Since the Easter holidays, I’ve been a shit mum. I wasn’t exactly bringing my A game during the holidays either but this past week has destroyed me. I don’t know if it’s something to do with the timing of my cycle (looking into PMDD/PME) or a fibro flare but it basically culminated in me being a major bitch to my kids yesterday afternoon. I’ve barely slept cos I feel crappy about it. I’ve started to hide myself away in my impenetrable solitude (and bedroom) and I’m actively avoiding spending time with the kids and Hubstar. I’m just getting so annoyed and irritated over the littlest things that I want to be alone and left alone. How freakin selfish and horrible is that to say as a mother? But you see, I know if say these things out loud, let them linger in someone’s ear, I’ll get the lecture how I don’t know how lucky I am and others would kill for what I’ve got... Yeah. I know. I knew last time this shit happened and I’ll know next time too. I feel myself tumbling hard and fast back down this damn rabbit hole and I’m fucking angry! I’m sick of being here. I’m sick of pushing my kids and my Hubstar away month after month. I KNOW I’m doing it yet I’m powerless to stop it. There’s never any right answer when it comes to being a parent, especially when you parent with mental health issues. I’m trying. #motherhood #parenting #makemotherhooddiverse #ittakesavillage #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #pbloggers #pbloggeruk #parentingfail
