be my eternity.

Kebbi (she/her) | main: @kebbinorbit | Requests: closed | Masterlists | Info | (18+)

[jinkoh]

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hi i'm kebbi, she/her, late 20s~

welcome to my silly little fanfic account where i post my writing and reblog fics i like~ this is a side blog, i follow from @/kebbinorbit

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[jinkoh]

and if i just used pipsqueak as a petname in a fic and outed myself as a lads addict

[csbenthusiast]

Delivery mishaps and frosty encounters- Choi Yeonjun

cw: yeonjun x fem!reader; a lot of cussing and typos bc I simply can’t help myself; eunchae and Yunjin from le sserafim + tubatu; restraining order

an: tuesday I ordered a McFlurry and got a cheeseburger instead. I shared that with a dear friend ( @soobinieswife ) and she said someone should write a story about it. I did. I’m not happy about it. Lost my points and my ice cream.

masterlist

[jinkoh]

the law of attraction

jongho x fem!reader

summary: Jongho was everything you weren’t: ambitious, diligent, promising—all in all the perfect law school student. Naturally, your chaos didn’t fit into his prearranged life. Not for long, anyway. Your silly little relationship was never meant to last. So how come you couldn't seem to move on? Of course, being grouped together for a semester-long assignment didn't exactly help your case.

tags: exes2lovers, law student!au, hurt/comfort, y/n lowkey has an inferiority complex, jongho is slightly possessive, best friends woosan (bc i love making them y/n's besties), some side characters from tbz/skz; warnings: alcohol consumption, throwing up

wc: 9.2k

a/n: this is my fic for the live alive collab hosted by @sungbeam! honestly i'm just so glad to have made it (or, well it's half past midnight in my time zone but i tried my best i swear t-t) i was really hoping my time management would be better for this, but honestly life wasn't really having it. either way, i hope you enjoy this story & pls check out the other fics for this collab!!

and also @ beam - thanks for letting me be part of this sweet collab. i'm glad to have had a good reason to write (and actually finish!!) something. love you lots<3

masterlist | collab masterlist

So maybe you'd overestimated what a two month break could do. You’d thought you'd use all that free time really well, to eat healthy and exercise and read more books. You’d also thought you'd be well ahead of all the assignments due during the break. And most of all you’d thought you'd come back after the break as a changed woman who is definitely not still hung up on her boyfriend that she broke up with right before the semester ended.

Reality however looked quite different: You'd eaten too much pizza, barely left the house, binge watched not only one but two TV shows, barely finished your assignments on time and spent an embarrassing amount of time crying over your boyfriend. Needless to say, you were most definitely still hung up on him.

Consequently, going back to school left you with mixed feelings. It all came down to a simple list of pros and cons, and you weren’t sure which side was weighing heavier.

Pros:

Getting away from your nagging parents.

Seeing your friends again.

Spending a fun last summer with them.

Cons:

Seeing Jongho.

Your friends are his friends too.

Whatever fun activities are planned, he’ll inevitably be there too.

It wasn’t that you suddenly hated him (surely, life would be easier if you could). But just the mere thought of facing him again ripped your heart in two. His words were still ringing in your head like he’d said them just yesterday. ‘Might as well end it now.’ As if it barely even concerned him. And just like that, it’d been over. 

While it felt suffocating to be at home, you wanted to prolong your return as much as possible. For one to avoid Jongho for as long as you could. And then also to avoid your friends, most importantly your best friends. Because you hadn’t told them about the break up. You’d just pretended everything was fine right up until you sat in your train home. And then, the moment it had left the station you’d crumbled pathetically, sobbing so hard that a woman sitting in the seat before you handed you some tissues.

Of course you knew you couldn’t keep the break up a secret forever, but somehow talking about it was scary. Talking about it would make it real. Talking about it would maybe prompt your friends to tell you that you’d been stupid and that it was your fault, and you weren’t quite ready to hear that yet. Still, you couldn’t just postpone it all indefinitely and take the semester off, so you arrived back at the dorm one day before the lectures were starting again. Your room looked the way you’d left it. You hadn’t bothered taking any of your personal bits down while you were away, just packed what you needed and left—but when you set foot inside now, you were starting to regret that. You’d never noticed how much space Jongho had taken up in your room. There were pictures of him and you and your friends all over your pin board, along with tickets from when you’d been to the theater together. On your desk was a clover he’d given you before one of your exams (three leaves, not four, despite his best efforts to find one), that you’d pressed and safely displayed in a tiny picture frame. And then of course, on your bed, right next to your pillow was that teddy with its tiny head and broad shoulders that he’d gifted you for your last birthday and that you’d always joked looked exactly like him.

You wanted to throw it all away just so you didn’t have to look at it anymore. Instead, you curled up in bed, jeans and all, and cuddled that teddy close to your chest. You buried your nose in the soft material, pretending you could still smell him on it, when really it only smelled like you.

You must have fallen asleep at some point, because you woke up in the middle of the night, still in the clothes you’d worn all day, and with a terrible headache that kept you from falling asleep again. Since it seemed you weren’t going to catch much more sleep anyway, you stepped outside. The halls of the dormitory had been noisy and bustling earlier, everyone eagerly greeting each other and catching up after the long break. But now it was eerily quiet. Maybe everyone had suddenly come to respect the curfew, or maybe they’d decided to take it easy tonight since lectures would start tomorrow, and there’d be a huge party to kick off the semester on Friday anyway. 

As you wandered the corridor, it took you back to the last day before the break. You’d aimlessly wandered back then too, unable to sleep after your conversation with Jongho, but not able to cry either. Not yet, anyway, because it hadn’t sunken in yet. It’d felt surreal at the time, like you half expected Jongho to show up at your dorm the next day to inform you that the break up was of course not actually happening. You could picture it so well, him standing there first thing in the morning, early enough to still catch the 9 AM train to his family home, making sure to tell you that you’re still dating, so you wouldn’t have stupid thoughts while on break. Jongho was like that, preferring clarity over leaving you guessing. That day though, he hadn’t shown up, and maybe that was a way of making things clear, too. You’d watched the clock ticking away, 9 AM passing you by, but you’d still held onto some hope until the afternoon, when it was time for your own departure. And even then, a delusional part of you was thinking maybe he’d show up at the platform to apologize and he’d hold you so close and you’d hug him right back, and he’d tell you to let go because you’d miss your train, but you wouldn’t even care because all that mattered was that Jongho still loved you.

It was only when the train had started departing and the people at the platform started blurring behind the window as you passed them by, that it finally sunk in. Jongho hadn’t come. He’d let you leave just like that, with a two month break ahead of you to cement the fact that you’d broken up. He was no longer your boyfriend. And with that realization came the tears, and it seemed they hadn’t really stopped since then.

By the time you wandered back to your room, it was already getting light outside, the sunrise dying the sky in shades of pink and purple that were too beautiful to match your mood. You closed the blinds to shut them out and sunk back into your bed.

It seemed sleep had eventually found you again. In fact, you slept so deeply that you didn’t hear any of your three alarms and completely missed your first lecture. Luckily, you had a really good friend, and he wasn’t shy to remind you when you met him at the cafeteria in between classes.

“You’d be so doomed without me,” he said instead of a greeting, “but of course, your best friend in the world made sure to answer roll call for you and even signed you up for the group project.”

“Thanks, Wooyoung,” you set down a cup of coffee in front of him as a means of compensation, “I owe you my life.”

“You really do. That prof is no joke, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you sighed, taking a sip of your own cup. 

“What’s been up with you anyway? We’ve barely heard of you all break. San was this,” he made a pinching motion with his fingers, “close to borrowing his mom’s car and driving over there to make sure you’re still alive.”

“That’d be a 10 hour ride.”

“That’s how much we love you.” Wooyoung rested his chin on his hand and eyed you intensely, “So, will you tell me what’s up?”

“I’ve been stressed out over the assignments?” You already knew it was a poor excuse before he called you out for it.

“I know that’s not it. Just tell me. I promise it will be okay.”

All his silly jokes and teasing aside, Wooyoung was a good friend and a good listener. But it still felt hard to put the words out there. It made you fell as if you were sitting in that train all over again, watching the people and the platform disappear, and your relationship with them. 

“We broke up,” you finally said, immediately taking another sip of your coffee hoping it could wash down the taste of heartbreak lingering on your tongue. 

“You—what?” Wooyoung looked flabbergasted. “When?”

“On the last day of the semester.”

“Are you—this isn’t some weird joke, is it?”

You raised an eyebrow at him, “Who would joke about something like that?” 

He shrugged, “You’ve become pretty unpredictable, so who knows?”

“Oh, yes, I’m an enigma.” You rolled your eyes and the little banter helped you shove your actual feelings aside, pretending it all didn’t phase you as much as it really did. Wooyoung looked at you for another moment, clearly seeing right through you, but not commenting on it.

“But, uhm, if it’s true, then I have some sort of bad news for you,” he admitted reluctantly, his expression sheepish.

“Spill.”

“So, uh, remember how I said I signed you up for the group project?”

“No.”

“It’s supposed to be groups of four—”

“No, Wooyoung, please.”

“And San and I didn’t know—remember? You kept this incredibly relevant information from us, your best friends in the world—and we had to make a decision—”

“No, no, no—”

“It just made sense to group up.”

Great. Amazing. Splendid. You were stuck working on an assignment with your ex-boyfriend. all. semester. 

“How is this my life?” You dropped your head in your hands, “And how come he didn’t protest either?”

“Ah, right,” Wooyoung seemed to only realize now that you were lacking this information, “Jongho wasn’t present either. Saved his ass during roll call, too, but I guess that’s not really of much interest to you.”

“No, Jung Wooyoung, it is not of much interest to me in the face of this whole group project disaster.” Though, you did have to admit that it was highly unusual for Jongho, ambitious, diligent Jongho, to miss a class unexcused.

“Understandable,” he nodded, “But maybe we can still switch groups?”

“Who would even switch with me? I don’t have other friends.”

He grinned. “But I do. Changbin is in that class too, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking your place. And he’s grouped up with Felix, you know Felix, right?”

You do know Felix. You like him too, though you wouldn’t go as far as to call him a friend. Still, being grouped with sweet, kind Felix would be much better than having to spend the whole semester working with Jongho.

“Would you ask him?”

“Anything for my bestie,” Wooyoung looked at you with an encouraging smile, “I’m sure it will work out just fine.”

Maybe switching groups wasn’t all that big of a deal, or maybe Changbin just liked Wooyoung enough to agree easily—either way, just two days later your friend assured you that the groups were changed without any issues, and Felix had even notified the professor of the changes already. He generally seemed to have taken up some kind of leading role, because you received a message from him that same day, informing you that the group had agreed to meet up the next Tuesday to make a plan for the semester, and asked if you could make it as well. Tuesday was fine with you, and honestly, even if it weren’t you would’ve tried your best to adjust your schedule to them out of gratitude for taking you in. According to Wooyoung, aside from Felix it was Eric and Sanha in that group, and because they were close to Jongho, you’d already talked to them quite a few times back when you’d still been dating. You remembered them as being pretty friendly and fun to be around and you just hoped their friendship with your ex-boyfriend didn’t make things awkward. Though, even then, it seemed like a much better choice to work with his friends instead of the man himself.

Maybe it was that silly optimism of yours that jinxed your demise. Because surely enough, when you stepped into the café across campus on Tuesday, the guy sitting next to Eric at the table Felix had reserved looked uncomfortably familiar: It was Jongho. Even from a distance and a slightly awkward angle, you recognized him right away. His dark brown hair, the black frames of his glasses, the neatly ironed collar of his shirt. It didn’t make sense. Why would Jongho bother showing up to the meeting of your project group? Even if he was friends with Eric and Sanha—shouldn’t he have the tactfulness to stay away after you went as far as to switch groups (something you were safe to assume wasn’t only in your interest, but his as well)?

 You wanted to turn around and leave, maybe send a message that you’d suddenly started to feel unwell, or at least come back with a little delay in hopes Jongho would’ve left by then, but before you could do any of that, someone called your name.

“Hey there!” Felix greeted you with a bright smile, looking genuinely happy to see you again. He had a tray in his hands, four cups you noted, which meant either they’d already ordered for you as well, or a certain guest was planning to stick around for at least one coffee. You hadn’t seen Sanha around yet either, which filled your stomach with a feeling of unease.

“Hey,” you nodded awkwardly, “do you need help carrying that?”

“Nah, don’t worry. Just follow me, the rest is already there,” he naturally leads the way towards the dreaded table, “I hope you don’t mind we ordered for you,” he added, “Matcha with oat milk.”

“Oh.” Your gaze lingered on the cup you assumed to be yours, “Thank you.” Jongho must’ve told him your usual order. How else would Felix, or Eric for that matter, know? And despite the anger you still felt about Jongho being there in the first place, knowing he cared enough to order for you, knowing he cared enough to remember, awakened something else in the depth of your stomach. You quickly pushed it aside. It was just routine, it didn’t mean anything. Felix must’ve asked him if he knew your order, and he must’ve replied automatically, without giving it much thought or care. (But didn’t that have its own value too? Didn’t it feel inherently meaningful that your habits have become so ingrained in his very being, that he could recite them without thinking?)

“Y/n!” Eric pulled you out of your thoughts as you approached the table, a wide grin on his face, “Man, it’s been ages since I’ve seen you last, how have you been?” He got up and hugged you so naturally and friendly, it made you wonder if he even knew about the break up. You didn’t dare to ask though, didn’t want to bring up that awful topic so you just hugged him back, told him you’d been great and left it at that. You sat down across from him, next to Felix and at the biggest possible distance from Jongho. You’d wanted to glare at him, ask him why the fuck he was here, but now that you were actually close enough to talk to him for the first time since the end of last semester, it suddenly felt hard to even look at him. So, you focused on your matcha instead that Felix had placed in front of you, appreciating the latte art that fittingly almost looked like a clover.

“When’s Sanha joining us?” You asked, trying to come off as casual and relaxed and driving home that air of nonchalance by taking a sip of your drink.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Eric sounded surprised. “Him and Jongho switched groups.”

You choked so badly on your matcha you almost spat it in his face, and gratefully accepted the tissue that was handed to you, before even realizing it was Jongho who handed it to you.

“It’s a good thing though,” Eric easily continued, “I love Sanha, but I think with Jongho in our group we have a pretty good chance of getting an A+, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” you were still barely able to breathe, “Right.”

You tried your best to keep it together while Eric and Felix were there, focusing on the project and assigning tasks for everyone until the next meet up. The moment they left though, and it was just you, who’d purposely lingered, and Jongho who, for some reason, had stayed behind as well, you exploded.

“What the fuck?!” You hissed, quiet enough not to make a scene, but not holding back any of the anger seeping into your voice.

“Someone’s angry, huh?”

You wanted to spit in his annoyingly composed face. How could he remain this calm? Did seeing you again not phase him at all?

“Of course I’m angry! Why did you change groups?!”

He shrugged, “I could ask you the same, no?”

“You could’ve at least said something! Then I wouldn’t have bothered switching!” 

“You didn’t say anything either,” A grin slipped onto his features, “And considering these are my friends, couldn’t you have anticipated this to happen? Did you maybe want to work with me?”

Maybe you hadn’t thought this through. Why hadn’t this occurred to you? But then why didn’t he tell anyone? If not you, why not at least Wooyoung and San? After all, it concerned them, too! You shoved the last of your notes into your bag, not caring at all about the way the paper crinkled beneath your fingers.

“Whatever, guess I’ll just have to change back.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure the professor will love that. He already seemed mildly annoyed about switching the groups once, I’m sure doing it again will leave a great impression,” he handed you your ballpoint pen that you hadn’t realized was still laying on the table, “We’ve already distributed tasks anyway, just roll with it. Switching now will just make more work for everyone.”

He was right. Of course, he was right. Perfect, smart Jongho tended to be right about everything. Guess you were stuck with Jongho in your project group, again.

“Don’t kill me for saying this, and I do feel so sorry—but this situation is also kind of hilarious,” Wooyoung looked at you with mirth in his eyes, while San next to him was slurping up his ramyeon without much care. 

“No, I absolutely will kill you, how is this hilarious?!”

“I mean—both of you switching groups to avoid each other and then ending up in the same group again? That must be some crazy fate.”

“Yeah, right, fate, or maybe a certain someone,” you stared him down extra hard, “isn’t as close to his friends as he thinks he is, or else I’m sure Changbin would’ve told you about this and we could’ve avoided the whole mess.”

“Honestly,” San intervened, mouth still full, “even Changbin seemed surprised when Sanha showed up to the group meet up. Jongho must’ve just given him the time and place and left it at that.”

Huh. “That’s—weird.” Jongho was usually a bit more…organized? Than that? Normally, he would’ve at least given someone in his group a heads up, wouldn’t he?

“Hm,” Wooyoung hummed, a small encouraging smile on his face, “I suppose he’s struggling with the break up just as much as you are.”

That thought honestly made you feel a little better. You weren’t the only one having a hard time. Jongho was struggling too. Why else would he have bothered to switch groups in the first place?

“To be honest though—I’m still confused about the break up. I get if you don’t want to talk about it, but it feels so sudden. Weren’t you still all over each other at the end of the semester? What happened?”

“Yeah,” San echoed as he finished the last of his noodles, “What happened?”

You chewed on your lower lip, unsure what to say, “It’s just…. He’s an ass?”

“Oh, god,” Wooyoung’s jaw tensed, “if he cheated on you I’ll literally kill him.”

“No!” You sighed. “He didn’t cheat.”

“Thank god, I’m not ready to defend someone in court,” San let out a breath of relief, “Especially not for murder. Because, legally, this wouldn’t even be manslaughter.”

“It’d definitely be manslaughter. It’d be all the heat of the moment, a non-malicious crime of passion. Not that I’d be dumb enough to get caught.”

“It would not be manslaughter,” you agreed with San, “but there’s no killing happening anyway. As I said, he didn’t cheat.”

Wooyoung didn’t seem really convinced as he eyed you critically. “Then why? What happened?”

“It just wasn’t meant to be,” you shrugged, unable to meet his gaze, in fear he’d see right through you and the fact that the break up was all your fault. “Why are you so surprised? You didn’t even like him when we first started dating.”

“I didn’t not like him!”

“You called him a stuck up prick.”

“A silver spoon snob, too,” San added.

“Why are y’all ganging up on me?” He huffed in offense, “And that was all just because I thought I needed to protect you! Before I knew how cute he actually is behind that serious face.”

“You date him then.”

“Nah, my bestie’s ex is off limits.”

“Right,” you rolled your eyes at him, “If that’s all that’s stopping you, then you have my blessings.”

Wooyoung grinned, “Don’t regret that later when you’ll inevitably want him back.”

“I won’t.” What a stupid lie, when you’d never wanted to break up in the first place. But what right did you even have to want him back?

“Besides,” Wooyoung added, “until I hear a proper reason for the break up, I doubt the legal validity of it. In my books you’re still married until proven otherwise.” 

“Isn’t the fact that we both wanted to avoid each other so bad we switched groups proof enough that we’re over for good?” 

“Nice try, mittens. You switched groups precisely because you’re not over at all.” 

Working in a group with Jongho was exhausting. Eric had a point—chances of getting an A+ with Jongho wasn’t unlikely, after all he was a perfectionist. Unfortunately though, he made that everyone’s business. As you analyzed the case your group was given for the assignment, he nitpicked every little detail, to make sure you weren’t missing anything. And maybe, under different circumstances, you could’ve appreciated it. Jongho wasn’t usually rude or harsh about his criticism, just honest. But with everything that had happened between the two of you, it felt hard not to take every little comment personally. Even when you knew his criticism was valid, you couldn’t stop yourself from feeling like he was judging your work more harshly than anyone else’s out of the grudge he held for you. So, you argued back, pathetically defended your stance as if it was a client you knew all too well was guilty and yet pleaded innocent. 

“The buildings shared a wall, Neighbour B should’ve informed Neighbour A before tearing it down,” Jongho calmly stated and you knew he had a point. You knew, and yet—

“It was B’s property, why would they have to inform anyone about a decision that only concerns their building?” you shot back, less calm, less collected, less fit to be a good lawyer.

“It does concern the other party, though. They suffered damages,” Jongho frowned, and you could tell by the expression on Felix’ and Eric’s faces that they felt uncomfortable, but you couldn’t bring yourself to back down. 

“It’s not like A would’ve had any right to stop them, so why make a big deal out of it before anything even happened? It wouldn’t have changed anything!” 

“Right,” he huffed, “Why bother talking about things, when the decision was already made, huh?” Something flashed through Jongho’s eyes, bitter, hurt, angry.

Felix cleared his throat, “Uhm, guys, are we still talking about the case?” 

The mask of indifference returned to Jongho’s face, “Obviously.”

“What else would we be talking about,” you added, but your voice was barely convincing. Truthfully, you didn’t know. It didn’t feel like it. 

Once the group session was concluded you hurried to pack up your things, this time not at all interested in staying back with Jongho again, but it seemed you weren’t getting much of a choice. The second you’d stuffed everything into your back, you bid them farewell and rushed out of the café, but Jongho easily caught up to you. 

“Let’s talk.”

“I don’t have anything to talk about,” you replied with a dry voice, starting to make your way towards the campus.

“Well, then just listen. Because I have something to talk about.”

You rolled your eyes but still stopped and turned around to look at him. “Let’s hear it then.”

“I know we broke up,” he started and it felt like the worst way to start a conversation, honestly, “But that doesn’t mean you can sabotage the group.”

“I’m not sabotaging anything.”

“You get snippy whenever I criticize anything.”

You want to kill him. For a brief moment you feel like maybe, breaking up was the right choice. “Maybe your criticism isn’t all that great, Jongho, ever considered that? Maybe you are not actually smarter than everyone else.”

