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(don't) wait up on me

wooseok x reader

summary: moving in with your childhood friend/former crush doesn't seem like a good idea but you were just so bad at saying no...

tags: childhood friends, roommates, mutual pining, slow burn, jealousy (y/n is dating someone else in between), severe case of idiots to lovers, hurt/comfort, gn reader (but wears make up/jewlery), reader is a year older, somewhat alternating pov, SFW; warnings: alcohol consumption

word count: ~13k

a/n: back with some ptg after a long time~ so i started writing this fic in september 2022 and uuuh i wasn't sure i would ever complete it but it would have been such a waste to abandon this when it already had over 10k. i wont lie this story is definitely a little messy but somehow i'm still attached, maybe just bc it's been with me for so long. either way i hope you enjoy. &go listen to navy blue or sth~

Masterlist

You'd known Wooseok since you were in first grade, when his family moved in next to yours. He was a year younger than you and so incredibly adorable. The two of you immediately grew close. Neither of you had any actual siblings but Wooseok really felt like a younger brother to you.

He followed you around so much, you probably spent more time together than apart.

Your parents were just as close and it wasn’t uncommon for both families to have dinner together. His mom clearly adored you, treating you as if you were her child as well. Their flat felt like a second home to you.

You went to the same schools too (you teased him about it, saying things like "aw, can't believe you followed me to middle school and now you're following me to high school too" without meaning anything by it, the way the tips of his ears grew red going unnoticed).

He hit a growth spurt sometime around high school, towering over most of his classmates and absolutely towering over you. Maybe things started to feel a little different to you, but you decided to ignore it. You had to ignore it in order to keep the friendship you had intact.

Even though you'd both hit puberty and all that stuff, he still didn't cut it down on the physical contact, throwing himself onto you like a giant dog that doesn't realize how big he is. The way it made your heart race felt all kinds of wrong. He was supposed to be like a brother to you!

After high school you moved away to study. You purposely chose a university a little further off, in order to put some distance between the two of you and get over this. (If Wooseok found himself tearing up a bit after sending you off he didn't let on.)

Wooseok and you had never texted much and suddenly starting with it now would have been awkward. So, aside from the one or the other "how have you been" or "look what i saw the other day" you were barely in touch, spare for the few weekends you visited home.

You found yourself missing him, but it also made you feel relieved when it gave the desired effect: You started thinking about him less, and even when you saw him the weird feelings from before had subsided.

When the time came for Wooseok to apply to universities as well, he applied to yours as well (just because it has a very good reputation for his subject of course!)

He didn't tell you, feeling kinda awkward about suddenly texting you with info like that. But when the acceptance letter came in he felt like it was too late to tell you. What was he supposed to say? By the way, I applied to your university and will go there next semester?

He didn't have to tell you though, because his mom already did it in his place.

After your move, she would send you food from time to time and the well mannered kid you were, you’d always call to give her your thanks.

In one of these calls—you wanted to thank her for the kimchi she’d sent—she told you about Wooseok being accepted to your university and looking for a place to live now.

The information caught you off guard. Of course, you hadn’t talked as much these days, but you still wondered why he didn’t tell you himself. You would have been so proud of him for getting accepted, especially since your university had a good reputation in the field he wanted to study. So why?

Still a little under shock, you barely paid attention when his mom continued on, about how she’d feel so much more at ease if she knew that Wooseok wouldn’t be by himself in the big town and how your mom had also told her that your lease was running out soon.

When a random, affirmative “mhm” of yours was met with excitement and relief at the other end of the line you knew you’d gotten yourself into something stupid.

“Really, y/n, I’m so glad that the two of you will live together. Of course, we’ll help you look for a flat.”

You didn’t quite share her excitement, but you also couldn’t back out now, not when she always treated you so well. And it wasn’t as though you were uncomfortable with Wooseok. You’d long gotten over whatever those odd feelings were!

Wooseok also wasn’t the fondest of his mom's administrations. She had practically painted him to be some lost helpless country bumpkin who wouldn’t survive a day in the city by himself. And that was the last thing he wanted you to think about him.

He'd always hated being a year younger than you, because he felt as if it caused him to miss out on so much. Not only had he never had the chance to be in the same classes with you; he also felt as if you didn’t take him seriously. Neither you nor your friends ever considered him cool. No, he was always just the cute "brother" that you took care of.

So yes, his mom doing this bothered him. But at the same time it was only thanks to her that he got to live with you now. And how could he ever hate that?

Seeing you everyday didn't really help the crush he had on you. The domesticity of it all was painful to bear; the way you looked all cute and sleepy when you got your morning coffee or how you rested your head against his shoulder as if it was nothing, while the two of you were huddled together on your tiny couch.

You got closer again too, of course you were, you were literally living together.

And even though he loved it to be close to you again, it also made him realize how truly impossible it seemed for you to see him as anything more than a friend or little brother.

It also felt as if you were drawing some kind of line between the two of you. You knew his friends and they sometimes hung out at the flat. At this point they were your friends too and when Hyunggu or whoever was hosting a party it was a given that Wooseok could bring you along.

But you never really let him spend time with your friends nor did you invite them over. It made him feel left out.

(You, of course, had a reason for that—but how would he know that?)

One evening when you got up from the couch, leaving the movie night behind in favor of getting ready to go out with your friends, he felt himself getting upset, a little jealous. Why couldn't you just stay home with him? Or your friends could come over instead? He didn't say that though. Instead he just watched you scurry around with a pout. When you retrieved something from the couch table, something inside of him snapped and he latched onto your wrist.

You chuckled the way one would laugh at the cute actions of a child and tried to shake him off, telling him you really had to get ready.

But instead of letting you go he just moved to wrap his arms around your waist.

"Can't you just stay home today?" he asked, still pouting but not looking up at you.

You felt your breathing catch and your heart skip a beat but quickly shook the feeling off. Chuckling again, you peeled his arms off and told him to stop being a baby.

He mumbled a barely audible "I'm not being a baby,” but you didn’t pay it any mind. Instead, you finished getting ready, grabbed your keys and made your way to the front door.

“Don’t wait up on me,” you shouted from the hallway, before letting the door fall shut behind you.

The sentiment of his touch still lingered, leaving a tingly feeling in its wake. You knew this was bad, really bad.It was as if all the progress, the moving on, that you’d worked so hard on had gone down the drain in a split second, just because of a mere touch.

You leaned against the closed door for a moment, taking a few steadying breaths before reaching for your phone to text your best friend Claire. Sadly, your hand came up empty. You’d left your phone on the table.

But you didn’t want to go back inside, you couldn’t. So you decided to just leave, hurrying to make it on time to your meeting place with Claire.

She noticed right away that something was up with you, immediately asking if something had finally happened between you and Wooseok.

See, that’s the problem with oversharing: Even when you think they will never meet the person in question since he literally lives in a different town, you could never be entirely sure. And then you’re stuck with a best friend who knows that you used to crush on your now-roommate and teases you about it relentlessly.

When she wiggled her eyebrows at you knowingly, it was reconfirmed once more that not letting her meet him for more than a split second was the right choice. You loved Claire with all your heart, but you couldn’t trust her to keep her mouth shut.

