Tell us about this fresh, new Ajay persona, plucked straight from the mind!
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I wanted like, consider that Mohan probably had enough temper issues that factored into when he did That. And like, with that it could be possible for Ajay to inherit those too.
so,, uh do recall that headcanon i did where ishwari gets reminded of mohan because ajay tends to look a lot like him when he (rarely) blows up in rage. yeah :^) lotsa angst in this one folks (under the cut cause this is l o n g)
ajay as a child would be throwing tantrums or crying or hitting things, and ishwari would always be so exhausted to keep up and she was really trying to seek good help just to get him calm. still, so much as she continued trying, ajay had mostly managed to control some of that (what with being a child and all; she didn’t know he had a problem until something was up when he hit about 12)
so it’s only come to realization that ajay’s starting to get some serious anger issues when he’s 12. no matter how much ishwari was trying this time, ajay would get into fights, he’d be angry just when she was just trying to talk to him, and later on in life had he started to distance himself from her when he’d join gang to gang just to at least numb away those anger issues with drugs and getting in trouble and ditching school. he’d been known to break bones or sneak in well because he was small and quick, but insult him once and he’d revert into being vicious while tearing people into ribbons (still not quite killing).
still, during a later point he’d started staying at home more often and suddenly feel struck with the big pang of guilt from making his mom suffer so much; and the day they shot someone dead in the store during a robbery really did him in.
he was angry. not just cause he realized all his past mistakes in one go but also because he knew that all of this is on him. this is his fault. and after quitting he’d realized he needed to make it up for himself, and for mom. Still, what he was doing wasn’t even the half of it when he learned that Ishwari had cancer; so he worked a lot more and pretty much went through the same thing that Ishwari had done. he was angry at himself for a really long fucking time, there was nothing that he could forgive himself more and now with his maturity he finally started listening to Ishwari but he couldn’t just take it easy. his work was an apology to her; and he’d pretty much lost so much taking his mother for granted when she finally died.
so for awhile those issues have been trying to be put under control since ishwari had later made him go for counselling while ajay was at it. since setting foot into kyrat, though, everything had gone directly out of the fucking window.
he saw himself in pagan; someone angry and someone who definitely doesn’t deserve time and attention, he was angry because he couldn’t get why ishwari loved him until he learned about the story of mohan.
it doesn’t stop there, really. he uses brutality more than he does with actual combat when fighting; being so that improv was always his thing back when he was in gangs. he starts getting better at using a machine gun and a sniper rifle and pretty soon starts going overkill. gets too violent at even the simplest of situations that locals are afraid of getting hurt by him. he’s been so cooped up about helping people that he’s forgotten about mom, he just wants everything to end but things are too overwhelming and all he can really keep focus on is killing and killing and even more killing. he lashes out even when things are fine; sabal and amita always look down on him asking “what the fuck is wrong with you?” and bhadra is more or less one of the people that actually throws him back to awareness.
particularly with this alternate ajay i wanted a certain scene with bhadra where he lashes out in front of her. bhadra flinches backwards and shields herself from fear of getting hurt and ajay’s realized what he’s done. trying to talk to her, bhadra leaves and he’s been left to contemplate with what he had done, but he couldn’t think more of it because he was starting to get busy again with more missions.
his relationship with yogi and reggie? pretty much as angry as he was when he first met them, but those drugs had calmed the hell out of him and he only gets angry once the aftermath is hit. both yogi and reggie are more or less chill, though, and they do make him conscious about how angry he suddenly gets.
longinus, though? longinus is pretty much the only few people to enlighten him. he’s been brought upon a good mood, though sometimes when messing up he can’t help be mad at the old guy in secret for somehow managing to never get this done himself, but he takes it back while shooting people up.
i’d like to believe that sabal and amita would do their ‘feeling close’ deal with him but in truth they obviously don’t know him. on sabal’s route, ajay’s infatuated but also hesitates anytime sabal’s acted upon his sexism or talked shit about amita. he knows that his morals are better but how sabal treats certain people is what really knocks ajay off; he wanted to suggest changes but then only got more or less invalidated by him. he contemplates his decisions anytime it happens. on amita’s route, ajay thinks with the logical perspective but also tries to add in what could be better for the people. it’s been taken to consideration but amita had never really pursued with them. they don’t listen to him in spite of him listening to them so much.