You didn’t truly believe what you were saying but he was stunned for a moment and then, to your surprise, shrugged. “Fair enough. Still, I’d prefer not to have arguments in the group that feel so personal.”

“Well, I’m sorry for having feelings. Not surprising that you can’t relate to that though.”

His face hardened ever so slightly, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that just because you can pretend the break up didn’t happen and are completely fine, the same doesn’t have to apply to me.”

“Well, just because I’m not dealing with it the same way as you doesn’t mean I don’t care at all!” His face was gleaming with an anger so intense, it might’ve scared you under different circumstances. But right now you felt smug about finally breaking his mask of calm indifference. It was satisfying. Maybe you couldn’t make him love you, but you at least still mattered enough to make him angry.

“And besides,” he continued, “Y/n, you broke up with me! You don’t get to talk to me like that.”

And he was right. It was you who'd said the words first. But you'd never meant them, not really. You'd just felt so inadequate, like a stain on Jongho's perfect life. He'd always been just a little bit too perfect to be a real person; prestigous family, flawless CV, perfect grades, and despite all that somehow still a loveable personality. You on the other hand were lacking both brains and ambition, only studying law to somehow satisfy your parents despite knowing they would never be satisfied anyway. And then, when Jongho had gotten a job offer at a renown law firm at the end of last semester while you struggled to even get internships, you'd felt you'd lost your place next to him once and for all. So you'd asked him to break up, not because that was what you'd wanted, but because you'd hoped he would stop you and assure you of your right to remain by his side. But instead, when you'd spit your stupid lies about how we'd never last in the real world anyway, he'd just huffed a laugh. Sure, he'd said, Might as well end it now.

You swallowed around the lump clogging your throat. “Maybe I broke up, but you sure had no qualms agreeing to it."

"What?” He let out a sarcastic laugh, “Should I have begged for you to stay?"

"Yes! Yes, you should have!" A timid ‘why didn’t you?’ hung in the air, unspoken.

There was defeat in his voice when he finally spoke up again, "You didn't want me, y/n."

He couldn’t be further from the truth. "I always wanted you." You’d just needed assurance, needed to know he wanted you enough to fight for you. But he didn’t.

In your peripheral vision, you spotted Felix and Eric coming out of the café as well. Felix headed down the street, but Eric was coming your way. Jongho must’ve spotted him too, by the way his demeanor seemed to change at the blink of an eye. It was a subtle shift, maybe not even noticeable to anyone else. But you noticed in the way he let go of the tension in his jaw, in the way the anger disappeared from his eyes.

"Then you shouldn’t have broken up with me," was all he said, calm, definite, the end of a conversation. And of course he was right, as he always was: you shouldn’t have. But why didn’t he call you out on it? Why didn’t he say you don’t mean that, so you could’ve said you’re right, you always are. But maybe the fact you wanted him to take responsibility for your behavior, wanted him to make up for the mistake you made, was one of the reasons he’d decided to go along with it instead.Because who would want to date a person like that?

"All good?" You heard Eric ask as he approached the two of you.

"Yeah, no worries." Jongho’s response barely reached you, like the tears welling up in your eyes were clogging your ears, too.

Right. You trailed behind them, not particularly caring about joining their conversation and rather focusing on keeping yourself from crying. No worries. The words rang in your head like they were mocking you. As if all of this meant nothing, was nothing to worry about. But maybe those were his true feelings. Might as well end it now, right?

When you got out of your last lecture of the day, still sorta out of it, you were suddenly met with a bubbly Eric jogging up next to you.

He grinned, “Did you enjoy the lecture as much as I did?”

“Uh, yeah, totally.”

“I especially loved the part where he talked about penguins.”

Why would your criminal law professor talk about penguins? “To be honest I was only physically there,” you admitted sheepishly and Eric laughed.

“Yeah, I could tell. I was sitting like, right behind you. You didn’t even notice.”

“Sorry,” you scrunched up your face in apology.

“Nah, it’s fine,” he naturally fell into step with you, “Are you headed home?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Got another lecture.”

“I see.”

For a moment it was quiet between the two of you, before Eric picked the conversation back up, “What are you doing Thursday?”

You raised an eyebrow, “Am I supposed to be doing something on Thursday?”

“My roomie and I are hosting a party, you should come.”

“I—uh,” your brain was already coming up with an excuse, but Eric wasn’t done talking yet,

“It seemed like you could use some distraction? And Jongho already said he wouldn’t be there, don’t worry—you know how he isn’t one to go out on a weekday.”

Neither am I, you wanted to argue, but Eric was right, wasn’t he? Maybe you could use some distraction. You yearned for a night of dancing and laughing and partying and not thinking about your ex.

“I’ll think about it?”

“Nice!” He grinned widely, “I’ll text you the address. Oh, and you should bring your friends along too—Wooyoung and San, right?”

“I just said I—” but he suddenly seemed to be in a rush to get to his lecture, 

“I’ll see you there!” he said as if it was already a sure fact, and perhaps it was.

“Yeah, sure,” you sighed and watched him disappear, before you fished out your phone and opened the group chat.

Party on thursday @ eric’s you texted and it didn’t even take a minute before the replies came in

woo: noice

san: pregame at our place? 

woo: U can come by at 6 y/nnie

The party was nice. The music was good and the people were friendly enough that it felt easy to mingle. Felix was there, too, as well as Changbin who immediately roped Wooyoung into a round of beer pong. They played against some of his friends that you didn’t know at first, before you were convinced to go up against them together with Eric’s roommate, Juyeon, in the next round. 

Unfortunately you weren’t gifted at all and Juyeon wasn’t gifted enough to balance it out. You let out a sigh as your ball once again bounced off the rim of a cup before ultimately falling onto the table. 

“We’ll get the next one,” Juyeon assured, but you both knew there wouldn’t be a next one, unless Wooyoung missed his shot too. He and Changbin already had you down to the last cup, and you could already feel the slight dizziness of the alcohol in your body.

“Hope you’re still thirsty,” Wooyoung teased with a grin as he lifted his hand to aim. You wanted to say something back, but right then someone walked through the door behind him. Jongho. What was he doing here? It was so unlike him to go out during the week. Why would he suddenly change things up?

His gaze flitted over the people in the room. 

Wooyoung made his toss. The ball hit the rim of the cup, circling it once, twice.

Jongho’s eyes landed on you.

The ball dropped into the cup.

Juyeon said something consoling. Wooyoung and Changbin celebrated with a loud cheer and a tight hug. You felt like throwing up.

The winning team slid their remaining cups to your side of the table, while Jongho averted his gaze and made his way over to the kitchen area. You grabbed the first cup and downed it, hoping to swallow the sick feeling along with it, then the next and the next until there wasn’t a single one left. There was cheering and hollering, but you didn’t listen, nor did you care, because all that mattered was that Jongho was here. 

“I could’ve emptied some too, you know? You didn’t have to drink by yourself,” Juyeon looked at you with a mixture of surprise and worry.

“I was just so thirsty?” You forced and laugh and wanted to playfully nudge his side, but the movement made you lose your balance that you only regained by grabbing onto the edge of the table, “Oh, oops,” you tried not to slur your speech, but you suddenly realized how drunk you were. It made you feel pathetic and embarrassed.

“Are you okay?” Juyeon’s hand hovered over your back, not quite touching you but ready to steady you if needed.

“I—uhm,” you still felt so sick, probably more so than before, because, unsurprisingly, beer wasn’t the best medicine for an upset stomach. You blinked, slowly. The world was spinning.

“I think you could use some fresh air,” Juyeon concluded and you just nodded stupidly. He led you towards one of the closed doors in the apartment, a bedroom, you realized, and then towards the full height window, that turned out to be a balcony door as you got closer.

You let out a marvelling “Oooh” as he opened the door and maneuvered you onto the bench outside. 

“Wait here, I’ll get you a glass of water, alright?” 

You nodded and somewhat registered him leaving, but your eyes were fixed onto the blinking lights of the city that laid before you like a carpet of stars. It was really beautiful. There was a flowerpot in the corner. Maybe you had to puke.

Jongho was on his way home when Sanha called him. He already figured it would be about Eric’s party before he even picked up—he’d seen the messages in their 00z group chat. He picked up with a sigh.

“Why are you even bothering? You know I won’t come,” he said instead of a greeting. Jongho didn’t like going out during the week, especially if he had an early lecture the next day like he did tomorrow.

Sanha huffed and Jongho could see his grin before his inner eye.

“What?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to change your mind,” his friend replied. Jongho could hear music and voices in the background, Sanha must’ve already arrived at Eric’s.

“How so?” He doubted there was anything Sanha could say now to make him come running, but he couldn’t deny that his curiosity was piqued, if only ever so slightly.

“Y/n is here.”

Jongho stopped in his tracks. That couldn’t be. Why would you be at Eric’s party? When he asked Sanha that exact question, the other seemed a lot less irritated by the fact.

“I suppose she was invited?”

“But why?! And why would she come?!”

“She probably accurately assumed that you wouldn’t come.”

No, fuck that. Jongho was definitely going. He had to. He turned around on the spot and walked back towards the bus station with quick steps. He wouldn’t make the next bus, but the one after it should work.  “I’ll be there in 15, maybe 20 minutes.”

Sanha let out a laugh at the other end of the line, “I knew you’d say that. After all you even made me switch groups just to be on the s—”

“Shut up,” Jongho interrupted him, “Don’t talk about that when you and the whole world are at Eric’s right now. I don’t really need anyone to know.”

“Mhm,” Sanha hummed, “Just remember you still owe me that coffee.”

“Yeah, sure,” Jongho rolled his eyes. He’d reached the main street now and he could see the earlier bus at the intersection. As expected, he wasn’t going to make that one unless he ran.

“By the way, when did y/n get so chummy with Juyeon? Did they know each other?”

Jongho felt the breath being knocked out of his lungs, “What?”

“They’ve been talking for quite a while now, and she’s been laughing a lot. Since when is Juyeon funny?”

“He’s not.” Jongho hastened his steps, eyes fixed on the bus getting closer. Actually, he could probably still make that one.

“Right? Anyway it seems they’ve teamed up at beer pong.”

You sucked at beer pong. You’d probably get drunk. Or Juyeon could play the gentleman and drink for you and make you fall for his stupidly pretty face and tall frame. Yeah, no. 

Jongho fell into a jog before he straight up started running while the bus was rolling into the stop. He made it just in time before the doors closed.

“You good?” Sanha asked when he heard his heavy breathing through the line.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there in ten.”

“Ten suddenly?”

“Caught a bus earlier than expected.”

Sanha laughed. “Someone’s desperate.”

“Just shut up and have a drink ready for me.”

“Of course. See you in ten.” There was still amusement in his voice. Sanha seemed to be having a lot of fun at his expense. 

When he arrived he marched right into a game of beer pong—Wooyoung and Changbin against you and Juyeon. Sanha was right, the two of you seemed chummy. Why? Since when? Did you get to know each other during the break? Your eyes met his for a brief moment. You seemed shocked, as if you truly hadn’t expected Jongho to be here, and if he was being truthful that hurt a little. A part of him had entertained this secret fantasy that maybe, possibly, you came tonight hoping to see him. After all, Eric was his friend. It made sense for Jongho to be here, more sense for him than for you. But you looked truly caught off guard with your wide eyes. And also a little drunk; Jongho could tell from the slight redness on your cheeks and forehead. It was cute—

He tore his gaze away. He needed a drink. And so did you it seemed, because he could see you emptying one cup after the other from his peripheral vision. He hadn’t wanted Juyeon to be your shining knight, hadn’t wanted you to have a chance to witness Juyeon’s cool side. But now, seeing you drink them all by yourself made him angry too. You were clearly drunk already, why was no one drinking for you?

Sanha pulled him out of his thoughts as he held a cup under Jongho’s nose.

“Your drink, as promised.”

Jongho took a huge swig of whatever was in there, “Yeah, thanks.” It left a slight burn in his throat.

“You just arrived and you already look ready to go home.”

“Well, I didn’t expect to walk straight into that.” He nodded towards the beer pong table. Juyeon’s hand was at the small of your back. The plastic cup crinkled under Jongho’s tightening grip.

“Easy, cowboy, you know you’re not y/n’s boyfriend anymore, right?”

Jongho shot him a death glare, “You know as well as I do that that whole break-up was bullshit.”

“I don’t think I’m equipped to have an opinion here,” Sanha replied vaguely, taking a sip of his own drink, “but whatever the case, you’re not back together.”

“Yet,” Jongho corrected. His eyes followed you as Juyeon led you away and Jongho had been at this apartment often enough to know the room you were just entering was Juyeon’s bedroom. His cup got crushed further beneath his fingers. That asshole. You were clearly way too drunk to consent.

“Hold this for a second,” he shoved his mangled cup at Sanha and then took big strides through the crowd of the party guests towards the door you just disappeared behind. Before he reached it though, it swung open again and Juyeon came out, almost stumbling into him. “Oh, sorry,” He looked slightly startled but seemed to catch up on Jongho having purposely followed him when the latter didn’t budge.

“Y/n is quite drunk,” Juyeon said as if it was a good explanation.

“I saw that,” His response was unnecessarily harsh, something he was aware of, but didn’t care to change.

“She’s out on the balcony. I was gonna get her some wa—”

“I’ll take care of it,” Jongho interrupted.

Juyeon seemed unsure for a moment, probably figuring out in his head if Jongho, the ex-boyfriend, could be trusted to take care of you, but ultimately nodded, perhaps driven by the insight that he himself, an almost stranger to you, was definitely a lesser choice. “Let me know if you need something e—”

“I won’t, thanks.” Jongho was already on his way back to the kitchen area to get a glass of water for you.

“Maybe take a bucket with you as well—”

“I can handle it.” Jongho didn’t know himself to be this snippy. But alas.

A few minutes later, he stepped out onto the balcony, glass of water in one hand and a big mixing bowl in the other (how was he supposed to know where they kept their buckets? And Eric was god-knows where and he definitely wasn’t going to ask Juyeon, because despite having been wrong about him taking advantage of your drunk state, he still felt somewhat upset just looking at the guy). 

You were sitting on the bench, hugging one of the seat cushions to your chest as you stared into the night sky. You didn’t immediately turn your head to look at him, and even when you finally did it seemed to take you a moment to register that it was him. You blinked slowly, your gaze dropping to the glass in his hands and then back up to his face.

“Juyeon will bring me water,” you said and even though Jongho knew it was probably just because you were drunk, he was surprised by the softness in your voice. It’d been a while since you spoke to him without any underlying anger. Not that he’d been much better, though.

“I told him I’d do it.” 

“Why would you?” Your speech was slightly slurred.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He handed you the glass and took it without letting go of the cushion, which made it look quite cumbersome. Still you managed to take a sip before trying to hand it back to him.

“Have some more,” Jongho suggested and you did so without complaints. He sat down on the bench next to you, on the side without a cushion, and wondered what he was doing here. 

“Are you disappointed? That I showed up instead?”

You didn’t look up from the empty glass as you carefully placed it on the ground in front of your feet, only for Jongho to put it on the window sill instead to make sure you wouldn’t accidentally break it. 

“No,” you finally replied.

Relief washed over him, as well as a sense of reason. If you didn’t mind him being here, if you didn’t prefer someone else taking care of you, then there was nothing wrong with him doing so. 

“I puked into the flower pot,” you admitted out of nowhere, in between tiny sips of water, and Jongho was so caught off guard he let out a laugh. In a petty bout of jealousy he thought that Juyeon deserved the vomit in his flower pot.

“I missed that.”

He raised his eyebrow, “Missed what?”

“Your laugh.”

His chest hurt. “You don’t have to miss it.” You can have as much of it as you want. I’ll laugh all the time if that makes you come back.

“No, I do,” you closed your eyes and leaned back against the bench, “I can’t help myself.”

He wanted to hug you but he knew he couldn’t, so he just remained silent and looked at you.

Your eyelids fluttered before you opened them again, an odd determination in your eyes. You shoved the pillow aside and it fell to the floor. “Can you take me home?”

“Of course.” 

He took your hand and helped you up from the bench and when he realized how wobbly you were on your feet, he wrapped one arm around your waist to steady you. He grabbed his things and your jacket on the way out, and then you were already in the elevator down. You didn’t run into anyone of interest (aside from Sanha who met his gaze with a raised eyebrow) and he was glad for that. He didn’t want to explain to anyone why he was here, why he was taking you home, and what he wanted even less was to hand you over to Wooyoung or San, who would surely think it was better for them to take you home. And maybe it was, but Jongho didn’t want to hand you over to anyone, didn’t want to give up this fragile moment of peace between the two of you.

When you stepped outside the building you took a deep breath, as if you hadn’t breathed fresh air in ages, as if you hadn’t just been on the balcony.

“This is nice.”

“Mhm,” he hummed.

“I’m gonna be sick,” and without warning you hunched over and puked in between the trash cans. He tried his best to keep your hair out of your face and slowly rubbed your back until you were done. It was gross, obviously, but a part of him felt nostalgic. It made him feel like your boyfriend again. Like a few semesters back, when you hadn’t quite figured out your tolerance yet and ended parties like this more often than not. And he would take care of you until you felt stable enough to walk home, and when you didn’t he’d carry you on his back and you’d whisper silly little I love you’s into his ear. As he rubbed your back, he wondered when you’d said it last, and if he’d hear it again.

He wiped your mouth with a tissue and gave you the bottle of water he’d still had in his backpack to let you rinse your mouth.

“Better?”

You nodded, “Better.”

“Can you walk?”

You seemed to consider for a moment, as if you were contemplating the correct answer, before you finally shook your head. He huffed a laugh. “Fine then.”

Jongho crouched down in front of you, the way he’d always done, making it easier for you to get on his back. His chest felt tight when you wrapped your arms around him.

And then he started walking, carrying you home because it wasn’t terribly far from here, and because that was what he’d always done. He felt you snuggle into him, tucking your face into his neck, and it was such a small gesture, something he’d considered so normal that he’d barely even noticed it, but now it felt like the world.

“Why didn’t you beg?” You mumble into the collar of his hoodie.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you say no? You could’ve—you could’ve just said no.”

“Hadn’t you already made up your mind? Weren’t you going to tear down the building either way?”

You shook your head, he assumed, and the movement of your hair felt ticklish against his skin. “I just—I wanted you to want me.”

“What kind of nonsense is that?” He looks straight ahead at the streetlights cutting through the darkness. “You know I wanted you.”

“But that’s different. You wanted me in a college way, not in a future wife way.”

It sounded so ridiculous he wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t, because this was about you and about his relationship and it was too important to laugh, no matter how ridiculous. “What does that mean?”

“It means you would’ve always left me, so I did it first.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yeah,” you snuggled further into his neck as if your words weren’t even contradicting that display of affection in the slightest. Though, in your drunk and tired eyes it was probably more about being comfortable and less about showing any kind of affection. “You have your whole life ahead of you after all.”

“Y/n, we’re the same age.”

“But your future is worth more than mine.” You said it so matter of factly, like a truth you’d always known and secretly held onto, and maybe that was the most shocking part. Jongho stopped walking. He even almost dropped you, but remembered to hold on just in time. 

“That’s bullshit,” he replied, but he already knew you’d disagree. You’d disagree and then explain to him the ways in which you were right, give arguments that had never even occurred to him. He’d never even considered the value of his life or future, nor had he ever thought to weigh it up against yours. And by what measure, anyway? What made a future more valuable? Who decided that?

You, apparently.

“It’s not. You’ll have your fancy,” you were interrupted by a hiccup, “job and drive a fancy,” another hiccup, “car and I will just,” another, “be me.” The last word slipped from your lips like an insult. “You would’ve left me anyway.”

“I wouldn’t have,” he insisted, “There is no just you. There is you. And I like you.”

“You used to love me, though.”

He did let out a small, huffed laugh now. “And I would say that I still do, if I thought you wanted to hear it.”

“I want to hear it.” Your breathing sounded really calm now, as if you were on the brink of falling asleep.

“I love you.”

He heard the sleepy smile in your voice as you replied, “Me too.”

The first thing you noticed when you woke up was the excruciating headache that only got worsened by the shrill sound of your alarm. You groaned and aimlessly fumbled with your phone until it finally stopped. This was why you didn’t like going out on weekdays.

After another ten minutes of drifting back to sleep, you tapped your phone screen to check the time. Almost 9. Fuck. You were going to miss the lecture. When you closed your eyes once more, hazy memories came back to you. Playing beer pong. Puking into Juyeon’s flower pot. Someone giving you water. Someone holding your hair. Someone carrying you on his back. Someone saying he loves you.

Jongho? You suddenly felt awake. Did that actually happen? Did you just dream it?

A message popped up on your phone screen.

Jongho: we need to talk

Double fuck.

You didn’t want to, but you forced yourself out of bed and into your shower. There’d been painkillers on the nightstand that you’d swallowed down with a big gulp of water and you thought they were already helping. When you finally got dressed and ready to go, your lecture was already halfway over. But you weren’t driving to campus for that lecture anyway.

You sat down on some stairs and waited for Jongho to come out. You needed this talk, as much as he did, probably. But you dreaded it too, confused by your own patchy memories and scared of that small hope inside of you getting crushed again. Still, you waited.

He didn’t smile when he spotted you, but he didn’t look upset either. It was something else, like insecurity and openness, feelings Jongho didn’t tend to wear on his sleeve.

“How are you feeling?” he asked when he plopped down beside you.

“Hungover.”

He chuckled, “I can imagine.”

“Scared, also.”

He frowned, “Of what?”

That you didn’t mean what you said yesterday. Or worse, that it was just a dream. But you couldn’t bring yourself to say that. Not even now, so you shrugged instead.