She eventually let the topic go though, after you insisted that nothing had happened, and you made your way to the party she’d been invited to. It was her lawyer boyfriend’s crowd. Most people there seemed to be a little older than you, 4 to 5 years maybe, and so put together that you felt out of place in your worn out sneakers.

You sat in some corner nursing your drink when a guy came up to sit next to you asking if you were doing okay. He was handsome with his slicked back hair and the rolled up sleeves of his white dress shirt.

He wanted to know what's wrong and because he was so sweet and because you were already getting tipsy, you actually told him about what was preying on your mind. He listened to you calmly, letting you get it all out. Then he smiled softly. “Maybe you just needed a bit of a distraction?”

You didn't sleep with him that night. You could have, it was clear from the way he looked at you. But you hadn’t wanted to and he hadn’t pressured you either.

Instead you just talked for a really long time at the party and he walked you back to the station afterwards. You talked so much and walked so slowly that you missed your bus, so he offered to call you a cab. You declined, but he insisted.

Before the cab arrived he asked if he could have your number.

An apologetic smile crossed your face. “I actually forgot my phone.”

“Ah I see, guess I'm being rejected.” He chuckled defeatedly.

“No, I promise it’s not an excuse. I really did forget my phone. My friend scolded me about it too.”

He considered you for a moment, his gaze wandering from one eye to the other before he nodded slowly.

“Mhm, then, how about this-” He started cramming out a pen and a piece of paper from his bag, scribbling something down before he handed it to you. “I’ll just give you my number, and if you feel like it you text me. And if you don’t, you don’t. Okay?”

You nodded. “Okay.”

The cab arrived and he paid before opening the door for you and saying goodbye with a kiss to your cheek.

It was probably around 3 or 4 am when you unlocked the door to your apartment. You tried to be quiet, tiptoeing through the living room to get to your room, when you noticed soft breathing noises. Wooseok was curled up on the sofa, that was way too small for his height, sleeping soundly.

You walked over and pulled a blanket over him, shaking your head with a fond smile. "I told you not to wait up on me,” you whispered barely audibly, more to yourself than to him.

He blinked his eyes open and looked at you through the dark, his hand latching onto yours.

"You forgot your phone.” His voice was thick with sleep. “I was worried.”

You swallowed around the lump that was building in your throat and pulled your hand away.

"If you're awake now you should go to sleep in your bed.”

He made some grumpy noise instead of a proper reply and you just disappeared to your room.

When you were laying in bed, you still saw his sleepy eyes in front of you, looking at you through the darkness with drowsy affection.

It drove you crazy.

You tiptoed out of bed and got the little piece of paper out of your jeans pocket, before you slipped back under your blankets.

And then you texted the guy.

You met up with him a few times after that and he absolutely pampered you. He was always so sweet, inviting you to dinner or a coffee and seeing you home afterwards.

Wooseok caught on eventually, watching you with eagle eyes when you put on perfume or wore shoes that he knew you saved for important occasions. You didn't have to say you were going on dates for him to know and when he eventually asked about it you admitted to meeting someone.

It stung when he heard you say it but he couldn't stop his curiosity. So he asked more about him, his name and what he was doing and how old he was.

He immediately regretted asking. Knowing that he was older and a lawyer just made his insecurities worse. Curiosity killed the cat has never rang so true.

Why did it have to be someone older than you? Why did it have to be someone with a proper job and money while he was just some broke student?That guy would treat you to fancy dinners, while Wooseok was the pathetic roommate for whom you had to cover the rent when his money was getting tight. It haunted him but he couldn't say anything about it. What right did he have?

You started spending less time at the flat and more time with the lawyer guy.

It was good to have a distraction, you told yourself (even if it didn't really work at all. even if you were still thinking about Wooseok all the time, the way he looked at you, the way his hand felt wrapped around your wrist).

Aside from your uncooperative heart, the dates were going well. It had felt a little one sided at first, you only sharing your worries and him not sharing any of his. But as you spent more time together he also started to confide in you about stress from work. He told you about his family too, his older sister, his mom and all these things.

"Maybe you can meet them sometime" he said one afternoon and it sounded casual but when you met his eyes you felt a heavy meaning behind it.

You just smiled and nodded, saying you'd love to but feeling a little unsettled about it. Maybe it wasn't fair to meet him when you were clearly having feelings for someone else.

He noticed your sudden change in mood though and reassuringly took your hand in his.

"No pressure, dear. I'm not trying to force you into anything, okay?"

He was always like that, showing you how interested he was in you but still giving you time and space.

Eventually, he asked you if you wanted to make it official and date him. You hesitated, not sure if it was okay to say yes, but he smiled softly and told you that he didn’t mind if you didn't feel that way about him yet or that you were still hung up on your childhood friend. You could just try, right?

So you found yourself saying yes.

Dating him was nice. He still treated you well, taking you out for dinner or buying presents for you (even though you kept insisting he didn't need to). You started spending most of your weekends at his place and it almost felt as if you were living someone else's life.

His flat was big and clean and fancy. There weren't any dirty dishes on the counter (that Wooseok didn't do again), because your boyfriend had a dishwasher that took care of it. His couch too looked expensive and was actually big enough for two people to sit on comfortably. (Nothing like the small ratty couch in your flat, that barely fit Wooseok on it by himself, leaving the two of you to always huddle together in order not to fall off.)

Everything in your boyfriend's flat was better from an objective point of view. But it didn't feel much like a home.

You were at his place again that weekend, sitting together on his couch and watching TV.

After glancing at the time and realizing it was already afternoon you untangled yourself from him in order to head back.

"You don't have to go home though. You can just stay."

You shook your head. “I can’t, I have to prepare for my classes.”

“Can’t you do it from here?”

“I don’t have my things here.”

“Why not?”

"Huh?" You looked at him in confusion.

"I mean. Why don't you have some of your things here?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're here every weekend anyway. Why not leave some stuff here?"

You just stared at him, not knowing how to reply. It never occurred to you to do that. Somehow you'd always felt like a guest in his home. Clearly it hadn't been his intention to make you feel that way but you did and it didn’t seem appropriate for a guest to leave things around.

"Or you know," he continued "you could also just move in. I have enough space."

You hadn’t known what to say before, but now you were completely at a loss of words. You just stared at him in disbelief. Eventually, he smiled and leaned in to you, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear before he got up from the couch.

"Just think about it, hm?"

You nodded and then he helped you gather your clothes and drove you back.

When you reached home Wooseok was sitting in the living room. He barely acknowledged you walking in. Things had been like this between the two of you for a while now; a little awkward, a little cold. You hated it but maybe that’s what was necessary in order to get over him?

You sighed and went to the kitchen, being welcomed by a stash of dishes in the sink. It struck a nerve with you, but you didn’t want to pick a fight, so you just sighed again. After getting yourself a glass of water you disappeared into your room to prepare for classes. But somehow you couldn’t stop thinking about what your boyfriend had said. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea?

When you got out of your room later that evening with your laptop under your arm Wooseok was sitting there again (or still?). You squeezed yourself onto the couch next to him, but instead of scooting over he just got up to leave without even saying a single word.

It made you angry. Why was he treating you like this? You glared after him but when he didn't turn around you snapped.

"Are you being serious right now?!"

He turned around then, looking annoyed. "What?"

"Are you seriously going to ignore me like this? You haven't seen me all weekend and this is what I come home to?!"

You were angry but mostly you were hurt by his behavior.