but with pagan? i like to believe that he only ignores them until the second half of the story. that’s where he starts regretting decisions and suddenly has a lot less of the upper hand when he really does talk to pagan, who’s just letting him do his thing when continuing on, ajay’s starting to find his mistakes again in misjudging pagan and really finding out the story to ishwari and mohan, he’s got questions that were barely ever answered by the people of the Golden Path.
in the end, ajay stops what the hell he’s been doing. he remembers what he was here for and gets to pagan mid-way to bring mom to lakshmana, and he’s in a real fucking rage finding that after stepping out, the golden path had decidedly went ahead and took Jalendu Temple to their hands.
ajay’s made up his mind. pagan’s right and he doesn’t want him to leave, not now, not when he’s found his family but his anger’s gotten to bridges to where distress and the pressure of what will happen now had gotten him to a mental breakdown.
pagan helps him, actually. he’s not afraid. he’s not taking that something is turning him into a monster. ajay hates that he’s inherited this problem from mohan but pagan assures him that it doesn’t matter; he’s not his father and he will never be like sabal’s headass talks.
angry. in pain, still. but pagan helps him relax more and in spite of being angry he’s finally given the treatment he hasn’t gotten in so long, but even still he wants to do one last thing to end it all.
he finally takes control of kyrat, in this sense. pagan’s still the face of the monarchy, but all the orders fell under him as soon as he demanded that the golden path be ceased and amita and sabal would be taken the fuck away.
it’s not like ajay’s not angry anymore; he is. it’s evident with the way he starts getting his revenge on the two, the way he mostly ends up causing chaos again but from the other side, seething, but then when it’s pagan encouraging it, it’s only until when he sees bhadra again that he realizes what he’s doing.
…again.
not that i actually know how to end this; honestly this turned out much differently than when i first wrote about it, but i’ve found that there were chances that bhadra could hate him but can’t do it. she’s afraid, yes, and she’s upset, but she doesn’t want to leave ajay because she’s pretty much later on understood that ajay’s got a problem. she doesn’t want to make it worse.
so,, will they be happy together? in spite of all the things that ajay pretty much caused?
uh. yeah, eventually. i actually don’t know how to delve into the full detail of it yet.
@heartrendes said: ' matthias is snoring, i can't sleep. scoot. ' she mumbles and nods at his bed. ' c'mon, i'm sleepy. '
HE KNOWS; he can hear it for himself. to helvar’s credit, he had an oddly tuneful snore — it sounded like a tank tearing across a field of gravel, but his inhales and exhales were comically uniform. knhhhrrroooooo.... shoo. over and over. the sound of it wafted down the hall and into jesper’s room. he groans as nina commands the space next to him, but isn’t awake enough to protest beyond a weak whine.
“ why can’t ya jus’ — turn ‘im over? ” he manages, tucking his elbows in to make room for her on the narrow, lumpy bed. once she’s situated, he automatically throws an arm across her chest, squashed in beside her and actually kind of happy with the sudden warmth in his cold room. “ he’s only snoring on account of being on his back — if you stopped using the boy like a mattress, he’d snore less! ”
@kyberborne said: "oh, you want to hear me talk dirty?" she grins, a wicked glint in her eyes. "buinneach dhearg go dtigidh ort." well –– it is dirty.
HE WOULDN’T MIND if she did, actually. jesper leans back against the headboard, hands sliding up her waist, more than ready to put a few cracks in the wall behind it — and then jyn . . . opens her mouth, and . . . never has he ever been quite so ready to toss someone out of his bed, before.
“ why, ” red diarrhoea? the words would haunt him in his sleep. any time he thought about putting a hand on jyn for the rest of the night, this is what would come to mind. jesper sighs through his nose, head tilting back to thunk against the wall in sheer exasperation. “ who needs cold showers. just get a girlfri — get someone who delights in being gross as hell. ”
asking for a friend : how do i tell a girl i love her without being vulnerable? is calling her an investment and buying her a ship enough? xoxo baz krekker
“ buy her a wedding ring. propose while holding an alligator, or something that bites — it’ll look cool, and manly or whatever. that way, if she says no, the alligator can just eat you and you don’t have to face rejection . . . and if she says yes, you look cool, and not at all vulnerable. ”
“ or you say sorry for calling her an investment?? ”