He nodded slowly, his gaze fixed on his own hands. Speaking didn’t seem to come easy to him either, and it made you feel closer to him, reminded you that he wasn’t this perfect entity but rather also just a person.

“Did you mean what you said yesterday?” he finally asked.

You didn’t remember half the things you said. “Which part?”

“All of them. That you wanted me to stop you. That you thought I’d be leaving you anyway,” he took a small breath, “That you love me.”

It felt like a now or never type of situation. If you weren’t going to be honest now, when would you? So you nodded. “Yes.”

“All of them?”

“...Yes.”

Jongho turned to look at you and there was so much hurt and vulnerability and desperation in his eyes, it almost made you feel sick to look at him because you knew this was your fault.

“I wasn’t going to leave,” he said and you think he said something like that yesterday too. 

“I’m sorry,” you replied because it was the only thing you could come up with, “I’m sorry for not trusting you.”

“And I won’t leave now, either, if you don’t want me to.”

Your eyes widened, unable to quite grasp the meaning of his words.

“But you can’t break up with me again. Not unless you mean it.”

Tears were welling up in your eyes, and you knew you were still on campus and it wasn’t the best place to get emotional, but you didn’t care. “I’m sorry,” you whispered again with a wobbly voice.

“That’s not an answer.”

You sniffed, “I won’t. I won’t break up with you again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

He let out a breath, as if he’d been holding onto it for a long time.

“Good.” He took your hand and intertwined your fingers and it felt so good, so reassuring, so much like home to be connected to him like that again. He stared at your hands long and hard and it made you think he was probably thinking about the same thing. But then he said “You know your future isn’t actually less valuable than mine, right?”

You almost felt ashamed. Like a child that’d messed up. You knew the answer would be Yes but it would also be a lie, so you stayed silent.

“And to be honest, I’d much prefer to think of it as our future anyway.”

Ours. That sounded pretty nice. It sounded like a shared apartment and getting groceries and taking vacations together. It sounded like building a home. It sounded like being together.

“I’d like that.”

A smile spread on his lips before he connected them with yours. “Good,” he said again.

“Good,” you repeated.

masterlist | collab masterlist

thx for reading! pls consider reblogging & commenting <3

[jinkoh]

the law of attraction

jongho x fem!reader

summary: Jongho was everything you weren’t: ambitious, diligent, promising—all in all the perfect law school student. Naturally, your chaos didn’t fit into his prearranged life. Not for long, anyway. Your silly little relationship was never meant to last. So how come you couldn't seem to move on? Of course, being grouped together for a semester-long assignment didn't exactly help your case.

tags: exes2lovers, law student!au, hurt/comfort, y/n lowkey has an inferiority complex, jongho is slightly possessive, best friends woosan (bc i love making them y/n's besties), some side characters from tbz/skz; warnings: alcohol consumption, throwing up

wc: 9.2k

a/n: this is my fic for the live alive collab hosted by @sungbeam! honestly i'm just so glad to have made it (or, well it's half past midnight in my time zone but i tried my best i swear t-t) i was really hoping my time management would be better for this, but honestly life wasn't really having it. either way, i hope you enjoy this story & pls check out the other fics for this collab!!

and also @ beam - thanks for letting me be part of this sweet collab. i'm glad to have had a good reason to write (and actually finish!!) something. love you lots<3

masterlist | collab masterlist

So maybe you'd overestimated what a two month break could do. You’d thought you'd use all that free time really well, to eat healthy and exercise and read more books. You’d also thought you'd be well ahead of all the assignments due during the break. And most of all you’d thought you'd come back after the break as a changed woman who is definitely not still hung up on her boyfriend that she broke up with right before the semester ended.

Reality however looked quite different: You'd eaten too much pizza, barely left the house, binge watched not only one but two TV shows, barely finished your assignments on time and spent an embarrassing amount of time crying over your boyfriend. Needless to say, you were most definitely still hung up on him.

Consequently, going back to school left you with mixed feelings. It all came down to a simple list of pros and cons, and you weren’t sure which side was weighing heavier.

Pros:

Getting away from your nagging parents.

Seeing your friends again.

Spending a fun last summer with them.

Cons:

Seeing Jongho.

Your friends are his friends too.

Whatever fun activities are planned, he’ll inevitably be there too.

It wasn’t that you suddenly hated him (surely, life would be easier if you could). But just the mere thought of facing him again ripped your heart in two. His words were still ringing in your head like he’d said them just yesterday. ‘Might as well end it now.’ As if it barely even concerned him. And just like that, it’d been over. 

While it felt suffocating to be at home, you wanted to prolong your return as much as possible. For one to avoid Jongho for as long as you could. And then also to avoid your friends, most importantly your best friends. Because you hadn’t told them about the break up. You’d just pretended everything was fine right up until you sat in your train home. And then, the moment it had left the station you’d crumbled pathetically, sobbing so hard that a woman sitting in the seat before you handed you some tissues.

Of course you knew you couldn’t keep the break up a secret forever, but somehow talking about it was scary. Talking about it would make it real. Talking about it would maybe prompt your friends to tell you that you’d been stupid and that it was your fault, and you weren’t quite ready to hear that yet. Still, you couldn’t just postpone it all indefinitely and take the semester off, so you arrived back at the dorm one day before the lectures were starting again. Your room looked the way you’d left it. You hadn’t bothered taking any of your personal bits down while you were away, just packed what you needed and left—but when you set foot inside now, you were starting to regret that. You’d never noticed how much space Jongho had taken up in your room. There were pictures of him and you and your friends all over your pin board, along with tickets from when you’d been to the theater together. On your desk was a clover he’d given you before one of your exams (three leaves, not four, despite his best efforts to find one), that you’d pressed and safely displayed in a tiny picture frame. And then of course, on your bed, right next to your pillow was that teddy with its tiny head and broad shoulders that he’d gifted you for your last birthday and that you’d always joked looked exactly like him.

You wanted to throw it all away just so you didn’t have to look at it anymore. Instead, you curled up in bed, jeans and all, and cuddled that teddy close to your chest. You buried your nose in the soft material, pretending you could still smell him on it, when really it only smelled like you.

You must have fallen asleep at some point, because you woke up in the middle of the night, still in the clothes you’d worn all day, and with a terrible headache that kept you from falling asleep again. Since it seemed you weren’t going to catch much more sleep anyway, you stepped outside. The halls of the dormitory had been noisy and bustling earlier, everyone eagerly greeting each other and catching up after the long break. But now it was eerily quiet. Maybe everyone had suddenly come to respect the curfew, or maybe they’d decided to take it easy tonight since lectures would start tomorrow, and there’d be a huge party to kick off the semester on Friday anyway. 

As you wandered the corridor, it took you back to the last day before the break. You’d aimlessly wandered back then too, unable to sleep after your conversation with Jongho, but not able to cry either. Not yet, anyway, because it hadn’t sunken in yet. It’d felt surreal at the time, like you half expected Jongho to show up at your dorm the next day to inform you that the break up was of course not actually happening. You could picture it so well, him standing there first thing in the morning, early enough to still catch the 9 AM train to his family home, making sure to tell you that you’re still dating, so you wouldn’t have stupid thoughts while on break. Jongho was like that, preferring clarity over leaving you guessing. That day though, he hadn’t shown up, and maybe that was a way of making things clear, too. You’d watched the clock ticking away, 9 AM passing you by, but you’d still held onto some hope until the afternoon, when it was time for your own departure. And even then, a delusional part of you was thinking maybe he’d show up at the platform to apologize and he’d hold you so close and you’d hug him right back, and he’d tell you to let go because you’d miss your train, but you wouldn’t even care because all that mattered was that Jongho still loved you.

It was only when the train had started departing and the people at the platform started blurring behind the window as you passed them by, that it finally sunk in. Jongho hadn’t come. He’d let you leave just like that, with a two month break ahead of you to cement the fact that you’d broken up. He was no longer your boyfriend. And with that realization came the tears, and it seemed they hadn’t really stopped since then.

By the time you wandered back to your room, it was already getting light outside, the sunrise dying the sky in shades of pink and purple that were too beautiful to match your mood. You closed the blinds to shut them out and sunk back into your bed.

It seemed sleep had eventually found you again. In fact, you slept so deeply that you didn’t hear any of your three alarms and completely missed your first lecture. Luckily, you had a really good friend, and he wasn’t shy to remind you when you met him at the cafeteria in between classes.

“You’d be so doomed without me,” he said instead of a greeting, “but of course, your best friend in the world made sure to answer roll call for you and even signed you up for the group project.”

“Thanks, Wooyoung,” you set down a cup of coffee in front of him as a means of compensation, “I owe you my life.”

“You really do. That prof is no joke, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you sighed, taking a sip of your own cup. 

“What’s been up with you anyway? We’ve barely heard of you all break. San was this,” he made a pinching motion with his fingers, “close to borrowing his mom’s car and driving over there to make sure you’re still alive.”

“That’d be a 10 hour ride.”

“That’s how much we love you.” Wooyoung rested his chin on his hand and eyed you intensely, “So, will you tell me what’s up?”

“I’ve been stressed out over the assignments?” You already knew it was a poor excuse before he called you out for it.

“I know that’s not it. Just tell me. I promise it will be okay.”

All his silly jokes and teasing aside, Wooyoung was a good friend and a good listener. But it still felt hard to put the words out there. It made you fell as if you were sitting in that train all over again, watching the people and the platform disappear, and your relationship with them. 

“We broke up,” you finally said, immediately taking another sip of your coffee hoping it could wash down the taste of heartbreak lingering on your tongue. 

“You—what?” Wooyoung looked flabbergasted. “When?”

“On the last day of the semester.”

“Are you—this isn’t some weird joke, is it?”

You raised an eyebrow at him, “Who would joke about something like that?” 

He shrugged, “You’ve become pretty unpredictable, so who knows?”

“Oh, yes, I’m an enigma.” You rolled your eyes and the little banter helped you shove your actual feelings aside, pretending it all didn’t phase you as much as it really did. Wooyoung looked at you for another moment, clearly seeing right through you, but not commenting on it.

“But, uhm, if it’s true, then I have some sort of bad news for you,” he admitted reluctantly, his expression sheepish.

“Spill.”

“So, uh, remember how I said I signed you up for the group project?”

“No.”

“It’s supposed to be groups of four—”

“No, Wooyoung, please.”

“And San and I didn’t know—remember? You kept this incredibly relevant information from us, your best friends in the world—and we had to make a decision—”

“No, no, no—”

“It just made sense to group up.”

Great. Amazing. Splendid. You were stuck working on an assignment with your ex-boyfriend. all. semester. 

“How is this my life?” You dropped your head in your hands, “And how come he didn’t protest either?”

“Ah, right,” Wooyoung seemed to only realize now that you were lacking this information, “Jongho wasn’t present either. Saved his ass during roll call, too, but I guess that’s not really of much interest to you.”

“No, Jung Wooyoung, it is not of much interest to me in the face of this whole group project disaster.” Though, you did have to admit that it was highly unusual for Jongho, ambitious, diligent Jongho, to miss a class unexcused.

“Understandable,” he nodded, “But maybe we can still switch groups?”

“Who would even switch with me? I don’t have other friends.”

He grinned. “But I do. Changbin is in that class too, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking your place. And he’s grouped up with Felix, you know Felix, right?”

You do know Felix. You like him too, though you wouldn’t go as far as to call him a friend. Still, being grouped with sweet, kind Felix would be much better than having to spend the whole semester working with Jongho.

“Would you ask him?”

“Anything for my bestie,” Wooyoung looked at you with an encouraging smile, “I’m sure it will work out just fine.”

Maybe switching groups wasn’t all that big of a deal, or maybe Changbin just liked Wooyoung enough to agree easily—either way, just two days later your friend assured you that the groups were changed without any issues, and Felix had even notified the professor of the changes already. He generally seemed to have taken up some kind of leading role, because you received a message from him that same day, informing you that the group had agreed to meet up the next Tuesday to make a plan for the semester, and asked if you could make it as well. Tuesday was fine with you, and honestly, even if it weren’t you would’ve tried your best to adjust your schedule to them out of gratitude for taking you in. According to Wooyoung, aside from Felix it was Eric and Sanha in that group, and because they were close to Jongho, you’d already talked to them quite a few times back when you’d still been dating. You remembered them as being pretty friendly and fun to be around and you just hoped their friendship with your ex-boyfriend didn’t make things awkward. Though, even then, it seemed like a much better choice to work with his friends instead of the man himself.

Maybe it was that silly optimism of yours that jinxed your demise. Because surely enough, when you stepped into the café across campus on Tuesday, the guy sitting next to Eric at the table Felix had reserved looked uncomfortably familiar: It was Jongho. Even from a distance and a slightly awkward angle, you recognized him right away. His dark brown hair, the black frames of his glasses, the neatly ironed collar of his shirt. It didn’t make sense. Why would Jongho bother showing up to the meeting of your project group? Even if he was friends with Eric and Sanha—shouldn’t he have the tactfulness to stay away after you went as far as to switch groups (something you were safe to assume wasn’t only in your interest, but his as well)?

 You wanted to turn around and leave, maybe send a message that you’d suddenly started to feel unwell, or at least come back with a little delay in hopes Jongho would’ve left by then, but before you could do any of that, someone called your name.

“Hey there!” Felix greeted you with a bright smile, looking genuinely happy to see you again. He had a tray in his hands, four cups you noted, which meant either they’d already ordered for you as well, or a certain guest was planning to stick around for at least one coffee. You hadn’t seen Sanha around yet either, which filled your stomach with a feeling of unease.

“Hey,” you nodded awkwardly, “do you need help carrying that?”

“Nah, don’t worry. Just follow me, the rest is already there,” he naturally leads the way towards the dreaded table, “I hope you don’t mind we ordered for you,” he added, “Matcha with oat milk.”

“Oh.” Your gaze lingered on the cup you assumed to be yours, “Thank you.” Jongho must’ve told him your usual order. How else would Felix, or Eric for that matter, know? And despite the anger you still felt about Jongho being there in the first place, knowing he cared enough to order for you, knowing he cared enough to remember, awakened something else in the depth of your stomach. You quickly pushed it aside. It was just routine, it didn’t mean anything. Felix must’ve asked him if he knew your order, and he must’ve replied automatically, without giving it much thought or care. (But didn’t that have its own value too? Didn’t it feel inherently meaningful that your habits have become so ingrained in his very being, that he could recite them without thinking?)

“Y/n!” Eric pulled you out of your thoughts as you approached the table, a wide grin on his face, “Man, it’s been ages since I’ve seen you last, how have you been?” He got up and hugged you so naturally and friendly, it made you wonder if he even knew about the break up. You didn’t dare to ask though, didn’t want to bring up that awful topic so you just hugged him back, told him you’d been great and left it at that. You sat down across from him, next to Felix and at the biggest possible distance from Jongho. You’d wanted to glare at him, ask him why the fuck he was here, but now that you were actually close enough to talk to him for the first time since the end of last semester, it suddenly felt hard to even look at him. So, you focused on your matcha instead that Felix had placed in front of you, appreciating the latte art that fittingly almost looked like a clover.

“When’s Sanha joining us?” You asked, trying to come off as casual and relaxed and driving home that air of nonchalance by taking a sip of your drink.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Eric sounded surprised. “Him and Jongho switched groups.”

You choked so badly on your matcha you almost spat it in his face, and gratefully accepted the tissue that was handed to you, before even realizing it was Jongho who handed it to you.

“It’s a good thing though,” Eric easily continued, “I love Sanha, but I think with Jongho in our group we have a pretty good chance of getting an A+, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” you were still barely able to breathe, “Right.”

You tried your best to keep it together while Eric and Felix were there, focusing on the project and assigning tasks for everyone until the next meet up. The moment they left though, and it was just you, who’d purposely lingered, and Jongho who, for some reason, had stayed behind as well, you exploded.

“What the fuck?!” You hissed, quiet enough not to make a scene, but not holding back any of the anger seeping into your voice.

“Someone’s angry, huh?”

You wanted to spit in his annoyingly composed face. How could he remain this calm? Did seeing you again not phase him at all?

“Of course I’m angry! Why did you change groups?!”

He shrugged, “I could ask you the same, no?”

“You could’ve at least said something! Then I wouldn’t have bothered switching!” 

“You didn’t say anything either,” A grin slipped onto his features, “And considering these are my friends, couldn’t you have anticipated this to happen? Did you maybe want to work with me?”

Maybe you hadn’t thought this through. Why hadn’t this occurred to you? But then why didn’t he tell anyone? If not you, why not at least Wooyoung and San? After all, it concerned them, too! You shoved the last of your notes into your bag, not caring at all about the way the paper crinkled beneath your fingers.

“Whatever, guess I’ll just have to change back.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure the professor will love that. He already seemed mildly annoyed about switching the groups once, I’m sure doing it again will leave a great impression,” he handed you your ballpoint pen that you hadn’t realized was still laying on the table, “We’ve already distributed tasks anyway, just roll with it. Switching now will just make more work for everyone.”

He was right. Of course, he was right. Perfect, smart Jongho tended to be right about everything. Guess you were stuck with Jongho in your project group, again.

“Don’t kill me for saying this, and I do feel so sorry—but this situation is also kind of hilarious,” Wooyoung looked at you with mirth in his eyes, while San next to him was slurping up his ramyeon without much care. 

“No, I absolutely will kill you, how is this hilarious?!”

“I mean—both of you switching groups to avoid each other and then ending up in the same group again? That must be some crazy fate.”

“Yeah, right, fate, or maybe a certain someone,” you stared him down extra hard, “isn’t as close to his friends as he thinks he is, or else I’m sure Changbin would’ve told you about this and we could’ve avoided the whole mess.”

“Honestly,” San intervened, mouth still full, “even Changbin seemed surprised when Sanha showed up to the group meet up. Jongho must’ve just given him the time and place and left it at that.”

Huh. “That’s—weird.” Jongho was usually a bit more…organized? Than that? Normally, he would’ve at least given someone in his group a heads up, wouldn’t he?

“Hm,” Wooyoung hummed, a small encouraging smile on his face, “I suppose he’s struggling with the break up just as much as you are.”

That thought honestly made you feel a little better. You weren’t the only one having a hard time. Jongho was struggling too. Why else would he have bothered to switch groups in the first place?

“To be honest though—I’m still confused about the break up. I get if you don’t want to talk about it, but it feels so sudden. Weren’t you still all over each other at the end of the semester? What happened?”

“Yeah,” San echoed as he finished the last of his noodles, “What happened?”

You chewed on your lower lip, unsure what to say, “It’s just…. He’s an ass?”

“Oh, god,” Wooyoung’s jaw tensed, “if he cheated on you I’ll literally kill him.”

“No!” You sighed. “He didn’t cheat.”

“Thank god, I’m not ready to defend someone in court,” San let out a breath of relief, “Especially not for murder. Because, legally, this wouldn’t even be manslaughter.”

“It’d definitely be manslaughter. It’d be all the heat of the moment, a non-malicious crime of passion. Not that I’d be dumb enough to get caught.”

“It would not be manslaughter,” you agreed with San, “but there’s no killing happening anyway. As I said, he didn’t cheat.”

Wooyoung didn’t seem really convinced as he eyed you critically. “Then why? What happened?”

“It just wasn’t meant to be,” you shrugged, unable to meet his gaze, in fear he’d see right through you and the fact that the break up was all your fault. “Why are you so surprised? You didn’t even like him when we first started dating.”

“I didn’t not like him!”

“You called him a stuck up prick.”

“A silver spoon snob, too,” San added.

“Why are y’all ganging up on me?” He huffed in offense, “And that was all just because I thought I needed to protect you! Before I knew how cute he actually is behind that serious face.”

“You date him then.”

“Nah, my bestie’s ex is off limits.”

“Right,” you rolled your eyes at him, “If that’s all that’s stopping you, then you have my blessings.”

Wooyoung grinned, “Don’t regret that later when you’ll inevitably want him back.”

“I won’t.” What a stupid lie, when you’d never wanted to break up in the first place. But what right did you even have to want him back?

“Besides,” Wooyoung added, “until I hear a proper reason for the break up, I doubt the legal validity of it. In my books you’re still married until proven otherwise.” 

“Isn’t the fact that we both wanted to avoid each other so bad we switched groups proof enough that we’re over for good?” 

“Nice try, mittens. You switched groups precisely because you’re not over at all.” 

Working in a group with Jongho was exhausting. Eric had a point—chances of getting an A+ with Jongho wasn’t unlikely, after all he was a perfectionist. Unfortunately though, he made that everyone’s business. As you analyzed the case your group was given for the assignment, he nitpicked every little detail, to make sure you weren’t missing anything. And maybe, under different circumstances, you could’ve appreciated it. Jongho wasn’t usually rude or harsh about his criticism, just honest. But with everything that had happened between the two of you, it felt hard not to take every little comment personally. Even when you knew his criticism was valid, you couldn’t stop yourself from feeling like he was judging your work more harshly than anyone else’s out of the grudge he held for you. So, you argued back, pathetically defended your stance as if it was a client you knew all too well was guilty and yet pleaded innocent. 

“The buildings shared a wall, Neighbour B should’ve informed Neighbour A before tearing it down,” Jongho calmly stated and you knew he had a point. You knew, and yet—

“It was B’s property, why would they have to inform anyone about a decision that only concerns their building?” you shot back, less calm, less collected, less fit to be a good lawyer.

“It does concern the other party, though. They suffered damages,” Jongho frowned, and you could tell by the expression on Felix’ and Eric’s faces that they felt uncomfortable, but you couldn’t bring yourself to back down. 

“It’s not like A would’ve had any right to stop them, so why make a big deal out of it before anything even happened? It wouldn’t have changed anything!” 

“Right,” he huffed, “Why bother talking about things, when the decision was already made, huh?” Something flashed through Jongho’s eyes, bitter, hurt, angry.