Wooseok just shrugged. "If it bothers you then don't come home I guess. You're at his flat all the time anyway, why do you even bother?"

That stung. That really really stung.

You didn't want to have tears welling up in your eyes but you couldn't help it.

"Maybe I should! He asked me to move in with him, and I might just say yes!"

You shut your laptop angrily to get back to your room. When you walked past him Wooseok was looking at you with big eyes.

"...are you really?"

You avoided his gaze. "Maybe. What's it to you?"

With that you disappeared to your room, slamming the door behind you.

After the fight you texted your boyfriend if you could stay with him for a bit. So, the next day after classes he used his break to pick you up before driving back to work. Left alone in the flat you felt a little lost. You'd never been there by yourself and somehow you were worried about touching or dirtying or using anything. What if something broke? You supposed though, that this feeling would go away if you stayed a little longer. You sat down on his couch to do your university work and then ordered food because you didn't dare to use his kitchen.

You stayed like this with him for a few days, him often working late but always making sure to call you in his lunch break. It was sweet, really.

One evening, when he came home a little earlier than usual, he caught you sitting on the couch, the pizza carton from your dinner still on the couch table. He looked at it kinda funnily and you immediately apologized for not throwing it out yet.

But he just shook his head with a smile. "Y/n, have you been ordering pizza for dinner every day this week?"

"...maybe."

He laughed softly before he leaned in to kiss you on the cheek. “You know I have a kitchen right? You're allowed to use it."

You chuckled awkwardly. “I'll keep that in mind."

And yet, the next day, you found yourself eating pizza again.

As the end of the week approached, you realized you hadn't packed for staying a long time. Of course, you could hypothetically wash at his place but it was another thing you didn't feel comfortable doing and somehow the prospect of him handling your dirty laundry felt even worse. So, it was time to stop at home to pick up some fresh clothes …or to go home for good.

The two of you were cuddling on Thursday night, when you told him and he was mumbling into your neck that he could just drive you on the weekend. But you insisted on going by yourself. You felt it was better not to let him run into Wooseok right now but you didn't tell him that.

When you unlocked the door at home on Friday it was so quiet you assumed you were alone. You went to the kitchen to fetch your favorite tea. But as soon as you walked in, you stilled for a moment. It was squeaky clean, no dishes anywhere, nor any crumbs.

Still caught up in your surprise you didn't notice that Wooseok had walked up to the kitchen.

"You're back," he said, standing in the door frame with big surprised eyes.

Seeing him again after a few days made your chest feel warm. None of the anger of the last time you'd seen him was left, you were just glad to have him around. You looked at him for a moment before you shrugged.

"This is still my home too, you know."

"I thought… maybe you wouldn't come back anymore."

You raised the package of tea in some sort of wave. "I'm just picking up a few things."

Wooseoks face fell. "Oh."

“Yeah.”

The air between you turned tense again, so you tried to escape the situation by slipping past him into the living room to gather some things. Wooseok silently trailed behind you like a lost puppy, as you went from room to room to put this and that into your bag. When you went over to your bed to pack your pillow, Wooseok was watching you from the door frame.

"Can't you just... stay?"

You already wanted to decline but when you looked up and your eyes met his, your heart sank. He looked so sad. You just couldn't say no to him

You put your pillow back down before you slowly nodded. "Maybe just for a bit."

The two of you made some makeshift dinner in the kitchen together and even though it was a bit of an interesting combination it tasted like heaven after days of pizza only. The rest of the evening was spent huddled together on the couch. It felt familiar and comfortable and like home. Only now you realized how much you'd missed this over the past week.

You completely forgot that you were supposed to go back to your boyfriend, only getting reminded when your phone vibrated on the table later that night, a message popping up on the screen.

where are you?

Wooseok must have seen it too from the way he quickly averted his eyes when you glanced over at him. He was trying really hard to look anywhere but your phone screen, when you picked it up to reply.

sorry I’ll stay home after all

Then you set your phone aside again, resting your head against Wooseok’s shoulder and focusing back on the movie.

After a while he cleared his throat.

"Don't you have to like... go back to your boyfriend or something?" It sounded timid.

"Not today."

You thought you saw a little smile tug at the corners of his lips but you didn't comment on it.

It was the first weekend in a while that you were spending at the flat with Wooseok. It really felt as if you'd never fought in the first place and you could almost trick yourself into thinking the awkwardness hadn't happened either.

But then from time to time there were small moments where you felt as if he was tiptoeing around you, like the way his hand sometimes halted before touching you and then pulled away, or how he looked at you as if you could just disappear any second.

On Monday you had to go back to your boyfriend’s place since you'd left your laptop (and other things) at his and you could only last so long without them.

Somehow you felt caught between the chairs. You knew your boyfriend would want you to stick around. But you’d only just made up with Wooseok and you didn’t want to leave him alone again. You couldn’t.

You went to his flat when you knew he was at work, messaging him that you'd pick up your things. He didn't seem happy about it but he didn't try to stop you either. What he did try though, was telling you to wait until the evening so he could drive you home. But you felt as if in the end, instead of driving you home he'd probably convince you to stay after all so you declined.

You met up with him later that week for dinner. He picked you up with a flower bouquet in his hand. Even now after you’d been dating for a while, he was still showering you in small gifts and tokens. It honestly felt a little too much, as if he was trying to buy your affection, but you tried to be grateful, since convincing him to stop hadn’t worked.

While the two of you were sitting at your table, waiting for the food to come, he asked you if you'd thought about moving in together.

“I’m not trying to pressure you,” he assured. “I just want to know what you’re thinking.”

You slowly moved your head from side to side. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve only just patched things up with Wooseok, I don’t want to risk this…”

Your boyfriend nodded but there was worry in his eyes.

"I know you don't want to hurt him. But you can't always put him first, dear. Maybe a little distance would be for the best. You need to stop waiting for something that won’t happen."

His words made you swallow. Was that really what it was? Were you waiting? And did it really have no chance of happening?

You switched topics after that, talking about this and that, from work and university to your upcoming birthday. He asked if you’d be okay to spend your birthday evening with him since it conveniently fell onto a Saturday. Somehow you considered for a moment, racking your brains for potential reasons to decline, before ultimately saying yes when you came up empty.

After dinner, the two of you strolled through town for a bit. Most shops were already closed but you stopped here and there to gaze in through the lit up store windows. At a jeweler, your gaze got stuck on a necklace in the display. Your boyfriend noticed and smiled.

"You like that one, huh?"

"Yeah. actually—no that will probably sound childish."

Your boyfriend bumped you in the side "No, tell me."

"Actually that necklace is from an older collection. It came out years ago and I fell in love at first sight when I saw it back then."

"Oh, like what happened when I first saw you?" He grinned and you rolled your eyes before turning back to the necklace.

"I actually made a promise to myself back then. That I would buy it with my first proper paycheck."

"That's cute,” he said and it somehow made you feel childish after all. It made sense though, the price of the necklace was probably just peanuts to him with his well paying lawyer job. You shook your head and dragged him to move on. "Let’s go."

When your birthday rolled around you were woken up by a timid knock on your door. You groaned in reply and Wooseok shuffled in, a glass with chocolate milk in his hand. It was a small tradition from when you were kids to have chocolate milk with colorful sugar sprinkles on birthdays. The last time you’d done this was probably when you were around 7th grade, so him reviving this tradition now that you were living together warmed your heart.

