mean just skydiving)
Hook up (even in weird places)
Get married (you always looked way too hot in a suit, though it looks better on the floor anyway)
Go to a strip club (Stop rolling your eyes at me)
Do crazy experiments with the boys :) (make a mess of the kitchen)
But most important of all don’t shut yourself off from love.
When it comes knocking, open the door. Let yourself be surprised. Don’t let me be the one to hold you back. You know I always wanted to see you happy.
I’ll be watching over my three favorite boys.
Always,
Addi
When I finished reading the letter I just sat there with tears in my eyes and held the letter close to my heart because I had the strange feeling I could conjure her into existence one more time by holding the letter as close to my heart as I could.
And just like that my pain and my sorrow were lifted a little.
It’s as if Addi knew all the right words to say to me. Knowing exactly what would help me move on a bit easier.
”Oh Addi. You surprise me as always. But there’s nothing to forgive. I promise I’ll take care of the boys and I might even find a nice woman who I can share my life and love with. Someday.“
I know that when the right person stumbles into my life I’ll know. And with Addis' blessing, I won’t feel like I’m cheating or disrespecting her memory.
I will always love and cherish what we had. But I know she’s in a better place. Free of any pain. Only filled with love and joy. Watching over us.
I get up from the table and look up at the sky, shielding my eyes from the glaring sun.
I know it sounds stupid, but it’s as if I can hear Addis's laughter and I smile. The pain in my heart lessened a bit.
And I know things will be okay. Mason, Mickey, and I will be alright.