Felix cleared his throat, “Uhm, guys, are we still talking about the case?” 

The mask of indifference returned to Jongho’s face, “Obviously.”

“What else would we be talking about,” you added, but your voice was barely convincing. Truthfully, you didn’t know. It didn’t feel like it. 

Once the group session was concluded you hurried to pack up your things, this time not at all interested in staying back with Jongho again, but it seemed you weren’t getting much of a choice. The second you’d stuffed everything into your back, you bid them farewell and rushed out of the café, but Jongho easily caught up to you. 

“Let’s talk.”

“I don’t have anything to talk about,” you replied with a dry voice, starting to make your way towards the campus.

“Well, then just listen. Because I have something to talk about.”

You rolled your eyes but still stopped and turned around to look at him. “Let’s hear it then.”

“I know we broke up,” he started and it felt like the worst way to start a conversation, honestly, “But that doesn’t mean you can sabotage the group.”

“I’m not sabotaging anything.”

“You get snippy whenever I criticize anything.”

You want to kill him. For a brief moment you feel like maybe, breaking up was the right choice. “Maybe your criticism isn’t all that great, Jongho, ever considered that? Maybe you are not actually smarter than everyone else.”

You didn’t truly believe what you were saying but he was stunned for a moment and then, to your surprise, shrugged. “Fair enough. Still, I’d prefer not to have arguments in the group that feel so personal.”

“Well, I’m sorry for having feelings. Not surprising that you can’t relate to that though.”

His face hardened ever so slightly, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that just because you can pretend the break up didn’t happen and are completely fine, the same doesn’t have to apply to me.”

“Well, just because I’m not dealing with it the same way as you doesn’t mean I don’t care at all!” His face was gleaming with an anger so intense, it might’ve scared you under different circumstances. But right now you felt smug about finally breaking his mask of calm indifference. It was satisfying. Maybe you couldn’t make him love you, but you at least still mattered enough to make him angry.

“And besides,” he continued, “Y/n, you broke up with me! You don’t get to talk to me like that.”

And he was right. It was you who'd said the words first. But you'd never meant them, not really. You'd just felt so inadequate, like a stain on Jongho's perfect life. He'd always been just a little bit too perfect to be a real person; prestigous family, flawless CV, perfect grades, and despite all that somehow still a loveable personality. You on the other hand were lacking both brains and ambition, only studying law to somehow satisfy your parents despite knowing they would never be satisfied anyway. And then, when Jongho had gotten a job offer at a renown law firm at the end of last semester while you struggled to even get internships, you'd felt you'd lost your place next to him once and for all. So you'd asked him to break up, not because that was what you'd wanted, but because you'd hoped he would stop you and assure you of your right to remain by his side. But instead, when you'd spit your stupid lies about how we'd never last in the real world anyway, he'd just huffed a laugh. Sure, he'd said, Might as well end it now.

You swallowed around the lump clogging your throat. “Maybe I broke up, but you sure had no qualms agreeing to it."

"What?” He let out a sarcastic laugh, “Should I have begged for you to stay?"

"Yes! Yes, you should have!" A timid ‘why didn’t you?’ hung in the air, unspoken.

There was defeat in his voice when he finally spoke up again, "You didn't want me, y/n."

He couldn’t be further from the truth. "I always wanted you." You’d just needed assurance, needed to know he wanted you enough to fight for you. But he didn’t.

In your peripheral vision, you spotted Felix and Eric coming out of the café as well. Felix headed down the street, but Eric was coming your way. Jongho must’ve spotted him too, by the way his demeanor seemed to change at the blink of an eye. It was a subtle shift, maybe not even noticeable to anyone else. But you noticed in the way he let go of the tension in his jaw, in the way the anger disappeared from his eyes.

"Then you shouldn’t have broken up with me," was all he said, calm, definite, the end of a conversation. And of course he was right, as he always was: you shouldn’t have. But why didn’t he call you out on it? Why didn’t he say you don’t mean that, so you could’ve said you’re right, you always are. But maybe the fact you wanted him to take responsibility for your behavior, wanted him to make up for the mistake you made, was one of the reasons he’d decided to go along with it instead.Because who would want to date a person like that?

"All good?" You heard Eric ask as he approached the two of you.

"Yeah, no worries." Jongho’s response barely reached you, like the tears welling up in your eyes were clogging your ears, too.

Right. You trailed behind them, not particularly caring about joining their conversation and rather focusing on keeping yourself from crying. No worries. The words rang in your head like they were mocking you. As if all of this meant nothing, was nothing to worry about. But maybe those were his true feelings. Might as well end it now, right?

When you got out of your last lecture of the day, still sorta out of it, you were suddenly met with a bubbly Eric jogging up next to you.

He grinned, “Did you enjoy the lecture as much as I did?”

“Uh, yeah, totally.”

“I especially loved the part where he talked about penguins.”

Why would your criminal law professor talk about penguins? “To be honest I was only physically there,” you admitted sheepishly and Eric laughed.

“Yeah, I could tell. I was sitting like, right behind you. You didn’t even notice.”

“Sorry,” you scrunched up your face in apology.

“Nah, it’s fine,” he naturally fell into step with you, “Are you headed home?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Got another lecture.”

“I see.”

For a moment it was quiet between the two of you, before Eric picked the conversation back up, “What are you doing Thursday?”

You raised an eyebrow, “Am I supposed to be doing something on Thursday?”

“My roomie and I are hosting a party, you should come.”

“I—uh,” your brain was already coming up with an excuse, but Eric wasn’t done talking yet,

“It seemed like you could use some distraction? And Jongho already said he wouldn’t be there, don’t worry—you know how he isn’t one to go out on a weekday.”

Neither am I, you wanted to argue, but Eric was right, wasn’t he? Maybe you could use some distraction. You yearned for a night of dancing and laughing and partying and not thinking about your ex.

“I’ll think about it?”

“Nice!” He grinned widely, “I’ll text you the address. Oh, and you should bring your friends along too—Wooyoung and San, right?”

“I just said I—” but he suddenly seemed to be in a rush to get to his lecture, 

“I’ll see you there!” he said as if it was already a sure fact, and perhaps it was.

“Yeah, sure,” you sighed and watched him disappear, before you fished out your phone and opened the group chat.

Party on thursday @ eric’s you texted and it didn’t even take a minute before the replies came in

woo: noice

san: pregame at our place? 

woo: U can come by at 6 y/nnie

The party was nice. The music was good and the people were friendly enough that it felt easy to mingle. Felix was there, too, as well as Changbin who immediately roped Wooyoung into a round of beer pong. They played against some of his friends that you didn’t know at first, before you were convinced to go up against them together with Eric’s roommate, Juyeon, in the next round. 

Unfortunately you weren’t gifted at all and Juyeon wasn’t gifted enough to balance it out. You let out a sigh as your ball once again bounced off the rim of a cup before ultimately falling onto the table. 

“We’ll get the next one,” Juyeon assured, but you both knew there wouldn’t be a next one, unless Wooyoung missed his shot too. He and Changbin already had you down to the last cup, and you could already feel the slight dizziness of the alcohol in your body.

“Hope you’re still thirsty,” Wooyoung teased with a grin as he lifted his hand to aim. You wanted to say something back, but right then someone walked through the door behind him. Jongho. What was he doing here? It was so unlike him to go out during the week. Why would he suddenly change things up?

His gaze flitted over the people in the room. 

Wooyoung made his toss. The ball hit the rim of the cup, circling it once, twice.

Jongho’s eyes landed on you.

The ball dropped into the cup.

Juyeon said something consoling. Wooyoung and Changbin celebrated with a loud cheer and a tight hug. You felt like throwing up.

The winning team slid their remaining cups to your side of the table, while Jongho averted his gaze and made his way over to the kitchen area. You grabbed the first cup and downed it, hoping to swallow the sick feeling along with it, then the next and the next until there wasn’t a single one left. There was cheering and hollering, but you didn’t listen, nor did you care, because all that mattered was that Jongho was here. 

“I could’ve emptied some too, you know? You didn’t have to drink by yourself,” Juyeon looked at you with a mixture of surprise and worry.

“I was just so thirsty?” You forced and laugh and wanted to playfully nudge his side, but the movement made you lose your balance that you only regained by grabbing onto the edge of the table, “Oh, oops,” you tried not to slur your speech, but you suddenly realized how drunk you were. It made you feel pathetic and embarrassed.

“Are you okay?” Juyeon’s hand hovered over your back, not quite touching you but ready to steady you if needed.

“I—uhm,” you still felt so sick, probably more so than before, because, unsurprisingly, beer wasn’t the best medicine for an upset stomach. You blinked, slowly. The world was spinning.

“I think you could use some fresh air,” Juyeon concluded and you just nodded stupidly. He led you towards one of the closed doors in the apartment, a bedroom, you realized, and then towards the full height window, that turned out to be a balcony door as you got closer.

You let out a marvelling “Oooh” as he opened the door and maneuvered you onto the bench outside. 

“Wait here, I’ll get you a glass of water, alright?” 

You nodded and somewhat registered him leaving, but your eyes were fixed onto the blinking lights of the city that laid before you like a carpet of stars. It was really beautiful. There was a flowerpot in the corner. Maybe you had to puke.

Jongho was on his way home when Sanha called him. He already figured it would be about Eric’s party before he even picked up—he’d seen the messages in their 00z group chat. He picked up with a sigh.

“Why are you even bothering? You know I won’t come,” he said instead of a greeting. Jongho didn’t like going out during the week, especially if he had an early lecture the next day like he did tomorrow.

Sanha huffed and Jongho could see his grin before his inner eye.

“What?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to change your mind,” his friend replied. Jongho could hear music and voices in the background, Sanha must’ve already arrived at Eric’s.

“How so?” He doubted there was anything Sanha could say now to make him come running, but he couldn’t deny that his curiosity was piqued, if only ever so slightly.

“Y/n is here.”

Jongho stopped in his tracks. That couldn’t be. Why would you be at Eric’s party? When he asked Sanha that exact question, the other seemed a lot less irritated by the fact.

“I suppose she was invited?”

“But why?! And why would she come?!”

“She probably accurately assumed that you wouldn’t come.”

No, fuck that. Jongho was definitely going. He had to. He turned around on the spot and walked back towards the bus station with quick steps. He wouldn’t make the next bus, but the one after it should work.  “I’ll be there in 15, maybe 20 minutes.”

Sanha let out a laugh at the other end of the line, “I knew you’d say that. After all you even made me switch groups just to be on the s—”

“Shut up,” Jongho interrupted him, “Don’t talk about that when you and the whole world are at Eric’s right now. I don’t really need anyone to know.”

“Mhm,” Sanha hummed, “Just remember you still owe me that coffee.”

“Yeah, sure,” Jongho rolled his eyes. He’d reached the main street now and he could see the earlier bus at the intersection. As expected, he wasn’t going to make that one unless he ran.

“By the way, when did y/n get so chummy with Juyeon? Did they know each other?”

Jongho felt the breath being knocked out of his lungs, “What?”

“They’ve been talking for quite a while now, and she’s been laughing a lot. Since when is Juyeon funny?”

“He’s not.” Jongho hastened his steps, eyes fixed on the bus getting closer. Actually, he could probably still make that one.

“Right? Anyway it seems they’ve teamed up at beer pong.”

You sucked at beer pong. You’d probably get drunk. Or Juyeon could play the gentleman and drink for you and make you fall for his stupidly pretty face and tall frame. Yeah, no. 

Jongho fell into a jog before he straight up started running while the bus was rolling into the stop. He made it just in time before the doors closed.

“You good?” Sanha asked when he heard his heavy breathing through the line.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there in ten.”

“Ten suddenly?”

“Caught a bus earlier than expected.”

Sanha laughed. “Someone’s desperate.”

“Just shut up and have a drink ready for me.”

“Of course. See you in ten.” There was still amusement in his voice. Sanha seemed to be having a lot of fun at his expense. 

When he arrived he marched right into a game of beer pong—Wooyoung and Changbin against you and Juyeon. Sanha was right, the two of you seemed chummy. Why? Since when? Did you get to know each other during the break? Your eyes met his for a brief moment. You seemed shocked, as if you truly hadn’t expected Jongho to be here, and if he was being truthful that hurt a little. A part of him had entertained this secret fantasy that maybe, possibly, you came tonight hoping to see him. After all, Eric was his friend. It made sense for Jongho to be here, more sense for him than for you. But you looked truly caught off guard with your wide eyes. And also a little drunk; Jongho could tell from the slight redness on your cheeks and forehead. It was cute—

He tore his gaze away. He needed a drink. And so did you it seemed, because he could see you emptying one cup after the other from his peripheral vision. He hadn’t wanted Juyeon to be your shining knight, hadn’t wanted you to have a chance to witness Juyeon’s cool side. But now, seeing you drink them all by yourself made him angry too. You were clearly drunk already, why was no one drinking for you?

Sanha pulled him out of his thoughts as he held a cup under Jongho’s nose.

“Your drink, as promised.”

Jongho took a huge swig of whatever was in there, “Yeah, thanks.” It left a slight burn in his throat.

“You just arrived and you already look ready to go home.”

“Well, I didn’t expect to walk straight into that.” He nodded towards the beer pong table. Juyeon’s hand was at the small of your back. The plastic cup crinkled under Jongho’s tightening grip.

“Easy, cowboy, you know you’re not y/n’s boyfriend anymore, right?”

Jongho shot him a death glare, “You know as well as I do that that whole break-up was bullshit.”

“I don’t think I’m equipped to have an opinion here,” Sanha replied vaguely, taking a sip of his own drink, “but whatever the case, you’re not back together.”

“Yet,” Jongho corrected. His eyes followed you as Juyeon led you away and Jongho had been at this apartment often enough to know the room you were just entering was Juyeon’s bedroom. His cup got crushed further beneath his fingers. That asshole. You were clearly way too drunk to consent.

“Hold this for a second,” he shoved his mangled cup at Sanha and then took big strides through the crowd of the party guests towards the door you just disappeared behind. Before he reached it though, it swung open again and Juyeon came out, almost stumbling into him. “Oh, sorry,” He looked slightly startled but seemed to catch up on Jongho having purposely followed him when the latter didn’t budge.

“Y/n is quite drunk,” Juyeon said as if it was a good explanation.

“I saw that,” His response was unnecessarily harsh, something he was aware of, but didn’t care to change.

“She’s out on the balcony. I was gonna get her some wa—”

“I’ll take care of it,” Jongho interrupted.

Juyeon seemed unsure for a moment, probably figuring out in his head if Jongho, the ex-boyfriend, could be trusted to take care of you, but ultimately nodded, perhaps driven by the insight that he himself, an almost stranger to you, was definitely a lesser choice. “Let me know if you need something e—”

“I won’t, thanks.” Jongho was already on his way back to the kitchen area to get a glass of water for you.

“Maybe take a bucket with you as well—”

“I can handle it.” Jongho didn’t know himself to be this snippy. But alas.

A few minutes later, he stepped out onto the balcony, glass of water in one hand and a big mixing bowl in the other (how was he supposed to know where they kept their buckets? And Eric was god-knows where and he definitely wasn’t going to ask Juyeon, because despite having been wrong about him taking advantage of your drunk state, he still felt somewhat upset just looking at the guy). 

You were sitting on the bench, hugging one of the seat cushions to your chest as you stared into the night sky. You didn’t immediately turn your head to look at him, and even when you finally did it seemed to take you a moment to register that it was him. You blinked slowly, your gaze dropping to the glass in his hands and then back up to his face.

“Juyeon will bring me water,” you said and even though Jongho knew it was probably just because you were drunk, he was surprised by the softness in your voice. It’d been a while since you spoke to him without any underlying anger. Not that he’d been much better, though.

“I told him I’d do it.” 

“Why would you?” Your speech was slightly slurred.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He handed you the glass and took it without letting go of the cushion, which made it look quite cumbersome. Still you managed to take a sip before trying to hand it back to him.

“Have some more,” Jongho suggested and you did so without complaints. He sat down on the bench next to you, on the side without a cushion, and wondered what he was doing here. 

“Are you disappointed? That I showed up instead?”

You didn’t look up from the empty glass as you carefully placed it on the ground in front of your feet, only for Jongho to put it on the window sill instead to make sure you wouldn’t accidentally break it. 

“No,” you finally replied.

Relief washed over him, as well as a sense of reason. If you didn’t mind him being here, if you didn’t prefer someone else taking care of you, then there was nothing wrong with him doing so. 

“I puked into the flower pot,” you admitted out of nowhere, in between tiny sips of water, and Jongho was so caught off guard he let out a laugh. In a petty bout of jealousy he thought that Juyeon deserved the vomit in his flower pot.

“I missed that.”

He raised his eyebrow, “Missed what?”

“Your laugh.”

His chest hurt. “You don’t have to miss it.” You can have as much of it as you want. I’ll laugh all the time if that makes you come back.

“No, I do,” you closed your eyes and leaned back against the bench, “I can’t help myself.”

He wanted to hug you but he knew he couldn’t, so he just remained silent and looked at you.

Your eyelids fluttered before you opened them again, an odd determination in your eyes. You shoved the pillow aside and it fell to the floor. “Can you take me home?”

“Of course.” 

He took your hand and helped you up from the bench and when he realized how wobbly you were on your feet, he wrapped one arm around your waist to steady you. He grabbed his things and your jacket on the way out, and then you were already in the elevator down. You didn’t run into anyone of interest (aside from Sanha who met his gaze with a raised eyebrow) and he was glad for that. He didn’t want to explain to anyone why he was here, why he was taking you home, and what he wanted even less was to hand you over to Wooyoung or San, who would surely think it was better for them to take you home. And maybe it was, but Jongho didn’t want to hand you over to anyone, didn’t want to give up this fragile moment of peace between the two of you.

When you stepped outside the building you took a deep breath, as if you hadn’t breathed fresh air in ages, as if you hadn’t just been on the balcony.

“This is nice.”

“Mhm,” he hummed.

“I’m gonna be sick,” and without warning you hunched over and puked in between the trash cans. He tried his best to keep your hair out of your face and slowly rubbed your back until you were done. It was gross, obviously, but a part of him felt nostalgic. It made him feel like your boyfriend again. Like a few semesters back, when you hadn’t quite figured out your tolerance yet and ended parties like this more often than not. And he would take care of you until you felt stable enough to walk home, and when you didn’t he’d carry you on his back and you’d whisper silly little I love you’s into his ear. As he rubbed your back, he wondered when you’d said it last, and if he’d hear it again.

He wiped your mouth with a tissue and gave you the bottle of water he’d still had in his backpack to let you rinse your mouth.

“Better?”

You nodded, “Better.”

“Can you walk?”

You seemed to consider for a moment, as if you were contemplating the correct answer, before you finally shook your head. He huffed a laugh. “Fine then.”

Jongho crouched down in front of you, the way he’d always done, making it easier for you to get on his back. His chest felt tight when you wrapped your arms around him.

And then he started walking, carrying you home because it wasn’t terribly far from here, and because that was what he’d always done. He felt you snuggle into him, tucking your face into his neck, and it was such a small gesture, something he’d considered so normal that he’d barely even noticed it, but now it felt like the world.

“Why didn’t you beg?” You mumble into the collar of his hoodie.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you say no? You could’ve—you could’ve just said no.”

“Hadn’t you already made up your mind? Weren’t you going to tear down the building either way?”

You shook your head, he assumed, and the movement of your hair felt ticklish against his skin. “I just—I wanted you to want me.”

“What kind of nonsense is that?” He looks straight ahead at the streetlights cutting through the darkness. “You know I wanted you.”

“But that’s different. You wanted me in a college way, not in a future wife way.”

It sounded so ridiculous he wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t, because this was about you and about his relationship and it was too important to laugh, no matter how ridiculous. “What does that mean?”

“It means you would’ve always left me, so I did it first.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yeah,” you snuggled further into his neck as if your words weren’t even contradicting that display of affection in the slightest. Though, in your drunk and tired eyes it was probably more about being comfortable and less about showing any kind of affection. “You have your whole life ahead of you after all.”

“Y/n, we’re the same age.”

“But your future is worth more than mine.” You said it so matter of factly, like a truth you’d always known and secretly held onto, and maybe that was the most shocking part. Jongho stopped walking. He even almost dropped you, but remembered to hold on just in time. 

“That’s bullshit,” he replied, but he already knew you’d disagree. You’d disagree and then explain to him the ways in which you were right, give arguments that had never even occurred to him. He’d never even considered the value of his life or future, nor had he ever thought to weigh it up against yours. And by what measure, anyway? What made a future more valuable? Who decided that?

You, apparently.

“It’s not. You’ll have your fancy,” you were interrupted by a hiccup, “job and drive a fancy,” another hiccup, “car and I will just,” another, “be me.” The last word slipped from your lips like an insult. “You would’ve left me anyway.”

“I wouldn’t have,” he insisted, “There is no just you. There is you. And I like you.”

“You used to love me, though.”

He did let out a small, huffed laugh now. “And I would say that I still do, if I thought you wanted to hear it.”

“I want to hear it.” Your breathing sounded really calm now, as if you were on the brink of falling asleep.

“I love you.”

He heard the sleepy smile in your voice as you replied, “Me too.”

The first thing you noticed when you woke up was the excruciating headache that only got worsened by the shrill sound of your alarm. You groaned and aimlessly fumbled with your phone until it finally stopped. This was why you didn’t like going out on weekdays.

After another ten minutes of drifting back to sleep, you tapped your phone screen to check the time. Almost 9. Fuck. You were going to miss the lecture. When you closed your eyes once more, hazy memories came back to you. Playing beer pong. Puking into Juyeon’s flower pot. Someone giving you water. Someone holding your hair. Someone carrying you on his back. Someone saying he loves you.