He set it onto your night stand with a small smile. “Happy birthday, y/n.”

You sat up in bed to take a sip from it. "Thank you.”

“You have a little—” Wooseok chuckled, gesturing at his lips. “Yeah, you got it,” he continued as your tongue darted out to get rid of the milk stuck on your upper lip.

Then you realized the slightly burned smell wafting into your room.

"Uhm, Wooseok, do you have something on the stove?"

His eyes grew wide and he rushed out of the room with a panicked “Oh, no, the pancakes!”

When you came to the kitchen a little later, it was an utter mess. Wooseok was scurrying around trying to plate some slightly burned pancakes with cinnamon and maple syrup. As soon as he noticed your presence, he started pouting.

"You weren't supposed to come in," he complained, his eyes wandering to the little tray he'd started to prepare with a glass of orange juice and the plate of pancakes on it.

Seeing the effort he’d put into this (even if it didn’t go perfectly well) gave you a fuzzy feeling in your stomach.

"Sorry," You said with an apologetic smile, feeling sorry for destroying the surprise. "But this way we can eat together?"

He was still pouting but reluctantly agreed and the two of you sat at the table to have breakfast. He told you about what he'd come up with for your birthday, giving you a bunch of options to choose from. It included stuff like watching your favorite movie, going to the zoo, taking a walk, playing laser tag, etc.

It was cute how he'd thought about what to do for your birthday but still gave you room to choose yourself. Honestly speaking, you wanted to do everything on his list.

Sadly, since you'd promised to have an early dinner with your boyfriend, that fell flat. He'd managed to reserve a table at a really fancy restaurant that had a sheer endless waiting list. So, since you’d taken your time with breakfast and would have to get ready before dinner there wasn't really that much time to do many things from the list.

You didn't dare to look up at Wooseok when you told him.

"Oh," he replied. "But, uhm, do you still want to do something before that though?"

“I’d love that.” A relieved smile washed over his face at your words.

The two of you decided to get some coffee from your favorite café and then just strolled through the park close to your college. Two geese were waddling around on the grass, loudly quacking at each other.

"Don't they kinda sound like old ladies having an argument?" You giggled.

Wooseok joined in on your laughter. "Marianne," he quacked. "Did you really bring your divorced son to church on sunday?!"

You bursted into laughter, almost spitting out the sip of coffee in your mouth.

"Listen, Karen," You chimed in, your voice funny too. "The lord forgives all."

The two of you fooled around like that for a while, Wooseok making you laugh to the point where tears formed in your eyes. You couldn't remember the last time you'd had this much fun. While your boyfriend was a sweetheart, he wasn't one to joke around that much.

After a while your eyes fell onto a clock in the park making your eyes grow wide. It was way later than anticipated and you really had to get going now in order to get ready. You didn't want to admit it but you would have much rather spend your time with Wooseok than to go to that fancy dinner. But the table was already booked and you'd promised to go. So, the two of you went home, you got ready and then waited for your boyfriend to pick you up.

The restaurant was really nice but it once again gave you that feeling of living someone else's life instead of your own. That feeling had been exciting at first, but it was slowly starting to shift to something slightly uncomfortable. Maybe you liked your own life better, burned pancakes and all.

It was just an evening though! And your boyfriend had gone all out to make this possible!

The tiny meals with their fancy names didn't mean anything to you and maybe pizza would have done the job but you smiled and nodded when asked if it was tasty. You shared a dessert, some fancy flan with liquor in it. It was a little too bitter for you but you didn't want to say. You already felt like a child between all these chic people, you didn't want to out yourself as someone with a childlike palate on top of it.

"I hope you enjoyed dinner?" your boyfriend asked with the sweetest smile

You smiled and nodded, opening your mouth when he held out a spoon full of dessert for you.

"You really didn't have to do all this though," You said after you swallowed.

"But i wanted to"

"Thank you."

"Now are you ready for your present?"

You looked at him in confusion. You thought this dinner itself was already the present. What more was going to come?

He took out a small box from his jacket and slid it over to you.

"What is this?" Your hands felt oddly sweaty. It obviously wasn't a ring – the box was long and flat – but it still looked expensive.

"Open it.”

The moment your eyes fell onto the shiny necklace inside, you started feeling sick to your stomach.

It was pretty, of course it was. Because this was your necklace. The necklace you'd wanted to buy yourself.

You didn't know what to say and just stared at it.

"Are you happy?"

You felt like crying.

No, you weren't happy at all but you also couldn't really say that after receiving an expensive gift, right?

"Uh- it's unexpected," You pressed out.

"I knew how much you wanted this."

"...Yeah"

"You were giving me a hint when you told me that story weren’t you?"

Your head shot up and you stared at him in confusion. "What?"

“I thought you were trying to tell me to get it for you, since you can't afford it.”

“No,” You whispered, your voice shaking. "I meant it when I said I wanted to get it for myself.”

"Ah, I see. But now you can just save up for something else instead." He looked caught off guard at first but quickly smiled again. “Shall we slowly get going?"

You nodded, still feeling sick. You closed the box again and stuffed it into your bag while your boyfriend paid. When you left he reached out for one of your hands but you put them into your pockets, pretending not to notice.

"You're coming home with me, right?"

You knew it had been implied in the plans to go back to his place and spend the night together. But right now you just wanted to go home.

Why did you always have to go to his place anyway? Of course, he didn't have a roommate and it was a bigger place and all that. But from time to time it would have been nice if he'd at least offered to come visit you instead of always assuming that you'd to come over…

When you didn't reply he softly nudged you in the side.

"Where are you with your head, love?"

"Ah," you looked at him before averting your eyes again. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." His hand pushed back a strand of your hair that had fallen into your forehead. "By the way, where is the necklace? Should I put it on for you?"

"I'm already wearing my scarf now." You chuckled in an attempt to make it come out more lighthearted, but it just sounded awkward. "Maybe later."

"We can just take the scarf off and put it back on?" He suggested, his hand already moving to remove it.

You stopped him by holding onto the soft fabric.

"Maybe later," You repeated with a little more force this time

"Okay."

"Yeah."

"So, should we go home?" He asked and it somehow irked you how naturally he referred to his place as home, as if it was yours too.

"I think I want to go back to my place tonight, I'm kinda tired."

He frowned. "What's up with you?"

"I just—It was just a lot today."

"Is it about the necklace?"

You didn't reply.

"Does it bother you that I got it for you?"

"I just," you pressed out, your voice feeling choked up "It was something i wanted to get for myself..."

He sighed. "Don't be so upset, dear. It was a simple miscommunication. You can just buy a different necklace or spend your money on other things.”

He didn't seem to get your point at all.

"I don't want to spend my money on other things."

"Are you really angry at me for buying you a necklace you wanted?!"

You shrugged, fighting against the tears welling up in your eyes.

"I didn't just want the necklace. I wanted to buy it."

"Fine," he said, sounding annoyed. You couldn't remember hearing his voice like this before. "If it bothers you so much we can just bring it back and you can choose a different one. And then someday if you have the money you can buy this one for yourself.”

"It won't be the same anymore. If I buy it now it won't feel the same.”

"So what do you want me to do then?"

