I recently had a diagnostic laparoscopy because my doctor and I were sure I had endometriosis. None was found (although I’m not entirely convinced it’s not the problem but I’m no expert) but what was found was just… So much scar tissue. Things were stuck to other things and I had an organ twisted out of place. The biggest thing for my long term health (I think) that was found- and this might be TMI but really is anyone going to read this?- my fallopian tubes are completely blocked. Meaning I can’t have children unless I either get that treated or use IVF. I didn’t particularly want to have children, at least not by using my body. But it’s weird knowing that it’s not even really an option for me. I’m not sure I’ve really processed this information; I just feel numb about it. Apparently blocked fallopian tubes are a fairly common cause of infertility. Infertility. Is that something I have to identify with now? Do I have to say I’m infertile? I’m really adding to my list of adjectives over here. Chronically ill, disabled, mentally ill, lesbian, nonbinary, neurodivergent… infertile? I guess I am. It’s such a strange feeling. I don’t know what to do with it. Oh, and we don’t know exactly what caused the scarring. My doctor’s best guess was some sort of infection but I don’t remember ever having any kind of infection that would cause this. I thought this would give me answers but I feel just as confused as before. But I’ve deemed “fixed” and he said I only need to be seen for routine screenings anyone my age would get. Maybe I’m supposed to be satisfied with that. Maybe I want too much out of my doctors, I don’t know. All I know is I don’t really… have anyone to talk to about this. Not anyone who knows what to say. It’s fine though, I don’t even know what I want to hear.