Loving someone is a difficult concept for me. I’ve made it factual in my life that you always, without fail, hurt the one’s you love the most and it's always irreconcilable.
I’ve acted so dangerously impulsively that I feel like I’ve shown myself that no matter how much I think I love someone I will destroy us both with no logic, rationality or thought process involved.
It was super hard being alone at first but I’m at the stage now where I can see it for what it is. Helpful and much needed. I can't find out who I am if I’m emotionally injecting myself into others lives with such catastrophic results that it keeps me in this perpetual loop of seek and destroy because I’ve basically been incapable of dealing with my emotions and processing them in a healthy and safe manner.
I’d love to share some time with another person but it's not something I can allow while I still feel so vulnerable to myself.
I don't know what's at the end, or who, but I know I'd like to get there and know who I am and that I’m not high risk because I’m capable.