"I don't know. I just wanna go home."

“Okay. I'll drive you.”

You shook your head. “No, not today.”

"C'mon just let me drive you. I'll feel unsettled to let you go by yourself at this time of day."

"I'm okay. Really. So please..."

"Fine." He turned to go to his car that one of the restaurant’s workers had already driven up again.

"Wait," you followed a few steps behind.

He turned back at you with a smug smile, ready to open his car door for you. But instead he was met with the little jewelry box that you held out to him.

He sighed. "You really don't want to keep it?"

"I can't."

You watched him as he drove off and the second he was gone you crouched down on the pavement, sobbing.

You were hurt and frustrated. Of course, your boyfriend hadn't meant any harm, but it felt as if he didn't understand you at all. Him gifting you this necklace almost felt as if he was looking down on you, telling you that you wouldn't ever be able to afford it yourself anyway. Maybe you were being overly petty about this, but you wished he had at least said sorry instead of only justifying himself or trying to convince you it wasn't something to be hurt about. He'd tainted this for you and even if you'd buy this necklace for yourself someday it would always have a bitter after taste.

You cried and sobbed your heart out, ignoring the odd looks you got from people passing by. You didn't feel like getting up and walking to the station, nor did you want to sit in the tram looking like this. But you couldn't call a cab, because your boyfriend was right, you were just some dumb little girl without money.

This was probably the worst birthday you’d ever had, you thought. But then you remembered the way it started, and the memory of it managed to put a small smile on your lips.

You took out your phone and opened Wooseok’s chat.

can you pick me up? you texted, your finger hovering over the button for a while before pressing send.

It took like two seconds before Wooseok replied and asked for your location. You sent it to him and then stuffed your phone back into your pocket, hugging your legs to your chest and waiting for him to arrive. Your cheeks felt weird from all the crying and your nose was running and you were cold and you just hoped he’d be there soon.

It probably took him around 15 minutes and you had no idea how he’d managed to do that. He came to a halt with his bicycle when he spotted you, getting off the saddle and pushing it towards you. There was worry in his eyes and his breath came out in puffs and you'd never been this glad to see someone before.

Wooseok didn't ask any questions. Instead, he just parked his bike and crouched down in front of you. He got out a handkerchief from his pocket, wiped away your tears and helped you blow your nose. You should have probably felt terrible about it, having someone younger than you take care of you like that, but you just let it happen.

He helped you up and told you to hold on tight when you got onto the back of his bicycle. You wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned your head against his back. The warmth of his body felt soothing and comforting and you just let him take you home in silence.

As soon as you arrived, he absolutely babied you, making tea and wrapping you into a cozy blanket as you huddled together on the couch.

He still didn't ask what happened and you were grateful for it, not really ready to talk about it and also unsure if maybe you'd overreacted after all and the whole fight was ridiculous.

Wooseok put on your comfort movie on the TV and you rested your head against his shoulder, feeling your eyes fall shut not even a third into the movie.

When you woke up the next day, you found yourself tugged to bed without any memory of getting there. You were still drowsy and sleepy and not aware of your surroundings or anything, really.

Checking your phone for the time, you noticed that your boyfriend had left you a message asking if you got home safely. Seeing it made the memories of the evening return. You recalled the overly fancy dinner and most of all you recalled his oh so thoughtful gift.

Tears immediately welled up in your eyes again and you hated it. It made you feel pathetic and as though you were making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe you really were being overdramatic, making it bigger than it was.

But it felt as if he destroyed something really important to you. It hurt.

What hurt even more was that he clearly didn't understand your problem at all. To him it was just some necklace, he couldn't see the value behind it. He couldn't see that it was more than a necklace to you. It was a symbol of making it, of achieving something by yourself. It stood for independence. And he took that all away from you, by buying you the one thing you didn’t want anyone else to get for you.

You set your phone aside without opening his message and buried yourself under your blanket again, unwilling to face the day yet.

It was Sunday, so with no classes to attend you were free to do just that. For a while you drifted in and out of sleep, finding yourself sobbing into your pillow in between.

All of this made you feel so wrong.

It wasn't just the necklace. The necklace somehow triggered something bigger; it made you question your whole relationship with him. It made you question why you always felt like someone else when you were with him. As if you were a little kid trying on your mom's high heels.

And you were tired of it. You wanted your own shoes back.

After a while—you must have slipped back to sleep yet again—you heard soft knocking against your door. When you groaned in reply, the door opened a crack and Wooseok stuck his head in.

"Y/n?" he asked softly before slipping into the room and closing the door behind him, a steaming cup in his hand.

You hid your face behind the blanket, convinced that you must be looking like pure horror from all the crying. Heck, now that you thought of it you couldn't remember taking off your make up yesterday so you probably had terrible panda eyes. Probably already did by the time Wooseok picked you up yesterday.

It was quiet for a moment, before you heard the hesitant shuffling of steps coming closer.

"I made you tea."

You didn't reply nor did you come out from under the blanket.

"Uh, I'll just–uh–put this here," he mumbled and you heard him set the cup onto your night stand.

It got quiet again and you thought he'd leave but then you felt the mattress dip as he sat down on the edge of it. He sat there for a while not really saying anything. You didn't move either.

"Are you okay?" he eventually tried again.

"I'm okay," you replied but your voice came out croaky and thin.

"Won't you come out?"

You shook your head.

"Why not?"

"I'm a mess"

"C'mon, y/n, i saw you after your wisdom tooth removal when you were drooling all over yourself. What could be worse than that?"

He had a point there. This was Wooseok after all, he already saw your most shameful sides anyway. Hesitantly, you pulled down the blanket revealing your puffy face.

Wooseok smiled at you softly. “See? I've totally encountered worse."

Now you had to giggle too and it somehow made tears roll down your cheeks again.

Wooseok's eyes grew wide and he panicked, lifting his hands to do something, anything, against the tears but not really knowing what. Watching flail so helplessly made you giggle more which in turn made you cry more too. You wiped at the corners of your eyes still smiling as you mumbled a quiet "You're an idiot."

He shrugged. “Takes one to know one."

You just rolled your eyes at him and it got quiet again.

"Tea?" Wooseok asked after a while.

You nodded before sitting up in your bed, leaning against the headboard. He reached out to you, as if he was trying to help you sit (even though you clearly didn't need the help) before he moved his attention to the tea instead, passing the cup to you. You took it in both hands, blowing on it a few times before taking a careful sip.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

You didn't look up at him and stared at the steam of your cup instead. "I don't know."

"You don't have to"

"It's probably stupid anyway."

"If it makes you cry like that it isn't stupid."

You swallowed, feeling tears well up yet again at his words. For fucks sake why couldn't you just stop crying already?!

You shrugged. “We went out for dinner."

"Okay," he replied patiently.

"He bought me jewelry."

"Mhm."

"A necklace."

"Okay."

"...It was my necklace," you finally supplied, convinced that Wooseok wouldn't even remember and that you'd have to explain more.

But the moment you said it his eyes widened in surprise "The first paycheck necklace?"

Somehow it moved you that he remembered it.

You nodded slowly.

"And did he uh... did he know?"

"...Yeah."

Wooseok frowned at you. "Then why would he buy it?!"

Relief washed over you when he asked that, making you feel less like an overdramatic nuisance and more as if your frustration about this was actually valid

"He meant well," you mumbled.