Jongho? You suddenly felt awake. Did that actually happen? Did you just dream it?

A message popped up on your phone screen.

Jongho: we need to talk

Double fuck.

You didn’t want to, but you forced yourself out of bed and into your shower. There’d been painkillers on the nightstand that you’d swallowed down with a big gulp of water and you thought they were already helping. When you finally got dressed and ready to go, your lecture was already halfway over. But you weren’t driving to campus for that lecture anyway.

You sat down on some stairs and waited for Jongho to come out. You needed this talk, as much as he did, probably. But you dreaded it too, confused by your own patchy memories and scared of that small hope inside of you getting crushed again. Still, you waited.

He didn’t smile when he spotted you, but he didn’t look upset either. It was something else, like insecurity and openness, feelings Jongho didn’t tend to wear on his sleeve.

“How are you feeling?” he asked when he plopped down beside you.

“Hungover.”

He chuckled, “I can imagine.”

“Scared, also.”

He frowned, “Of what?”

That you didn’t mean what you said yesterday. Or worse, that it was just a dream. But you couldn’t bring yourself to say that. Not even now, so you shrugged instead.

He nodded slowly, his gaze fixed on his own hands. Speaking didn’t seem to come easy to him either, and it made you feel closer to him, reminded you that he wasn’t this perfect entity but rather also just a person.

“Did you mean what you said yesterday?” he finally asked.

You didn’t remember half the things you said. “Which part?”

“All of them. That you wanted me to stop you. That you thought I’d be leaving you anyway,” he took a small breath, “That you love me.”

It felt like a now or never type of situation. If you weren’t going to be honest now, when would you? So you nodded. “Yes.”

“All of them?”

“...Yes.”

Jongho turned to look at you and there was so much hurt and vulnerability and desperation in his eyes, it almost made you feel sick to look at him because you knew this was your fault.

“I wasn’t going to leave,” he said and you think he said something like that yesterday too. 

“I’m sorry,” you replied because it was the only thing you could come up with, “I’m sorry for not trusting you.”

“And I won’t leave now, either, if you don’t want me to.”

Your eyes widened, unable to quite grasp the meaning of his words.

“But you can’t break up with me again. Not unless you mean it.”

Tears were welling up in your eyes, and you knew you were still on campus and it wasn’t the best place to get emotional, but you didn’t care. “I’m sorry,” you whispered again with a wobbly voice.

“That’s not an answer.”

You sniffed, “I won’t. I won’t break up with you again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

He let out a breath, as if he’d been holding onto it for a long time.

“Good.” He took your hand and intertwined your fingers and it felt so good, so reassuring, so much like home to be connected to him like that again. He stared at your hands long and hard and it made you think he was probably thinking about the same thing. But then he said “You know your future isn’t actually less valuable than mine, right?”

You almost felt ashamed. Like a child that’d messed up. You knew the answer would be Yes but it would also be a lie, so you stayed silent.

“And to be honest, I’d much prefer to think of it as our future anyway.”

Ours. That sounded pretty nice. It sounded like a shared apartment and getting groceries and taking vacations together. It sounded like building a home. It sounded like being together.

“I’d like that.”

A smile spread on his lips before he connected them with yours. “Good,” he said again.

“Good,” you repeated.

masterlist | collab masterlist

thx for reading! pls consider reblogging & commenting <3

[jinkoh]

oh the urge to write horror

[sungbeam]

LIVE ALIVE! COLLAB M.LIST

kq university's newest and hottest social club is dropping their collection from the past quarter, and she's full of drama, comedy, and spice! be there or be square 🫵🤨 (find the flyer here)

the following content will be released between april 10 - april 30. some of the work featured here is 18+ ONLY! heed warnings, respect boundaries, and DON'T FORGET TO REBLOG <3

a message from our club president: thank you so much to all the lovely writers who joined me for this collab!! i was so thrilled to meet so many great writer atinys and i absolutely cannot wait to read your fics 🥹 you were what made this collab so successful, and i can't thank you all enough for your enthusiasm and work 💖 lots of love, beam x

DISCLAIMER: please reach out to individual writers about taglists as i am not managing a taglist for this event :]

DO I KNOW YOU? ☆ @starlitjoong

Freshman year of college was supposed to be your fresh start. Your opportunity to put your best foot forward. Then a familiar face you’re not too thrilled by rips that chance away. Kim Hongjoong was assigned to train you for your new job in the campus library. He was thorough, too thorough, recalling things you didn’t quite want to remember. The memories with your first love haunt you in your sleep. Will seeing him every day cause your hate to grow? Or will the feelings you worked so hard to bury erupt into a chaotic mess of storage closet makeouts and cold shoulders?

HARD TO FOCUS ☆ @belongjoong 18+

physics was never a strong subject for you, but when your hot new tutor kim hongjoong comes to the rescue, you start to wonder if you're really staying for the lessons - or just for him.

ONE MORE LINE ☆ @blizzardfluffykpop 18+

Everything in your senior year of college felt like you needed just one more; one more class, one more test, one more line, and it would all be over, and you could finally rest your bones. And with Hongjoong by your side; every class, every test, every line came easy. And when Tuesdays and Thursdays came to a close, you could peacefully rest your bones beside him. Drawing to your hearts content as he scribbles down a half a page of lines.

CURTAIN CALL ☆ @sangis-puppy

College was draining enough without having D1 athlete and ‘Pride of the school, Chris, up your ass for two years trying to get you in his bed. You’d do anything to get him off your back for even a week of peace. So when the chance to knock him down a few pegs presents itself in the form of Park Seonghwa, a nerdy type that said athlete torments, you take it. What starts as a few campus spottings to get under Chris’s skin turns into blurred lines and moments that feel too real for a fake relationship. Time ticks to Homecoming and the curtain will fall on this act. How will you bow out?

SUNBURN ☆ @sungbeam

you and park seonghwa, petty rivals since the third grade, can't stand the sight of each other. at least, that's what you both claim. sometimes, getting the truth out of two stubborn people just requires turning up the heat.

SWEETHEART ☆ @ja3hwa 18+

ATZ was the place to be. Everyone either wanted to be in the fraternity or be with one of the members... And this push and pull you had seemingly fallen into with one of the brooding frat boys was making you dizzy. Your neck quickly aching from whiplash over the constant what ifs and maybes... Oh... Oh wait, it was just the dark bruising hickies he left that were the ache and the overflow of alcohol that made you dizzy... Whoops.

LEVEL ZERO ☆ @03jyh23 18+

Jeong Yunho is the human equivalent of a system crash. A 6’2” wreck of stuttered sentences, fogged-up glasses, and nerves he can’t outgrow. He has spent his first year of college trying to be invisible. He’s a tactical genius on screen, but on campus, he can barely survive a three-word greeting without his voice cracking.

He tries to start a Gaming Club in a basement that smells like dust and dump. When a pack of “Mean Girls” turns his recruitment drive into a public execution, you step in.

You lie. You improvise. You claim you’re his pro-tier carry—his star recruit.

Now you learn the hard way: Rule #1 of saving a cute nerd from bullies is this—don’t claim you’re an expert in a game you’ve never heard of.

NEW PERSPECTIVE ☆ @from-izzy

the stage has always been jeong yunho's, star university's top acting student, happiest place. but as time goes on, and pressure makes him slip away from acting, a certain girl with her canvas paints a story from a new perspective that keeps him going.

SLEEPOVERS IN MY BED ☆ @everyonewooeverywhere 18+

jeong yunho and song mingi have always been the campus's "it couple." even those who don't know them say they're a match made in heaven--meant to be in every universe. but you know different. you know the truth: that jeong yunho spends her sunday nights in your bed and song mingi is a fucking weirdo. but while her boyfriend thinks she's studying, you're giving her what he could never fulfill. she may love him, but at least she's in your bed.

AFTER HOURS ☆ @17teezers 18+

being an ra comes with a lot of responsibilities: managing residents, hosting events, surviving move in day… but apparently you need to learn how to survive your co-ra, kang yeosang, as well. that definitely wasn’t in the manual.

he’s professional, intelligent, organized, and also really good at making you feel stupid. after being assigned the same floor, you start to realize he might not be as bad as you thought. which would be fine — if there wasn’t one very simple rule: don’t date your coworkers.

LITTLE MISS CATASTROPHE ☆ @hyungszn

meet kang yeosang. sophomore, gymnast, and most importantly, campus’ most eligible omega. yeosang’s been trying to set the record straight for years but thanks to his slightly awkward nature, people kind of just brush him off for a pretty face. however just when he thinks of giving up, the universe concocts the most disastrous “outing” imaginable: you.

WATER GIRL ☆ @yeonlymine 18+

between lectures and slaving in the training room, choosing athletic training as your work study job was supposed to be the easy part of college. until a transfer named yeosang joins the roster mid season and suddenly the nickname “water girl” isn’t just harmless locker room teasing anymore.

A PACK A DAY ☆ @maho6any 18+

you asked him what kind of doctor smokes? he said he'd quit once he gets his degree. you didn't like each other very much. you hated that you sat next to each other in class, to which you both used the excuse that it was only because it was the desk closest to the wall outlet. the professor seems to think you do this by choice, and decides you would be the perfect pair for the childcare simulation. and unfortunately for you and your poor sensitive heart, a pack a day does not in fact keep the doctor away

HANDS ON ME ☆ @xomakara 18+

You join KQ University’s Taekwondo club and immediately get underestimated — especially by San, the star member who treats you like you might break. When you finally reveal your true skill by sweeping him in a spar, everything shifts, and San becomes fascinated, competitive, and increasingly drawn to you.

DARE ☆ @minkieater 18+

you can’t fucking stand jung wooyoung, mingi really really wants kim minjeong. when wooyoung and winter end up together, you and mingi have no choice but to figure out how to win winter’s favor, to stab wooyoung in the back. mingi needs a favor, and you want revenge... do you dare?

PAS DE DEUX ☆ @way2jellyous 18+

at Seoul's most prestigious ballet university, no pair is more legendary than you and Ikhyun - until a scandal destroys his career overnight. Varna is coming up, and you're forced to pick a new partner. But maybe some things are never meant to be replaced. - or lowkey a k-drama that somehow got converted to a fanfic on tumblr dot com

PIPE DREAM ☆ @yestodayys 18+

song mingi is a lot of things. he’s top of the class you hate the most, a mutual friend of your roommates, probably the best dressed guy on campus… and now he’s haunting your dreams, too.

FLASH POINT ☆ @hyungszn 18+

there’s a very thin line between lust and hate; a concept of which you are intimately familiar. when you push, wooyoung pulls, and soon what started out as a battle of wills has quickly morphed into a war of temptation with no ceasefire in sight. TL;DR: in a world where opposites are meant to attract, you and wooyoung couldn’t be more alike… so why the hell do you want each other so bad?

KANJO ☆ @jitaewoo 18+

there’s two subgroups of hashiriyas that rule japan: the kanjozoku of osaka and the roulettezoku of tokyo. in osaka, you live your days out either on campus or at work. on the outside, it’s all seems so repetitive and boring—but that is exactly what you want. then, one day, it all gets messed up when a new transfer student, jung wooyoung, comes and threatens to shatter everything you have built. stupid tokyo boys have no clue what really goes on in osaka, and wooyoung is going to have to learn the hard way.

THE OFF LIMITS RULE ☆ @stxrrywoo 18+

coming back from studying abroad for two years you had two goals in mind: win the annual end of summer fashion design contest and jung wooyoung... your brothers best friend. only issue? your brother had forbidden you from his friends and likewise has forbidden his friends from you. yet when yeosang gets the opportunity to study abroad you start to see an opportunity to finally make your move, so you take it. I mean.... what's the worst that could happen?

AS IF ☆ @moooonandroses 18+

you and jongho can’t stand each other, but the universe doesn't seem to catch the signals. everywhere you went, he was there. friends teased you both, saying that you liked each other so much you were manifesting the other everywhere. ugh, as if you would ever like him, right?

[NOUN] LOVE ☆ @redemptions 18+

you and jongho met as children during a letter writing project. years later, you get the chance to meet in person because of a study exchange but you are determined to keep your feelings a secret - after all, how do you tell your best friend you’re in love with him?

THE LAW OF ATTRACTION ☆ @jinkoh

Jongho was everything you weren’t: ambitious, diligent, promising—all in all the perfect law school student. Naturally, your chaos didn’t fit into his prearranged life. Not for long, anyway. Your silly little relationship was never meant to last. So how come you couldn't seem to move on? Of course, being grouped together for a semester-long assignment didn't exactly help your case.

[jinkoh]

little personal update i guess?

ok. so. tbh. my mental health has been really shit. which feels so incredibly humbling, because at the end of last year and even the beginning of this year i felt pretty good and like my mental health was better than it has been in a long time. but then i've lost my grandma around two months ago and my uncle only two weeks later and it all lined up with me being really sick and one of my few local friends literally moving country and it's just been so incredibly hard to stomach all of that. i know recovery isn't always linear but it still feels so incredibly disheartening to feel yourself moving backwards and not being able to do anything about it.

i'm getting back on my feet again though, i already am much better and i have kind and supportive people around me. but with everything going on, it has been really hard to really write. i surprisingly had a zillion ideas in the past months, but the moment i start writing things down, it's like my whole energy is drained. And thus this account has been pretty silent, with nothing at all to post.

I do hope i'll be back with fics eventually--i'm slowly but steadily working on an ateez collab fic that will hopefully be done soon & i also plan to update Break the ice. But i hope it'll be met with understanding if it takes me a little while longer to get there bc i'm still running on low battery rn

[hellpotter]

it’s not weird to find fanfiction from 2021, or 2017, or 2014 that you’ve never read and actually taking your time to read it.

it’s not weird to love it and comment and leave kudos because the author will probably still see it someday and it will make them happy.

it’s not weird to like said author’s work so much that you want to go look for other fics from them.

it’s not weird to go through the authors profile and look for other fics from the ships you like (or maybe some that you’ll give a chance because you liked the author) and maybe bookmark them for later.

it’s not weird to read these other fics and like them too and comment on them because you actually like them and you want to let the author know.

it’s not weird to read fanfiction from 5, or 8, or 10 years ago and actually enjoy and engage with it because it’s perfectly normal to relate to something that’s less than a decade old!

let’s stop treating fanfiction like they’re instagram posts that stop being interesting in 24 hours! fanfiction is NOT social media, fanfiction is art!!! and art doesn’t get old in one day, one year, or even a decade!

read fanfiction! write fanfiction! comment on fanfiction! let’s not let fanculture die people!!!!!

[hoonsocks-deactivated20260310]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ REDBONE ✸ LHS

PAIRINGS:- leeheeseung x fem!reader, GENRE:- smau oneshot, strangers to lovers, crack, fluff, college au, SLIDE COUNT:- 25 (these long ass smaus will not stop)

( ☎️ ) -> STARRING heeseung as the tired economics major, who is convinced he's going insane, and STARRING y/n as someone who strongly believes in using free will for entertainment purposes, decides to make that his problem.

sorennotes:- a little random smau oneshot to keep ygs distracted with how ive not been posting 🤔🤔🤔 but truthfully I really loved how this one came out andd im making a smau series for him as well called, “what happens in vegas” !! ( coming soon ) enjoy reading and send your thoughts ꉂ(˵˃ ᗜ ˂˵)

I hope this doesnt flop I loved this smau sm ))))): I hope yall liked it and pls send your thoughts in my comments/inbox/messages anywhere !! ꉂ(˵˃ ᗜ ˂˵) ilygs and thank you for reading <333

*⁀➷perm taglist! comment to be added or removed 𐔌՞. .՞𐦯 (if i missed anyone im so sorry) @sweethoons @gyuzies @lassiie @enhypens-hoe @lowkhyeon @bananabread785 @heekiaras @midniightfiction @kristynaaah @effiemjch @ijustwannareadstuff20 @miajojojo @mjllies @rikisonline @tsukheeshima @drkbl00d @wobblymug @tearsforyrsins @wichujunseo @teacuplps @miellette

[jinkoh]

break the ice

juyeon x fem!reader smau

you've been crushing on hyunjae from the college's ice hockey team ever since you'd first seen him. but when you finally pluck up the courage and confess to him, somehow the person standing in front of you is his insufferable teammate instead? and why does he seem so happy about your confession?

tags: social media au, college au, ice hockey au, one-sided e2l, accidental dating; warnings: swearing, stupid jokes

a/n: don't mind me updating sorta quickly i'm just desperate to get this story going~ (&maybe am already a few chapters ahead) ANYWAY hope you enjoy xx

*·❆•.❅·*.⋆·.CHAPTER TWO.·*❅.*⋆❇·.*

SERIES MASTERLIST \\ PREVIOUS \\ NEXT

taglist open~

TAGLIST @jwiloves @qfeet @tbzhub

[jinkoh]

I feel so justified in my characterization

[jinkoh]

I like you have a cupcake 🧁

Aaah sorry just saw this now but tysm 🥹 Have one right back 🧁🫶🏻

[jinkoh]

Tumblr hates me for real 😭 was in the middle of leaving Detailed™️ tags on a fic i read before reblogging it and then this demon app from hell just crashed on me 😭

[jinkoh]

everytime I think it gets better the pain comes back tenfold

[jinkoh]

Istg ear pain is the worst pain of them all

[allbeoms]

I know it's real, I can feel it! | THREE

Pairing: OBGYN!Beomgyu x Neonatologist!Reader (fem!reader)

Tolerance for Choi Beomgyu? Negative. Feelings for Choi Beomgyu? Inconclusive. Pregnancy test in your hand? Positive.

Synopsis: The universe likes to toss you a bunch of Fuck You!s Like almost not getting into med school, you and your long-term boyfriend failing to get pregnant, and by sending your undergrad nemesis, Choi Beomgyu, to med school just so he can transfer right into your hospital.

But perhaps the biggest one was the positive pregnancy test in your hands after a drunk one night stand with him.

Genre: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, doctors, eventual smut, angst (?)

Chapter III Word Count: 15k

Warning: Mentions of infertility, maternal death, explicit language, IVF, mentions of premature babies in the NICU, unprotected sex, drunk sex, etc.

Note: Guess who went through it while writing this chapter. Writer's curse is real!! And wow did I write a long one. They just keep getting longer and longer. I need to control myself. I hope you guys enjoy this one because there's lots of interaction between the two <3. Also, side note, I don't know how medically accurate this is. Some things I have to really just wing and remind myself all fairs in fiction.

Please like, reblog, or comment if you love it <3

Masterlist

PART III

When you’re stressed, you tend to have very vivid dreams.

Sometimes they’re nightmares.

And other times…

They’re bliss.

You wake up in a sweet haze, squeezing your legs together as your body trembles with pleasure. Stars dance behind your eyelids, and they guide you back down to earth as you sink your back down against your cotton sheets.

Breathing hard, you grasp your duvet to ground yourself. Once your bedroom came back into focus, you rolled over to bury your face into your pillow as you let out a groan of disappointment. It was just a dream.

Had it really been that long since you and Jaeil have done anything?

Then again, could Jaeil make you feel that way?

A blast echoes from your bathroom, making you sit up to listen if another one would follow. You already knew it came from Soobin’s side of the wall. His shower has been acting up for weeks. This time it didn’t sound too good.

Throwing off the duvet, you shuffle over to inspect your bathroom. When you saw no signs of a leak or disturbance, you shrugged and headed toward the sink to brush your teeth and wash your face.

As you make your way back to your room, dabbing your face with your towel, frantic knocks come from your door.

“Can I use your shower?” Soobin asks in a rush once you open the door. His hair was still damp, shirt sticking close to his body, and hand clasped tightly around his JJK towel. He holds it up with one hand, the other hand hugging his spare clothes.

You giggle, “Good morning to you too.”

He shrugs his head at your comment. “Good morning, ___. Can I please use your shower?”

With a nod, you step to the side to let him in before your neighbors see him. “Maintenance already aware of WWIII happening in your bathroom or…?”

“Yup, they should look into it later today.” He calls while stepping into your bathroom.  

“I hope so, I don’t want my shower to be next!” You shout at him as you walk toward your bedroom.

He waves in reassurance before shutting the door behind him.

The apartments that you lived in were fairly new with top amenities and appliances, justifying the rent they charged. It was unusual for things to break down or require maintenance. Knowing Soobin, however, he waited until his shower gave the death rattle before making the call.

While changing, your phone chimed with an incoming notification.

Soobs: You’re on call tonight, right?

You: Not tonight. Why?

Soobs: Just wondering. Is it okay if I borrow the spare key to shower? Just in case they can’t fix it today?

You: Sure, I’ll leave the spare on the counter. Leaving now. Lock the door when you’re done?

Soobs: Thanks! You’re the best! I’ll make sure you’ll never notice anyone was here. Love you!

You stare at his message, wondering why you had a suspicious feeling.

Ari’s message floated at the top, and you clicked it to see her warning that the director called for a cross-departmental meeting.

You throw your head back and send Soobin a quick text to warn him as well before throwing on your coat and wrapping a scarf around your neck. Just as you are about to leave, you reach for the spare key in your drawer and toss it on the counter.

Almost forgot.

As you step out of the locker room, Ari bounces in front of you holding two iced lattes. Her hair is braided with baby-blue ribbons, and she dusted her cheeks and eyelids with a rosy blush. Meanwhile, your hair was tied in a messy ponytail, and you only had your tinted moisturizer to cover your eyebags.

She smiles, thrusting your drink into your hand. “Good morning! Woke up early to snag us some of these before the meeting, my lovely. Yours is a vanilla chai with extra brown sugar and cinnamon. Just how you like it!”

You swoon as you accept her gift. Ari worked a late shift last night and still woke up early to do this? You felt so grateful.

