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Our Experience As A System Dating A Singlet
We haven't seen much systems in relationships posts, so I would like to make a large one. This is our experience as a system dating a singlet, and why we are concerned that maybe this isn't the right path for us, regardless of being a P-DID system. (Which even I feel is the closest to singlet4singlet we'll ever be as a system). This is potentially going to be like a semi vent, and processing of our relationship. This post will include both system based issues and issues with our partner that have contributed, but may also still link to our systemhood. Our partner does not have Tumblr, so they will overarchingly remain anonymous. I apologize now for any typos hah
All Under Cut
The Future As It Was
Realistically speaking our partner is our highschool sweetheart, and anyone who has half a brain may be familiar with the fact that those typically do NOT work out. You have the love and the care, but once you make it to adulthood it's clear what their path will be. Our partner is unemployed and with no further education, but we were alright with that as we had only just got out of highschool and some people take a gap year. We were one of the unlucky ones who was pushed into college by strict parents. Freshly into social media after being grounded for ages, we mostly overindulged in YouTube and breifly discord. We eventually started online college albeit not without struggle.
We had to move due to being a military family, which sprung the idea of renting a place. We never did. We had it planned and never followed through.
We moved, and he was okay going long distance. It's been over a year. We are are his first partner.
Syscovery
While looking into servers we recently wanted to learn about systems. Our old host was a DID denier and I was more DID curious. We had a friend who said they were a system, which at first we were confused and didn't link DID to System, but didn't care after some time. We also used to watch system troll videos so this was a huge switch (haha get it.. cause.. cause there was a host switch?.... anyway). I loved learning about mental health and disorders so a mixed space with singlets and systems was nice.
Over time we learned about endos, willos, the works and said ew... the fuck? So, anti endo singlet. Based? Yeah no uh, system.. Anti endo system. Eventually left that server for issues we had with staff. Yada yada. While fumbling with suspected OSDD and finally landing on P-DID after a sorta breakdown, we had it in our bio that we were at least a system and eventually our partner brought it up
Our partner was on VR Chat at a young age, experienced a bit of trauma with it, and admittedly was hesitant with system things. If you are in any sort of system space, you know the horrors that are some VRC systems. We slowly helped educate him on actual systemhood and he came around albeit hesitantly.
Delay In Meeting
With hesitance, he was reluctant to even have SimplyPlural for us. He was scared. Scared to talk to new people mostly moreso than "Aaah alters scary," so we respected that. Admittedly it went on much longer than it should have. "What if someone hates me. What if I say something bad. What if my first impression is shit." We have a collective understanding of relationships. If someone didn't like him, they had all general information on him to decide such. This had went on for about less than year and he only recently, as of a few days ago, started meeting people direct.
The Odd One Out
That fated day. An alter does not care for him, but of course didn't twll him outright. I stead they like our other friend and excessively so. They spent more time together than our partner, mostly via messaging and VR, bit it was more and things our partner could have always been doing. They brought up issues with our partner to a member of our server who we knew would give raw unfiltered advice. We were dating a boy, not a man.
We needed to do something, or at least figure out what we wanted in life.
The Future Reviewed
We always thought of the future through a fairytale lense. Being with our parents still is awful for our mental health, but we have no other options. A husband who basiclaly wants to be a housewife, who still offers to work if needed, but has never once gotten a job or education yet... It's becoming harder and harder to believe he will be a partner and not a burdening weight. He is so sweet, but sweet won't pay the bills... We had already planned marriage and it's kept us stuck. He claims we co own a dog where he lives. We aren't there. It would he his until we lived together. He's too painfully latched while we are slipping. We need a partner, especially with the amount of aid and support we will need in these years of lacking it. He would not be the one to help us. He was a lapdog at most.
You only find a dog cute when it ignores tricks as a puppy. It's been over a year and it isn't cute anymore. He's wasting his days and has an actual puppy before even finding his first real job..
The Future As It Is
I have heavily considered the factors.
No further education
No job
Hesitant to even learn about our system
When learning about system overly cares if some seem flirty, don't like him, ect. Which is a bit ignorant of varience in alters
No motivation
Has a dog before a job and school thus relying off parental aid for basic "prepping child for responsibility" task
Has been sleeping a lot more than he alreasy does with this puppy
Lack of communication as busy with puppy which fair but he already was messaging less so
Lack of defending us when needed
Generally... clingy and childish which may be holding us back
Ect.
Closing
I may be forgetting some things, but even if I the host am the one mostly dating him, I do consider that the alter who beought this up may be a subconscious awareness of these flaws that are in fact things that need to be considered
It is okay to date a singlet, but find someone who will take the time and energy to support you. This is a disorder. They need to understand this makes up a large part of yourself.
We just feel restricted under a sys4singlet monogamous relationship and would at least have been okay with a poly relationship or a sys4sys. However, our partner is a singlet who isn't comfortable with polyamory. We have been respectful of that, but it's a bit suffocating feeling so trapped as he hadn't wanted to talk to alters yet. So... yes, we may consider breaking things off, even for a short bit versus a full break up. We need to see him be better, but we may feel too stuck to stay...
I'm probably gonna explain this badly but I'll try. Do you think it would be possible for somebody with OSDD to be like ... "partial". As in P-DID where one alter never leaves? I don't think I'd have it or anything, I'm just a typical DID sys, but I'm curious if something like that could exist.
I very highly doubt there's anything professionally documented, so it's more just a personal question on if you think it could happen.
I'm not really understanding your question sorry... P-DID is in the ICD as follows, if it doesn't align with this then it most likely is NOT P-DID ^^:
Definition pulled from the ICD
Partial dissociative identity disorder is characterised by disruption of identity in which there are two or more distinct personality states (dissociative identities) associated with marked discontinuities in the sense of self and agency. Each personality state includes its own pattern of experiencing, perceiving, conceiving, and relating to self, the body, and the environment. One personality state is dominant and normally functions in daily life, but is intruded upon by one or more non-dominant personality states (dissociative intrusions). These intrusions may be cognitive, affective, perceptual, motor, or behavioural. They are experienced as interfering with the functioning of the dominant personality state and are typically aversive. The non-dominant personality states do not recurrently take executive control of the individual’s consciousness and functioning, but there may be occasional, limited and transient episodes in which a distinct personality state assumes executive control to engage in circumscribed behaviours, such as in response to extreme emotional states or during episodes of self-harm or the reenactment of traumatic memories. The symptoms are not better explained by another mental, behavioural or neurodevelopmental disorder and are not due to the direct effects of a substance or medication on the central nervous system, including withdrawal effects, and are not due to a disease of the nervous system or a sleep-wake disorder. The symptoms result in significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other important areas of functioning