"You don't have to defend him."

"He thought i really wanted it," you defended him anyway.

"But you didn't just want it. You wanted to buy it yourself and he knew that."

You nodded. "Yeah."

He nodded too, realizing that maybe his words weren't the most comforting.

"I'm sorry that happened, y/n"

"Thank you."

"...so what will you do?"

"About him? I don't know..."

Wooseok hadn't meant him, he'd meant the necklace. But when you seemed so unsure about being with your boyfriend a small part of him felt hopeful, almost glad.

He immediately shushed that part though. You were having a horrible time and there was nothing he hated more than seeing you unhappy. This wasn't the time to hope for anything.

"Do you- uh," he interrupted himself, not sure what to do with himself. "Can I do anything for you?"

"Turn back time maybe?" A shallow laugh escaped your lips.

"You know I would," he said. And he meant it. If he could, he would turn back time to before you even met that guy. "But is there anything a little less impossible?"

Honestly, all you wanted right now were comfort cuddles, but you didn't know if you could ask for that. You stared at the tips of your fingers that were wrapped tightly around the tea cup.

"Maybe we could watch a movie?"

He smiled fondly and nodded.

"Wanna move to the living room then?"

You hesitated. "No."

"Oh." he blushed and looked away from you. "Okay. I'll uh get my laptop then..."

He got up again to leave, but before reaching the door he turned back around to you

"What about food?"

You shrugged.

"I'll get you something."

"...Thank you"

After a while, he came back, carrying way too many things at once as he maneuvered himself into the room. He had his laptop under his arm, a package of waffles in one hand, a small bowl with cut up apples in the other and it seemed like he had something in the pocket of his hoodie too.

You had to chuckle when you saw him coming in

"Do you need help?"

"Mostly I need you to scoot over a bit."

You obliged and he carefully set the food on your nightstand while you pulled out the laptop from underneath his arm.

He halted for a moment before he sat down next to you, slipping under the blanket that you held up for him.

Whatever was in his pocket was making a rustling plastic noise as he sat down.

"Ah, right," he mumbled, pulling out the package of cleansing tissues you usually kept in the bathroom and handing it over to you.

"You know, in case you want to..." He vaguely gestured at his face.

"That bad, huh.” You grabbed the package from his hand with a chuckle.

"It's fine."

You wiped your face, all the smeared left over makeup coming off, while he set up his laptop.

"So, what do you want to watch?"

"Something corny and romantic."

He scrunched up his face but didn't reject the idea. Instead he googled romantic movies and put on one that he'd heard of before.

In hindsight though, it probably hadn’t been the best choice.

You were munching on a waffle that Wooseok had passed to you as the first scene of Breakfast at Tiffany's rolled over the screen, Audrey Hepburn longingly staring at the bracelets behind the display window.

Wooseok noticed his mistake immediately but it was already too late. When he glanced over at you, big elephant tears were running down your cheeks again, dripping onto the waffle you were eating.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know— should I put on something else?"

You shook your head, still munching on the tear drained waffle.

"I gave it back to him," you mumbled between bites, your eyes still focused on the laptop screen where the movie continued.

"That's good."

"I really wanted to buy it."

"You could still buy it?"

You shook your head again before resting it against Wooseok's shoulder. You felt him tense up for a moment at the sudden proximity.

"It wouldn't be the same."

"... Yeah. I know."

For a while it was silent except for the sound of the movie running, but then Wooseok softly raised his voice again.

"We'll find something new." He scooted down on your bed a bit so he could rest his head against yours.

"We'll find something new that you can gift yourself. And then we won't tell anyone about it so no one can beat you to buying it because no one will know."

"You will know."

"Yeah. But I'd never buy it for you."

"Pinky promise?" You held out your hand in front of him and he intertwined your finger with his

"Pinky promise."

You knew you couldn’t just ghost your boyfriend forever, he didn’t deserve that. So after holing up at home with Wooseok the rest of the weekend, you decided to face the music on Monday.

You wrote him a message, telling him you got home well and if he was okay to meet up with you one of these days. The two of you decided on Tuesday. He asked if he should pick you up after classes and take you back to his place but you declined, asking for a walk in the park instead.

Frankly speaking, you weren’t sure how the conversation would go. You weren’t sure what consequences would be drawn for the two of you. But whether you’d break up or not you had the urge to meet in a neutral place. Somehow throughout this relationship, you’d always intruded in his places. Starting with the party where you met, a party of his friends where you’d barely belonged, and continuing from there: His home, his car, his favorite restaurants, the cafés he recommended—you were always his guest. But this time, you needed to be on equal footing.

“Are you going to… break up with him?” Wooseok asked hesitantly between spoons of ice cream, when you told him about it on Monday evening.

“I don’t know,” you replied truthfully, before dipping your spoon into the shared family pack that was sitting on the couch table.

He nodded. “Just do what feels right.”

“I’ll try.”

“Should we leave some of the ice cream in case you need it tomorrow?”

You looked at the box thoughtfully before taking another spoonful. “Nah, I don’t have that kind of self-restraint.”

“Thank god.”

“You know,” you mindlessly started again. “I wish I could have felt at home with him the way I do with you.”

Wooseok looked at you with an unsatisfied frown. "Why? Is it not enough when it's me you feel at home with? Isn’t one home enough?"

You giggled. “No, I think you’re right. It’s enough, as long as I have you.”

You weren’t sure what you’d had expected, but somehow everything felt off and different when you met your boyfriend on Tuesday. It was as if a single weekend had made strangers out of you.

From the moment your eyes met each other on your campus, the two of you were stiff. You didn’t know how to greet him. Were you supposed to kiss and hug? That’s what you usually did but today you didn’t want to.

Seemingly, your boyfriend had similar struggles because he just awkwardly raised his hand in a wave.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” you replied.

You stood there for a moment, not knowing what to say before he nodded in the direction of the park. “Should we go?”

“Yeah…”

The weird silence returned as you set foot into the park and continued for quite a while afterwards. You could hear the geese quacking in the distance and you would have said something about it if the one walking with you had been Wooseok. But it wasn't.

“So,” he said eventually. “You didn’t just meet me to take a walk in silence right?”

“No.”

“Well, then talk.”

“I just… I felt really hurt about the present to be honest,” you carefully started.

He scoffed. “Yeah, I noticed.”

You immediately regretted bringing it up. Maybe you were being stupid for making such a fuss after all.

But then Wooseok’s words rang in your head again giving you a little confidence. If it makes you cry like that it isn't stupid.

You took a deep breath.

“I told you that I wanted to buy this necklace for myself and what it meant to me. So when you just bought it for me, it felt as if you didn’t listen to me.”

“I already told you it was a misunderstanding. Usually when your date brings up jewelry it’s because they want it. So I just assumed—is it really something to be so dramatic about?”

You frowned. “I’m allowed to feel hurt about this.”

“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.”

He didn’t actually roll his eyes but his expression and the tone in his voice made you feel like he did. It was obvious that he didn’t feel sorry at all. And what kind of apology was that anyway? I’m sorry you feel that way? Shouldn’t it be I’m sorry I made you feel that way? But maybe you were being nit-picky.

When you didn’t reply he sighed. “So what now?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Are we seriously breaking up because of a mere necklace?”

