breathe in. breathe out. this is my worst nightmare, ok one of them because lets face it when you have kids there are so many, but this one is specific to my situation.
over the last few months cheeky bean has had what appears to be a rash appear on her arms, after several doctors, nurses and blood tests she has admitted to me that she did it to herself. they look like little bruises and she says shes been sucking her arms ( like love bites), when she told me i thought maybe it was a boredom thing like sucking your thumb, growing up shes always put things in her mouth (she has eaten a hole book during a ten min walk in her pushchair and the amount of coats we've been through) so i was just relieved that she wasn't ill. all the same we kept the appointment with the pedeatrition and once id told him what she said he sent her out the room, which i think was more than a little unfair as we were talking about her. and he called it self harm and really kept pushing an appointment with CAMHS and somehow he had found out about my mental health issues and told me it was my fault (in nicer terms of course) and went on to tell me to keep all sharp objects away from her and any medication. after calling her back on he made her promise not to hurt herself again then told us we had to do more blood tests and got someone to come and photograph her arms and then while we were waiting for some magic cream for the blood tests he pulls me in the room again only to repeat that i should keep all sharp things away from my daughter and that i should seek help for my mental health. he also seemed to forget everything i told him.
i don't think the cheeky bean minded so much as she got to play with the awesome dolls house and they gave her a Easter egg, which she has munched half may through already.
i really wasn't to worried but the thought that this could be self harm and that its because of me. i never though my health issues affected my parenting in a negative way but just the though of... there are no words. ive been through the hell of SH and im so close to the other side ( hey nearly a year clean) and can not bear the thought of this beautiful girl going through that.
i need to breathe and remind myself she is healthy and happy and doing well in school and has lots of friends and fun. we are doing good.
hopefully we can get to the bottom of this soon.