As promised - post about symptoms of a system being in a toxic relationship:
some alters not fronting around that person due to fear (not talking about alters who usually don't front due to those reasons around anybody - those who are scared of everyone due to past trauma - just being afraid of a certain person due to specific reasons)
symptom holders having more symptoms than usual
splitting a lot of alters - especially functions that are related to the relationship - protectors, trauma holders, people pleasers, persecutors etc.
alters "leaving" the system as they can't handle the situation (fusing or going dormant)
amnesia, worse memory issues
having more panic attacks, anxiety, being stressed
going mute or splitting mute alters
alters show up with wounds in head space symbolically
alters become masked in head space symbolically
inner persecutor punishing alters for staying in a relationship saying they either mirror what is happening outside to process trauma as they believe you deserve it or because they want you to understand the situation is toxic and leave etc.
there's chaos - system doesn't know if they want to stay or leave because brain goes all ways at once - some begs to stay (favorite person, traumabond, don't remember/know you date an abuser as they are cut from memories) and some try to break up, run away, hurt themselves etc.
whole system changes to fit the relationship better - who fronts more often, who never, who acts differently, the amount of alters shrink or go higher
you start to see your partner like the abuser - mistake them for the abuser, have flashbacks and are triggered by the behavior constantly
alters become asexual and aromantic due to trauma, just repulsed
alters are programmed, act like during hypnosis, never let anyone say something wrong about the partner, act mechanically/atuomatically etc.
working on your traumas harder and faster or else you feel like a burden/problem while they don't do the same for you
being ashamed/uncomfy of who you are as an alter in case partner might make fun of you like animalistic behavior or littles etc.
Other symptoms less related to DID - TW:
constant fear towards your partner
pseudoepileptic seizures due to emotions (conversion disorder)
being exhausted all the time
having more nightmares especially about SA and physical abuse or running away
depression, being numb, lacking emotions, not wanting to wake up in the morning or going to sleep
being unsure of the relationship/partner
acting too submissive towards someone to prove yourself
feeling hurt few times a day by someone's actions/words
feeling like you teach your partner, even basics, like they aren't grown up enough, have no emotional intelligence or maturity, you have to tell them every single thing - how it works and what to do - even common/basic things, begging for respect or bare minimum, waiting for your partner to finally learn, remember, help, support you and it takes months even if those things are super important while they somehow remember minor and less important things
always feeling like you have to apologise, especially with sexual behavior (letting them fuck you, pleasing them sexually, sending nudes to keep them), or else they will still mad at you even if they hurt you first - always feeling guilty
always hearing excuses (especially illogical) and constantly wasting time to understand them and forgive
taking care of your partner's needs and focusing on them, showing effort with nothing in return, caregiver alters end up having to take care of your partner more than the system
feeling of unfairness in a relationship
not having any time nor energy for yourself, feeling their obsession and wanting to hide/run away, flight response at all times, being isolated by their jealousness etc.
being scared to say NO or pointing out what someone did wrong because they either get offended and punish you with silence, yell, run away, ruin your stuff, hit you, go into extremes (I will never do anything again) or make weird jokes that are hurtful to you - either because it seems they try to punish themselves or you with them
Toxic behavior of a partner (both DID and not):
partner never being serious/deep, making you feel uncomfy during intimate moments as they either laugh or make rude comments and not supporting you enough
partner never wanting to do anything for fun with you
partner always laughing at you and criticisng everything about you
only showing effort when you try to break up
high demands while not giving effort
when you're tired or ill - you're useless to them
them always wanting to be better than you in everything
only persecutors being wanted because they give someone adrenaline or can be blamed later, being provoked
only sexual alters being wanted
partner often asking for specific alters to front, especially if only for sex
whole system being seen as one person when they want to be seen as individual alters and treated as such even if it's about their basic needs like touch or avoiding some subjects/triggers
being triggered on purpose as a punishment or for fun or for certain alter to front
them giving short responses and never having time for you
them focusing only on fun aspects of a relationship
them showing you love but only through their love language then say they try so hard for you while never understanding/learning your needs
them giving you empty words and promises that don't fit their actions
them always saying "they only joked about something" after hurting you or that you're too sensitive
them saying every touch means you want more (sex) and demand you to do that
them never being affectionate - just sexual
manipulation, gaslighting, lying
whenever you have a problem they will make a bigger problem
them asking for an alter to be gone from your system or never front
them treating your fictive as a character
them trying to program certain alters, make them not trust others, force them to keep secrets from each other, act certain ways to please them or using your program against you
them asking to keep everything about your relationship in secret
them not wanting to open up about basics, especially demanding you to guess things and being mad you didn't or later being angry you don't focus enough on them while they avoid questions
them always being chaotic, never answering any questions nor explaining their behavior (never say anything on their own) so you always have to beg/force them to at least set some boundaries, worry all the time or overthink all your actions in case you might do something wrong while they act illogically and chaotic then even blame you at times for not knowing they changed their mind and why
them not telling which alters they love like they don't care who is fronting, who they date, who likes them as their feelings don't seem to matter to them
partner gets jealous of in-sys relationships