“I wasn’t–'' You interrupted yourself. What were you going to say? That you weren’t going to break up with him? Were you really not?

You shook your head defeatedly. “It’s more than that. But that you can’t see that and that it’s still just a mere necklace to you is part of the problem.”

“Well, if I can’t see it then explain it to me!” The way he raised his voice made you flinch, but you tried your best to stay composed and not let any insecurity show on your face.

Still, your voice quivered when you spoke up. “I just—I feel so small when I’m with you.”

“Small? That’s ridiculous.”

“I’m not saying it’s your fault. But when we’re together I feel small and pathetic. I just do. And I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

He laughed. “Is this about him? Is he finally returning your feelings now?”

“What?! No! This is about me.”

“Sure, whatever. You can come pick up your things while I’m at work then.”

“I don’t have any things left at your place.”

“Right,” he sneered. “Even better then.”

He turned to walk away, just like that, leaving you standing in the park. You felt yourself choke up. How did things turn out this way? He’d been so sweet all this time, treating you so well. How could everything go down the drain like this? He’d always seemed so mature to you, so why was it you couldn’t talk things out with him?

The geese were closer now, waddling over the green lawn. They were quiet, no conversations of stuck up church ladies to be heard. Not that it made a difference.

With heavy steps you made your way home, bursting out in tears as soon as the door closed behind you. You knew that Wooseok was still at a lecture at this time, so nothing stopped you from crouching down on the floor and sobbing into your knees until no more tears were coming out. Then you trudged over to the couch and buried yourself under pillows and blankets.

Your mind briefly wandered to the ice cream and you were regretting now that you hadn’t saved any for today.

You must have fallen asleep at some point, because when you woke up, Wooseok was crouching down in front of the couch, looking at you with a worried frown.

“You okay?” He asked, even though you so obviously weren’t.

You shook your head, it was no use keeping up fronts with him anyway.

“Ice cream?”

“We ate it all yesterday.”

A winning smile tugged at his lips. “I bought a new one on my way home.”

“You’re the best. I really love you.”

You hadn’t meant to say that. Or maybe you had, but you clearly hadn’t meant anything by it. Friends say that sometimes, right?

Yet, you noticed the way Wooseok’s ears turned red as he stood up. He cleared his throat. “I’ll get us some spoons.”

“Thanks,” you croaked, desperately trying to play it cool. You’d only just broken up with your boyfriend today, it clearly wasn’t the right time for whatever this was.

He came back with the ice cream and the spoons, motioning for you to scoot over so he could sit next to you. Huddled together on the couch, you put on some movie and watched in silence, eating ice cream until you felt sick. Wooseok didn’t pressure you to tell him what happened, but you knew if you wanted to talk about it, he’d listen to you.

You didn’t feel like talking about it though, not yet. For now you just wanted to sit on the couch together, enjoying the familiarity of it all.

Eventually you felt yourself getting tired, your eyes unable to focus on the screen anymore, so you excused yourself to go to bed. As soon as you were lying in bed though, you were wide awake again, the argument with your boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—playing on repeat in your restless mind. You kept tossing and turning, unable to calm your thoughts.

It wasn’t necessarily that you regretted the break-up; how could you stay in a relationship that made you feel like you didn’t belong? But it hurt nonetheless. Despite everything you’d liked being with him. It hurt that it ended like this and it hurt that it ended at all.

Tears were welling up in your eyes again and you sobbed into your pillow, trying to muffle the sounds. You’d lost count of how often you’d cried over the past few days.

When you dragged out of your room around noon the next day, you found a very surprised Wooseok in the kitchen.

“Y/n? Don’t you have classes?”

You shrugged, before plopping down at the small kitchen table. “I‘m skipping.”

Wooseok frowned, worry written all over his face. But he didn’t comment on it further.

“Coffee?” He lifted the can, shaking it lightly.

When you nodded he got your favorite mug from the cupboard and poured you some, just the way he knew you liked it. You briefly wondered if your ex would have known how you drink your coffee.

Wooseok put the steaming mug onto the table in front of you before he sat down as well.

“You look tired,” he mumbled after a while. “Were you able to sleep?”

You shrugged again, not really knowing what to tell him. You’d barely gotten rest but it also felt too much to admit to that fact. “It’s fine.”

He didn’t seem satisfied at all but he didn’t press further.

“I have classes later, do you want me to bring something on the way back?” A small encouraging grin appeared on his lips. “More ice cream?”

Despite feeling miserable, the question got a little chuckle out of you. “I never thought I would say this but I think I’ve had enough ice cream for a while.”

“Alright, anything else? Or uhm—,” he halted, clearly contemplating if it was okay to address this or not before he continued. “Do you need me to pick anything up from his place?”

“No, I don’t have anything left there. Thank you though.”

He nodded. “It’s no problem.”

“Wooseok?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

Wooseok chuckled. “You already said that?”

“No, I mean—thank you for being there for me.”

His eyes looked at you so fondly, it almost made your heart ache a little bit.

“Of course I am there for you. I—,” he halted. “I’m your friend.”

Somehow the break up was taking a real toll on you. Even though you hadn’t been dating for long, you felt incredibly lonely and there were all kinds of other feelings too that you didn’t want to address. It was a terrible thing to say, but despite the relationship in hindsight not being the best for either of you, you’d been grateful for the distraction it had provided. Now that it was over, you were alone again. Alone in your bed, alone with your thoughts, alone with your stupid feelings for someone you shouldn’t be having feelings for at all.

Your emotional tumult kept you tossing and turning night after night, leaving you tired and exhausted in the mornings.

Wooseok had noticed; you were convinced he had. He kept looking at you with worried eyes, clearly unsure if he should say anything or not. But what was he supposed to say anyway? It’s not like he could solve this.

Struggling to fall asleep yet another night, you eventually peeled yourself out of bed and made your way to the kitchen. Maybe drinking a cup of herbal tea could help you find some rest. You sat down at the table sipping on your tea when you heard a door open and Wooseok’s shuffled steps shortly after that as he followed the source of light to the kitchen.

He eyed you with a drowsy frown. “Why are you awake?”

You shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. Did I wake you up?”

He ignored your question, the furrows between his eyebrows deepening even more. “You haven’t been sleeping these days, have you?”

You averted your gaze, almost feeling as if he was scolding you. “I’ve just been overthinking a lot.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Wooseok took a seat across from you. “Maybe I could have helped you?”

“How?” You huffed a laugh. “By staying awake as well?”

“I wouldn’t have minded.”

Judging by Wooseok’s pout, you’d sounded a bit too sarcastic. You blamed it on your lack of sleep but you still felt guilty. You tried your best to soften up a little, giving him your best attempt at a smile when you replied.

“At least one of us should get some decent sleep though.”

“Still,” he shrugged. “We could have come up with a solution together.”

“For example?”

“We could watch a movie until you feel sleepy,” he mumbled, and then even quieter, “or you could sleep in my room…”

“Huh?”

“Just—! Just because it’s easier to sleep when you’re not alone.”

Of course it wasn’t a good idea to agree to this. But recalling how lonely you’d felt in your bed you couldn’t help but think that he had a point.

“Maybe,” you said reluctantly, your voice barely a whisper. “Maybe we could try that?”

Despite being the one who suggested it, Wooseok seemed completely caught off guard, looking at you with wide, round eyes. He visibly swallowed.