“Ari, I don’t deserve you-“

“Please, let me sit next to Beomgyu.”

You could practically hear the ice shift into your drink from the silence that fell over you.

With a deep breath, you continued walking toward the elevator. “What am I? His personal assistant? Go ahead.”

She rolled her eyes, following you in. The other elevator quickly fills with residents and nurses. You recognize one of the new residents, Hyunwoo. He gives you a tiny, shy wave which you return before Ari squishes up to your side. “I meant-- introduce me?”

“No.” You were willing to go to lengths for Ari, but Beomgyu's vicinity was the last place you’d go. Besides, you already owed him a favor or two.

“Come on. Don’t be so unfair!”

A few heads turned your way at her complaining. You politely smiled back and shook your head to tell them it was nothing concerning. Once they return to face the front of the elevator, you jab her side with your elbow to calm her down.

“Ari. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but that man does not like me.” You sip your iced latte.

“I think you’re overexaggerating. How bad is it?”

Bad.  Knowing Beomgyu he would take the opportunity to act like you’ve dropped from outer space or cash in on the favors. Whatever it’ll be, it’s guaranteed to be humiliating.

“Sorry, Ari. You’re cute! You’ll do better without my help. Trust.”

She pouts, taking a sip of her drink in defeat.

Once you’ve reached the fifth floor, you head toward the conference room. It wasn’t hard to spot Beomgyu since he was the center of attention. He sat back on the chair, gently swaying while answering the questions the nurses gathered around him were showering him with. Nayeon sat right next to him, surely firing away death threats in her mind. Still acting as if she isn’t married.

You turned to find Ari’s confidence completely deflated. “Come on,” you lead the way over to sit on one of the chairs against the wall of the room. Typically, they were meant for the residents, but you didn’t mind joining them. 

A couple of obstetric nurses glance at you nervously, relieved when you don’t bother to occupy a chair at the table. Are we in high school?

“Do you know what this meeting is about?” Hyunwoo falls into the chair next to you, whispering while wiping his palms on his pants. 

The week before he was being yelled at by an overwhelmed parent because they had trouble following along to his explanations. It was common for the first-year residents to speak in medical jargon which parents have trouble translating. Luckily, you came to his rescue, reassuring them that he meant well and was a highly respected resident who wanted to provide them with all the information regarding their baby. 

You shake your head, gently patting his arm. “Can’t be the new equipment we’ve been asking for, that’s for sure. Just remember to alternate between “yes” and “understood”, and the meeting should be over before you know it.”

Hyunwoo replies back, “Yes, understood.”

You laugh, relieved that Hyunwoo’s nerves had disappeared enough for him to joke.

Beomgyu flickers her gaze to you, catching your attention. You stop laughing and raise an eyebrow. He peers over at Hyunwoo before tilting his head with curiosity. 

You dramatically shift your body toward the front of the room. 

“Morning, Morning, Morning.” The director steps into the room, followed by the chiefs of each department. A hush spreads across the room as everyone gives him a greeting in chorus.

Director Jung gets comfortable at the front of the room. “I’m sorry for calling your attention to this meeting. I’ll make it brief, because some of us are needed for surgery. On time if I may add.”

He clears his throat, looking around the room at everyone’s faces. “Complaints have once again reached me. And you know it’s bad if they’ve made it to me.”

You narrowed your eyes, glancing over at Nayeon who brushes her hair over her shoulder and sits up straighter. Ari gives you a knowing look, while several NICU nurses and residents do as well, already begging for you to come to their defense. With a deep breath, you place your drink on the ground and sit up straighter, ready for the battle to unfold.

Even though the director hasn’t said it yet, you were certain that this was going to be an ongoing discussion from the last meeting.

At the last meeting, Director Jung mentioned that Obstetrics had made complaints about Pediatrics and NICU. The “consistent” complaints were that notes were being copied without reviewing the charts thoroughly, or that residents were showing up late to deliveries (or leaving too early). Some may have been true, but nothing out of average for a large hospital. Before the senior residents and attending physicians had time to correct the new residents, Nayeon took it upon herself to notify the director. Why she felt comfortable going straight to him was still a mystery.

The problem started when Nayeon was trying to secure her position as a permanent OBGYN upon completing her fellowship. A lot of her reporting to the director was extremely exaggerated in hopes that it would highlight how vital she was to bridge the disconnect between the departments. Once she secured her job, she didn’t stop. However, it became harder when you came along because you made it your mission to catch anything before she had a chance to look at it. This added to your stress, but the gratefulness of the department made it worth it.

“Rounds shouldn’t take longer than 2 hours, but I’m hearing they’re taking almost double. How is that fair to our patients?”

Residents lower their heads in shame. You cleared your throat, “Director, respectfully, the residents have been documenting excessively per the suggestion from last meeting. Unfortunately, this has taken up a lot of time, but unless-“

“Notes should always be documented well. It sounds like you’re making excuses for shortcuts?” Nayeon taps her fingernails against the table.

“-Not shortcuts,” you clench your jaw, staring at the director only. “But when you keep stating their insufficient-“

“Enough.” Director Jung holds up his hand to stop the argument before it continues to grow. “Please continue to write detailed notes but ensure that rounds are kept under 2 hours.”

Residents all chorus that they understood. “R4s make sure that you’re keeping a close one on R1s. Attendings make sure that you’re available more for teaching rounds. It’s time to also assign volunteers for the next skill labs.”

Nayeon is the first one to raise her hand. The residents turn to you once again with pleading looks. You hang your head, deciding if you had enough time in your schedule to make yourself a sacrifice. 

Director Jung chuckled. “Thank you, Nayeon. But I think this would be a great opportunity for someone else. What better way to learn than to teach?”

Your hand goes up, and Direct Jung points your way. “Thank you. Dr. ___. Dr. ___ and Dr. Choi Beomgyu here will be leading the next skills lab.”

You whip your head toward Ari to ensure that you heard correctly and haven’t dozed off. “Beomgyu?” You mouth. She scowls as if you kept this a huge secret from her. You huff, looking over at Beomgyu who sticks his tongue out.

“…Let’s all welcome OBGYN Dr. Choi Beomgyu who transferred over from O.T. Moon Hospital. At O.T. Moon, he made amazing progress in endocrinology and IVF, as well as published seven research articles — I recommend everyone reads them. With his decision to step down as Chair of OBGYN, they suffered a great loss…” 

Goosebumps travel up your arms. He stepped down as Chair?

Everyone looks at him curiously. At the sudden attention, Beomgyu looks down at the table with a pressed smile.

“However, we got lucky and convinced him to transfer over to our hospital. We offered him the space to practice more comfortably. He’ll be focusing more on obstetrics than gynecology. Everyone please welcome him.”

You’re so shocked that you almost clap. Why would Beomgyu step down as chair of his department? And why would we want him so bad? You thought about it, but the only conclusion you could think of is that his passion was more in obstetrics but the hospital was heavily pushing him more towards in vitro and fertility.

Ari leans in, cupping her hand around her mouth. “That explains why he has a long waitlist here. He’s busy.”

You raise your eyebrow. “Waitlist?”

“For consultations. They’re saying it can take months to see him.” She explains.

Beomgyu bows his head politely. “Thank you so much Director Jung.” He’s surprised to find that everyone is waiting for him to say more. With a slight chuckle, he clears his throat. “I hope to continue to make contributions here at, B.F. Moore. If anyone has any questions about my research. Don’t hesitate to find me. I don’t bite.”

He points his eyes to you with a small smirk. You make a show of looking at your nails and dusting imaginary lint off your shoulder.

Director Jung chuckles as the applause fills the room, surely feeling proud of himself for securing Beomgyu. He gathers his things, ready to exit. “We’re lucky to have you, Dr. Choi. You’ll be in good hands with Dr. Im.”

Nayeon giggles. You hold the urge to vomit back, picking up your drink, ready to drip as soon as the meeting is dismissed. 

“Thank you, everyone. Before getting back to work, please enjoy the pastries in the back delivered by Dr. ___’s sweet husband.”

You weren’t confused by Director Jung calling Jaeil your husband (he’s done it a number of times by now, and you’ve corrected him each time). Instead, you were confused why Jaeil dropped off pastries and didn’t tell you.

Pink boxes are carried into the conference room by the receptionists, too many of them to sit on the back table and some are placed in the center table as well.

“Uh, everyone please enjoy…” you awkwardly chime in.

The room fills with happy chatter as people get up to grab a treat before darting off. The director is the first to grab the largest donut drizzled in chocolate, and covered with whipped cream and chocolate chips. Despite everyone knowing he’s pre-diabetic, they let him be.

Your watch buzzes. 

Jaeil: I hope it's okay that I sent some sweets to your department. Maybe it’ll make your day a little better? Have you been thinking about what I suggested? We’ll talk more about it tonight. Love you.

God, he really only did it for you because he assumed you were going to go visit the fertility clinic.

Ari stretches while finishing the last of her latte. “Gotta run. I have to make my rounds of medicine.”

You nod. “I’ll be there soon. Grab a donut or creampuff or whatever it is that Jaeil ordered. Oh, and maybe take one to Soob. Guessing he was too afraid to walk in late.”

She shakes her head with a smile. “Come on, Hyunwoo. I have you for today.”

Hyunwoo nods and follows Ari without a complaint, looking over at you from his shoulder. You offer him a thumbs up.

With a deep breath, you get up to grab something sweet to start your day. It was only an hour into your day and you feel like you’ve added to your tasks for the day rather than decreased it. You needed to meet with some residents, plan the skills lab, meet with Layla, and either visit the fertility clinic or plan on what to tell Jaeil. 

“That lunch must’ve been pretty serious for you.” Beomgyu sweeps in from behind you while you decide between the berry tart or the cinnamon roll. Didn’t he leave with Nayeon?!

You turn toward him. His lab coat is open and you can’t help but notice how fit he looked in his white dress shirt that’s snug around his torso and tucked into his loose slacks held up by his belt. You inhale sharply. It’s just been too long, that’s all.

“Huh?” You respond to him. You either are missing context or having a stroke because he wasn’t making sense.

He grabs a napkin, looking over the sweets. “Yesterday, you said you had lunch with your boyfriend.”

You swallow hard. “I did.”

He frowns at you, and then gasps in realization. “An affair?!”

“What? No – It was my boyfriend. He’s still my boyfriend.” You look around to make sure no one else is in the room to hear his absurd assumption. “Director Jung just keeps forgetting. Anyway, why am I explaining myself to you??” You rush and grab the berry tart. 

“Mhm…” Before you can take a bite, Beomgyu swipes it from your hand and takes one of his own.

Your jaw drops, and he offers you a bite next.

“What do you mean ‘mhm’?” You question him, brushing his unappealing offer to share to the side and reaching for the cinnamon roll.

Beomgyu licks his lips clean, wiping the corner of his lips with his thumb. “You don’t want to correct him.”

“Clean your ears, I told you I already have.” 

“- You want people— you like people thinking you’re married.”

“Like it makes a difference. The only one who seems to care is you, Beomgyu.”

You care so much, it’s wild.

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you wish you could take them back. Deja vu is a bitch.

Beomgyu’s jaw clenches, his eyebrows drawing in. He tilts his head back as if looking down at you. The loose strands of his hair soften his serious expression.  

And in that moment, it’s like you’re back under his heated gaze at the reception.

Your stomach hurts.

Breaking eye contact, you brush past him.

“Please don’t tell me it’s Jaeil.” He says softly.

Before you can ask him what he means, someone calls for you in the hallway. It’s for the best. This conversation was beginning to go somewhere you weren’t ready to. 

Leaving him unanswered, you rush out.

After making your rounds, you managed to catch Layla outside your office to give her the pamphlets and tell her the answers you received regarding in vitro. She thanks you with a giant hug. 

“Seriously, this has put my worries at ease. I really hope I didn’t put you through so much trouble. If I decide to move forward, I don’t mind the waitlist. Do you think he’ll keep it all private? Even from Dr. Im?” She plays with the edges of the pamphlet, and you lay your hand over hers before she gives herself a papercut. 

Her hands are cold, but they quickly warm up in your hold. You smile. “I’m sure he will. I-I can talk to him about it when you’re ready.”

She squeezes your hand.

“Thank you, sweetie. I heard she was just charming at the meeting. Why she enjoys making our jobs more complicated than it already is? Well, someone should write a research paper about that.”

You roll your eyes in agreement, leaning against your doorframe. “At least, she’s more preoccupied with gaining Dr. Choi’s attention. Maybe it’ll keep her busy?”

Layla clicks her tongue repeatedly. “That girl. She can never be satisfied with what she has. Is she not still married to the former Chief of Anesthesiology, Hyunbaek?”

Your jaw drops. “Former?”

She nods. “Yes! He is so handsome. You won’t believe me, but I swear up and down he is the spotting image of Lee Byunghun. A few months after she started her fellowship, they were caught on all kinds of dates all over Seoul. They were engaged in four months and married in one year. Unfortunately, he was let go about two months after their marriage for documentation falsification. All kinds of rumors spread around about what he did, so I’m unsure what’s true or not. But, for a while, Dr. Im had a hard time building her reputation back up.”

How have you never heard this before? You’re almost disappointed you missed her downfall.

“Wow…that explains… a lot. Even why she hates everyone here.”

“Exaaactly. And now she sounds like she’s ready to snag everyone’s new eye candy.” Layla giggles. “If he’s single, someone should snatch him up quickly before she gets the chance to trick him. I know you’re taken, otherwise my vote would’ve been on you.”

“M-me?” You choke.

She swats the pamphlet against your shoulder. “Absolutely! You are the beauty of our department, ___.”

Beauty??

“You already have a leg up since you’re acquainted with him. I heard you two worked together beautifully to deliver that baby the other day. Why do you think the others are intimidated by you? Brains and beauty.”

“I—,” you laugh, left speechless. You’re touched that Layla thought so highly of you. It’s like the mother you could wish for. “Thank you, Layla. But yup, I’m taken…”

She winks. “Of course. Happily, I hope.”

You can’t find your voice, but nod in agreement. Are you?

“I think I’ve talked your ear off for far too long, sweetie. I know you’re an important person here, so I’ll let you get back to it. Thank you so much for gathering this information for me.”

No, thank you for the information. 

“I wish I didn’t have to get it for you, Layla. But I’m hoping it works out for you two.” You give her one more hug before you’re walking to the nursery to tell Ari what you learned.

The day really kicked your butt. You weren’t needed in any deliveries or surgeries, but you were called to oversee and train so many residents. You were ready to take a hot shower and cover your back with Icy Hot patches, but then you remembered that the day wasn’t over because Jaeil still planned to visit.

You know he’s planning to ask if you were ready to make a decision. During the little breaks that you had, you tried to review the handbook and research the costs of going through IVF at other hospitals. It would be significantly cheaper to do it at Moore, but you would have to see either Beomgyu or Nayeon. What if you didn’t have any eggs to fertilize? What if you kept failing to keep the pregnancy? How could you endure the embarrassment and disappointment with the two of them overseeing the whole thing? 

If only things were different. What if you and Beomgyu had gotten along from the beginning? Would you go to him for advice? Would he be gentle with you?

As you drag your feet down the hallway to your apartment, you notice boxes are stacked against the wall. The apartment across from yours has the door wide open, and people are shuffling around. They’re moving out. That would explain why nobody had been hollering at you and Soobin for your antics.

You step inside your apartment, and hear the shower running. Ugh, of course. Soobin had beat you to the shower. With a groan, you set all your things on your stool and look in the fridge. Luckily, you had some vegetables and beef.

You quickly boil water in a pot while chopping up everything, throwing it all together with some beef bouillon when the water boils. You hover over the steam for a second while closing your eyes. Maybe the evening wouldn’t be so bad if Jaeil and you watch a movie after eating. You could sneak in a nap.

Checking your phone, you see that Jaeil’s started to make his way over. You sigh with relief when the shower turns off. At least you can shower before greeting him.

When the bathroom door opens, you glance up expecting Soobin, but find Beomgyu instead. His wet strands fall over his face, and his black Nirvana shirt clings to his torso, riding above his belly button, while his sweatpants hang low on his hips. You gasp, stumbling back against the counter.

He smirks, his dimple showing. “You’re home early.”

“Beomgyu, what the hell are you doing here?!” You wave your arm and accidentally send your phone flying to the ground. “Shit.”

He points a finger toward the bathroom. “Blame Soobin. Said I needed to use your shower-“

“Soobin?!” Soobin, Soobin, Soobin! It’s never going to end. Not until you get your hands around his neck…

Beomgyu walks over and places his palms against the kitchen island. “Shower’s being fixed, I don’t know. I didn’t really listen. What are you cook –“

“Are you living with him now?” You bend over to pick up your phone. He watches you, tilting his head.

When you pop back up, he appears to be even closer as he leans over the island. He bats his eyelashes. “Mhm. You’re lucky day! Until I find my place, we’re going to be n-e-i-g-h-bors.”

You have the urge to laugh, cry, and scream all at once. “What?!”

He clasps his hands together with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Think about it. Dinners, sleepovers, carpooling-”

“No, no, no,” you whisper.

He snorts. “Why. Want me closer? You have a spare room, too.” He looks around the place while agreeing with his thoughts. “Right, this place could use my help.”

“Don’t you dare go in there,” you warn, your heart racing. The room currently acted more like an office and storage. What you were afraid of him seeing was the box of baby things collected over time. You turn your attention back to the soup.

He looks at you with mischief, “Why? What you got in there? Prince Charming tied up? 101 cats?”

You point your wooden spoon at him, splashing him with a little of the soup. He winces. “A starving three-headed snake ready to eat you once I throw you in. Whole.”

He purrs.

There’s a knock on your door. 

Shit, Jaeil’s here.

Hearing him put the keys into the door. You forgot you had made Jaeil a copy of the key. Just how many people had keys to your apartment now?

You scramble around the island and push Beomgyu toward where he came from– the bathroom. Shutting the door behind you, you place your hand tightly over his mouth making his eyes go wide. “Not one word!”

He squints at you, his hand wrapping around your wrist. For a second, you think he’s ready to rip it away from his mouth and let out a scream but his real plan is to hold you in place while his tongue sweeps your palm.

You scowl and yank your hand away.

He grins loosely, leaning his head back against the wall. Pointing his eyebrows at the door, he asks, “That your husband?”

“Boyfriend.” You correct him, wiping your palm on your jeans.

Jaeil calls your name from the kitchen as he walks inside. He sets his things down before searching around for you.

You press your hand against the door, answering back, “I’m just going to shower real quick!”

“Did you know you left the stove on…?” Jaeil scolds you.

“Y-yeah, it’s our soup. Please keep an eye on it?”

His steps draw nearer and you reach down to turn the lock on the doorknob. Your hand hovers over it in case it fails.

“Want me to hop in the shower with you?” He asks.

Beomgyu snickers from behind you. “Stop,” you throw him a look to warn him, feeling the heat rise to your face.

If Jaeil discovers Beomgyu hiding with you in the bathroom, you’re unsure if there's a way to confidently explain how it looks. It feels like a bomb waiting to explode. 

You’re going to throw up.

“It’ll be quick, promise!” You reassure Jaeil. Jaeil gives a quick reply before stepping back toward the kitchen. You chew on your fingernail while waiting to make sure that he’s nowhere near.

Beomgyu lifts a finger to gently sweep away your finger from your mouth, the tips of your ears turning bright red. You glance up at him.

“Jaeil?” He asks pointedly.

You nod once.

Something dark swims in his eyes and he reaches for the doorknob. 

In fear, you aggressively pin him against the linen closet. You trip over your feet, but then get tangled with his legs in the shuffle. 

Beomgyu wraps his arm around your waist in an attempt to keep his balance, but crashes his shoulder into the closet door causing it to come off the track. He curses under his breath. 

“What was that? You alright?!” Jaeil shouts. You both stiffen.

“I’m fine!” You’re anything but. 

“Just dropped…the….” you trail off, hoping that Jaeil would walk away without another comment. Beomgyu dips his head to look at you, eager to hear what you’d come up with. 

“...shelf came loose…?” You finish.

Beomgyu rolls his eyes and whispers, “Woooow. So believable.”

 “And what do you got?”

He bites his tongue and draws his eyebrows up. “Got too hungry, almost ate poor Beomgyu up.”

You let out a dry laugh. “Yeah, okay.”

“Just explain it’s me. It’ll be fine.”

Five minutes ago maybe, but definitely not an option now. 

“How about you don’t do anything crazy and I’ll do you a favor in return.”

“Of getting off my foot?” 

You look down to see that you aren’t even stepping on him. You are, however, leaning into him for support while he holds you against him. Your body burns in all the areas that connect with his. “Sor-”

“Kidding.” He claps his hands behind you. “About stepping on me, not the favors. Double it, and make it a total of three favors that you owe me.”

You frown. 

“Don’t get mad at me?? I’m playing your game.”

“Ugh, fuck. Fine. But it can’t be anything that gets you out of doing any work for the skills lab.” you pin him down with your stare. He chuckles. 

“Blah, Blah, Blah. I can do that in my sleep, crybaby.”

You chew on the inside of your cheek. “Then, deal.”

He beams, letting you go and throwing his hands in the air. You shiver at the warmth leaving your body as you step away from him.

“What's the plan, princess? You’re really going to make me sit here the whole time? Killing me slowly with your guys’ conversation?”

You ignore his comment, sarcastically replying, “No, I would never do that to you. I’d kill you quickly. 

He hums, almost as if pleased. 

“I’ll drag him to my room, then you can sneak out.” You glance over to your clear shower doors. 

He does too, raising his eyebrows. “Are you going to shower?”

You gulp. You’ve been in the bathroom too long to say you changed your mind.

Beomgyu pokes the center of your forehead, and you reach behind him for a towel. Throwing it over the shower door, you nod in satisfaction. 

