Living with PCOS
What is PCOS? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. However, not everyone who has PCOS deals with cysts. PCOS is an hormone imbalance disorder. PCOS can be different in every woman that has it. For example, I have PCOS and I do deal with cysts on my ovaries. Most women do get these cysts but for most the cysts dissolve painlessly, however for myself they grow and grow until they burst which can bedridden me for a week or so. PCOS also messes with my weight. No matter what I try I gain weight and then I struggle to loose weight, I also deal with unpredictable periods. I could go months without a period. However, I know women that also have PCOS but they don’t get the cysts, they don’t gain weight, but they do get facial hair and/or they have their periods for months at a time. Can you imagine that? Bleeding for MONTHS!!
PCOS affects 1 in 10 women, it is not often talked about and has very little research funding's (I’m talking less than 0.02% of medical research funding's goes towards PCOS). When people often see a woman with PCOS we tend to be automatically judged. People that don’t have PCOS have absolutely no idea how hard it is to live with PCOS.
For instance, I am one of the healthiest eaters you will meet. I can work out 1 to 2 hours a day 3 to 6 days of the week and I remain the same size. When people see me, even some “family”, they just see an overweight girl. The first thing they tell me is I need to be more discipline with my gluttony, I am far from a glutton gut. I’m told I need to go to the gym, okay lets go but your probably going to call it quits before I do? I may not run but I lift weights, I dance, I bike, and then I chase two toddlers around all day. If there’s yard work that needs to be done I can be outside for three hours a day doing hard yard work, heavy lifting and all the good stuff. I am not overweight because I am unfit. I am overweight for something I cannot control. Yes, there’s pills out there. The only thing is, those pills are not 100%. Due to the very low funding for PCOS research all the pills are complete trial and error. Forgive me for not wanting to risk throwing my hormones into another rollercoaster.
Even though I know this, I have a hard time when I am judged for my weight, especially when “family” throw it at me as ammo. I am trying to learn how to dress for my body type to where I feel good about myself, to where I can feel pretty.
I have battled with PCOS since I was 13. I did pretty good with controlling my PCOS before it got out of hand. I was a healthy size 7 with all the right curves until I turned 20. When I was 19 I got really sick with an infection of the equilibrium. This illness made it hard for me to dance, workout, climb stairs, hell I couldn’t even get a gallon of milk out of my fridge without passing out. Around this time is when PCOS started taking over my body even more. In about 4 years time my body went from being size 7 and 135lbs with all the right curves to size 18 and 248lbs. I was miserable and criticized myself up for it. I got mad at myself for something I could not control. However, I have been able to get back down to size 14 and 195lbs. It only took almost 2 years! I have been at a stand still for the past 6 months now. I have seen a nationalist to see if it was something to do with what I eat. She was very impressed with my food journal and made it clear to me it had nothing to do with what I was doing, that it was all due to my hormone imbalance.
PCOS causes me to go in and out of depression, causes me to battle with self-doubt. I despise my size, I especially hate it when Facebooks “On this day” brings back pictures of what I was only 5 years ago! I am trying to regain self-confidence and self-love but it is a true struggle. I feel like once I learn how to love myself again and how to dress for my body type that I’ll pull out of it. I am far from a fashionista and have absolutely no idea where to get started on how to dress my body type. So for now it’s leggings and t-shirts.
