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PCap Recap - The Husbands of River Song

Apologies again for being so late with this (and for being almost MIA over the last week). Christmas is always crazy busy in my house and my daughter’s meltdowns go off the scale so I do tend to become the most unsociable person around this time through no fault of my own.

Soooooo……… The Husbands of River Song. Where to start, where to start?

I fucking love this story! Simple as. It is without question my favourite of all of 12’s episodes (narrowly beating Heaven Sent) and in turn my favourite 12 Christmas episode (knocking Twice Upon a Time into second place).

From the off I think it broadcasts exactly what to expect. The ‘Carol Singers will be criticised’ sign warns us were about to meet a very grumpy Doctor and lots of laughs are ahead. I love a bit of grumpy 12 so bring it on! When they announced that Matt Lucas was in this episode I was secretly dreading it. When he was joined by Greg Davies I was twice as anxious. I always loved Matt Lucas in small doses and was worried that he would be expected to play it more serious than he was used to. I needn’t have worried as I thought his presence in this, and subsequent episodes, added a much needed foil for the Doctor. Someone who would just tell him straight.

For anyone who doesn’t know, Greg Davies is a comedian who used to be a teacher. I love his stand up and he’s always such good value on chat shows but I don’t think his strengths lie in acting. I’m sad to say his performance in this only reinforced that opinion. If he’d have been given some funnier lines my opinion might have been different, but in this he’s definitely the villain but also very much the straight guy. However, that does, of course, mean that our boy gets to go heavy on the funnies in this, and he does so splendidly well.

His first shot with the hologram antlers always creases me up. Such a deadpan face. From there we get line after line of growingly incredulous dialogue from him as he simply can’t believe that River doesn’t know who he is. Once she does realise who he is they really start to bounce off each other joyfully. Which brings me to the goddess Alex Kingston.

Now, I am a happily married, straight woman in her 50’s but Christ alive that woman makes me doubt every sexual attraction I’ve ever had! She effortlessly smoulders and impishly plays with every man she shares a scene with. She never really made an impact on me when she was in ER but in DW she shines. In addition to all the pure sex she radiates - the woman can bloody well act!

I was lucky enough to see her play Lady Macbeth against Kenneth Brannagh in his production of Macbeth for the Manchester International Festival in 2013. It was a unique production in a small disused church on the edge of Manchester City Centre. We, the audience were sat in the pews which had been realigned and tiered (bleacher-like) to run the full length of the church from the altar to the entrance, with a widened aisle and altar then becoming the main performance area. At the opposite end to altar a large wooden wall had been build which had shuttered windows built into it (it was here that the ghost and witches would appear and from which Lady Mac would meet her end. It was all very secret in that the audience met in a warehouse and didn’t know where the performance would take place. Shortly before show time, we were walked in groups of 8-10 to the church which was a few streets away and seated. We sat in the front row pew next to the wall and as I sat I realised there was a hooded woman knelt on the alter at the far end, lighting candles. We were one of the first groups to be seated and it took a good 20 minutes for the rest of the small audience to be seated and settle in. As the lights dimmed for the show to start, the hooded figure began to stand. She turned, removed her hood and revealed herself to be Lady Macbeth, Alex Kingston. She’d been knelt there for more than 20 minutes just lighting candles!!! I was awe inspired and both my husband and I fell completely in love with her over the course of her performance. The play itself was completely immersive. At one point a rain storm started (IN THE CHURCH!!!) during a battle scene which drenched the first few rows of the audience including me. This coupled with the fact that there was soil on the floor which turned to mud in the rain made for a thrilling if not messy few hours. Oh and because of they way the bleachers were built I could see where the actors where getting changed and got a, not unpleasant, eyeful of Brannagh in his pants 🤭

So suffice to say, AK is one of my most favourite women and to pair her with my most favourite man (sorry my husband!) is delectable. What an incredibly charismatic pairing these two actors were. And what an unforgivable shame this was the only story we got of them together. I know, I know - our boy’s version of Who is the one who got to spend 24 whole years of domestic bliss with her. Was this when he became a father? I truly like to think it is. In fact I’ve got the startings of a fanfic in my head about the 24 years and what happened. Maybe I’ll get to it one day, Who knows? But my God they sizzled together. They are the only, truly believable pairing of River and the Doctor in my opinion. They look like a couple. River with all the other Doctors just doesn’t work for me. There’s just no real spark. It always felt artificial.

Quick Takes, Observations and Questions

Am I right in thinking that the street set at the start is the alley from Face the Raven just redressed? The layout feels very familiar.

This is by far the funniest episode Moffat has ever written. I doubt he’ll ever surpass it.

The hair! The costume! Just absolute perfection in this.😎

His anti-monarchy speech ❤️✊

His face when River kisses Ramone 🤮

Hello Sweetie! Imagine hearing that from his lips and it being directed at you. 🌊

The quick ogle of River’s boobs he manages to squeeze in when the diamond drops into her dress. 🍒🍆

24 fecking years!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭

If I could watch just one episode on a loop until the end of time it would be this. It brings me nothing but warm fuzzy feelings when I need them the most. And we all need as many warm fuzzy feelings as we can lay our hands on in these dark days.

4 1/2 billion stars out of 5!

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Thank you

Starting this little PCap appreciation corner and I have totally stolen the icon from vortexicons and the gif header from dadskills, I hope that's OK. Please let me know if not - or let me know if there is a more obvious way to give you credit - I'm a little new to some of this Tumblr stuff :)

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