“Sit, and don’t look.” You point to the ground. Beomgyu quickly gets on the ground and barks in a whisper.

“Good boy.” You tease. 

He pants like a puppy to mock you.

You turn on the shower. He leans back against the cabinet and stretches his leg out with a small groan. “What if Mr. Perv decides to break down this door and find me in here with you? Do I put my spiderman skills to the test and hang from the ceiling?”

“He won’t.” You feel the water until it’s reached a nice warm temperature. 

“I can’t believe you’re still with him…”

“What are you suggesting? I break up with him and start throwing myself around?” As if you would even have the time to do that. You pull your phone from your pocket and play some music, leaving it on the counter.

“The Marias… your ears do work.” He grins. “I’m saying you’ve been with him so long. You don’t feel trapped?”

You shrug. As someone with commitment issues, is he asking because he’s scared? Or is he making fun of you?

“No.”

“You don’t think you’ll have any regrets?” He asks, softly.

You raise your eyebrow. “And you have no regrets? Sleeping around with people?”

He eyes you down, sending chills up your spine. “Just one.”

You press your lips into a fine line. 

Ending the conversation, you step into the shower, away from the showerhead to step out of your clothes. 

You peek to make sure he’s kept his promise to not look. You find him resting his head against the cabinets, eyes closed while listening to the music. 

With relief, you take off your clothes, feeling odd about being naked with only a towel separating you two. You carefully fold your clothes and set it outside the shower, burying your underwear like it’s something shameful to wear. 

As you step into the water, your mind can’t help but think about the night of Taehyun’s wedding. It was Beomgyu’s fault for bringing up the conversation about you and Jaeil all over again.

You drown yourself under the showerhead, wanting to drown the memories too. But it was like your mind was desperate to recall them, chasing to collect pieces. Your body began to burn with the ache, wanting to feel them all over again.

You turned the shower colder while you did your routine, but it wasn’t helping. 

You stand still, catching your breath. Your body continued to ache, not wanting you to deny what it needed. You didn’t plan to, it just wasn’t going to be with who it wanted.

After drying yourself, you put back your shirt and wrap yourself with a towel. Beomgyu had fallen asleep, his hands carefully resting over his lap. 

“Can I open my eyes?” He whispers, startling you. 

“Y-yeah.” You tuck your wet hair behind your ear and walk over to the door. Peeking out, you see that Jaeil’s on the couch streaming a movie. The smell of beef traveled through your apartment, reminding you that you hadn’t eaten dinner yet. 

“Stay.” You order him. “Leave when you don’t see us.”

Beomgyu gives you a pressed smile and a thumbs up.

You walk out and wrap your arms around Jaeil, surprising him with a deep kiss. “Hey.”

His eyelids flutter with the surprise show of intimacy. He sits up and adjusts his glasses. “What was that for?”

You hold onto your towel as you walk around the couch. “The baked goodies at our meeting today. That was sweet of you.”

He grinned, reaching over to pull you closer, not missing that you were still wrapped in the towel. 

“Stop,” you laugh, feeling self-conscious knowing that Beomgyu was a few feet away, listening. You look toward the bathroom door, worried that you’ll be found out. “Um, come with me to my room while I change?”

Jaeil groans. “Do we have to?”

“Yes, now come on!” You tug his hand and help him off the couch.

He finds it odd when you close the bedroom door, but you distract him quickly by throwing your arms around his neck and placing your lips over his. You hope that it quiets the ache even if it’s just a little. 

Your hope diminishes when you feel Jaeil’s lips rough under yours. Even though his mustache isn’t visible, the hair prickles your lip. You squeeze your eyes, pulling away enough to not irritate your skin. He tries to pull you in for more, and you respond by pressing your lips against his in a peck. 

Jaeil wasn’t the strongest kisser, and usually you didn’t mind. Today, though, you wished he was a good enough kisser to pull you out of your head.

He drops your towel, and gently kneads your skin. His hands walk to other parts of your body. When he holds the hem of your shirt, you hold his face in your hands and smile. “Later? After we eat?”

“Now?” He tries to change your mind. “It’s been so long.”

You chew on your lip. “I know…”

“Do you not want to?” He looks a little hurt, and you don’t want to cause a repeat of the last incident. 

“Of course, I do. It’s just been such a long day, I’m hungry and my stomach hurts.”

“I’ll be quick.” He pleads.

“Jaeil - “ 

A loud noise comes from the kitchen. 

He frowns, rushing toward the door.  “Was that the soup?”

“Wait!” You pick up your towel when he swings the door open. You stay in the room, your heart beating so fast, it skips a couple of important beats. Did Beomgyu make it out?

He walks into the room, running his hand through his hair. “I think it came from the pot. It’s smelling good, by the way. Since you’re hungry, let me set the table while you change, okay?”

You exhale slowly, nodding. Once he steps away from the doorframe, you lay back on your bed, wiped out. 

Can this day just end?

.

.

.

“Whats this?” Jaeil asks, twirling something in his hand as you step out of the bedroom.

“Hmm?” you shuffle over to take a closer look at what he picked up. 

He holds out his palm, and you see him holding a silver ring with black diamonds. You lean closer to inspect it. The ring was too big to be yours, and wasn’t your style.

“Where did you find that…?”

He stares at you without blinking, face serious. “I’m asking you. I found it here in your bathroom.”

The panic rises all over again.

“Uh, ohhh, Soobin must’ve left it behind. His shower broke so he used mine earlier.” You walk over to have a seat at the table. Part of you already knew it wasn’t Soobin’s ring since Soobin didn’t wear accessories. 

Jaeil looks back at the ring, tossing it over in his hand. 

“Come on. It’s Soobin. He’s harmless,” you laugh, bringing a spoonful of the beef to your lips. You moan at the first bite. “You can go deliver it to him, if you’d like.”

Please, don’t. 

He shrugs his eyebrows and takes a deep breath, placing it on the counter. “Sorry. I think I’m just on edge.”

You relax when he joins you at the table. Scooting the soup over his way, you offer him a smile. He avoids looking at you.

A bad feeling washes over you. You almost don’t want to ask, but still do. “On edge about..?”

He shakes his head, embarrassed. “It’s stupid. I immediately thought the worst, instead of trusting you. Guess I’m still worried if you love me enough.”

You gulp and reach for his hand. “Jaeil. You know I do. Would I be thinking about having a baby with you, if I didn’t?”

He glances at you, curiously. “Does that mean you’ve visited the fertility clinic?”

You clear your throat. You could either tell him the truth and tank this conversation or stretch the truth out a little to save it. 

“I made… an appointment.” On your phone… to think about it more.

He lights up and brings your hand to kiss it. “Seriously?! My mom will be so excited to hear.”

You lean your head to the side, trying not to appear annoyed. “Let’s wait to tell her. I don’t want to get her hopes up.”

He nods in agreement. “Okay. Can I ask when the appointment is?”

“Well, I haven’t secured an actual appointment. Because they have a long waitlist right now, so they said they’ll contact me when I can.”

Jaeil begins to eat, and you’re glad that he’s got an appetite now. “Then, nothing we can do until then.”

You try your best to smile. 

Staring at the ring on the counter, you think about how you’re going to kill Beomgyu when you see him.

Nobody answered the door when you banged on it late at night. Soobin most likely had worked an extra shift, and Beomgyu was probably off who knows where. 

In the morning, Soobin answered the door in his Gengar onesie. You held the ring up by his face. “This yours?”

He rubbed his sleepy eyes and craned his neck closer. “No?”

“Didn’t think so.”

Now, you were walking into Obstetrics on the hunt for Beomgyu instead of taking your well deserved lunch.

Nayeon spots you from behind the desk, and steps around the desk to block you from taking another step. “Dr.____. To what do we owe the pleasure? This is the umpteenth time I've seen you over in our hallway.” 

Your shoes squeak against the ground as you attempt not to run her over. But what if you just put your hands out and shoved her hard? 

“Hi, Nayeon. Just passing through..”

She sneers, crossing her arms and getting close to your face you could smell the coffee on her breath. “Quit looking for Beomgyu. It’s beginning to look a little desperate. Haven’t you heard? He’s seeing someone already. As are you.”

There’s only so much anger your body can hold, and you were already seething from Beomgyu’s stunt with the ring. Now you could explode with the hypocrisy spilling from Nayeon’s mouth.

“No offense, but you aren’t exactly extraordinary. Did you know the higher you reach, the harder you fall? Let’s not ruin things over embarrassment. People are watching.” She places her hand on your shoulder as if she was giving you life-changing advice.

You clench your jaw. Surely, steam was rising above your head and coming out of your ears. Nayeon probably wasn’t the only one who was thinking that you were trying to throw yourself over Beomgyu. That wasn’t new. But what was hard to hear was how they perceived you as way below his league. 

Did it hurt because it felt almost like Beomgyu was justified for treating you so poorly in the past? Or because some twisted part of you wanted to be the one that was unattainable for Beomgyu? Was it competitive or was there something more to it?

Nayeon waits for you to respond, but you know that sometimes actions can speak better than words ever could. 

Beomgyu walks out of his office, glancing up from the ground at you with surprise. Nayeon pretends to occupy herself with some papers at the counter. You know she’s planning to eavesdrop on your conversation with Beomgyu in hopes she catches something juicy to gossip about. 

Burying your hand in your pocket, you take out the ring. Deciding to mess with her a bit.

“Left this in my bathroom last night.”

You see her head twitch.

Beomgyu steps in front of you with a small smirk tugging on his lips. “Oops,” he holds out his hand for it. “Must’ve been too busy making sure I snuck out quietly that I forgot to check if I left it behind.”

So he did leave it behind on purpose.

Nayeon coughs, needing to reach over for her water. 

Drown, bitch.

You drop the ring into his palm. “Quietly? Funny, I could've sworn I heard something in the kitchen.”

He gasps theatrically. “Oh no, you have rats?”

“Yeah, a big one named Choi Beomgyu. Think I’ll set out a trap tonight to get him for good.”

He chuckles. “Fine, I stole a bowl of soup for the road. Burned myself by accident. See?” He rolls up his lab coat to show you a mark on his forearm.

“Aww, want me to kiss it and make it better?” You roll your eyes at him.

He huffs through his nose. “Yeah, I do, actually.”

He wastes no time in bringing his forearm closer to your face. You wrestle to get away from him and to anyone watching, it probably looked like he was ready to elbow drop you. 

“Choi Beomgyu!” You shout his name out of breath as you twist away from him. He laughs like he’s forgotten that you two aren’t two top professionals of a hospital.

A deep clearing of the throat snaps the two of you to look up at Director Jung standing in the hallway. 

Beomgyu closes his mouth and fixes the sleeve of his coat. You brush your hair away from your face as you create distance between you and Beomgyu. 

Director Jung darts his eyes between the two of you. “Dr. Choi, you’re needed in surgery for a c-section. Dr. ___, you’re… not.”

You inhale through your teeth and nod. “Sorry, I’ll be leaving now.”

“See you at dinner.” Beomgyu says a pitch higher than normal just for your ears to catch.

You flash him a look over your shoulder. 

From behind Director Jung, you point at him and mouth. “Don’t you dare!”

He smirks evilly, rolling his eyes at you as if to say whatever.

Glancing over at Nayeon, she’s stuck staring at you.

You bite your tongue to prevent yourself from sticking it out at her.

“That bitch has it coming. She insulted me! She said he was out of my league, like excuse me? As if I’m dying to be on his waitlist.” You tell Ari as you two wait for your coffee at the coffee shop near the entrance.

Ari giggles, rocking her hips side to side as she stretches.

“I mean… aren’t you?”

You look at her like she’s crazy, but then realize she’s talking about the fertility consultation waitlist. “Oh,” you stifle a laugh.

“What’s wrong with wanting to be on his personal waitlist?” She winks. “If you ask me, I sense something between the two of you. I could see you two hooking up, and so could everyone else. Nayeon’s just in denial and she’s trying to make sure it doesn’t happen. Which I know, it won’t. You know, considering the history between you two.”

The barista slides a Frappuccino over the counter and Ari leans over to grab it, thanking him. She tosses her hair over her shoulder before taking a long sip.

She waves her hand out. “But don’t you think he’s changed? During that delivery, he was speaking so softly and moving so gently. Did you see how he held the baby? My ovaries were ready to burst. How could you not fall in love with him? He seems like such a romantic.”

You open your mouth wide, but she holds her finger up to try to stop you before a sound comes out. 

She fails.

“He's snippy, full of attitude, and a heart attack waiting to happen. I’m the only one who can see that. You are all victims.”

She wasn’t wrong about Beomgyu being a romantic. You saw how he treated his girlfriends. He falls in love fast and acts like the perfect boyfriend at first. You’ve seen him walk in with bouquets of flowers and remember their favorite snacks. Unfortunately, you also saw when his fuse would go out. How he would start to give them distracted kisses or go radio silent. The only one smart enough to get a grip was Chaewon. 

You remember how Chaewon came running into Sakura’s dorm room after Beomgyu had forgotten about their after-lecture date. She was all glammed up, and he wasn’t responding to her texts. Eventually, he had texted her with an excuse and an apology, but by then the two of you had calmed her down and reminded her of his pattern. 

So she broke up with him before it could happen again.

Ari drums her fingernails against her drink.

“Is that why you like Jaeil? Cause he’s predictable and a safe choice?”

You blink slowly, unsure what to think of what she just said.

She holds her drink out to you to share a sip. “You’re scared to go for a wild card like Beomgyu. But what if it ends up being fun?”

You shake your head to both the drink and her statement.

What could be fun about wasting time and having a broken heart? She isn’t wrong, Jaeil is predictable, comfortable, but most of all he’s safe. Even though the two of you might fight more frequently, you know how to make up with him. You know just what to say, and you know how he works. He loves you and he’s committed. At the end of the road, there’s a baby, a house, and a marriage. 

Leaving all that behind to have some fun and the worst heartbreak of your life would be stupid. You would end up a bitter, single old lady reminiscing about what she lost.

“I’m not looking for fun, Ari. I want so much more. And Beomgyu? Well, he hasn’t dated anyone longer than a year.”

The barista sets your lavender matcha on the counter. You manage to give him a polite thanks as you place the straw into the cup and walk with Ari out of the shop.

“Someone has to settle him down, don’t you think?”

You groan. “Every girl of his past probably thought the same thing.”

She laughs. “‘It’s true! Someone is going to be a winner.”

“I wish you luck, Ari.” You swat her back.

“Bleh,” she chokes. 

You both walk over to a table and sit down. “What do you think the perfect girl for him looks like, anyway?” She asks, trying to be nonchalant with her question.

You stretch your arms up and ponder. “Someone really pretty. She has to be sooo pretty that he fears losing her, I think. That’s what he has against all these girls. He reels them in with his looks and charms, and knows it. So he always has the upper hand. But when they get too comfortable, it scares him. Or he gets bored with the game. I don’t know. Maybe he always wonders if he can do better? He’ll always have options so I don’t think he worries about being a bitter single, old lady reminiscing about his past.” You snort.

Ari nods slowly. “I see…”

You flicker your eyes to hers, and it’s like she’s finally come to a realization. She fixes her face. “Dang, I thought I could compete.”

‘You could, Ari. But he doesn’t deserve you.” You shake your head. 

A girl walks into the lobby and immediately captures your attention. She’s glowing golden under the skylights with her tan skin and soft brown waves that reach her waist. She holds the small purse in her thin, delicate hands and stands tall with perfect posture. You worry the air conditioning in the lobby would blow her back out the revolving doors.

“Damn.” Both you and Ari blurt.

You point at her. “It’ll be someone like her.”

Ari’s mouth hands open, and her gaze flickers to the top of the stairs. You follow and catch Beomgyu jogging down the stairs toward her.

One big HA! bursts out of you.

Beomgyu says something to her before quickly placing a kiss on her lips.

You roll your attention back to your drink. “I think I'm manifesting things.”

Ari covers her mouth. “I’m going to cry. That has to be his girlfriend, right? Who the hell can compete with that? Are his girlfriends like Pokémon? Do they keep evolving because what the fuck? Quick, at least call Nayeon to witness this. Maybe she’ll faint and go into a coma.”

You glance back. They’re still talking. Beomgyu places his hand on his nape and looks around the room. 

You sit up and grip your drink. “We should go. In case they have lunch here.”

Ari gets up from her chair. “Good idea. I don’t think I can take the sight of him doing anything nice for her.”

You toss your empty drink into the garbage, before joining her on the stairs. You can’t help but glance toward them once more. She’s almost as tall as Beomgyu. Maybe if you were taller, you would be more intimidating to him. 

Beomgyu tilts his head and eyes shift to notice you come into his line of vision. You recognize the glimmer in his eyes and you can’t help but hold his stare. You press your lips tightly together, eyes unblinking and hard.

“I think I get you now.” Ari whispers to you. “I’m starting to hate him.”

You let out a breathy laugh. 

You were carefully reviewing Baby Samuel’s care plan, when an alarm goes off across the room. You recognize it as Baby Haru’s ventilator alarm, his monitor flashing in warning. Ari looks up, occupied with feeding another baby.

You’re already darting across the room with the other nurses. Baby Haru’s lips have turned blue in such a short amount of time, failing to get oxygen into his lungs. You notice the tube has dislodged.

“Keep his head steady.” You ask of Emma, one of the nurses. She nods.

You re-intubate, sliding the tube carefully back to where it should be. The respiratory therapist adjusts the ventilator and calls out his oxygen levels until the alarm is silenced. Your shoulders relax only when Haru’s chest rises and falls steadily.

You dart your eyes back to the monitor, staring hard to ensure it doesn’t go down again. Once it does, you lean away from the crib. 

You didn’t realize that Haru’s father was in standby, as white as the curtain. He hadn’t made a single fuss or commotion, yet he looked so afraid. “He’s alright now. The tube dislodged with his sudden movement, but it’s good now. Thank you for remaining calm.

He nods quickly, wiping away his tears. “Thank you.”

You smile and gently rub his back. “I promise, if an alarm goes off, at least four people will dive in to help.”

After debriefing with the next team, you decide to head over to the nursery to end your day. It had been awhile since you visited. It always shocked you with how big the newborns looked compared to the preemies. 

Turning into the hallway, you find Beomgyu standing at the baby window. He chews on his bottom lip, concentrating on one baby in particular. Sensing a presence in the hallway, he steps away and looks over at you. 

His waterline is red and his eyelids are more pink than usual. Had he been crying?

You grip onto your bag, feeling rooted to your spot now that you’ve been noticed.

He turns toward the window, eyes solemn.

“She didn’t make it.” He finally says, barely above a whisper. 

Your heart plummets. “The baby?” You whisper back, carefully. 

He shakes his head slowly. “His mother.”

The air leaves your lungs and your bag slips off your shoulders. It’ll never get easier to hear when patients pass away. Especially when they leave something precious behind.

“She was in a car accident on her way over. She seemed fine, she was able to have a natural delivery, but she had trauma to her head.” He pauses to swallow hard. “She passed shortly after.” 

You’ve never seen Beomgyu this visibly upset.

“I’m sorry, Gyu…”

He shakes his head as if annoyed with your apology. “I told her she was going to be okay. I thought…”

You furrow your eyebrows, taking steps closer to pull him in for a hug. He keeps his arms at his sides at first, but then he sinks more into your touch while exhaling shakily. Could this be his first ever encounter with a patient’s death? If he rarely practiced in obstetrics before, then chances were likely this was his first maternal death.

It’s hitting him hard.

“You said what you hoped. Those words could’ve given her the strength to make it through labor. Because of that, she gave birth to a healthy baby.”

His voice broke. “___, I k-knew her. I helped her. She was my patient from Moon. It took her nine cycles of IVF before it was successful.”

Your heart shatters. How is it fair that she won’t be alive to raise the baby she hoped for?

“That’s not even the worst part. The father…He doesn’t want him.” 

You frown, confused. “He doesn’t…? He can’t do that. Legally?”

Pulling back, you look up at Beomgyu. He looks up as his eyes water. “He’s refusing responsibility. Said there’s no point in raising a child without her. So social services will be here tomorrow for the baby.”

Your voice catches in your throat. “That’s too soon, he’s just too angry to think clearly…that’s his child. The only thing he has left of her.”

Beomgyu wipes his eyes with the corner of his palm, and looks back toward the baby through the window. He drops his gaze to the floor. “It’s too late. He’s signed the paper.”

You run a hand through your hair, pacing toward a wall to lean on. How could he abandon his child?

Beomgyu tilts his head back as if attempting to tilt his tears back into his face.

“I just don’t understand.” You tell him. 

Beomgyu chuckles without humor. “Because it doesn’t make sense. Some people don’t think things through and they rush into it. Then something like this can happen.”

“Nine cycles of IVF doesn't sound like rushing things, Gyu. People who try IVF, they’re desperate for an option that works. I’m sure they wanted this baby more than anything else in the world. Right now, he’s just not in his right mind.”

Before you completed your sentence, Beomgyu was already shaking his head. 

“You’re wrong. You want that to be the reality so badly, but you forget that not everyone has good intentions even from the start. She came in so excited after reading about the research I’ve done. Every time they would visit, she would talk about all the things they would do when the baby was born. Do you know what he said? Nothing. I think he only ever said a total of five words.”

You chew on your lips, listening. He takes a deep breath and continues,”It was weird. And it took me a while before I understood. Some people want a baby because they want a baby, no matter who can give it to them. Shouldn’t it be that you want a baby because you love someone so much you want to create something of you both together?”

You drop your eyes to your feet. You can feel his gaze on you, waiting for an answer, and give him a stiff nod.

Yeah, it should be like that. 

Do you want a baby because you want a baby with Jaeil? Or do you just want a baby?

You already knew what the answer was and you hated yourself for it.