“Seriously?”

“I mean, only if it doesn’t bother you.” You didn’t dare to meet his gaze. “But I guess it was a joke—”

“No,” he interrupted. “It wasn’t a joke.”

Just like that, you found yourself awkwardly standing in Wooseok’s door frame a little later, your pillow and blanket slung over your arm. Wooseok sat on the edge of his mattress, his pillow and blanket shoved to one side to make space for you. You’d been to his room a zillion times before, but it felt so different now, so much more intimate.

“You can come in, you know.”

“Right.” Your whole body felt tense as you stepped inside, closing the door behind you. This was a terrible idea indeed.

You let your pillow and blanket fall onto the mattress before crawling into bed, trying to take up as little space as possible. It was weird, really, because you’d never been this careful around him. You were touching all the time, when you squeezed past him in the kitchen or when the two of you huddled together on the couch. Yet, now just the thought of accidentally touching him made your heart race.

Once you’d settled in, he laid down as well, looking stiff as a board.

“I’ll turn the light off,” he commented, already reaching out for the switch of his bedside lamp.

“Right,” you replied once more.

For a moment you just laid in his bed, side by side staring into the darkness. You didn’t turn around to look at him, but you knew he wasn’t asleep. He seemed tense, and you had a feeling he wanted to say something, but it took ages until he finally spoke up. His voice was barely audible, something that didn’t happen often when it came to Wooseok. Still, you heard him just fine.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Did you—Do you love him?”

“I—,” you started, instinctively wanting to tell him that yes, you did, you do. But you stopped yourself in favor of being honest. What was the use of lying about this, especially now that it was over anyway?

“No. But I thought maybe I could.”

“Is that why you dated him? Because you wanted to fall in love with him?”

“Is that so wrong?”

“No, it’s just—I don’t get it. Shouldn’t it come naturally?”

When you turned to look at him, his gaze was already on you, his eyes big and round in the halflight of the room.

“You can’t force yourself to fall in love. You can’t force yourself to fall out of love either.”

For a moment you felt unsettled. Did he catch you? Did he realize your feelings? Unsure what to make of it, you just stared at him through the darkness without replying.

“I’m just saying—,” he added, breaking eye contact. “You don’t have to try so hard.”

You swallowed, your mouth feeling dry. “Yeah,” you whispered. “Thank you.”

He didn't say anything after that and eventually his breathing got slow and even. You couldn't sleep though. His words kept you awake, filling you with a longing for things to be easy, natural, as he'd said.

"I did it for you too, you know," you almost unconsciously mumbled into the silence, well aware that Wooseok was already sleeping.

Except he wasn’t.

"What do you mean?"

Your eyes widened at the sound of gis raspy voice and you instinctively sat up, ready to escape. "No," you quickly pressed out, "nothing. Maybe I should—"

Before you could say anything about going back to your own room, you felt Wooseok's hand on your own. He wasn't holding onto you and you could have easily pulled away, but it felt warm and comforting covering your own.

"What do you mean?" he asked again.

You let a beat pass by, unsure if you should be honest with them. As though he sensed your indecisiveness, Wooseok gave your hand a little squeeze.

"What did you do for me?" His voice was so soft, you could barely hear it.

"Dating," you whispered. "Dating him."

You thought you saw him frown. "How could that have been for me?"

You felt a lump in your throat that made it hard to speak. But you'd already been this honest, maybe it was for the best to just lay it all out in the open.

"To get over you," you pressed out.

It was silent. You felt his gaze on you but you didn't dare to look at him. The mattress dipped a little as he sat up too, his hand still on yours. "Why?"

"Because I—," you started but Wooseok wasn’t done yet.

"Why did you think you had to get over me?" He almost sounded sad, and then he definitely did when he tentatively added: "Did it work?"

When you finally turned to look at him, there was desperation in his eyes but maybe also just the tiniest bit of hope.

"No," you admitted. "Not at all."

He let out a sigh you thought was relief as he let his head drop onto your shoulder, just to look up a second later with big black eyes. "Don't try again."

You felt your heart stop at the implication of his words.

"Why would you try that, when all I wanted all this time was for you to see me?" He still didn’t avert his eyes and neither did you.

"I did," you leaned into him, resting your forehead against his. "I do,” you added.

He tilted his chin up, the tiniest bit, making the tip of his nose touch yours. You saw the way his gaze dropped to your lips and you felt his breath on your skin. You swallowed, your whole body thrumming with nerves. Your eyes searched his for something, and even though you weren’t sure what it was exactly, you thought you found it. You leaned in to kiss him in the same moment that he did, your teeth clashing for a brief moment. You chuckled and he chuckled too, and then you leaned in again, no teeth this time, just lips and love and butterflies.

You didn't remember how or when you'd fallen asleep. You didn't think you'd been wrapped up in Wooseok's long limbs then as you were now, but you couldn't be too sure. It took you a second to realize where you were and who it was that was koala-hugging you, and then another second to remember yesterday's conversations. You glanced over at his peacefully sleeping face at your side, not a trace of the desperation there that you'd seen at night. It hadn’t been a mere dream, right?

You tried to peel yourself out of his grasp, but Wooseok wouldn't let you go, making a whiny noise in complaint. Defeated, you let yourself relax back into the pillow, soaking up his warmth until he woke up.

You thought he'd be flustered once he'd wake up, and maybe he was, but he still didn't let go, instead nuzzling closer and hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

"That tickles," you said with a giggle. The little sorry he mumbled into your skin tickled even more.

You felt giddy, your stomach filled with butterflies at this display of affection, but at the same time there was a sense of insecurity. What did it all mean exactly? Of course you knew what you wanted it to mean, but was Wooseok on the same plate?

“Wooseok?”

“Hm?” He lifted his head to look at you. His eyes were sleepy and his black hair tousled.

“What now?”

He frowned in confusion. “Breakfast, I guess?”

“No, I mean—what do we do now? About us.”

“So, no breakfast?” He asked and you gave him a little roll of your eyes.

“I’m being serious, you know.”

“I’m also serious,” he replied, and then in a little whisper added, “About us, about you.”

“So we’re doing this, huh? Dating, I mean.”

“Yeah.”

You felt your chest tighten. “We’re not going to mess this up, right?”

He pulled you closer, nuzzling back into your neck. “No. We’re not. We’ll be okay.”

You smiled and closed your eyes as you relaxed into his arms. “Okay.”

“Where are you going?” Wooseok asked, wrapping his arms around you from behind and resting his chin on top of your head, watching through the mirror as you fixed your makeup.

“Meeting with Claire and them,” you said. You hesitated for a moment before adding, “you can come along, if you want.”

You saw surprise flash through his eyes. After all, you’d never asked him to come along before. But you’d figured now that he already knew about your feelings for him, there wasn’t really any reason to keep him away from your friends anymore.

“Hm,” he hummed as if he was contemplating. “Not today, I’m in a couch mood.”

You chuckled. “Another time then.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“I’ll be late, though.”

“I’ll wait.”

Memories of the way he’d fallen asleep on the couch last time, worried since you’d forgotten your phone, crossed your mind, and you wondered if you’d find him just the same way tonight. Except, this time you wouldn’t have someone else’s number in your pocket and you wouldn't shake off his hand if he reached out to you.

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