#paxxx

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Imhotep: okay from now on we will be using code names.from now on you will address me as "Eagle One."

Imhotep: DJ is "Been There, Done That."

Imhotep: Sally is "Currently Doing That."

Imhotep: Elysia is "It Happened Once In A Dream."

Imhotep: Grimm is "If I Had To Pick A Dude."

Imhotep: And Paxxx is... "Eagle Two."

Paxxx: Damn it!

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Paxxx: Do you know why I called you here?

Imhotep: Because I accidentally sent you a sext?

Paxxx, already pouring two glasses of wine: Accidentally?

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Paxxx: Can I just say something?

Vivienne: No

Paxxx: I think I have the best legs in the family, and the smoothest bottom.

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Vivienne: If you come over and give, like, really... heavy gay best friend vibes, then he'll get the hint that, you know, we've moved past the sexual part of the experience.

Paxxx: Right, like maybe I can hit on him a little bit, or something.

Vivienne: Yeah, turn him off. Say like, "Hey, girl" and like, "I don't get baseball!", and...

Paxxx: Like, "my cart's broken and I don't know how to change the wheel", and like, "I have a slightly uncomfortable relationship with my father, but I know that he loves and supports me, and also he's where I get my sense of humor."

Vivienne: Exactly, yeah. Turn him off.

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Vivienne: So I need to tell you about my night last night.

Paxxx: Oh, tell me all about it...

Vivienne: So I'm hanging out in my apartment. I've got some candles lit. I'm feeling good. I've had 8 glasses of wine.

Paxxx: Gotcha...

Vivienne: And down in the street I hear these two beautiful boys playing, they're doing magic, or playing with fire or something, and one of them looks up at me and has the most beautiful face I've ever seen. Dwarven.

Paxxx: Beautiful.

Vivienne: And you know how I like a little dwarf, you remember my date with Blackbeak.

Paxxx: Very well.

Vivienne: The point is, I say, "Woo hoo, boys" and they sort of look. The one who isn't dwarven, is a half-orc.

Paxxx: You don't have to- this could be a colorblind story.

Vivienne: I wanna fill it with color.

Paxxx: Yeah but I'm just saying. It's like, there's a race problem in the senate right now-

Vivienne: And in Rome. A race-ISM problem.

Paxxx: I agree.

Vivienne: Well this story isn't racist, it's diverse. If everyone in it was human, then it would be racist, Paxxx.

Paxxx: You know what, you're right. Go ahead.

Vivienne: So the boys come up to my apartment and I'm wearing my cape. I'm ONLY wearing my cape. And I say "why don't you come in my boudoir and watch me do a monologue," and they say "where's the bed," and I say "this is the bed right here," and they say, "can we sit on the bed?" and I say "sure, but these are expensive Chinese Linen," and they say, "but they're not even soft."

Vivienne: And I say, "Sometimes... things that are expensive... are worse."

Paxxx: Wow.

Vivienne: So anyway I sucked both their dicks.

Paxxx: Did you do the monologue?

Vivienne: I did an early work by the master.

Paxxx and Vivienne: Homer.

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Vivienne, psyching herself up before their show: I'm sexy...

Paxxx: You're a model.

Lucasta, calling places: Vivienne? You're up.

Vivienne: I'm a star!

Paxxx: You're a pizza.

Vivienne: I'm a pizza!

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Elysia: Paxxx, do my eyes deceive me?

Paxxx: Ah, I've messed up.

Elysia: Since day one, this has been a shoes-off keep, now if you don't bring me the Swiffer WET ONES!!! In the next one second, I will un-bookmark all of your ballroom dancing fan sites on the computer.

Paxxx: About the Swiffers.... Oh gods, oh...

Elysia: You left the package... Open? Paxxx? So you're telling me you leave your shoes on, your muddy shoes, on in this house, and you leave the Swiffer Wet Ones open so they can dry out? So what you're telling me when you do that, is, why don't we just have a pig in the house?

Paxxx: No, no no, no...

Elysia: Why don't we just hire a little piglet to run around the keep however he sees fit?

Paxxx: Ah, no, that's not what I'm saying.

Elysia: 'Cause that's what I'm hearing! That's what im hearing, Paxxx! Why don't we get a godsdamn PIG!

Elysia: So I had Door steal a druid, frame Paxxx for it, and he spent a night in the big house.

Elysia, later that day with Spade: Yeah, I made a mistake. This wasn't really the most rational thing I could have done. I see that.

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Paxxx: One time, I saw a nipple, and now I'm addicted to crack cocaine.