“Is your patient still considering IVF?” He asks.

You lift your eyes up and glance out at the hallway where nurses pass by, but no one seems curious as to why the two of you are in the hallway together. 

“She is,” you tell him.

“Then, I hope she really thinks carefully about it.”

You turn your head to look at him, and he’s staring intently.

“Beomgyu, I know this is all very hard. But don’t let it change your opinion… Not everyone can be this cruel.” 

It happens in typical contraception as well. Accessing IVF is extremely limited (mainly for its cost) but imagine getting a doctor that tries to convince you out of it. Not that Beomgyu sounded opposed to IVF entirely, but he was adamant about having people reconsider their choices. As if he would be the type to.

“I guess you wouldn’t understand.” You whisper under your breath.

He frowns. “Why wouldn’t I understand?”

“Because I doubt any of this is on your mind right now?”

He narrows his eyes. “You think I haven’t thought about settling down? Or having a family of my own?”

You scoff, “Not when the pregnancy would be longer than your relationship.”

The words slip out before you could stop them. 

To think that you spent the first half of this conversation comforting Beomgyu, and now you’re back to the usual sour banter. It’s always going to go south with you two, isn’t it?

He laughs bitterly, like it hurts, and maybe it does. “Haven’t you been in your relationship for over seven years already? Give or take a zillion breaks, of course. Tell me, ___. Where’s your ring? Where’s your baby? Hmm?” He pouts. 

You stare hard at him, tears prickling your eyes. 

He leans in and whispers. “Come on, lie to me. Tell me some bullshit about how you’re waiting until the perfect moment. Tell me how you love him so much it’s worth it.”

The air becomes too hard to breathe in. “Find that so hard to believe?”

“I do.”

Before you say anything more, he leans in enough to whisper over your lips. “Because if it was true, then you wouldn’t have been so desperate to throw yourself at me.”

You wince and step back. 

“I didn’t throw-!“ Your voice comes out hoarse. That’s not how it went at all. Right? 

He laughs as you doubt yourself. “The minute I let you come for me, you came so needy. You were starved– deprived. I knew it all along. Jaeil could never satisfy you. You’re settling, baby. You’re settling for a mundane relationship. Marriage or a baby isn’t going to change the dynamic of your relationship. Instead, you’ll end up making the biggest mistake of your life.”

Your throat burns. You feared that night would come back to haunt you. And it did in the worst way because he was now holding it over your head. 

You and Jaeil broke up a few nights prior to the wedding. You wore your heart on your sleeve willing to give it to anyone that could remind you that you could be loved again. You gave it to the worst person you ever could’ve.

No one knows about what really happened that night, except for the both of you. For him, you are just another girl he fucked for a good time.

For you…

“I didn’t throw myself at you because I wanted you. I was only using you. Just like all the other girls do because that’s all that you’re good for, Gyu! You’re a horrible hollow, shallow person! At what point do you ask yourself why you can’t hold a relationship? At least, I’m good at something!”

He looks at you with so much hate, it’s sickening.

“I’m glad you remember that night. It’s my reminder of why I’ll never go for someone like you. Jaeil will always be the better option.”

“Because you’re scared.” The lips of his mouth curve up. ”You think I didn’t notice…? How your hands shook? How your lips trembled against mine? How you cried when you looked at me? You’re scared to feel more than you’d like to admit.”

So what? The thought almost came out of your mouth. 

So what?

So what? 

So what?

Admitting anything, won’t change the fact that he’s an asshole that plays with girls’ feelings. Just to hold it against them.

Pressing your hands onto his lab coat, you shove him away, accidentally yanking off his ID to the ground.

 “Stay. The Fuck.  Away. From. Me.”

There’s a hiccup in your breath, and you hope he doesn’t catch it. 

You ignore the curious stares of everyone as you rush past them. You were too busy trying to keep yourself together until you were out of the building completely.

Because he was right.

Some sick twisted part of you wanted him. 

And you were never going to let yourself have him.

Wedding Night

There were three requests Taehyun asked of the friend group for his wedding night.

1.      Please, don’t hook up with his cousins.

2.      Pleeaasee, don’t get shit-faced drunk (until the after party).

3.      Pretty please, no fighting for the entirety of the night (He might’ve dramatically swished his head left and right to look at you and Beomgyu respectively).

As the mother of the group, Yunjin had stepped up to the task of making sure that everyone would obey his requests. Spoiler alert: she failed. All requests were disregarded. Not in that order, but all by one person.

It started over dinner when Taehyun’s cousin, Eunah had joined your table. The boys watched her every move like a flock of birds. You couldn’t blame them. With her sleepy gaze and plump red lips, she reminded you of a real life Bratz doll. Once she took the spot next to Sakura, you caught the boys running through rounds of rock, paper, scissors. The smug look Beomgyu wore told you he was the winner, and by the boys’ look of disappointment, the prize was a good one.

During dessert, Beomgyu shifted to the edge of his seat, smoothing down his cream jacket. You locked eyes for a moment, while you enjoyed a spoonful of the lemon sorbet. You suspected he was going to do something that might upset you. Your eyebrows knitted together while you watched him get up to occupy the chair next to you. Knew it.

As he introduced himself to Eunah, you inhaled deeply, ready to let him have it.

Yunjin blew air between her teeth, a quick chh, for your attention. With one firm shake of her head, she warned you to just leave him be and not cause a scene. It was better for her to fail at one of her requests than two of them.

You frowned so deeply that your forehead burned. Why was the good child always disciplined for the bad child’s behavior?

Whatever. Out of respect for Taehyun, you decided to leave Beomgyu alone. Besides, your mind was too busy stressing over your recent breakup with Jaeil to add Beomgyu to the mix. Tonight, you planned to let loose and have fun, tired of being a little bound by the rules of your relationship with him. It wasn’t until Beomgyu rocked back into your space, as he laughed, that something inside you snapped.

After the fifth time, you shoved him with your elbow. You might have misjudged how heavy he was going to be and pushed him a tad too strongly.

Beomgyu’s head whipped back so hard you heard his neck crack. He turned to look at you from over his shoulder in bewilderment, one eyebrow rising after eyeing you up and down.

“You’re pushing me off my fucking chair.” You told him.

“Say something then, damn. Don’t push me.” He clicked his tongue before returning to Eunah.

You stuck your tongue at the back of his head. Not wasting another second longer, you grabbed your sorbet and moved to his former seat between Soobin and Yunjin. Yunjin who didn’t witness a thing, gently patted your arm. “I’m proud of you,” she mouthed with a look of endearment.

Once the party lights spun on, and the music changed, you levitated from your chair. Your first stop was the open bar. You were devastated when they mentioned they weren’t able to make you a pina colada, so you settled on pineapple juice mixed with the coconut rum. After drinking three of them, you dragged a reluctant Soobin to the dance floor.

You enjoyed the night for what it was – a celebration of two beautiful souls who found each other and wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Once the lights streaked across your vision, and you couldn’t tell which direction you were swaying, you excused yourself back to the table. Yunjin and Chaewon tried dragging you back, but you swatted their arms with a giggle.

Beomgyu and Eunah were stepping out of the photobooth as you passed. You tried to control your face as you ignored them. Beomgyu was not going to become the centerpiece to your thoughts.

After crashing into the chair, you retrieved your purse from under the table. You hoped to find a text back from Jaeil. Something like I was wrong, please take me back. Please don’t do anything stupid tonight, I love you so much. Instead, you were met with the photo of your kiss at the beach and the reminder that it was way past your typical bedtime.

Whatever then.

Quickly, you change your background to one of you at a music festival.

“Fighting, Mr. Perfect?” Beomgyu asked dryly, setting down his glass of whiskey on the table. He steadied himself as he watched Eunah dancing with Yeonjun.

Whiskey? Who’s he trying to impress? Even Yeonjun opted for an amaretto sour.

You threw him a look, scooting your phone away from his view. According to Beomgyu, Jaeil was “Mr. Perfect”, because who else would you have considered worthy of dating you?

“And you? Or have the decency to break up with Number 45 before going for someone new?” You scoffed, trying not to slur your words together. The anger was stronger than the alcohol.

He switched his focus to you, giving you a sly smile. “Keeping tabs? I’m flattered.”

“Flattered? Don’t be. You’re always dating someone, no?” It was as if he was allergic to being single.

He held your eyes.

“Why? Waiting for your turn?” He pouted.

“Hell no. Why would I put myself through that torture?” You leaned into your hand, blinking slowly.

He slid his hand on the table for balance, leaning closer to your face. The alcohol was overpowering his cologne, but the flush up his neck and red of his ears were more telling.

“Torture? Riiiight. I forgot you’d much rather try to resuscitate a dead, boring relationship. For what? Bragging rights? Proving you’ve met your prince charming?”

You slammed your hand down on the table. “Fuck you, Beomgyu-“

“Maybe you should,” He breathed.

You tensed, unsure you heard correctly.

He repeated, “Maybe you should—and then thank me for it.”

Without hesitation, you slapped him, the sound drowning with the music.

Even though you sent his head turning, he looked unfazed. Sensing a second one, he braced himself and caught your hand firmly in his. He pulled it into his chest to keep you from trying to land another one.

You laugh with a sharp gasp, “Is your answer to get with everyone? You think everyone wants you?! Does that make you a player, Gyu? Then you dump them once they start to care? You’ve got commitment issues! Why do you think Chaewon broke up with you? Why do you think Taehyun told everyone not to hook up with his cousins? It’s all because of you!”

You leaned up, but he didn’t budge. “Am I the only one proving something? Because to me you’re trying to prove you’re not as worthless as you really are.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know shit about me. Yet, you care so much. It’s wild! Obsessive, even. Since the beginning, you’ve been judging me when I was doing absolutely nothing to you-“

Your eyelids fluttered. “Nothing? You call all the bullying, teasing, name-calling, nothing?” With a hard tug, you managed to pull your hand free to dig a finger into his chest as you stood.

He steps into it more. “I was only teasing you because you did it back. Tell me, when did it exactly go “too far”?”

“Maybe when you said my relationship was dead and boring?!”

“I was only defending myself after all the constant shit you keep throwing at me! Like this? Right now? Okay. All because I’m being nice to Eunah?”

You flushed. “You’re not being nice! You’re trying to fuck her!”

He poked his tongue against the side of his cheek. “Careful, baby. You’re starting to sound jealous. Tell me the truth. Do you not want me to be with Eunah that badly?”

 You diverted your eyes. “No, I don’t care-“

“-Really? Cause I think you do.”

“Taehyun said-“

“I’m asking YOU, ___.” He chased your stare, not letting you look away from him. “Do you not want me to be with her?”

“No.” You bit your tongue, surprised by how it came out. You meant to tell him No because of Taehyun. Instead, it came out like you were begging and desperate.

When nothing else came out of your mouth, he stepped back. His exhale came out unsteady, equally surprised by your response.

“Then have me.” His voice cracked, angry and airy.

Before he could clarify, he reached for your hand and pulled you toward the exit. You stumbled behind him, fixing your stare on his back or you would end up on the ground.

He barged into the groomsmen suite. The deep navy room smelled strongly of citrus and melon. Gold-accented mirrors hung along every wall, and a combination of leather and velvet sofas were grouped in the middle. Jackets and belongings were scattered everywhere, but no one was in the room.

Your hand slipped from his and you turned to see him lock the door, afterwards, shrugging off his jacket to toss over the sofa.

There wasn’t anywhere for you to run, now. You swallowed the nerves down.

While rolling up his sleeves, he lifted his eyes to you.

The tension in the room had grown thicker, making it harder for you to breathe quietly.

Closing the space between the two of you, he slowly placed his hand on your waist. It made you stop breathing altogether. With a gentle stroke of his thumb, you found yourself relaxing.  

He held you in place softly while his eyes scanned your face to check if it was okay.

It wasn’t okay. His touch burned.

He bent down, close enough that the ends of his fringe tickled your forehead. “End this, ___. Have me.”

You struggled to hold yourself up, your knees weakening. Your hand came up to his chest in case the heat became too much you needed to shove him away. It trembled and you weren’t sure that you’d build up enough strength to do it even if you wanted to.

Underneath your touch, you felt his own heart beating hard against his chest. It was enough for you to give in and close your eyes to kiss him. He met you halfway, despite the distance already being so short.

When your lips connected, you felt a surge of relief to the tightness in your chest. You almost cried, overwhelmed with what it meant.

Would he hold this over you? Would he even remember?

You didn’t want to pull away, stuck between not wanting the kiss to turn into anything else, and to be the catalyst too. Withdrawing, you check his expression. He gave a small smile before opening his eyes.

His hand had traveled higher against your back to press you closer against him, making sure that you weren’t going to pull too far back.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” He whispered.

“A-awful.”

“Yeah?” He chuckled, voice thick with need.

“Mhm. Let’s never do it again.” You taunt him.

“I think we should.”

He placed his other hand to cradle your head, gently massaging it before pulling you in again. You loved the light smell of his aftershave, and the sweet honey taste of his mouth. You wondered if he was enjoying it as much as you were.

He moved his lips slowly, and you followed, letting him lead. His lip were so soft, it was unexpected.

You sucked his bottom lip gently.  He smiled into the kiss, breaking the kiss to switch and take your bottom lip to do the same to you. Your lips continued to dance with each other, a similar rhythm to your banter. When you felt his tongue tease yours, your eyelashes fluttered. The yearning spread throughout your body.

Was this another way of teasing you?

“Good?” His voice tickled your lips.

You shook your head. Lies.

As you took a breath in, he crashed his lips over yours, stealing your breath. He walked you back to one of the sofas where he carefully bent you down. Your kiss broke, but you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck to bring him back with a small whine. This time, Beomgyu applied more pressure, parting your lips with his so he can slide his tongue against yours. Gingerly and like a tickle at first, but then hungry for more. 

He groaned, sending pleasurable goosebumps all over you. It was a beautiful sound, and you wanted to hear him again. So you made room for him to place his knee between your legs as he shifted toward the sofa.

The room filled with the sound of your hungry kisses and barely contained moans.

You’ve never been kissed like this before. Like he was completely drinking you up, and he was a thirsty, thirsty man. You broke for air only when you were on the brink of passing out, loudly inhaling for some air. But he did too, his low and shaky.

Beomgyu rocked back, he must’ve been using his strength to hold himself up. You sat upright and scooted back to let him get on the sofa. He did, all while reclaiming your swollen lips for more kisses.

When he pulled you into his lap, you braced yourself onto his shoulders. A sneaky hand traveled up your dress, and one of your own went into his shirt. He helped you by unbuttoning it before getting the courage to rake his fingers up your thighs as he lifted the dress to pool at your waist.

“Beomgyu,” you whined, a little fearful because you would let him do anything to satisfy the throbbing in between your legs.

“Mmm?” he pulled back from the wet kiss, brushing his lips against your jaw. You ran a hand up the smoothness of his neck and laced your fingers through his hair. His eyelids had grown too heavy for him to keep his eyes open. He pulled your hips down against him, guiding you to move against his crotch. He was hard beneath you, turned on as much as you were.

You bit down on your lip, hoping you could keep the secret of desiring him a little longer. But when he licked a stripe up your neck before nipping on the skin, your jaw relaxed and you moaned shamelessly. He bit you playfully, a moan-turned chuckle escaping him.

As he tickled your neck with his breaths and kisses, you became more lightheaded. The sounds of your moans almost unrecognizable to your ears.

You jerked your hips away when you felt yourself get too sensitive rubbing against his pants. He responded by reaching down to unbutton them and tug them down, bringing his boxers down with it.

The smartest thing would’ve been to keep teasing him. Maybe come back down from cloud nine and think about how you could gain the upper hand. Instead, you went with instant gratification. Beomgyu pulled away as you reached between your legs. He watched you while his chest fell with his shallow breaths.

You pulled your panties to the side and reached to guide him into you. He tilted his head back for a breath before leaning back into the space. He helped – one hand holding your waist the other holding his dick in his hand while you adjusted yourself on top. The wetness dripped down his length.

He groaned, massaging your butt until you felt him slide into you with ease. Much faster than you’d like. You bit back a yelp when you sunk down against his hips, your abdomen clenching.

He swallowed hard, a finger gently moving your hair away from your face. “Is this okay? Are you okay?”

You nodded, giving him a breathless confirmation. His eyes glossed down your body before helping himself to getting rid of your dress. You helped, shivering when the cool air from the ceiling fan brushed against your skin. He cupped your face and gave you a slow kiss. It was enough to melt your body against him.

Moving against him was painful, and you weren’t confident you knew how to. You rocked back, but when you moved your hips and sunk back further, that’s what made him gasp. His fingers dug into the flesh of your ass as he helped with the speed. Once you moved with ease, it started to feel good to you.

“F…feels good,” you breathe.

“Yeah?” He groans. “Don’t stop.”

Once you got tired, he held your hips and rammed into you. You place your hands on his chest as you arch back, moaning when he thrust against a sensitive spot. You hadn’t realized how loud your moans grew until his mouth came over yours to muffle them.

Your legs trembled, and your arms were getting tired of holding yourself up.

He noticed, whispering. “Baby, let’s switch.”

Nodding, you climbed off him, taking his spot to lay down on your back. Feeling exposed under the recessed lights, you folded your arms into your chest to hide your body. 

While catching your breath, Beomgyu shrugged his oxford shirt off. Your eyes drank up his honey skin. His arms were toned, and while his abs weren’t defined, they were still tight. Fuck, you wanted him inside you again.

He smiled down at you with his soft gaze. With a gentle swipe of his hands, he brushed away your arms from your chest. You bit down against your bottom lip as you gave in and rested your arms by your head.

He laughed softly at your reaction, a small wrinkle of his nose. Then he continued to admire you, tracing patterns against the skin underneath your bra as he made his way toward the back where he couldn’t reach. You helped by unclasping your bra, checking to see if that’s what he wanted.

His face turned more serious as he swiped his finger under your bra strap to pull it off your body.

Your heart pounded hard against your chest. Could he see it?

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

You were too easy.

After pulling down your panties, he propped your leg up to guide himself at your entrance. This time, you take him in with pleasure.

You gasped, rolling your head to the side when he thrust into you.

You whispered his name, and he whispered against your temple, “I got you, baby.”

He snapped his hips forward. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t hold back your cries. The room quickly filled with your satisfied groans and skin slapping against each other. It was getting hot and the sweat traveled down your forehead to your temples.

Beomgyu swore and hissed when clenched around him tightly, clawing at his back after he folded in your legs to pound deeper.

“Beo..om..gyu!” His name broke with your sobs.

He groaned with pleasure, his hair curling at his forehead. He pushed further, and you felt the pressure explode before you could warn him. You arched, shivering, as the ecstasy broke your body. You chanted his name between your writhes, needing him to keep you together.

Beomgyu kissed you, breathing hard against your lips as he kept you flush against his body. Wanting to feel your orgasm for as long as you could, you tensed every muscle.

Whimpering into his mouth, he continued rocking into you until your sighs told him you’d be okay.

Wrapping your legs around him, you kissed him with tears in your eyes. He continued rocking into you until he stilled, grunting softly.

“Fuck, ___.”

You panted against each other’s mouths, until a knock on the door startled both of you.

He cursed again, pulling out of you. The leather on the sofa squeaked as you shifted away from each other. Whoever knocked must’ve left because they didn’t continue.

The two of you scrambled to clean and re-dress. You remembered holding your dress up while zipping it as Beomgyu stepped out the door. Under the panic and sobering up, you couldn’t remember if he told you he was going to come back or if he left without a goodbye.

You didn’t wait to find out in case it was the latter.

Once ready, you slipped out of the room to freshen yourself up in the lady’s bathroom before returning to the reception room to say goodbye to the others. Beomgyu eventually stepped back inside the room, roped back onto the dance floor with Yeonjun like nothing happened.

Your heart sank to sickening depths, but you buried away your feelings. If you didn’t think about it, maybe the memory wouldn’t stick.

After all, it wasn’t meant to mean anything or change anything between the two of you.

Because if it did, he would’ve said something to you. He would’ve texted you. He would’ve chased you out the door. He would’ve called you the next day.

He would’ve, he would’ve, he didn’t.

And a week later, Jaeil showed up on your doorstep with a dozen, and one roses to apologize.

PREV | NEXT

Beginning | Masterlist

Pt. IV Coming Soon

Taglist: @whoisgami, @seungminnieinthebuilding, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @soobinz-wife @lovegyuuuu @bamgeutori @poisonouschristmastree @haede-shi @tsookies

Join the taglist! <3

[yumangel]

thanks for the tag @choco-scoups 🫶🫶

uhhh….. i didn’t expect them to clock me like that wtf……. it’s actually insane kinda…… yea i feel extremely exposed

tagging: @17teezers @bambishuas @cheers2hani @coriihanniee

link to the quiz 💋💋

[17teezers]

tysm nika <33

i never talk about it but i like… love my mbti bc i think it’s very accurate to describe me and this quiz did just that LMAO

Overview: “An individual with INTP traits characterized by high individualism” (it got cut out)

tagging: @stxrrywoo @minkieater @ja3hwa @sungbeam @hauteyun + who ever else wants to do it!!!

[sungbeam]

tysm for the tag @17teezers and @chimivx !! some no pressure tags: @sorryimananti-romantic @ihynjae @thepixelelf @moooonandroses @mosviqu @blizzardfluffykpop @jinkoh

ALRIGHTY . tbh i didn't think it was gonna be this good w the very simple questions it asked (´Д⊂ヽ i feel attacked (yet seen......)

[jinkoh]

i'm waaaay late and I feel like everyone already did this atp so i'll skip the tags but the quiz seemed so cute so i still wanted to try it~ thx for the tag beam♡

honestly this feels p accurate-- "attacked yet seen" captures it perfectly 🫠